Succubus Lord 19 -- Chapter 4 (Patreon)

I instinctively tried to take flight, but a sharp, searing pain shot through my back. Oh, yeah. My wings were fried.

Thankfully, Death and his pale skeleton horse were not arial combatants, so I could totally take them out on foot.

Ariel and Deja seemed completely preoccupied with Death’s horse, while Raphael and Cupi focused on Death himself.

Cupi blocked a blow of Death’s scythe before she did a backward flip and kicked him in the chin.

Death let out a groan as he stumbled backward, but he then ducked before Raphael’s Bowie knife could take him out.

“Watch it!” Cupiditas gasped as she twirled out of the way.

Death came up swinging, and Raphael sprang backward seconds before he would have been eviscerated by his opponent’s scythe.

At the same time, Deja had her chain tied around the neck of Death’s horse. The tan Demon Lord rode atop the skeleton beast as she used her weapon as some sort of makeshift bridle, but the horse wasn’t stopping. Ariel flew after the two as the horse ran around like a bat out of Hell, and the whole thing looked like a scene out of a nineties Nicktoon comedy.

Raphael and Cupi it was, then.

I sheathed my sword as I approached Death and then summoned forth my warhammer. This dude may have been scrappy and quick, but he looked like he would get broken in two if there was a decent wind.

Which made him the perfect candidate for some hammer time.

Death parried Raphael’s knife attack before he ducked down out of the way of a round of FAMAS bullets. Then, while he was still down on the ground, the horseman twirled his scythe and forced Cupi and Raph up into the air to dodge.

Before either of them could make a move, the horseman held out his hands. His white eyes glowed brightly as his veins pulsed, and then a shockwave knocked Cupi and Raph back fifty feet.

What the fuck was that?

“Wait, Jacob!” Raphael called out, but it was too late.

I slammed my warhammer into the side of Death’s torso and expected to hear a wet, satisfying crunch.

Instead, the bastard just dug his feet into the ground, let out a groan, and then slid a few feet to the right.

His eyes suddenly lit up with his demonic energy, and I threw out a shield of violet flames seconds before he unleashed the next shockwave. The powerful vibration reverberated through my body as it impacted my barrier, and the sheer force of the impact knocked me back a few feet.

Without missing a beat, Death twirled around my body, spun his scythe like a member of the color guard, and took a hearty swing at my throat.

Metal clanged against metal as I blocked his strike, and I quickly threw my boot up into his stomach.

Death grunted as he fell back onto his ass, but I didn’t allow him any time to recover.

In one swift motion, I brought my warhammer to my side, swung it up over my head, and slammed it straight into Death’s skull.

The earth beneath him cratered as the hammer smashed his noggin, but ironically, Death was still alive.

His eyes glowed white once more, and this time he was able to get off his attack before I could block.

A massive shockwave erupted from his hands and sent me flying backward through the air, and I growled in agony as I tumbled across the sandy Arizona ground and then smashed into one of our landscaping rocks. The world seemed to go white for a split second as pain coursed through my body, but I wasn’t going to let that hold me down.

I sprang back to my feet and tried to rethink my strategy.

The warhammer obviously wasn’t working, so maybe it was time to try something different.

I commanded my warhammer back to my belt and then drew my Divine sword, and as I ran back toward my opponent, Cupi and Raph got back into the action.

“Jacob!” Cupi growled as she cartwheeled out of the way of an attack. “You… can’t… hit him.”

“What the fuck do you mean?” I demanded as I took a swing at Death with my sword.

The bastard jumped back, knocked away my blade with the handle of his scythe, and then took a wide swing at all three of us. I fell down onto my ass to avoid getting decapitated, and then I rolled away before the blade came down where I had just stood.

“Death may appear frail and weak,” Raphael warned. “But that is the furthest from the truth.”

“He redirects any energy that gets put into him,” Cupi explained as she jabbed at Death with her polearm. “Trying to use blunt force on this guy is major bad news.”

“It’s what the kids today call a ‘catfish,’ Jacob,” Raph explained before he ducked out of the way of a blow. “I would know. It’s happened to me six times.”

That was definitely something that needed more elaboration, but not right here on the battlefield.

“Okay, fine,” I mused as I parried an attack from the scythe. “Then we fry the fucker.”

