Instant Celebrity (Splatoon) (Patreon)

Themes: Threesome, Exhibitionism, Slutty, Breeding

Word Count: 3,614

Summary: After millennia without a single whiff of the human beings that had long since died out, the inkling people are in an uproar after the discovery of what just might be the last human in existence. Meanwhile, Felix is just trying to deal with being ancient history.

-x-X-x-  

“We’re on in five people! Move it, move it, move it! Also, someone touch up the human’s make up, well ya? He’s already starting to melt! Who put him out in the lights so early anyways?!”

Felix is still in a bit of a daze, as he tries not to look into the blinding studio lights above him. It’s not so much where he is right now that has him dazed however. The young man could only wish that giving an interview on live TV was the worst of his problems, the biggest of his concerns. But no, while it was definitely the most immediate point of stress for him, Felix had so much else on his mind that he was barely concerned with it.

A squid girl runs up and Felix stays still as she touches up his makeup as fast as she can. Well, he supposes she’s in fact an ‘inkling’, not a squid girl. But ‘squid girl’ is what he gets when he looks at her… or just about anyone around them. Although, not all of them are female. So in the end, Felix supposed it would be ‘squid people’… or just inklings, since that was what they’d identified themselves as.

Letting out a low sigh as the inkling finishes fixing his makeup and retreats, Felix glances around and grimaces. Yeah, the busy studio set was a little daunting, but it had nothing on the real issues. Namely, that he was the last human on Earth. It wasn’t something Felix had ever expected to happen to him. How could anyone ever expect this to happen to them?

To be fair, the likelihood of it happening to him WAS high… he’d gone into the cryogenic chamber knowing that he might never wake up, but also hoping that they’d eventually figure out a fix and he and everyone else frozen would get a second shot at saving the human race. Only… from what the inklings had told him, it was just him. At least, as far as they knew.

And to be fair, they certainly seemed to know a lot. The Earth had flooded, and two thousand years before he’d even been discovered, the inklings had surfaced and begun to create civilization in their own image. It was definitely a whole lot different than what he remembered of human civilization during his childhood, before the bad times came and civilization eroded into nothing but a few bunkers filled to the brim with desperate people.

“Where are my fucking hosts?! Callie and Marie better get their cute little asses out here DOUBLE TIME, or I swear by all that’s inky, I’ll-!”

“Coming! We’re here~”

“Yeah, jeez producer, no need to blow a gasket! Not like you could have the show without us, hehe!”

Felix can’t help but smile slightly. Though, while many things were different from the world he remembered, some things were painfully similar. The inklings still had television, after all. He wondered about that, whether TV had anything to do with the slow degradation of the human race. But the inklings had had it for hundreds of years longer than humanity had, and they were still going strong. It was entirely possible that if television had played a part in his species’ downfall, it was solely a fault in humanity, not in television itself.

Altogether though, he couldn’t help but stare whenever he was up close and personal with inklings. Especially these two in particular. He’d met them once before, but they were even more stunning now, getting ready for their evening interview… with him. Callie and Marie, the Squid Sisters pop idol duo and the hosts of Inkopolis News. Callie was mostly magenta, Marie was mostly lime green, and both were about four foot tall.

… Felix grimaces as he glances down and glares at his crotch. Down man. Fuck, he’d always been a little bit of a lolicon. In truth, it was more than he’d like women in all shapes and sizes. Regardless, Callie and Marie’s shared stature of four feet and super petite was not at all a turn off for him. Not like he could just proposition the two of them though, that would be…

“Here we go folks! Let’s get this show on the road! Countdown begins in sixty seconds!”

While Marie seems to be working on some last-minute touch ups to her appearance, Callie gives him a casual smile, her eyes slightly lidded as she reaches over and pats him on the hand.

“Heya there, stud. You doing all right? Feeling okay? If you need anything, just ask.”

Felix smiles back and nods appreciatively as he swallows hard. Reaching out, he takes up the cup of water before him, tilting it in the upbeat inkling’s direction as if to say it was all he needed, even as he takes a nice big gulp. It certainly does wonders for his overly dry mouth at least, even as the minute notice comes to an end.

“Alright people, we’re starting in FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE! SHOW TIME!”

Straightening up, Felix tries to put his best foot forward, plastering a smile on his face as he looks towards the main camera, just as Callie and Marie are both doing.

