Crox and the Human Girl (Patreon)

I felt like looking into the modern goblin male after all the Ghetto Goblin, Goblin Coplin and such stories. They tend to be real high or lower on the totem pole depending on things, and felt like messing around with that a little. Think it turned out fun and likely going back to it some day. 

“Hey, Crox.”

“Hey, Donka. What’s up?” Crox smiled up at the counter where the girl goblin looked up from her magazine to watch him lazily. He trotted through the corner store, snatching up things and stuffing his arms with snacks and candy. Crox could admit that he was forgettable. He was just like a lot of the thousand goblins in this part of town they called a goblin ghetto. The little shop was human-owned, but they had no problem employing some peapods to work the place. Donka, for example, knew to watch for Crox. 

“Just making sure you don’t steal anything,” Donka answered plainly. She sat on her high stool and leaned her huge boobs on the counter.

“Hey! Goblins do not steal!” Crox defended, adjusting his winter cap as indignantly as he could. He wore an open windbreaker, some beat to hell sneakers, and a pair of squat jeans (what they called it when a goblin tore up a pair of used human pants to make some shorts). He was spindly and a blotchy kind of green, his skin a mix of his mother’s dark watermelon color and his dad’s lima bean shade. His hair was a straight mop of purple that fell over his eyes and just above his short but wide and pointy nose if he didn’t do something to keep it in check. He rarely did.

“We’ll sure as hell swindle you. You’re not gonna get any discounts on ‘accidentally’ damaged shit this time, Crox.”

“Look, things change,” Crox defended as he he stepped up to the counter. 

“You don’t.” Donka hopped down to the lower countertop to start scanning in his purchases. She had her pink hair tied into a complex topknot that bounced like lazy butterfly wings. “You’re a stinky little stunter and you’ll be buying Krunchems and Fatbacks from this same shitty store way after I leave this scrapheap.”

“So you’re leavin’?” Crox asked, leaning over the counter.

Donka shrugged. “I mean… someday. You know we’re stepping up. Mom’s got a job training at the gym and dad should be hearing back from the guys at the courthouse…”

“Well what about you and me?” Crox beamed with his stubby fangs. “I bet we’d get out of here quicker if we teamed up. Maybe a little blastin’ on the side when we’re not busy…”

Donka snorted through her pierced nostril. “A little rockhumper like you? Crox, I wouldn’t stoop to your level.”

“Why not? I’m fun. I’m nice.”

“You’re card scum.” Donka held out a hand and Crox winced as he passed her a gift card. He hated to be part of the stereotypes, but those discounted gift cards were so tempting and he always used them… “You got no job. You eat the same junk all the time. You’re a snatchbegger, a sneak and a perv who just tried to pick me up by promising me your little chief stump.”

“It’s not that little…” Crox muttered.

“Besides, I’ve been talkin’ to this humie online. I can do better than a runt like you.”

“What?! Donka, you’re going topshelf too!?” Crox moaned. “You’re climbing up a set of stilts like every other skank in town!?”

“I’m finding a boyfriend who’s got a job and can take care of me. And fuck my sludger right.” She handed him back his card. “You’ve got 3.40 left on it. Have a good day.” Crox groaned and took his bag of junk food before leaving the shop. He got a block or so away before he took the hotdog out of his coat pocket and wolfed down half of it. Goblins didn’t steal, but like they said; things change.

Apparently so did Donka. He had been crushing and flirting with her for a while (which had boiled down to a lot of begging for sex), but he’d been dumped and rejected before. Maybe it wouldn’t have annoyed him so much if he didn’t know how right she was. He’d never even tried to get a job when he had his dad’s paycheck to mooch off of. He had so many brothers and sisters that they had simply bought out a whole floor of apartments, so at least he had a small place to himself. Goblin apartments (or “greenhouses”) were cheap and packed full for how little space they took up, considering everything had to be half as big.  He started through the autumn chill back to his place when a woman spoke up.

“Excuse me. Could you help me?”

Crox stopped short and turned to the human woman. She was tall, even for a stretcher, and wore a thick brown winter coat. Humans had lower body temperatures than goblins, which was probably why they always wore more clothes than his people. Must be because they had all that extra space to keep warm. Still, she looked to be about as curvy as Donka, just that it was spread out a lot more so it didn’t look quite as impressive. At least with pink boys they had their giant stuffers to go after. Human women weren’t quite as interesting to goblin guys. Her hair wasn’t even that bright a color; just that weird regular brown that a lot of humans had.

