Meanwhile, at the Hall of Humiliation...(Intro) (Patreon)

The sorceress Zatanna headed backstage after yet another successful show. Most of her act was a display of the legitimate illusions and sleight-of-hand trickery that she had learned from her father, the famous stage magician Giovanni Zatara. But every so often though, though, especially in the finale, she would throw in a taste of her genuine magical abilities. Although her fans did not know it, she was a sorceress of incomparable skill and power. Even her colleagues in the Justice League had seen only a small taste of what she was truly capable of.

Her last “illusion” of the evening had been a doozy. She had made a living elephant appear on stage, burst into phosphorescent fire, and then collapse into a flight of hundreds of doves. The wild applause of the audience echoed in her ears as she opened the door to her dressing room.

She yawned and stretched. She headed for her mirror, tossing her top hat onto a nearby hatstand with practiced ease. She was about to remove her stage make-up and put on her street make-up when a ninth sense stopped her (she had about fifteen). She turned around, feeling that something was amiss.

In a blur of motion, something fell down from the ceiling. Before she could cast a spell or even react at all, she felt two strong arms embrace her and two greasy lips press against hers. She struggled, but could not break free of the kiss.

“MMMmmmmm!!!” she struggled to cast a spell, but without her voice, she had nothing ready to go.

The lips finally pulled back, allowing her to breath. She found herself staring into the grinning face of a pale blonde woman with her hair in pigtails, one dyed pink and the other blue.

“Harley!” she gasped in surprise

“None udda!” Said the grinning clown-girl in her silly, affected accent.

“Sgnidnib Rae...”

“No spells!” shouted Harley, before she could finish the incantation. To her shock, Zatanna found that she could not continue.

“What? What is this!” demanded Zatanna.

Harley Quinn pointed to her black lips. “One of Ivy's old family recipes! Here, have another dose!” Harley planted another full, passionate kiss on Zatanna's lips. Zatanna felt her mind haze over as the mind-controling pheromones went to work. She had considerable defenses in place against enemy spellcasters, but she could not make herself immune to chemistry.

“There we go! Who's ready to be a good girl for Harley?” asked Harley with a smug grin.

Zatanna desperately wiped her lips on her sleeve. “How dare you! Do you have any idea what an enemy you've made?”

Harley gave her a slap on her well-toned ass. “Answer my question, Sugar-tits!”

“Z-Zatanna is.” she said, the words squirming out of her mouth like slugs.

Harley cupped her hand to her ear. “What's that? I'd like a complete sentence, Zaterella!”

Zatanna snarled. “Zatanna is ready to be a good girl for Harley.”

Harley jumped and wrapped her legs around Zatanna's waist. She clapped like an excited child. “Yay! We're gonna have so much fun!”

Zatanna rolled her eyes. “What do want, Harley?”

Harley expression became suddenly fierce. “It's really simple, Zaterbell! I want what you got! I want the magic! The power! Everything you got, everything you can give me! Power!”

“What power?” asked Zatanna. She expected Harley to want the power to become invisible, or to find buried treasure, or to turn into a monster or something. She had little respect for the imaginations of mundane folk.

“The power to do anything! I know you've got all kinds of tricks up your sleeve! Cursed ancient artifacts, pacts with demons, lost arcane secrets, all that crap! You, Zatanna, will do everything you can to make me the most powerful person in existence!”

Zatanna's eyes widened in horror. It was true. She had things she kept in safe storage that she had never touched, often simply because her need had never been great enough to take the risk involved. Against her will, a plan began to form in her mind. A terrible, risky, unethical, senseless plan, that if successful, could make Harley Quinn the most potent magical being on Earth. Try as she might, she couldn't resist the urge to begin the preparations.

“Harley! You have no idea what you're talking about. You have no comprehension of the forces I can unleash! I beg of you: Don't make me do this!”

Harley's smile widened. “Now that's what I like to hear!”

Banded together from remote parts of the Eastern United States, come five of the most pitiful bitches ever to mistake spandex for the height of fashion!

Kara Zor-El felt herself spinning through an empty void. She couldn't recall when she had last been conscious. She could perceive nothing except the strange, official sounding announcer as he broadcast-ed a strange speech through her mind. She felt herself being drawn downward, but she felt no ability to resist the motion. It was as though she were passing through a thick, dark soup.

With a thud, she felt herself collapse onto a hard, smooth surface. As her mind and vision gradually cleared, she found herself lying on the floor in a familiar room. It was a large, well-lit conference room. The walls and floor were glistening white. The ceiling was high and narrowed to point above her. She recognized the crystalline self-building and self-maintaining structure of a Kryptonian building. A long conference table, capable of seating hundreds, dominated the floor, and a podium was set up at one end to allow a speaker to address the assembly. On the opposite end of the room, a set of large screens and massive computer banks were set up. As she got to her feet, memories began to trickle back into her mind. She was in the Hall of Justice.

Because she was dressed in her Supergirl costume, Kara saw no risk in using her superpowers to scout out the situation. With super speed, she ran outside and around the structure, searching for someone to explain how she got here. Her extremely keen hearing picked up only silence. In the surrounding city, not a single vehicle or voice was audible. The sun was shining, the weather was mild, birds sang and squirrels played in the trees, but there was no sign of any human habitation.

She heard a faint pop, like a water balloon hitting a sidewalk. She immediately flew to investigate. It had come from inside the Hall of Justice. In a flash, Kara was back inside. On the floor, she saw Barbara Gordon, dressed in her tactical Batgirl costume, rise from the floor with a groan.

“...Supergirl? What happened?” she asked.