“Heeeey there folks! Welcome back to Inkopolis News, with Callie & Marie! I’m Callie!”

“… And I’m Marie.”

Where Callie is vibrant and energetic, Marie is noticeably less so. Felix imagines that’s part of their dynamic, and since they’re both successful idols, he assumes it works well for them.

“And tonight we’ve got a special treat for you! I’m sure you’ve all heard about him by now! The discovery at the bottom of the sea! The relic from our world’s long forgotten past! The last surviving member of an ancient, long-dead species! The time traveler who took the long way around!”

Felix knew Callie was just trying to build it up, but damn, it actually hurt a little to be reminded just how far from any semblance of home he was… and he’d never be able to get back to it either. In a way, that last bit was spot on. He was indeed a time traveler who’d taken the long way around. Unfortunately, it was a one-way trip.

“Give it up for Felix, the last human! Hiya there Felix!”

Even Marie turns her attentions towards him along with her more excitable cousin as Felix suddenly feels like a bug under a magnifying glass. But then, that sort of feeling wasn’t new to him at this point. Ever since he’d been dragged out of the ocean depths, ever since he’d been woken up, he’d been nothing BUT in the spotlight. This was his new existence now, an instant celebrity for something he couldn’t control.

Managing to keep the smile plastered on his face, Felix gives the camera a nod and a wave, before turning his attention towards Callie and her cousin.

“Hello Callie, Marie. It’s uh… it’s good to be here tonight. Thank you for having me.”

The inklings share a glance and then Callie laughs, even as Marie snorts in amusement.

“Of course we’d have ya silly! You’re like, the biggest thing since Turf Wars! You’re fresh as hell Felix, you gotta rock that cred before it dries up!”

“Hah, if it ever dries up… we’d have to find a dozen more humans for inklings to stop focusing on the sole human we’ve ever had.”

Marie’s voice is less energetic, but a lot more cutting as she looks on at him amused. Felix feels like he’s being inspected for some purpose by the circumspect inkling, and he can’t deny that the look in her eyes appeals to him on a very… animalistic level. Damn it, down boy! Felix is well pleased to have his lower half hidden behind the news desk he’s sat at, even as he tries to keep his true feelings off of his face.

“Well, I don’t suppose I’m going anywhere. Your people have been very kind to me since my… revival though. I appreciate the generous spirits of the inkling people.”

He hadn’t been given a script, though in that moment Felix wondered if it sounded like he had. It felt like the right thing to say, was all. He was nervous, and stressed, and trying his damnedest to avoid making a fool out of himself on live television. Surely complimenting their species would win him brownie points with someone, somewhere.

Callie certainly seemed to enjoy his words, as she preened happily. Though whether that was real or just her television personality, Felix honestly didn’t know. Regardless, the inkling was gracious in accepting his praise, even as she moved the interview along.

“That’s great to hear, Felix! I would hate to think that the last human being wouldn’t be treated to full inkling hospitality, ya know? Which brings us to the question on EVERYONE’S minds! We even did a poll, and this was what the people of Inkopolis, and dare I say it, the world beyond, want to know! Are you ready for this whopper?”

Swallowing thickly, Felix nods, trying to seem as confident as he can. That was the biggest difference between inkling TV and the sort of cable news he remembered. Inklings didn’t like scripts, they didn’t enjoy events that weren’t spontaneous. He’d been advised about some things, but left in the dark on many, MANY others. They’d told him they wanted his reactions to be genuine. Felix would have settled for a little more information so he could be better prepared for what was to be his first impression to many of the individuals in this city.

“Great! Well then, what the inklings of Inkopolis wanna know is really quite simple, Felix! Now that you’re awake and all that, now that you’ve got your whole life ahead of you… what’re you going to do next?!”

Felix blinks as he processes Callie’s question. What was he going to do next? Huh, that wasn’t so bad… and honestly, he probably should have guessed that that would be the question on most of Inkopolis’ mind. What WAS the last human in the world going to do next? Something immediately pops into Felix’s head. Seeing no immediate problem with it, he goes ahead and says what he’s thinking. Then, he keeps speaking, his tongue doing a bit of work without his mind giving the A-Okay.

“Well Callie, I figure I should do my best to find a way to revive the human race. Don’t think you inklings would mind having more friends around, now would you? Heh, maybe you could help me get started?”