“Why? You a cop?” Crox asked, hesitating before he took another bite of his stolen hot dog (he didn’t mind the bits of coat fuzz that had gotten stuck to it).

“Oh my word no!” she replied. It made Crox’s ears twitch just to hear someone talk that properly around him. “I have an appointment around here and I’m looking for Banger Street and my GPS isn’t working.”

“Oh yea. Fizzy lives there,” Crox mused. “It’s over that way. Right past Rusty’s Jewelry and across from the trashcan statue.”

“Thanks,” she replied, smiling warmly. “I didn’t know you had monuments down in this part of town already.”

“Yea we don’t,” Crox smirked. “A bunch of kids just put it together with rope and bungee cords. The bighats keep sayin’ they’ll take it down someday but at this point it’s a landmark, y’know?”

The brunette laughed. “I guess so. That’s something at least.”

“We make do. Always have.” Crox shrugged and started to walk off when the woman spoke again.

“Sorry, but I really don’t know where you’re talking about. Would you mind taking me there, if it’s not too far out of your way?”

Crox thought about it as he put the rest of his hotdog in his mouth. “I dunno... I’m pretty busy chewing right now…” The woman laughed again. At least that sounded pretty coming out of her.

“Well I’d hate to keep you from that. I’m sure I’ll find my way there.” This time she started to leave and Crox darted after her. 

“Wait! I was just pullin’! I can take ya over.”

“You’re a real kidder, huh?” The human looked unsurprised as she stopped to let him catch up to her crazy-long legs. “I like a guide with a sense of humor.”

“And who’s three feet shorter than ya, I hope,” Crox chuckled as he lead the way.

“Yes, actually. I think short boys are the cutest little things.” Crox’s mottled skin blended into a single shade across his nose, just like it always did when he blushed. She must have been saying it to keep on his good side. He clammed up for the next block or so until he pointed out the crude landmark and stopped on the street.

"So ah, there's your building. You should be fine getting in and out. Goblins are pretty content to screw up their own stuff before we go messing with humans."

"So I hear." She double checked her address on a small notebook in her breast pocket before she smiled back at him. "Well thank you for  your help, sir." Crox gave her a slightly puzzled look. "What's wrong? Something with the language barrier?"

"Nah, I just ain't never been called sir before. Not by anybody who weren't a cop or on the phone before."

"Really?" The brunette stooped down and folded her arms over her knees. Crox couldn't keep up eye contact for long. When she squatted like that, it made her stretchpants-covered ass poke out of her coat and the proportions made her look half-decent. "Well I'm Gina. What should I call you?"

"Like if you ever see me again and can pick me out from a crowd of kneebumpers? Crox, I guess..." he muttered, kicking his old sneaker at the pavement.

"Well, Crox, I meant what I should say when I called you up later." She reached into her coat and passed him a business card. "You did me a favor and I'd like to do one for you. How about I treat you to dinner sometime?"

Crox stared at it like his brains had fallen out. Of course he could read, but his head wasn't working the best as it tried to keep up with what just happened. "Uh... like people food?"

"I mean whatever you want. Just call me to let me know when's a good time and I'll work it out for you. Just think of wherever you want to eat and I'll meet you there, okay? My weekends can be busy early in the day, nights are open and I'm pretty clear on Thursdays and Fridays."

"Uh... kay. Cool." Crox nodded sluggishly, pushing some of his bangs away to look at the card in disbelief.

"Sounds great. Call me up whenever, Crox." Gina crossed the street and left him staring at the business card. He walked a block before realizing he wasn't heading home and had to turn around. He still couldn't believe it.

"Did that tallpot just give me her number?" he asked dimly as he turned it around in his fingers, expecting some other clue to what the fuck just happened. "Did that tallpot just ask me out to dinner?" He stopped to lean on his favorite lamp post and focus on reading the full text. "Oh shit! Is that tallpot a lawyer!? That's like almost a cop!"

Crox waited a day before he called back. It wasn't to play it cool or anything like that, he just didn't have the guts for a while. After a short and fumbling call, they arranged their meetup at the diner just outside the ghetto. It wasn't what a normal person might call fancy, but it was nice enough that they had actual menus. Crox's folks took him there for birthdays. He might have gone for something bigger, but he didn't know any restaurants pricier than that and he wouldn't have fit in at some suit and tie kind of place. He went in one of his cleaner hoodies combed the knots out of the hair in his eyes, and dug up some actual hand-me-down goblin jeans in case she expected him to be fancy. She was done up nice in a skirt and blouse getup, but her wearing anything still made him feel like a scrub.

