The Final Appointment (Patreon)

Giselle Williams bounced her way through the front door into the small waiting room. She was dressed in her favorite set of light blue denim shortalls, her rainbow-colored Crocs with thick lavender socks, and her light pink tank top with the little cartoon strawberry decorations. There had been a time when she would have been mortified to be seen in such a hopelessly mismatched and juvenile getup, but those days were well behind her. She moved as though the floor were tickling her feet. She was very excited, and she clearly felt no need whatsoever to disguise the fact.

Dr. Hoffman rounded the corner and sauntered into the waiting room to greet her visitor. She was dressed in her now-familiar white labcoat, wore a pair of wire-rim glasses, and walked with a clipboard tucked casually under one arm. As soon as she came into view, Giselle squealed with delight and launched herself forward to embrace her alleged dentist.

“Eeeeeeeh! Omigawd! Doctor Hoffman! It's sooo great to see you!” squealed the excited woman.

“Ahhh, aren't you just the sweetest!” said Dr. Hoffman, patting her patient reassuringly on the back. She allowed Giselle to conclude the hug herself, which took a little while. When she finally let go, the doctor seated herself on one of the many chairs arranged around the magazine-coated table and gestured for Giselle to sit next to her. Giselle did not so much sit down as allow herself to fall into the chair, safe in the knowledge that she was well-cushioned. Hoffman rested the point of a pen on the chart and assumed an air of cheery professionalism. “Let's go over your progress now, sweetie. How has your new routine been going?”

“It's been soo awesome! Nancy's been taking really, really good care of me!” said Giselle, kicking her feet in the air as she sat.

Nancy finally entered the clinic behind Giselle, looking considerably less happy to be there. She looked tired and more than a little annoyed. A large, pink diaper bag was slung over her shoulder, which she quickly plopped on the ground beside her chair as she slumped down and dug out her phone. She offered the doctor no more than a vague nod in greeting. Doctor Hoffman's attention didn't waver from her patient.

“How are your teeth? Been keeping up with your brushing and flossing?”

Giselle nodded. “Yep! It's so much easier with Nancy doing it for me. All I have to do is stand there and smile and she takes care of the rest! She's a really great babysitter!”

Dr Hoffman noted this on Giselle's chart.

“I'll bet! Have you been sucking your thumb like a good girl?”

“Uh-huh! Wanna see?” said Giselle, who proceeded to demonstrate her grasp of this esoteric technique. Dr. Hoffman watched her with what might have been mistaken for genuine interest, then made another hasty notation on the chart.

“Good job! What a good girl!” Dr. Hoffman reached down and patted between Giselle's legs.  “Now, how about those diapers? I trust Nancy has been doing her due diligence in keeping you all clean and dry?”

Giselle pulled her thumb out and wiped it on her shirt. “Yeah! It's lots of fun! She makes the best funny faces when she's changing me. Especially when I'm stinky! I love just getting to make a big mess when I don't have to clean it up!”

“Yeah, she sure does love packing those pampers for me.” remarked Nancy irritably. She was seated with her feet up on the table, never taking her eyes from her phone.

“Oh?” asked Dr. Hoffman with an amused grin. “Do I detect a note of discontent?  Could this be the same niece who begged and pleaded for the chance to play house with the Big Baby?”

Nancy huffed and shrugged her shoulders. “It was fun for a while! Seriously. It just...becomes a chore at some point, ya' know? I'm constantly putting her down for a nap or dumping her in front of the TV for a few hours just so I can have a little space, and then it's oopsie-doopsie, another poopsie! I'm really starting to think this whole concept isn't really for me after all.”

Giselle didn't seem bothered by Nancy's complaints, only giggling at her juvenile language. Dr. Hoffman closed her eyes and nodded. “Okay, fair enough. We can reconsider your role here, and see if we can't figure out something that'll be a better fit. In the meantime, I need to get Giselle here sorted.”

Giselle clapped her hands and held them under her chin in anticipation. “Oh, I like the sound of that! What are we doing this time? I've been waiting all month to find out!”