He even waggles his eyebrows at that last bit, leaving no doubt that he intends the final sentence as innuendo. As soon as he realizes what he’s done, on live television no less, Felix is mortified. But before he can even show that on his face, before he can open his mouth to apologize and backtrack, Callie’s eyes light up and the inkling hops out of her chair… and into his lap.

“I thought you’d NEVER ask!”

Just like that, Felix is dealing with a lapful of inkling as Callie wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him down into a deep, passionate, tongue-filled kiss. Felix doesn’t know how to react, but his body certainly does after so long without anything close to companionship. His hands fall on Callie’s hips and his cock grows erect in moments beneath her cute little tush.

What… what the hell is going on?! This can’t be normal, but as he glances around as best he can while still lip-locked and tongue-tied with an inkling, Felix sees nothing but grins on the faces of the studio crew. This is happening… and apparently its what everyone wanted to happen. He’d only been awake for a few days to be fair, and much of that time had been spent hidden and recuperating. But this… was this really how open and free inkling culture was?!

He can’t deny that he likes it though. And here, it’s perfectly acceptable to make out with a pint-sized flat-chested girl, when every inkling woman has the exact same body-type. No censure, no judgement… the more Callie kisses him, the more Felix finds himself kissing her back, even as his hands, larger than any she’s ever had on her body before, touch her all over the place.

Eventually, the pair break apart. Felix has a smile on his face, but its nothing compared to the beaming grin on Callie’s, even as Marie clears her throat and draws their attention to her. Felix’s eyes go wide at the sight of the inkling seated atop the news desk, now topless. She’s pulled down the front of her dress to reveal her small breasts, topped with lime-green nipples, and she’s got a lazy smile on her face as she kicks a foot out casually.

“Ya know, I’d be happy to help you out too, Felix…”

Callie lets out a shriek of delight at her cousin’s lewd display. Detaching herself from Felix’s side, she slides up onto the desk next to Marie and happily pulls down her own dress, revealing her equally small breasts, each capped with magenta nipples instead of lime green. The cousins push their tits together in unison as they jut their chests out towards him and pucker their lips.

The invitation is clear… and altogether far too enticing for Felix to resist. Standing up, the tall human male finds his crotch right in the pair’s faces, as their news desk is made for inklings of a four-foot height, rather than someone of a six-foot height like him. Grinning wickedly, Felix pulls his pants down and drags his cock out into the light, immediately shoving it into the faces of the idol duo before him, as if afraid that any moment of hesitation will see this end before it can even begin.

Felix need not fear though, both Callie and Marie are immediately enamored by the massive human dick nearly poking them in their eyes. They lean in and start to worship his ram-rod straight cock immediately, licking it and slurping at it and laying kisses upon it as they show him just how enthusiastic and eager they both are. Even Marie is getting into it, and Felix had pegged the lime green inkling as completely and utterly apathetic towards everything.

Not everything, as it turned out. One just had to figure out what made her tick! In fact, Marie was the first to reach under his cock and grab at his large ball sack, cradling and massaging his nuts. Soon, Callie catches on to what her cousin and fellow idol is doing, and a hand from the magenta inkling joins Marie’s. Felix groans as he reaches out and grabs hold of the two inkling heads before him, guiding them back and forth along his dick as they continue to suck and lick and slurp at either side of his member with all their might.

It feels good. It feels better than good, it feels orgasmic. Felix truly can’t hold back forever, and the pleasure crashing over him like waves inevitably overwhelms his senses. With a loud groan, the human male begins to cum, his seed covering the faces of both inklings as he paints them each white, covering up their distinctive color schemes… at least from the neck up anyways.

Callie and Marie practically inhale what seed lands in their mouths, and their nostrils flare as their eyes turn a bit glazed from the delicious musk, the scent of his cum. Moaning simultaneously, the two inklings pull back from his cock for a moment and stare up into his face with wide-eyed gazes. Callie is the one to speak for them, though Marie is quick to back her cousin up.

“W-Wow… your cum is just… just so thick, a-and amazing!”

“Yeah… it’ll definitely knock us up, if you cum inside of us… then we can carry your babies and help you revive your species, stud~”

Felix lifts both eyebrows as the two idols lay back on the news desk, spreading their legs wide. This has the natural effect of hiking their dresses up, exposing their naked, dripping wet cunts to his gaze as he realizes neither of the two sluts are wearing underwear. He’s actually not sure if inklings even wear underwear, but he’s definitely confident in calling these two what they are. Sluts… sluts that he’s going to fuck, on live television.

