IMDD CHAPTER 227 [SEASON 4] (Patreon)

‘Gage’ had been watching Eva for quite some time now since she entered the bar. His entire world halted at the mere sight of her. Even though he had accidentally glimpsed her a few months ago on television, seeing her in person was just entirely different!

Now, here he sat, feeling as though the world had ceased spinning. Everything seemed to float around him, and all he could focus on was her. Just her. His one and only Eva.

He remembered memories of all the lifetimes he had shared with her in the past. However, unbeknownst to him, there was one exception: his memories of Eva's current lifetime had been wiped clean.

He had forgotten that he had already crossed paths with Eva in this present timeline and that all his memories, even years before he first encountered Eva in that library seventeen years ago, had all vanished.

For him, everything in this lifetime had been reset. So, upon his recent return a few months ago, he embarked on a quest to find her as usual. But unlike in the past, where he had often searched for her for extended periods, Gage had quickly found Eva, purely by chance, as he saw her on television.

At that moment, he found himself captivated by Eva's radiant presence during the television interview. Her dazzling beauty and genuine happiness left him frozen in place, even hours after the show had ended.

Because that was the first time he had seen her looking truly okay. That was the first time he had seen her laugh and smile, like she was genuinely a winner in life. It was completely new because he could vividly remember how every time he met her, she was always hurting, crying, or miserable. There were times when she claimed she was alright and acted alright, but one look at her was always enough for him to see that she was not.

His last memory of her was the moment she passed away in his arms in that watchtower. The memory of her last breath and her words, "Just love me right. If you do that, maybe next time, we'll finally get through this," still echoed in his mind with haunting clarity.

Back then, as he stood before the television, a whirlwind of questions flooded his mind. How could he love her right this time? He remembered every word she had said about not forcing her, not caging her, and not manipulating anything or anyone around her. But hadn't he done all those things in the past for her own sake? Forcing her, taking away her freedom, and manipulating both her and those around her had been necessary to keep her alive. Now she was asking him to simply watch and do nothing, and that was supposed to be how he could love her right?

At that moment, it didn't make sense to him, no matter how much he thought about it. He thought that he could never stop himself from doing something, especially when he knew that she was in danger. He could never refrain from taking action. Was there even anything helpful that he could do other than all the things he had done in the past?

After a long time of contemplation, he eventually made up his mind. He decided not to go near her or even see her in person for now, until he figured out what he must do to love her right.

But months passed, and his search for an answer was futile. When he accidentally saw her again on his phone, still looking genuinely happy and living her best life as she held a little girl he could already tell was her child, he made one of the most difficult decisions he had ever made in his entire existence: to let her go.

He had never seen Eva smile like that before. In all her past lives, she had never had a child. This happiness and difference in her demeanor overwhelmed him with relief and, oddly, happiness. Even though it tore him apart inside, he couldn't deny the way his heart swelled at the sight. This had been his dream for as long as he could remember—to see her happy with her very own family, their family.

The realization that this reality didn't include him, unlike his dreams, shattered him. But that brief glimpse of her with the child strengthened his resolve. Unless he found the answer, unless he was absolutely certain he could love her right, he wouldn't step into her life. This time, he was willing to go to great lengths, even if it meant torturing himself. He was even prepared for the very first time to forfeit this lifetime, to live without seeing her or touching her. Because he simply couldn't bear to take away that smile and happiness he had finally witnessed.

However, he couldn't promise to do the same even if he found her happy again next time. Because he knew himself when it came to Eva—once was his limit. And he vowed to himself that by then, he must have definitively found an answer.