"Hi, Crox. I'm glad you made it," she said warmly. She knelt down and hugged him, which gave Crox that same shiver down his spine. It weirded him out to see a human at his height; he didn't see a lot of human kids down in his part of town, but some of the teens liked to hang out there. They liked that the goblins called them buds, not realizing that it was lingo for a human that hadn't hit puberty enough to drive a goblin girl crazy.

"Yea, well, I been here before," he chuckled, awkwardly patting her shoulders. She was damn sexy when she was short like that. Almost made her seem... obtainable? He climbed into his seat and looked around. "So uh... am I under arrest? Is this a lawyer thing?"

Gina laughed and shook her head. "Oh absolutely not. I just wanted to thank you. Why?" she asked with a smirk. "Are you a bad boy, Crox?"

"Not really. It's just when there's a bigshot around, I just assume I screwed up something. You probably don't get that, though, havin' stilts and all..."

"Oh don't believe that for a second. Every time my boss says my name I start to sweat, even if it's for a promotion. You just learn to hide it better when you're a pro."

"Yea, so what's that like? You lie a bunch so gobbers go to jail or don't?"

"It's a lot more complicated than that," Gina admitted as she took up her menu. "But there's not really any lying in the courtroom. Oaths and laws and all that."

"Ah. Nobody told me there was oath stuff. That explains a lot."

"Does it?"

"Well... yea. I'm shitty, but I'm not a liar." He unclenched when a thin, red-skinned waiter arrived at their table. There were a handful of demons that passed through the goblin ghetto and he knew their deal. They were tough but straight shooters; everyone expects a lie from a devil, so they'd spent a long time trying to beat that reputation.

"I'll have a bottle of Changers-Lite. And the chicken parm sandwich, a little overcooked with the sauce on the side and the fries on the side in their own dish, if you please," Gina said confidently, holding out her menu as the waiter wrote it all down. Crox stared at her again and shuffled behind his menu. He couldn't do anything as confidently as the woman ordered a sandwich.

"Uh... I'll get an order of waffles and chocolate shake... and a cherry soda and some of them curly fries. Double bacon burger with some..." Crox flipped the page on his menu. "Y'know, just put a whole chicken patty on there with the cow one. Like fuck up a whole farm for me on that one. Oh and double order of coleslaw."

The demon waiter gave him a brief glance but no more than he had at Gina's specifics. "It might take a while. All at once for the both of you?" Gina looked to Crox who blushed his even shade of green.

"Uh, yea that's fine. I can keep up."

"Excellent. I'll be back with your drinks." The red man went back to the kitchen and shook his head at the woman at the grill. "You would not believe the fucking sitcom premise I'm serving tonight..." he grumbled.

"So you always order like that?" Crox asked skeptically.

"Of course. If you leave them together, the sauce gets soaked into the fries, and I like some texture to my food. The sauce melts the cheese just a little when it hits and it goes perfect with the crunch of the overcooked chicken." She smirked as she leaned on her hands and Crox shivered as he felt her gauging eyes on him. He hated being studied, assuming everyone would hate what they found. "I've been around long enough to know what I like. Have you, Crox?"

"Not really. I mean, I kinda like everything," he admitted. "I'm a goblin. I'm grateful for what I can get. We ain't picky and we don't get sick as easy as cloudies do, so we're up for whatever."

"So you'd even take up a humie lawyer offering you dinner?" she asked coyly.

"I mean... yea. I'm grateful and all!" he insisted. "But my ma told me to be proud, but never turn down a handout." He gladly took his  soda and milkshake from the waiter and sucked it down while Gina sipped her bottle of beer.

"Well I hope sharing a table with a tallpot isn't too terrible for you," she said with a knowing smile. Crox almost shot some soda from his nose as he choked it down instead.

"Wh-where'd you hear that!?"

"I was visiting Mister Inglebur about his custody battle the other day and he used that one before he recognized me. Is it new? I've served a number of goblins before and never heard that one."

"It... uh... yea, sorta. Like I only hear it this year I guess."