No one’s stopping him though, right? No one is cutting the broadcast short, no one is dragging him away in chains. This is happening because Callie and Marie want it to happen… and honestly, with that in mind, how can Felix not enthusiastically participate? Stepping forward, it doesn’t take longer than a second for the human to pick his first target.

Callie squeals in delight as Felix thrusts his cock into her ready-and-waiting cunt, finding her deliciously tight as he split her in two with his big, fat, human dick. Marie let out a slight harrumph of annoyance, but she quickly changed her tune when he reached over and slid three of his large fingers into her cunt as well. Then, the lime green inkling was swiftly moaning right alongside her cousin, even as Callie quickly began to orgasm along his dick.

Or at least, Felix assumed Callie was orgasming. He wasn’t sure how climaxes worked for inklings but judging by the way Callie’s eyes kept rolling around and her tongue kept hanging out of her mouth as her inner walls clenched down on him oh so very hard, he figured he was doing SOMETHING right. With his free hand, Felix reaches down, and grabs hold of one of Callie’s breasts, leaning in to suckle on the other at the same time. His teeth nibble at her magenta nipple, and he tugs at the teat as well, drawing fresh cries and moans and mewls from the magenta inkling.

Despite just cumming on the two inklings, Felix finds Callie to be all too much for him. Perhaps its simply because he’s been out of commission for literally thousands upon thousands of years. Perhaps they’re just too hot for him to last forever. Regardless, the human begins to cum soon enough, and his seed pumps directly into Callie’s womb, as his dick is already there. Inklings don’t have cervixes, from what he can tell, which in the end, just means more pleasure for him.

Callie experiences one last explosive orgasm from the sensation of him pumping his white, hot, sticky seed into her, and then she falls back, half-passed out, even as Marie begins to grow excited. Felix moves onto the other inkling next of course, never having intended to skip her by forever. He’d simply had to choose one over the other to start with, and while Marie had her charm, Callie was just more… out there.

In the end, both inklings prove to be perfectly fun fuck mates. Felix plows Marie just as hard as he fucked Callie, and in the middle of the rough plowing he’s giving the inkling, her cousin recovers and leans over to capture Marie’s lips with her own. The two inkling idols make out right there in front of him, even as Felix pounds into Marie’s womb, and without needing to shove some fingers into Callie’s cunt, the human male is in turn able to focus on BOTH of Marie’s tits with his hands, groping and squeezing the small things to his heart’s content.

Its not long before Marie’s tight, squeezing cunt milks his third release from him, and the lime green inkling gets her own load of human seed, delivered right into her inkling womb. With a louder moan than anything he’d heard from her yet, Marie’s back arches and she climaxes one last time, even as Callie takes advantage and shoves her tongue right down her cousin’s throat.

And then its over, at least partially. Felix pulls out of Marie’s cunt and slumps back into his seat, panting heavily as his cock doesn’t quite go down. He’s still staring at his erection in slight concern and a whole lot of wonder when Marie and Callie straighten themselves up and look out at the camera that had been broadcasting the entire time.

“This… this has been Callie!”

“And Marie!”

“We hope all of you consider bearing Felix the human’s babies as well, because lemme tell you, it’s a lot of fun!”

“She’s not wrong.”

“And as always…”

Both Marie and Callie strike some sort of pose as they speak in unison.

“Staaaay Freeesh!!!”

That seems to be the signal, because the lights shut off and the show seems to be abruptly over. Felix sits back in his chair, waiting for the other shoe to drop… but if it does, he doesn’t notice it, not when Callie and Marie both turn to face him with eager expressions on their faces and delight in their eyes at the sight of his still-hard cock.

“Ready for Round Two, stud?!”

“We certainly are…”

As the two begin to sashay up to him in preparation for another round of fucking, Felix can’t help but be happy. This… this just might work out. He could definitely make a new life for himself in a world like this. Of course, all three of them are oblivious to the crowd of female inklings that are already crowding outside the studio window, all of them anxious for their own personal chance to be bred by the last human.

Felix is in for a big surprise when he finally gets done with Callie and Marie…