Dr. Hoffman put her hand on Giselle's shoulder. “Well, this visit is going to be a little different, Giselle. You see, you've been responding to your treatments so well, I believe we're ready for the final phase. That means this might be our last appointment for a long time.”

Giselle pouted. “What? But I really like our appointments! I always feels so good afterward! And when you explain everything it makes so much sense! I don't wanna stop!”

Dr. Hoffman closed her eyes and nodded. “I know. I'll miss getting to see you so often too. Don't worry, sweetie. We'll still see each other from time to time, and I still have lots of fun surprises in store for you!”

Giselle wrinkled her nose. She knew that Dr. Hoffman knew what was best for her, but knowing that these wonderful appointments were almost over with really made her feel sad.

Dr. Hoffman patted her on the butt to comfort her. “There, there. It won't be so bad, I promise. Now, let's run through some basics again. Tell me what you are, Giselle.”

Giselle brightened instantly. “I'm a Big Baby!” She liked answering questions when they were easy.

Dr. Hoffman nodded. “Very good! Anything else?”

“Ooh, ooh! I'm a....a Thumbsucker, an a Pantswetter, an, an...”

“A Stinky-Pants?” suggested Dr. Hoffman with a mischievous grin.

Giselle giggled. “Yeah! I'm a Stinky-Pants!”

“You sure are! Now, here's the million-dollar question. Do you want to stay this way?”

Giselle was taken aback by the question. “Stay...what do you mean?”

“Do you want to keep being a Big Baby? That means you stay in diapers, and you keep getting taken care of. All the naps, feedings, changes, cartoons, toys, and playtime your heart could want. Or would you rather go back to being a big grown-up, and you get to have a job and a home to yourself and all kinds of responsibilities.”

Giselle frowned.“But...I have to be in my diapers. Don't I? I can't just wear panties again...right?”

Dr. Hoffman nodded, as though she had been expecting this. “It's okay, sweetie. You don't need to answer right away. There's some things we need to do first. Here, this will help.”

The doctor retrieved a small device from her coat. It had a rubber cup on one side, which she fitted over Giselle's mouth. Giselle frowned, but didn't pull away. Hoffman pressed a button on the device, and it produced a puff of vapor. Giselle inhaled, never questioning her dentist's intentions. It smelled a little like lemon-scented floor cleaner.

“There. Give it a second to work. You should find it a little easier to think about the bigger stuff now.” said Dr. Hoffman.

Giselle did feel something different, but it was hard to nail down. Something about the lighting in the room, or maybe the air. Her feet settled on the floor, and she put her hands in her lap.

“I feel...weird.” said Giselle slowly.

“I figured. Let me ask you this, Giselle. Am I a dentist?”

Giselle narrowed her eyes in confusion. It seemed like a silly question at first, but then she thought over her other visits. Her memory felt a lot more clear than it had a moment ago. She suddenly realized that she couldn't remember a single instance of Dr. Hoffman actually doing anything with her teeth. For that matter, she was pretty sure that she had left Dr. Hoffman's office each time with teeth that felt entirely unchanged, which, upon reflection, was not how dentists normally worked.

“...no. You're not, are you?”

Dr. Hoffman shook her head.

“What...what are you then?”

“Come with me, sweetie.”

Dr. Hoffman took Giselle by the hand. Something about walking hand-in-hand with another person felt off to her, but she couldn't think of any reason for it. Hadn't Dr. Hoffman just patted her rear and poked at her crotch? Giselle felt a tightness in her stomach that she hadn't felt in a long time. A moment ago, it had all been so simple.

Dr. Hoffman led her to the exam room. She retrieved a remote from a drawer and pointed it at a poster of a smiling tooth happily frolicking with his best friend, a smiling toothbrush. The poster slid aside, revealing a screen embedded in the wall.

“I'm going to put in a little tape for you to watch. It will help you get a sense of how things are going to be for you from now on. Once you've watched it, you'll be ready for the final phase of your treatment. Okay?”