"So what does it mean? Just humans?" Crox squirmed in his seat as she studied him with that same steady, confident smile. She kept eye contact and smiled so much it made him feel weird. How did she even know where his eyes were behind his purple veil.

"It's uh... for human ladies. You know, like a teapot but tall?"

"Ah, I see. Is it flattering?" Crox's toes curled in his sneakers. It was like she already knew but she wanted him to say it. "Hmm?" she pressed politely.

"Ah, no... it's like... gross stuff."

"I had to serve for a triple homicide before. I think I can handle it."

"So like... the pot is your ho spot," Crox put as delicate as he could. "It's just way up there out of reach. Like... some goblins think you're lordin' it over us. 'Specially with how all the shortstacks just go all gooey when there's humie chunk around."

"So a stuck up human woman," Gina translated calmly.

"Crud... I probably could have said it like that, huh?"

"You get a way with words when you're a lawyer," Gina said. She leaned back and shrugged. "So what if a human woman isn't stuck up? What if she's interested. What do you call that?"

"Impossible," Crox laughed. Gina giggled along as he shook his head. "Nah, but that's what you call spider snatch."

Gina grimaced a little. "Well that's... vivid."

"Nah, it's not that sexy..."

"That's not what vivid means, Crox."

"Oh. I just mean it's like a trap. It's too good to be true. She's probably leading you on or trying to get something from you."

"Well what if she's legit. There's a lot of weird people in the world and there must be someone who likes goblin boys."

Crox pursed his lips and thought about all the elaborate goblin street lingo he'd heard. He shook his head. "Nope. I got nothin'."

"So what WOULD you call it?"

Crox chewed his lip instead as he wracked his brain. "Well it's basically impossible... it's rare and its weird but interesting. Lots of greenies have tried and failed..." He chuckled and shrugged. "I'd call her a fountain of youth."

Gina laughed again. "That's pretty clever! And flattering at that." She raised her eyebrows as she leaned on the table. "Well what about this, Crox? You're a clever little goblin... what if I said you could go under this table and I'd let you find your fountain of youth?"

"Wait... what?" He stared back as Gina watched him and winked. He looked around to see if anyone was watching, and then again to make sure this wasn't a fucked up dream. "But you're a cloudsucker."

"Waiter's not going to be away forever, Crox," she intoned. Crox's mind and heart raced before he took one last glance and slid under the table. He could see her skirt and stockings, but as she casually spread her legs and did her best to act natural, he could see she was wearing nothing underneath. Just some tight thighs and some pink human pussy. There was a lot more hair than he was used to on his women; nothing out of control, but goblins tended to be pretty hairless below the head. Pale white, smooth thighs without the spots of darker green or wrinkled soft flesh you tended to find around stumpy goblin legs. They were long and graceful and led his eyes right up to her privates, a longer trail than he was used to with his ex girlfriends. He wasn’t sure how long he stared before she crossed her legs, lifting one leg up to show him part of her ass and underneath her thigh. And good gob did she have an ass. The boys back on his corner wouldn’t believe the size of the butts on human girls dangling barely in their reach.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. We wanted to make it just to your specifications.”

Crox started to panic as he heard the waiter’s voice. He tried to hurry himself back into his seat but Gina’s leg extended and cut him off. It hooked around his chest and pulled him closer to her, finding his wide nose placed against the seat right between her thighs. His nostrils flared and his face lips curled at the scent he couldn’t put his finger on. Faintly watery, a hint of sweat… maybe a little like soil, but they didn’t have a lot of open fields and gardens by him. It just smelled… human. Raw. Musky without having that natural oil that goblins had. Like smelling soap that was made not to smell like anything, which made him sniff even harder to try to find it. It was this subtle loop that kept him sniffing at her pussy desperate to learn more.

“It’s no problem. My friend just went to the bathroom so you can leave his things right here.” Gina draped her legs over Crox' shoulders, pulling his snout into her slit. "He'll be eating with me any second now."

It wasn't long before Crox took the cue and opened his mouth. He'd heard about eating people out, but it was definitely a human thing. Goblins were natural breeders, so doing anything but the basic thingy-on-thingy action was something that only really got big when they mingled with the humans. As his tongue and nose pushed against Gina's pussy, he was starting to see why. There was that faint fleshy flavor to go with her barely bitter smell, making him bury himself deeper into Gina. It smelled even clearer when his nose pushed past her bush and his purple tongue started feeling around inside her folds. It was a strange thing for him to be looking at up close, but that solved itself as he shut his eyes to focus on the smell and taste of the human woman. His ears flicked so that they tapped against her thighs, picking up on her soft moans and quicker breathing.