I summoned red Hellfire into my left hand and tossed a handful of flames right at the scrawny horseman.

Death rolled away from the attack and came up with an upward slash, and I quickly parried with a flash of purple.

“Good luck,” Cupi growled. “We’ve been trying that for the last ten minutes, all while Deja and Ariel play horsey.”

“Come here, Immmmmmmmmppppppp….” War’s voice boomed across the combat zone from behind us.

“Hurry up and get over here, Jakey!” Todd proclaimed in a panicked voice. “I’m runnin’ out of Regina George lines to quip!”

I ducked out of the way of one of Death’s attacks and then, before I could stop myself, I lashed out and punched him with a glowing red fist.

Death grunted as his head whipped around, but then he let out a concussive blast before any of us could land a finishing blow.

Raph, Cupi, and I were all thrown back onto the ground, and I let out a frustrated growl.

I was getting real tired of this shit.

Anything other than a direct killing blow with a blade, bullet, or incendiary spell would just make Death more powerful. And, to make matters worse, the fucker was too fast for any of those blows to actually land.

Then the lightbulb went on in my head.

If none of us could hit him with our attacks, then maybe we’d just have to make Death hit himself.

“You guys wanna see something really cool?” I asked with a smirk as I dodged Death’s scythe. “If it works, of course.”

“You know I hate it when you say that, Jacob,” Raphael sighed.

I quickly lashed out at Death, who blocked my blow with the handle of his weapon, but before he could make a move, I quickly drove my boot into his stomach and sent him backward.

“What are you doing?” Cupi demanded.

Before his ass even hit the ground, Death unleashed a shockwave from his palms.

Right as I created a cube of purple flames around his body.

The wave ricocheted off the walls of the cube and then slammed back into Death’s body. Of course, this only caused more kinetic energy to enter his system, which resulted in an even bigger shockwave the second time around.

“Dear lord…” Raphael’s mouth fell agape. “Are you doing what I think you are doing?”

“Yep.” I grinned. “And it’s about to get better.”

I let go of my sword and let it fall to the ground. Then, once my right hand was free, I summoned bronze flames into it.

Next, I combined the two spells, and the result was a tiny magical box that vibrated at a molecular level, with the strength of a nine-point-oh earthquake.

Death began to scream as endless amounts of energy was forced into his body, shot back out, and then repeated the process. The horseman’s muffled screams grew louder and louder as the box vibrated intensely, and the ground around it began to crack and crumble away as it split apart.

My hands trembled as I held my two spells, and my arms vibrated intensely and felt like they were made out of rubber, but I wasn’t about to let up.

Suddenly, there was a horrific splash of gore as Death’s entire body exploded. His blood painted the walls of the translucent purple box, and there was literally nothing left of the fucker but a gooey red goop when I finally released my spell.

Two down, two to go.

“Gah!” Deja cried out, and I turned to see her curvy figure get tossed from Death’s horse.

She caught herself on her giant bat wings and then flipped over just in time to see the skeletal horse collapse into a pile of harmless bones.

“Huh,” Ariel noted. “I guess the horse’s life is connected to the life of the rider.”

“Did you really need two people to bring down a harmless horse?” Raphael grumbled as we all walked over to the scene.

“Who are you calling ‘harmless?’” Deja protested. “That was wilder than any untamed horse I’ve tried to ride. Did you see how it totally bucked me off at the end there?”

“After we took out its rider,” Cupi reminded the tan Demon Lord.

“You should have seen how it was trying to kick and bite us,” Ariel noted. “This thing was total bad news bears.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” I said. “But for now, we need all hands on deck for that motherfucker who’s after Todd.”

War still rode atop his horse, and he literally shrugged off every single attack my allies threw at him. Liby’s yellow darts, Tris’ enchanted Tommy gun bullets, Eclipse’s naginata blade, and even Gula’s giant battle axe just bounced off War’s body like they were made of rubber.

“H-How the fuck are we going to kill that?” Cupi sputtered.

“He’s got a one-track mind,” Raphael added. “And it appears that ‘one track’ is smashing Todd into a bloody pulp.”

“We’re going to take him out the same way we killed the other two,” I announced. “By putting our heads together and figuring out his weakness.”

“He’s obsessed with Todd,” Cupi chuckled. “That in and of itself should be a pretty glaring weakness.”