“I was hoping you could tell me! I just appeared here a minute ago. There's no one else for miles in every direction!” she answered.

Batgirl rubbed her eyes on her sleeve. “How can that be? This is Washington D.C., isn't it? There has to be someone here. We're only a few miles from Capital Hill.”

Supergirl shrugged. “Super hearing, telescopic, x-ray vision. If there was somebody here, I'd know. Something major must be going down.”

Batgirl pulled her satellite phone from her utility belt. “No signal. Either we're inside a lead bunker, or the satellite is gone.”

“Who do you think could do something like this?” asked Supergirl.

“You mean, teleport every single citizen of Washington D.C. Away? Take down a satellite? Teleport us here and wipe our short-term memories? Eh, about fifty names spring to mind.”

Supergirl smirked. This wasn't exactly a novel situation for either of them. She was pretty confident that this situation could be resolved with a little thought and effort.

Another pop sounded nearby. This time, Zatanna materialized nearby, a small puff of pink smoke rising around her.

“Ah, Zatanna!” said Batgirl. “That makes sense. This must a magic thing! Damn, I hate those.”

Supergirl rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it! Oh well, at least it isn't Kryptonite.”

“Nice to see you too.” said Zatanna irritably, as she picked herself off and dusted herself off. “Any idea how I got her?”

“Not a clue.” said Supergirl.

“Actually, that isn't true.” said Batgirl, understudy of the world's greatest detective. “I remember hearing a voice as I was coming here. It sounded like a middle-aged guy from the forties.”

“Yeah, that was weird.” said Supergirl. “It sounded like a voice-over for a TV show.”

“A really insulting one.” said Zatanna. “Wasn't there something about 'pitiful bitches in spandex'?”

All eyes were on Supergirl. “What are you looking at me for?” she asked, crossing her arms. “This is a Kryptonian fabric. Why would I wear spandex?”

“Apparently whoever we're dealing with here has a rather juvenile sense of humor.” said Zatanna.

“And the voice definitely said 'five', so we should be anticipating more guests to this party.” said Batgirl.

“Is your magic working?” asked Supergirl hopefully.

“I'll check.”  said Zatanna, pulling off her top hat. She tapped the brim with her wand and chanted. “Tsefinam Tibbar!” A cute, white rabbit peaked out of her hat, wiggling its nose. “No problem there.” she said. With a pass of her hand, the rabbit vanished back into nothingness.

Another pop sounded, then another. Wonder Woman and Power-girl jumped to their feet. They, too, were initially disoriented and had numerous questions, none which could be answered by anyone present. Wonder Woman, as the most senior member of the League present, quickly took charge of the situation.

“Okay. It sounds like whoever brought us here is planning to make their move soon. It has to be someone quite high on the power scale to arrange something like this.” she said.

“Are we just assuming that this person is an enemy?” asked Power Girl. “We might have been brought here by someone who needs help. Why else summon so many powerful heroes to one location?”

“I think the insulting voice-over puts that idea to bed.” said Batgirl. “This situation stinks. I think whoever did this is gonna show up to gloat soon.”

“Aaaaaand that's my cue!” said Harley Quinn, appearing in a blue-and-pink cloud of smoke at the podium.

The five superheroes stared icily at her.

“Oh, come on you guys!” said Harley, touching a hand to her heart. “Can't I get a 'Harrley, what have you done?' or maybe a 'Harley Quinn! I should have known!'. C'mon, make a girl feel welcome!”

“I really didn't guess.” said Batgirl, clearly annoyed. “If you wanted me to say me to say 'This must be the work of Harkley Quinn!', you should have left some hyena piss on the bat-cycle.”

“My days of small scale mischief-making are over, thanks to my lovely assistant Zatanna!” announce Harley with a flourish. The others turned to the magician for an explanation, who only shrugged.

Harley slapped herself on the forehead. “Oh right! Silly me! The whole...memory...erasey... thingie.” She snapped her fingers.

Zatanna's eyes were suddenly wide. “Oh. Oh no! Guys, this is bad! We are in real trouble here. Harley is...”

“That's enough! Interrupted Harley. She snapped her fingers again.

“...the coolest, best person ever!” continued Zatanna. A big, dopey grin broke out on her face, and her eyes became blue on one side, pink on the other.

Her companions stared at her vacant expression in horror.

“Turn her back!” demanded Power Girl.

“Now!” snarled Wonder Woman.

Harley examined her fingernails nonchalantly.

“I have an idea!” said Zatanna cheerfully. “Let's obey Harley!”

Supergirl shot toward Harley with superhuman speed, Power Girl taking off only a eye blink later. Supergirl raised her fist to strike Harley with the force of a speeding train...

She began massaging Harley's shoulders. She didn't know how she had started, and she seemed totally unable to stop. Harley put out a foot, which Power Girl immediately grabbed.

“Oooh, that's good. Really get in between the toes, Power-tits! There's a good girl!”

“What...the...fuck?” snarled Powergirl, as she gently stroked Harley's bare foot.

“You dumb broads are all my bitches now!” explained Harley gleefully. “Zatty, other foot! Wondie, left shoulder! Battie, you're my chair. Chop-chop, ladies!”

With looks of disgust and terror in their eyes, Wonder Woman and Batgirl stepped forward. Batgirl crawled on all fours and positioned herself to support Harley's ass with the small of her back. Wonder Woman took up position next to Supergirl and began kneading Harley's shoulder. With a look of blissful glee on her face and mis-matched colors in her eyes, Zatanna grabbed the remaining foot.

“Ah, this is just perfect!” sighed Harley Quinn. “Welcome ladies: to the Hall of Humiliation!”