Bard of the Wild (Chapter 21) (Patreon)

Purah didn't return to the meadow tonight... again. 

Honestly, what are we going to do with that woman? 

But I guess she did just find the biggest toy imaginable. 

"Think we should go and check if Purah's still alive?" 

"Did you get your Triforce of Knowledge back?" Linkle questions. 

I look to the back of my head. "Nope?" 

"Then she's still alive." She shrugs tiredly as we sit side by side under a small tree. 

"She'd probably like to know that Saria is awake." I point out. 

"Aurum." Linkle sighs. "The girl just went through a traumatic event... give her a couple of days to come to terms with everything before unleashing... that... on her." 

"'That'?" I question with an amused huff. "Really?" 

"Well, what would you call a scientifically motivated Purah?" Linkle questions. 

"Deranged? Insane? Off her fucking rocker? Hot?" I list. 

"Oi." She frowns slightly. 

"You're hot too, Linkle." I compliment with a small wink as I lean over and kiss her cheek, pulling her closer with my arm. 

Her finger gently traces its way down my stomach as- 

CHRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZ 

In the distance I can see the ground buckle as a large figure pries itself from the earth. Purple water drips from its body as massive roots coil around its form. 

Linkle and I are left in mute shock and confusion as we stare blankly at the large spider that has sat up from the ground. 

From here, we can see the glowing blue Sheikah eye symbols and lines that crisscross its body, lights begin shining across its form as- 

They all abruptly turn off and there's a small explosion towards the Divine Beast's torso. 

Linkle lets out a self-loathing sigh as I stand up, offering her a hand which she takes. 

"Oh... Oh dear." We hear the Great Deku tree mutter somewhere behind us. 

I pull Linkle to her feet as she looks over to me. "Aurum... tell me my eyes aren't playing tricks on me... did Purah stand Vah Makar up?" 

"Yep. Then it looks like she broke something." I nod. "I'm surprised she even got it that far, if I remember correctly, like... all of the systems were totally fucked. Probably why it blew up a bit to be honest." 

"I'm going to stab her..." The girl threatens. 

With that we rush forwards, towards the depowered colossus. 

We make it there in record time, coming to the pond that we can only blankly stare at as a giant mechanical spider sits in the purple water, sat up in a way that has likely made most of the internal rooms at an angle. 

I share a glance with Linkle as in the distance we can see a figure fall out of the door in the side of its torso. 

Said figure catapults off the side of the machine, covering surprising distance as she lunges for the leg. 

Linkle's eyes widen. "Holy fuck." 

My reaction is similar, genuinely surprised at how agile Purah is as she slides down the large leg. 

Leaning forward slightly, I can see that she has something under her arm. 

"Damn. That's pretty hot." I note as I watch her cartwheel down the angled surface as it reaches close to the water... then she leaps, sailing through the air. 

Numerous roots now protrude from the water, the original stump at an angle, apparently being ripped up by the divine beast pushing itself from the ground. 

Using those roots, Purah leaps across the pond, coming to a stop just in front of Linkle and myself. 

"Oh, hey~" she waves, a cheery expression on her face. 

The dark circles under her eyes are substantial, it looks like she hasn't slept for a couple of days... 

There's also the fact that blood is dripping from her nostrils. 

"Purah... what did you do?" Linkle frowns as I look to the object under the white haired woman's arm. 

What the hell is that? 

"Oooooh, y'know, I just sat Vah Marak here up and got it pointed towards the castle. It's FUCKED by the way." She sways briefly. "Like... totally wrecked. It'll take me years if not DECADES to get it in working order... heck, even this blew out most of the motor and adapters around the core have just about had it... oh, yeah, that's what this is by the way." 

She hefts an... orb... 

The closest thing I could describe it as would be... probably the Eye of Magnus from Skyrim... just instead of glassy materials, it's made entirely of a brown-slightly rock-like material and blackish metal... also it seems to lack the glowing- oh... nevermind. There's the glowing runes. 

I mean, I guess Sheikah tech does indeed have glowy runes in excess if I really think about it. 

"Why did you take the power source from Vah Marak?" I sigh, rubbing my temples. 