"That's so good," Gina said softly, some food in her mouth to hide his sexual secret. Crox wasn't paying much attention to stealth anymore as he ate her out under the table, his long and slick tongue pushing in deeper. He found some small tip of flesh when his tongue went deep enough, curiously exploring her until she arched her back. Her legs shut tighter against him, holding his face in her snatch like she demanded more of the same. Crox almost gagged at the strength in those freakishly long legs of hers closing around his neck, leaving him nowhere to go but deeper in. He opened his wide mouth until it matched her pussy lips, his noisy slurping muffling by the seal of his mouth. Gina's heavy breathing came with a rocking of her hips as she rode his face, some of her juices starting to soak into her hair. She lifted her hips off the seat to push into his face, her whole body shaking briefly as she orgasmed on his face.

It was... odd. Much like the smell and taste of her, it wasn't nearly as strong and blunt as a goblin girl. He made a girl sludge once, and it was all this slimy mess of stuff that wouldn't wash out of your clothes. Gina's was... delicate. Graceful. It was a lot more watery and kind of sweet rather than bitter or sour. It was also just a quick mouthful or two rather than a flood, which he imagined was for the best anyway. Humans must have been built for stealth-fucking, because there was no way a horny goblin would have kept her mouth shut and made so little a mess.

Gina tapped on his fuzzy head and he slid back into his seat. He licked his lips and wiped some of the sweat and cum from his hair. It wasn't a strong flavor, but it haunted his tongue and nose. "Sorry about that. Once you found my sweet spot I just sped things up a little so your food didn't get cold."

"Is that what you call it?" Crox asked as he picked up his burger and took a bite. Somehow his appetite was even more demanding than usual.

"Well that's more me being subtle. It's a clitoris. You do know what that is, right?"

"Greenbean," Crox answered with a nod. "I seen enough porn on Swampspot. I'm just normally not scuba divin' down there. And it's usually a lot deeper on green girls so it doesn't come up a lot."

"Really?" she asked curiously. "How deep?" Crox made a gesture with his hands, setting them a few inches apart. He blushed and quickly went back to his waffles when he realized he had just given her a decent idea of how big his dick was. There was just no comparing human chiefmakers to goblin. She smiled in this amused way that Crox couldn't tell was condescending or pleased. "Well I hope you enjoy your meal," she said with a sip of her beer. Crox definitely enjoyed it. The food was always good here and Gina was as curious about him and his life as he was about her. She always had that smile on her face and it gave Crox the shivers to think that he was responsible for some of it. Regular girls didn't look at him like that, let alone human women.

The strangest and most interesting part of the meal was no matter what he ate, the taste of her pussy stayed on his tongue as a sweet extra flavor added onto everything.

Gina drove Crox back to his place, though he asked her to drop him off a block away. "Why? Are you embarrassed?" Gina teased.

"Heck no. If I showed up with a tallpot driving me around, the other scrubs wouldn't shut up about it for a week. I just don't want my folks worrying about me and askin' questions."

"You think they'd be mad if they knew you ate humie pussy in the middle of your favorite restaurant?"

Crox coughed and blushed. "Not really. They might get jealous... and you know how your ma and dad are always askin' about who you're pumpin'?"

"I think that's mostly a goblin thing," Gina chuckled as she parked on the side of the road. "Mine are more worried about when I'm getting married."

"Definitely a human thing," Crox laughed. "Well, uh..." He smirked as he thought about his next move. His go to would be just grabbing her boob and pulling her head into his lap, but Gina was a human. They weren't so crazy about the rough treatment. He was still mulling over what to do or say when she leaned down enough to kiss him on the mouth. Crox froze up and squeezed his arm rest as the human rested a hand on his cheek, her shorter but stronger tongue pushing in past his lips. Crox's toes curled in his shoes as he got as hard as he could get. His tongue meekly flicked at hers as she pushed his around and held him steady, not that he was going anywhere. He wondered if she tasted her pussy on him, because it still haunted his nostrils.

When she pulled back, Crox was staring at her blankly through his bangs. His mouth twisted around between a doofy grin and a confused grimace. "What was that?"

