Tinies Roasting On An Open Fire (Patreon)

Does anything beat sitting around a firepit with old friends on a cool October night? I remember a time not too long ago when my girls and I had an impromptu get together after almost a year of not seeing each other. Just as the sun was going down, I unzipped my backpack and pulled out this small jar filled with tinies! We were starving, so I suggested we all sit around the fire in my backyard, grab some skewers, eat some shrunken men and just talk the way we used to back in the day.

It was so nice getting to see everyone again. Our lives were so hectic, but it felt great just to slow down and reminisce about our old high school days. There's an image that's forever burned in my brain from that night. Just seeing my best friends all in the same spot again enjoying life. Penelope always liked to cook her dude to perfection. From her satisfied daze that night, I could tell that she had succeeded. One thing I remember is that she always ate the head first. "I don't like to be looked at while I'm eating, especially by my food," she would say with her deadpan sense of humor. Riz, however, was the exact opposite. She preferred to play with her food long before eating it. She would hold her tiny in the palm of her hand, poking them, squeezing them, teasing them. She would even rub them against the sole of her foot sometimes. When we complained about how gross that was, Riz shouted back, "What?! I like my guys with a little dash of salt!" Eventually she would stick them on the skewer and dangle them slightly above the flame, just enough to torture it. Often times, she wouldn't even finish cooking them. She usually liked them to be only slightly toasted. Riz always had this devilish grin whenever she was about to eat a tiny that I always found creepy but in a strangely endearing way. Its how I knew she was having a good time.

Valerie wasn't much of a meat eater. She had always had this amazing statuesque physique. She was by far the tallest of all of us. She had big hands and feet, her limbs were long, her shoulders were broad. She treated her body like a temple. So when she grabbed a tiny guy immediately and stabbed him with her skewer, I was shocked. But while we were all talking, she slowly placed him on the ground next to her chair, hoping we wouldn't notice. As the night went on, Val got extremely tired and leaned back to take a nap. She quickly kicked off her flats and propped her bare feet up to warm them. Just to be funny Riz randomly grabbed that wasted tiny off the ground and placed the handle in between Val's toes. She must've had some amazing foot strength too because it actually stayed there until we accidentally woke her up. We had all gone back to talking when all of a sudden Val's tiny burst into flames with this incredible FWOOOSH!!! It was so loud that we all screamed, making Valerie drop her man directly into the fire. It was kind of a waste of food, but totally worth it for the memory!

Beth was never someone I was super close to. We were friends I guess, but I'll admit I didn't know her that well until that night. She always seemed too preppy; too prudish. She always wore these bows in her hair which I thought was kinda weird for someone our age. But this was honestly the first time I actually got to spend a good amount of time with her. She was quiet, but as the night went on, she was much more loose and outspoken. "Believe me, once I get to know you, I never shut up!" she said to me, yelling over everyone else's conversation. As we sat there, I'm pretty sure Beth had eaten at least four or five guys. By the last few, we were so deep into our conversation, she didn't even bother roasting them. She was just shoving them on a hotdog bun, slathering them in mustard and shoving them into her mouth raw. It was then that I knew Beth was a secret badass (and maybe even a little sadistic) It's funny; when I invited her over, it was because everyone else knew her, but as the night drew to a close, she was honestly the one I think I talked to the most.

All in all, it was a fantastic night. One that I won't soon forget. You know you've found some of your favorite people when you can enjoy a meal with them no matter how long its been and pretty much pick up right where you left off. 

I love you guys so much 

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