brain reset, who dis? (Patreon)

Dearest Patrons,

Hello there. It's been a bit, hasn't it? Hope you are doing well. I somehow survived the two-day heat wave here in the UK last week so far but we'll see how things go for the rest of the summer.

I know that I have apologized before for going AWOL before, but it still never feels like enough. So once again, I'm so sorry for my sudden disappearance a few months ago. Things have been getting increasingly better to the point where I finally feel able to talk about what has been going on with me. And of course, as always, you are also free to just not read any of it and just skip to the TL;DR at the end. 🙂

(And since it's been too long, here's a cafe sketch I did a couple weeks ago.)

Now for the blather...

First off, for those of you who stuck around despite everything, thank you. So fuckin' much. I said it before and I'll continue saying it forever, but the fact that you have continued giving me support has been a literal lifesaver. One of the awful fears that has been haunting me is the idea that people will abandon me and forget about me. (I reckon I have abandonment issues that have yet to be fully addressed hah.) But seeing how many people have not actually abandoned me, and how many have continued to express that I matter to them has pulled me back from an extremely dark place in the times that I needed it. And at the risk of getting real dark, there were definitely days when the future looked very bleak. So once again, thank you, sincerely, for not abandoning me.

On the actual art front (You mean the thing that you're all my Patrons for?! Never heard of it j/k lol), I am indeed planning on getting back into streaming on Twitch as well as actually creating properly again, and by telling you all this I'm hoping you're all going to hold me accountable. 🙂 Buuuuut I'm also keenly aware that my mental capacity may ebb and flow so I please ask that if (when) I slip up that you forgive me and understand. Oh, and I've got a Not-So-Secret Project that will be revealed in the coming months. It's something that has been in the works for a really long time but I finally managed to get off my ass to work on it, and I am so happy to say that I finished it at last. Some of you might already know what this is. IYKYK 😉

While it feels like I've done nothing for the past few months, I have to remind myself that just because the work is invisible, that doesn't mean it isn't happening. I keep having to tell myself that the combination of extra medication, therapy, introspection/internal processing, and reading wasn't just me being a lazy shitbag. (Obviously there were still many days of lying in bed all day and bingeing on TV/Reddit/podcasts but y'know, I'm only human I guess?) One of the biggest hurdles that I've been working on and getting better at is being more open rather than closing off completely, which is my typical coping mechanism.

As I've been slowly crawling out of this MegaDepressoPit™, I've been gradually talking to more of the important people in my life and actually sharing what's been going on instead of hiding it away. In that spirit, I want to share with you all, my Very Important Patron Pals, some of what's been up with me. However, I also don't want to be the one who trauma-dumps on, overshares to, or even triggers someone else, so I figure the best way to get around this is by saying that my inbox is open and I will answer any questions or share whatever thoughts with you as you'd like. It also would be a lot more personal that way, anyway, wouldn't it? So please do not hesitate to message me. Even if you just wanna send a "yo wtf?" I'll reply, I promise.

TL;DR I am getting better and will be slowly making a comeback (ew I hate that word). It will be gradual with potential backslides, so all I ask is for your patience with me.

I appreciate you all. 💖