“What kind of tape? Is it a cartoon?” asked Giselle uncertainly. She knew she liked cartoons. She had been watching them all month, sometimes watching the same one a dozen times in a row. But somehow, the idea of them didn't fill her with happiness like it usually did.

Dr. Hoffman chuckled. “No, honey. This isn't a fun video. It's very serious, and I need you to pay really close attention, okay?”

Giselle hung her head and blushed, ashamed of the question. “Oh. Do I have to?”

Hoffman looked stern. “Yes, Giselle, I'm afraid you have to. It won't be too bad, I promise. Now, I'm going to leave you alone for a little while you watch. Just sit still and listen good, okay? It won't take too long. Come find me when you're done. I'll be just down the hall.”

Giselle frowned, but nodded her head. Dr. Hoffman turned the screen on. A screensaver of a rotating rubix cube bounced across a blue void. She patted the examination table, and Giselle seated herself, slowly. She dimmed the lights in the examination room before hitting play. A countdown began on he screen, starting at twenty seconds.

“I'll be just down the hall if you need me.” repeated Dr. Hoffman, before closing the exam room door behind her with a click.

Giselle felt a little anxious being left alone in the room. She hadn't been alone in a while. The trays of instruments and toothy decorations looked a little scary in the dim light. She put her thumb in her mouth and began sucking, which always helped her feel better. She wondered for a moment if she would need a diaper change before Hoffman came back, but she assured herself that she was being silly. She was only a little damp.

The timer hit zero, and the screen lit up. Giselle felt like she was suddenly looking in a mirror. On the screen was herself, sitting on the same examination table in the same room. The light in the other room was on.

“...thing on? Okay, little recording light is on. Okay, um...hello? You're probably a little confused right now.”

The woman on the screen was definitely Giselle herself. For a moment, Giselle wondered if this was some future version of herself, but she realized a second later that that was impossible. The Giselle on the screen was dressed in a deerskin trenchcoat and wore earrings and a pearl necklace. Everything about her, her dignified clothing, her conservative but elegant makeup, the bags under her eyes, her expression of tired frustration, all made her seem much older.

“Hi...Giselle. I'm you, in case you weren't certain. Dr. Hoffman tells me that you should still have most of your brains at this point in your treatment, but you're probably unclear on a lot of things. Like, maybe you're wondering why you don't remember making this recording?”

Giselle was surprised to realize that she actually hadn't been thinking about that at all. If anything, she usually didn't remember things that she had said or done these days. She just...didn't usually need to. But time suddenly felt all wrong now. She had gotten used to living in the present, without even realizing that that was what she was doing. No responsibilities, no worries, just having fun. Now, she could feel time stretching out, backward and forward. She had a past, she realized. She had a future too, and right now, they both felt hazy and frightening. That horrible feeling, that feeling that you have forgotten something important, was taking hold in her gut. Her thumbsucking picked up speed, and she hugged herself with her free arm.

“Well, here's what happened. I...or you, I guess...decided to hire Dr. Hoffman to help me...change my mind about certain things. I'm not going to tell you everything that happened, since that was the whole point of forgetting in the first place...look, I'll start over. I'm...not happy. I haven't really been happy for a really long time.”

Giselle felt herself tear up. She knew on some level that the woman she was looking at was actually herself, but seeing her from outside, Giselle couldn't help but feel bad for her. She looked so lonely.

“I've spent almost my whole life up to this point just trying to make money. It took a lot of hard work and studying, and...I had to do a lot of things I'm not so proud of, but I actually pulled it off. I've...succeeded, I guess, more than I ever thought I could. I never had any friends in school, because my parents insisted that I get straight-A's, and...I did get straight-A's. I never had any friends at work either. Not really. I had alliances. I had co-conspirators. I had people I pretended to like because I needed something from them. I got in the habit of...of separating myself from everything and everyone around me. I learned to put up walls to keep myself safe from everyone who wanted to hurt me or use me.”