“See if you guys can crack his thick skin ” I commanded. “I’ll try to attack from afar and see if I can get his attention.”

I watched as Raph, Cupi, Ariel, and Deja took to the sky, and then I tried to wrack my brain to see what I could do to kill that muscle-bound fuckwit. I summoned purple flames into my hand, took aim at War’s trajectory, and then called forth yellow flames into the other. In one single motion, I tossed up a wall of purple Hellfire directly in front of War, and the ugly fucker slammed into it with enough force to knock out an elephant.

Before he could retaliate, I surrounded War with a flaming violet cube, injected my yellow flames into the spell, and then watched as dozens of spinning, razor-sharp disks emerged from the walls. I collapsed the cube onto War and his horse like I was trying to crumple a piece of paper, and the blades whirred in place as they attempted to cut through his skin.

It didn’t fucking work. There were dozens of miniature magic buzzsaws pressed up against the fucker’s skin right now, and he was still standing.

“Puny Nephilim!” War roared from inside the box.

The horseman let out a battle cry as he slammed his fists against the side of the cube, and I was instantly knocked down onto my ass. The violet and yellow walls of the prison dissipated in a flash, and War was set free.

Holy fuck, this guy really was impossible to kill.

“Bro!” Todd panted as he zipped down to my side. “Brobrobrobrobro!”

“What?” I shouted at the imp as I watched War set his sights on Todd. “Whatever it is, you’d better hurry, because your Pepe Lepew is about to come this way.”

“First off, wow,” Todd scoffed. “That dude is totally a rapist. Secondly, as much as I appreciate you guys and everything you do… Your attacks ain’t doing jack shit right now.”

“What do you suggest, then?” I growled. “We’re literally throwing everything but the kitchen sink at this bastard.”

“Then throw the kitchen sink at him, Jakey,” Todd suggested. “He’s totally Mongo, bro. You just gotta become Sheriff Bart.”

“I’m not giving him a candygram,” I chuckled.

“That’s not what I mean, bro.” Todd rolled his eyes. “You have to think outside the bun.”

“I think you mean ‘outside the box?’” I corrected as I sheathed my sword and called my warhammer into my hands.

“Now’s not the time to go all English teacher on me, bro!” Todd screamed as he grabbed onto my shoulders and shook me wildly. “I’m about to literally get fist-fucked by Sloth’s roided-out cousin!”

War wore a massive, toothy smile beneath his helmet as he rode toward us, with practically all of our friends right on his tail. Suddenly, there was a bright white light, and War was knocked from his horse with a shot of Divine energy.

“Ow!” the horseman gasped as fell off his mount and plummeted toward the ground.

War slammed into the dirt with an earth-shaking thud, but then he was instantly back on his feet.

“Boo-yah!” Raphael fist-pumped into the air, and then he lowered himself down so he was about fifty feet away from War. “You aren’t dealing with a Demon Lord or a lowly imp anymore… No offense, Todd.”

“Lots taken,” Todd noted. “But continue.”

“You’re dealing with an Archangel, my friend,” Raph declared in his deepest, most badass voice.

“Friend?” War quirked his head to the side. “You no friend.”

“It’s… It’s a term of addressment.” The Archangel frowned as he explained. “Like ‘man’ or ‘dude’ or as Todd likes to say ‘jabroni.’”

“You call me salami?” War growled as spittles of rabid foam sprayed from his mouth.

“Um, no…” Raph raised an eyebrow. “I called you ‘friend.’”

“I no friend!” War slammed his fists into the ground like an angry toddler.

“Of course you’re not my friend,” the dark-haired angel mused. “Why would anybody want to be friends with a brutish, boorish oaf like you?”

“War rip off puny angel’s head!” The horseman’s eyes were red and bulging as foam oozed from his mouth.

War’s horse swooped down, and the demon sprang up onto its back as it passed him by. Then the horseman raised his giant sword into the air like a lance and took aim squarely at Raph’s chest.

I tossed out a portal of green Hellfire right in front of the charging horseman’s sword and watched the weapon disappear into the glowing jade spell. Next, I commanded a second portal to appear just off to the side of War’s head, and the fucker didn’t even see it coming.

