MB Saucy Side: Love in the Time of Pet Ownership (Kent Version) (Patreon)

Kent’s backyard is enclosed by high trees that block off the view from other houses. Still, kissing him outside feels exposed. Especially since neither of you are wearing clothes.

Neither of you had intended to sunbathe nude. Both you and Kent had been very decently dressed in swimsuits at first, Kent holding a bottle of hypoallergenic oatmeal shampoo and a brush, and you carrying pile of clean towels. Giving Annie and Cass baths in the blow-up pool was always easier than doing it inside with slippery tiles, and the shih tzus preferred to sundry rather than be subjected to the hairdryer (which ranked only below the vacuum cleaner and Glitch’s orange high tops on the dogs’ list of mortal enemies).

The point is that today had started off very innocently. It simply hadn’t ended that way.

Your boyfriend’s lips break away from where he’d been trailing down your neck, and he sprawls back in the hammock to catch his breath, staring at you with a smug half-smile that is part prideful ownership and part devoted awe. You stare at his form appreciatively in return, until your gaze flickers to your bathing suit floating in the kiddie pool’s soapy water. Kent’s swim trunks are nowhere in sight. You’ll need to locate them before neighbor’s kid comes over to trim the grass tomorrow—you really don’t want to explain to Ms. Langley why her son’s push mower got jammed by nylon mesh.

Kent stretches, and your attention is once again captivated by the way his taunt muscles ripple at the movement. You’ll always admire his looks, but by now the sight is so familiar and your relationship so comfortable that your mind wanders to the matter of sunscreen. It’s a good thing the hammock you’re both lying on is beneath a shaded tree, otherwise Kent’s skin would’ve already become redder than a blushing lobster. As it is, only a few bluish marks mar his paleness, mementos marking the places where your lips had lingered a little overzealously: the nape of his neck, next to his naval, upon his thighs.

“We should give the dogs baths more often,” your boyfriend muses with a satisfied grin.

“At least the girls got clean, given that we were so . . .” You lean in close, lowering your voice to a husky whisper. “. . . Dirty.”

Kent groans, but there’s an amused gleam in his gray eyes at your horrible-but-in-an-amazing-way pun.

Your tongue teasingly flicks the shell of his ear, and his amusement darkens to desire. His large hand wraps around the back of your head, dragging you towards his lips.

“Should we go shower?” he asks against your mouth.

You wordlessly wrap your arms around his neck. You can look for his swim trunks later.

Kent rises as if to carry you back inside. Then he freezes, and you’re abruptly dropped back onto the hammock. The net sways beneath the suddenness of your weight, twisting to the side and causing you to land ungracefully on the grass.

You throw Kent an affronted look, but he doesn’t notice. His eyes dart around the yard, his expression growing increasingly panicked.

“Where are the dogs?” he asks.

You scan the yard for Annie and Cass. Before you and Kent became . . . distracted, the dogs had been snoozing on the deck while they dried off from their bath. Now, they’re nowhere in sight.

“Annie, Cass!” you call out as Kent bends over to check beneath the patio. Normally, you’d enjoy witnessing your nude boyfriend in such a position, but right now you’re too worried to appreciate the view.

The dogs don’t respond to your summons.

“They didn’t crawl under the deck,” Kent says, straightening back up. “Maybe we left the gate open?” His face is even paler than usual, and he sprints around the patio and towards the gate before you can stop him.

Oh, no.

You’re not sure whether Kent realizes that he’s still naked, nor that he would particularly care if anyone saw him. This is, after all, the man who considered opening the front door in a too-small towel to be an acceptable social behavior. But the backyard gate connects to the front yard, and the front yard lacks the tree barrier. If Kent steps out there . . .

Well, you’ll no longer have to worry about Kent’s swimsuit ruining Langley Junior’s lawnmower, because Ms. Langley will probably forbid the kid from ever working for you and Kent again. No one wants their thirteen-year-old exposed to a jogging nudist.

Because when sprinting off like Kent was just doing? Things swing.

Suffice to say that Kent is probably on the verge of breaking at least two dozen neighborhood HOA rules. Especially if Annie and Cass escaped from the front yard like they did last week; the last thing you need is your boyfriend running down the street like the emperor flaunting his new clothes. Even if said emperor is extremely fit.

You grab your swimsuit from the pool, pulling it on as quickly as possible (which isn’t very quickly given that it’s still wet). There must be at least one divine power who’s merciful to accidental exhibitionists, so you send up a quick prayer that the neighbors currently have their blinds drawn to ward off the midday sun. You’d always planned on hosting a block party after you’d moved in with Kent, but this definitely isn't the best way to issue invitations.

With no time to locate Kent’s swimsuit, you snatch one of the towels used to try off the dogs before racing off after him.

Sure enough, the gate connecting the back yard with the front is wide open. One of you must’ve forgotten to latch it after taking the dogs for a walk; Annie long ago learned to nose open doors unless they were fully closed. It was probably Kent. He still has trouble remembering to shut the gate all the way, as it was only installed after you revealed that his pets’ predilection of barking at every innocent passerby like aggressive hecklers at a comedy show made people think that he was an abusive dog owner. Yes, the dogs were the reason you two first met (and probably integral to you falling in love), but you’d rather not deal with someone calling animal control.

You discover your boyfriend in the front yard. He’s standing with one hand on his hip, the other waggling a disapproving finger at two shih tzus whose tongues loll out the sides of the mouths who gaze up at him adoringly, completely oblivious to the fact that they’re being chastised.

Kent’s expression is stern. His body is . . . still naked.

You toss the towel at his head. He grabs it before it hits, and for a moment only stares at it cluelessly. Then he looks down at himself.

“Oh,” he says.

Oh, indeed.

The dog towel is too small to wrap around his waist, so Kent holds it in front like a loincloth as he backs toward you and the gate. Annie and Cass follow, still blissfully unaware that their unplanned excursion almost caused their owner to almost get arrested for public indecency.

You wait a moment before following Kent and the dogs into the backyard, squinting to check all the neighboring houses. Thankfully, no one seems to have noticed your boyfriend in all his glory. You two are safe. More importantly, the dogs are safe.

You heave a sigh of relief and join Kent in the back yard, this time making sure to latch the gate all the way closed.

“Sorry,” Kent says, though he doesn’t sound particularly apologetic. “I didn’t know whether the front gate was closed. If they’d escaped during rush hour . . .”  He trails off, his face twisting with pain that causes you to feel a momentary twinge of guilt over the fact you once briefly considered having Sally fake a vision over a similar situation. To win a stupid school assignment, of all things.

God, you had messed up priorities back then.

You wrap your arms around Kent. “It’s fine,” you say soothingly. “The girls are okay. Plus, no one saw—"

Hey, Button? Nick’s voice interrupts your reassurance to Kent. Your brother sounds amused, which never bodes well.

Maybe my eyes were playing tricks, Nick continues. But I was just driving home, and I’m pretty sure that I saw more of your boyfriend than I ever wanted to see. Maybe you two can keep your games limited to the bedroom from now on?

You gently kiss Kent’s lips. “I love you,” you tell him. “Also, we need to move.”