“Well, it all worked out, in a sense. I became very, very wealthy. I bought a huge house, a boat, a few cars. I surrounded myself with sculptures and paintings. I hired a maid, a gardener, a driver. I went to charity events, and I got wined and dined and I got to feel all important and powerful and generous and...”

The Giselle on the screen's voice broke. Giselle sucked her thumb harder and felt her diaper grow warm.

“...I kept waiting for my feelings to finally change. You know? Pfft, of course you don't. At least, I really hope you don't. I kept on doing all the things that all the people around me were doing. I kept getting all the things that other people would admire and envy me for. People warned me. I didn't go into it blind. People said that all those...material things wouldn't really make me happy. I always thought that was just something people said to feel better about their dead-end lives. But I guess they were right all along. Every time I blew another few grand on some extravagant piece of crap, all it did was remind me how empty and pointless my life was. All it did was show me that the walls I had built were really a prison.”

Giselle narrowed her eyes. None of this sounded familiar. It felt scary to think that whole stretches of her life weren't available to her.

“So, I tried to turn it around. I tried to escape. I went to Tibet and meditated at temples and monasteries. I started getting serious about charity, like actually trying to help people instead of just hobnobbing. I helped save endangered species, I funded an animal shelter and a food bank, I donated a shit-load to cancer research. It really did make me less miserable, but even that didn't make me happy. I felt like I had written myself into a corner. To get to where I was, I had turned myself into something that couldn't feel...joy, at all.”

Joy. Giselle rolled the word around in her mind. She hadn't thought about that word in a while. She hadn't had to think about it when it was everywhere.

“That's when I tracked down Dr. Hoffman. She's part of a group of neurochemists that's been developing and selling a lot of cutting-edge psych treatments, working well outside of the normal regulatory regime. I had learned about them back in my corporate days. Most of it is...well at least sketchy, and definitely very illegal, but they've found ways to basically make hypnosis much more effective, and way more permanent. When I realized that there might actually be something...fundamentally wrong with the way my brain was wired, I asked her to help me. She showed me an entire town of people who have used her treatments to recreate their lives, turning themselves into whatever they wished to be. We talked a lot about what I wanted from life, and how it should all be arranged, and we settled on a plan to get there. She set me up with my own apartment near her little “clinic”. I interviewed a selection of potential caretakers, and eventually settled on one that I felt I had a connection to. I don't know if you've met her yet. Hoffman said that she would be going through some treatments of her own, to get her ready to be perfectly suited to her new role in my life. I transferred control of my assets to a set of dummy corps to fund the whole thing, and...here I am.”

Giselle was trying to keep up with what she was hearing, but it was all so far removed from anything she had been thinking about recently. Where was she, actually? She realized with a start that she couldn't recall the name of this town, or when she had moved here. How long had she been walking around with her eyes closed?

“The reason that you don't remember all this is that...I don't want to know. I don't want to be all introspective and ruin it for myself like I always do. I want to just walk away and leave my old life and my old self behind. I wanted to be...innocent, carefree, totally free from society's expectations, actually able to be happy for a change. I want to be able to really enjoy all the simple things that everyone else got to enjoy. I want to be able to look at people and be really happy to see them. I want to sit on the floor, doodling with crayons and watching silly cartoons, without any shame or self-consciousness. Hoffman was the one who suggested the diapers. To be honest, I was scared of the idea at first, but it makes sense. What I want is to have the emotional profile of a toddler. To have no cares, no worries, no responsibilities, just a simple capacity for wonder and fun and relaxation. Maybe even real friendship.”

Giselle's pulse was racing now. Her eyes blurred. Her bottom lip trembled.