"Kissing. I know goblins aren't as big on that," Gina admitted. "But I just needed to kiss you. You looked so cute when you were sitting there squirming. You're a good guy, Crox. And you're good-looking. You're just way too hard on yourself."

Crox fumbled with a few noises before he found his words, blushing so hard his nose turned a new shade of green. "I... I've never heard anybody say any of the things you just said to me."

"Did you like it?" the human asked, resting a hand on his thigh. Crox nodded rapidly, flopping his silky hair around. "Then relax. Trust me... this will feel good."

Gina kissed him again and Crox shut his eyes, letting her guide and explore his mouth and lips. It was so weird. He would kiss one of his girls on the head or hug his mom or give a girlfriend a swat on the ass or a bite on the ears, but this was strange. She wasn't even pulling his hair. Just putting her tongue and spit into his mouth like it was some sexy gift she was giving to him. And gob damn it, it was! He kept sucking and licking at it until his instincts kicked in. He bit down on her tongue, a testing prick of his fangs. She gasped and her tongue retracted, but before he could worry that he had screwed up she bit his lip so hard that it tingled through his entire body.

That was when she got serious. She slid her hand down his pants and felt around until she had his cock between her fingers. She slid them down enough to free his member, at least as much as could be seen past her hand. He was only a few inches long, his hairless junk and round little balls seeming pathetically small compared to her big and powerful hand. "Sorry," Crox muttered preemptively. "About the..."

"Don't be," she whispered breathlessly. Gina released her grip on his member to rub her fingers down the shaft and balls in one easy stroke. "It's perfect..." She cupped his balls in a fraction of her giant hand and rubbed her thumb up and down along his rod, nearly as long as the whole thing so she tended to it almost all at once. Crox let out a deep breath and laid back in his seat, shutting his eyes when the sensation became too much for him. You got a little bit of cradling and nuzzling with goblin girls if they were really in the mood, but they didn't go crazy with their asses and mouths unless it was humie chunk. It was new and exotic to be feeling this way with a woman without being inside her pussy.

"This is so fucked up," Crox mumbled as he writhed in his seat, never moving enough to mess up her grip. "Keep going..."

"You think this is weird?" Gina asked with a bit of genuine surprise in her voice. She leaned closer and whispered into his wide green ear, rubbing his short green cock with two of her strong pink fingers. "You just wait until you see what else I want to do to you, my hot little gobber. The soft humie shit I want to do with that hard green plinker of yours when I have you all alone in my big warm cloudsucker bed. I want you painting my pink skin green with your boiling hot teapot tip..."

"FFFFFSHHHIT!" Crox spasmed wildly as he came harder than he had in all his life. Human girls were freaky as shit, whether nobody told him or nobody else had ever found out. His hips pumped as he squirted a few dense globs of greenish-white cum onto her hand and fingers, his balls suddenly puffing up another half their size in diameter.

"Well I didn't know they did that," Gina purred, stroking around his nads. She raised her hand and made sure he was watching as she licked the cum off her fingers. "Kind of tangy," she noted. "I could definitely eat more of that."

"Might need a break before that," Crox admitted, looking at her dreamily. The orgasmic goblin fumbled for his pants with one hand and the door handle with the other. "Uh... so I'll call you? Yea?"

"Yes please," Gina chimed excitedly. "I can't wait. And say hi to your mom for me."

"Uh huh," Crox said as he finally got his pants back on. He fumbled for something to say again before he leaned in and kissed her on the lips. He was a little off on her face and his tongue hit before his lips, but she giggled and kissed him back.

"We're work on it, handsome. Now go on. I'll text you later."

"Cool! Great! I mean... uh... night, hoe." Dammit. Humans didn't talk like that. It was an offensive word to them for some reason, right?

"Good night, big balls," she chuckled back, closing the door behind him and driving off into the night. He started walking back to his apartment as he flipped out his phone. He thought about who he could talk to about it without giving too much away. He ended up texting Scoony; they had met back when they tried to make a band together.

"Yo, Scoons."

"Zzzzup?"

"Q: What would you do if you were sludging a human chick?"

"...

A: I'd shank every other male I know because I'd never get better than that treetop pussy."

"k thx."

Crox sighed and switched off his phone, just for it to buzz again. He looked down and saw an emoji of a kissy goblin face from Gina. He quickly hid that from anyone who might go prying, but he couldn't hide his smile. For once in his life, he was proud of something.