War’s sword stabbed through the side of his helmet and then out the other side with a wet shluck. The horseman’s tongue flopped out of his mouth as his body went limp, and his skeletal horse evaporated into a pile of bone dust. War’s body slammed into the ground and then rolled to the feet of Raphael, who stopped it with his white boot.

Without hesitation, Raphael whipped out his FAMAS, pointed it at War’s head, and unloaded a full magazine into the corpse’s face at point-black range. The Archangel continued on for a solid minute, until he ran out of ammo.

“There!” Raph proclaimed as he tossed his FAMAS back over his shoulder. “The horseman is defeated.”

“I think he was already dead when the sword went through his head,” Libidine noted with a raised finger.

“You don’t know that.” Raph shrugged. “For all we know, that may have only been a simple flesh wound. His skin was quite impenetrable, after all.”

“So was your mom,” Todd snickered under his breath. “Until she met the Toddster, some Zinfandel, and the smooth tunes of Mr. David Sanborn.”

“What did you say about my mother?” Raphael gasped as he whipped his head around to the imp.

“You’re an Archangel,” Ariel reminded him. “You don’t have a mother.”

“Oh,” Raph chuckled. “That’s right. We angels never experienced the feeling of a mother’s loving touch, nor the soft nestle of comfort that lies in her bosom.”

“Annnnnnd now it’s getting weird.” Todd threw up his hands in defeat.

“We cannot rest yet,” Libidine declared. “There is still one horseman left!”

“What?” Aruna’s voice announced from behind us. “This guy here?”

I turned around to see Aruna holding Famine by the nape of his neck. His glowing silver hands were bound together behind him, which rendered them completely useless.

Oliver, Ira, Lunacio, Jane, Impulsa, and Sia all stood beside the Rakshasi, and they all wore proud smiles on their faces.

Well, everyone other than Ira and Lunacio. They both had frowns, and their arms were crossed across their chests.

“We could have had way more fun with this guy before we killed him,” Ira pouted.

“Yeah,” Lunacio huffed. “I was on the brink when Aruna and Impulsa here swooped in and spoiled all our fun.”

“On the brink of what?” Raphael questioned.

“Ohhhhhh no, Raphey,” Todd warned. “You don’t want to know-”

“An earth-quaking, vulva-shattering orgasm, of course!” Lunacio giggled. “I think I would have caused a second great flood with all the edging this guy had us doing.”

Raph’s face contorted into a disgusted cringe, and he took a massive step back as he looked down at the ground at Lunacio’s feet.

“Told ya, bro,” Todd chuckled. “But does anybody listen to the Toddster? Noooooo.”

“Don’t worry, Archangel,” Lunacio reassured Raph. “Your friends here ruined it by taking him captive. I’m as dry as the desert right now.”

Raphael shook his head and let out a strange, horse-whinny sound as his whole body shuddered.

“Alright, motherfucker,” I growled as I squatted down to look Famine in the eye. “Where is Lucifer? Does he know what we’re doing here on Earth? How did you know where to find us?”

“Fuck you, Nephilim traitor.” Famine tried to spit in my face, but I blocked his lugee with a flash of purple flames. “You’re a disgrace to Lucifer’s creation.”

“Do we really have to do this whole song and dance?” I sighed as I drew my goat-headed dagger from its sheath and held it to Famine’s throat. “You claim you don’t want to talk, so I have to threaten you. Somehow that makes you even more defiant, and then I have to go a step further and start beating the shit out of you. Which somehow makes you feel even better about yourself. That is, until the body parts start getting cut off… Then, and only then, will you start talking. Are you really going to make me have to do that, Famine?”

“Fuck you,” the horseman repeated. “Do your worst.”

“I’m not the one who’s going to do it,” I explained to the demon. “I leave all the torture up to those two over there.”

I pointed over at Lunacio and Ira, who both grinned devilishly and waved at our captive.

Famine’s eyes grew wide as his mind surely raced with the thoughts of what awaited him, but then he shook his head once more.

“Did you hear that, Ira?” Lunacio giggled. “Now we get to be the ones who have some fun…”

Lunacio and Ira walked forward, and the brunette succubus grabbed Famine by his beard.

The horseman let out a wail of pain as Lunacio turned around and began to drag him away toward the still-burning mansion. Famine kicked and tried to fight his captors, but it was no use.

Ira and Lunacio had him right where they wanted him, and now it was playtime.