“Well, you are now at the place where that lead me. It's not finished yet, of course. Once the treatment is really done, you probably won't have the where-with-all to make any kind of decision, or even understand what this is all about. I didn't want to do this whole video thing, but Dr. Hoffman insisted, and I guess I see her point. Okay...Giselle, I need you to make a decision now. See that little smiling tooth guy up on the shelf? Well, inside are two pills. A red pill and a blue pill. Hoffman said she got the idea from some movie. By this phase in your treatment, most of your thoughts and feelings have been rewired. You should have the ability to make friends, and enjoy a lot of stuff that I wouldn't see any point in. I guess I just want to know...are you happy? Do you feel good about where you've ended up, or do you feel trapped? If you feel trapped, you can take the blue pill. That will start the process that will unravel all the changes that have been made to your brain. It'll take a few weeks, and you'll still need a lot of help in the meantime, but you'll gradually regain your memories and your adult mindset. You'll...basically turn back into me. I hope you don't. I don't like being me. But then, I also don't know what it's like to be you. Hoffman said it wasn't ethical not to give you the choice, since what with all the memory loss, you aren't technically “me” anymore. Now, if you feel happy where you are, you can take the red pill. That's the one that will allow all these treatments to really stick. You'll be a happy, smiling diaper baby for life. You won't have the ability or desire to make a decision for yourself ever again. You'll think nothing of waddling around in your diapers, giving hugs and kisses to anyone you meet. It's up to you now. I hope you understand what I've told you well enough to make the right choice.”

The Giselle on the screen took a deep breath and patted her knees. She was clearly relieved to be finished.

“Okay, I think that's everything...I think I just pres...”

Giselle's face froze on the screen with one arm extended forward to touch the button. Giselle sat alone in the darkened room for a long time. Then she got up and paced the room a few times, back and forth. Then she sat down again for a while.

At length, she got down the little ceramic tooth her doppelganger had indicated. Sure enough, there was a small plastic flap in the back which, when opened, revealed a pair of brightly-colored little capsules. One red, the other blue. Giselle held both of them in her palm and stared at them, as though waiting for one of them to twitch.

'Welcome back, sweetie! How did it go?”

Giselle felt a pang of awkwardness as she stepped out of the exam room. She could guess the question on Dr. Hoffman's mind, but she didn't want to say anything about it out loud. It had been too significant, too personal, to talk about casually.

“It was okay.” she said, very quietly. Dr. Hoffman looked at her uncertainly.

“There's someone in the waiting room who really wants to see you. How do you feel about that? I can ask her to come back later if you would be more comfortable.”

Giselled pressed her lips together. Her hands were trembling. She had been wondering whether this mysterious caretaker her other self had mentioned would turn out to just be Nancy. It didn't sound like it was.

“Do I know her?”

Dr. Hoffman shook her head. “No. She knows you, though. Well, she did, anyway. You'll get to meet her for the first time.”

Giselle nodded. She stood in the hallway for moment, thinking. Her mind didn't feel as clear as it had a moment ago.

“I don't know. Is she nice?”

Dr. Hoffman chuckled inwardly. “Yes. You'll do fine. I'll be right there with you.”

Gizelle could feel the warm, carefree haze slowly descending toward her, like a wave of honey. The room was losing its sharp clear lines. She could already feel those long, uncomfortable stretches of time ahead and behind starting to shrink back in on themselves, leaving only the now. She knew she had very little time left in which she would be capable of making rational choices.

She grabbed Dr. Hoffmn by both arms and pulled her forward. She was surprised and flinched a little as she was pulled into Giselle's embrace.

“Thank you.” she whispered.

Dr. Hoffman patted her back. “No problem, Giselle. Come on, let's go meet your Mommy.”

The woman immediately jumped up from her chair when she saw Dr. Hoffman lead Giselle by the hand into the waiting room. She was a few years older than Giselle herself, although not as tall. She wore a bright pink pantsuit with white buttons up the front, and her blonde hair was set in an elegant perm. She had wide hips, a slight bulge at the stomach, and a hint of a double chin. She stood with superb posture and a gentle smile, giving her an almost queenly bearing. Her eyes seemed to shine as she stared at Giselle.

Dr. Hoffman broke the silence. “Giselle, I'd like you to meet Ms. Sandra Whitaker. You can go ahead and just call her Mommy, though.”

Giselle trembled slightly as she regarded the woman from across the small room. She stepped behind Dr. Hoffman and crouched defensively.

“That's right, honey!” said Sandra, with the voice of a kindergarten teacher. “I'm going to be taking care of you now. I'm sure we'll have a wonderful time together! I've heard so many great things about you!”

“W-what things?” stammered Giselle, still unwilling to abandon her position behind Dr. Hoffman.

Sandra smiled at the question. “Well honey, I've heard that you're a very Big Baby. You are, aren't you sweetie?”

Giselle nodded nervously. The haze was getting thicker. The tension was beginning to drain from her limbs.

“I've heard you're in diapers, too. Isn't that right? “

There was a long pause. Finally, Giselle nodded again.

“That's perfect! See, Dr. Hoffman has been helping me get ready to care of you. I know you'll need time to get used to this, but I promise I'll do a very, very good job! I'll be there to fill up that tummy all nice and full, and make sure you have lots of fun toys to play with. I'll put you down for naps, and dress you up all nice, and take you for walks in the park! I'll hold you in my arms, and read you bedtime stories, and fix you snacks and cookies!” Sandra was clearly getting excited. She held her hands in front of her in supplication. “But the thing I'm the most excited about, honey, the thing that I've been thinking about again and again for weeks...is your diapers. I want to handle all your diapering needs from now on. I want to be at your beck and call when it comes to diaper changes. I want to keep you swaddled in the thickest, most babyish pampers I can get my hands on! I want to check you again and again all day long. I want you to have lots and lots of silly little accidents. I want you to make your diapers as full and stinky as you possibly can. The fuller the better! Could you do that for me, Giselle? Would you let me hold you and change you and love you?”

Giselle stood for a moment, uncertain. Then, tears formed in her eyes and she ran forward, arms wide. Sandra stooped slightly and held out her arms as Giselle approached, pulling her off her her feet and cradling her in her arms.

“There, there, honey. Mommy's got you. You don't need to worry about a thing.”

For a little while, the world held it's breath around them. Then, Sandra reached down and dug two fingers into the back of Giselle's shortalls.

“Hmmmm. You're pretty soggy, honey. I think a nice, fresh diaper is in order. Not here though. Let's go for a little walk. I know a wonderful park with a nice little stream, just a short walk from here. That's where I want us to be the first time I change you.”

Giselle was still crying. She didn't know what to think or what to feel. The idea of having her diaper changed in the park was a little frightening, but it was also exciting. Her nervousness and confusion was melting away by the second, replaced with the endless possibilities of a new day, free of worry and regret. She felt like running and jumping and dancing and peeing her pants, all at the same time. Besides,  she didn't want to disappoint her new Mommy. She looked into Sandra's eyes and nodded, smiling slightly.

“Don't worry. I'm sure our neighbors will be just delighted to see an adorable Big Baby get changed by her Mommy. Now, say bye-bye to Dr. Hoffman for now.”

Giselle turned back to Nancy and Dr. Hoffman. She had almost forgotten they were still there. That warm haze had almost completely enveloped her her.

“Bye Dr. Hoffman! Bye Nancy! Thank you so much for everything!” she gushed.

“Uh, actually...” said Nancy, blushing.

“You two will actually be seeing quite a bit of each other.” said Dr. Hoffman in a very matter-of-fact voice. “We've discussed it, and Nancy doesn't seem to be clicking with the babysitter role. So instead, we're going to try something in a more big-sister, playmate area. After a few treatments, naturally. I'll be giving your Mommy a call soon to arrange a play-date.”

Giselle's eyes shot wide. “Really? You're gonna play with me?”

Nancy blushed harder and bared her teeth. “Yeah, squirt. I'm...gonna try something with a little less responsibility, I guess.”

“Does this mean you're gonna wear diapers too?”

Sandra and Dr. Hoffman both blinked in surprise at the question. Nancy looked shocked. Sandra and Dr. Hoffman pursed their lips.

“No!” shouted Nancy, looking back and forth between the two women in outrage.

They just smiled and said nothing.