"Because I was RIGHT!" The woman cackles. "I knew that the standard Sheikah power cores wouldn't be able to sustain a divine beast! Even the larger variants! Lo and behold, when I stepped up in there and started looking around I found this little baby! It's smaller than the main cores Guardian Stalkers use! Like, there's SO much to learn from this." 

"Why are you bleeding?" Linkle asks. 

"Hm?" Purah hums, causing the blonde to point to her own top lip. 

Purah's hand comes to her mouth. 

"oooooh, so that's what this does. Er... 'that was' I mean. Sorry. Pretty bad migraine." 

"Also zero sleep it looks like." I observe. 

"Aurum! Buddy, pal, can you do me a favor and use some healing magic on me? I'll let you bend me over the nearest tree stump and have your way with me~ oh, but you can't cum inside. That herb wore off." 

"As tempting as that sounds... let me ask you a question... one you seem to be avoiding. why are you bleeding." 

"Oh, I tried using the tri-force of knowledge to see whatever the hell this is and how it functions. My braim didn't like that too much." 

"I think she's having a stroke." I mutter. 

I step forwards and place my hand on her shoulder. "Here's some healing." 

A golden light explodes around her body as she smiles, letting out a tired yawn. "Thanks Aurum... you're the best guy who can use healing magic I know... who is also still alive... and also had sex with me." 

She hefts the sphere. "I wish I could figure this shit out!" 

She pauses abruptly "waaaait a minute."

A small grin appears on her face. "Hey, Aurum, you innately know things, right? Like the fact there were sixteen divine beasts? What can you tell me about this sphere." 

I let out a long sigh as I take the orb. "Give it here, then." 

I stare at the sphere. 

"..." 

"I'm... not really-" 

Ping  

"Oh. There it is." 

Sheikah Puzzle Sphere: 
Ancient Sheikah technology specifically made to harness the power of an artifact left behind from ages long past. 

I dully intone the information I gleaned from it. 

"Woah woah... WHAT?!" The scientist grins madly as she takes it back. "You're telling me that the power source predates the creation of the divine beasts?!" 

"Hehehe AHAHAHAH! Now I HAVE to crack it open!" 

I wordlessly pull out the Hyrule Aria and begin playing a gentle lullaby as she starts messing around with the outside of the sphere... 

Zelda's lullaby. 

My eyes flick to Linkle who steps to the side as Purah's eyes begin to droop slightly. "Hnnnn wh..." 

Her head nods downwards briefly as Linkle walks behind her. 

Purah's legs give out, she must have been more exhausted than I thought... Zelda's lullaby is only supposed to make you drowsy. 

Though, I mean, I did play it with the Hyrule Aria, so said drowsiness was increased by about half. 

Linkle manages to catch her... but not the orb. 

It falls to the floor and disassembles. 

"Fuck." I curse blandly. 

"FUCK." Linkle hisses. 

"Shit. Is that bad?" I whisper. "This has to be bad, right?" 

"I- hang on... what is this?" 

Linkle gently lays Purah down and looks through the metal parts. 

"Wait- don't fucking TOUCH it Linkle, are you suicidal?!" I hiss as I quickly step forwards, pinning her arms to her body with a hug. "This thing powered an entire fucking divine beast! Do you know how much energy that would take?! It would be like grabbing dozens of lightning bolts at the same time." 

Linkle's hands shrink back. "Ah. Shit." 

Using mage hand I sift through the pieces, eventually finding something... unusual. 

"The hell is this?" I mutter as a... little glassy object is lifted from the metal. 

It's the only thing unusual that I found, being slightly similar to jade. 

It is shaped... strangely, a bit like a tear drop, being greyish white in color. 

Zonai Sacred Stone: 
An ancient relic from before the Kingdom of Hyrule was founded from the race who descended from above the cloud barrier. Through its use, tremendous power can be unlocked. The issue comes in finding those who have the capabilities to wield them, with each stone typically having its own preference and requirements. Be it strength, a personality trait, royal bloodline, race, or an affinity for a certain element. 

Note: Those who consume a Zonai Sacred Stone will lose all memories and sense of self, being reduced to mere animalistic intellect... in addition to a few more... unique... alterations to your physical body. 

"Is it just me... or... do you also sort of want to eat that?" Linke mutters, causing my gaze to snap towards her. 

"What?!" She pouts. "It looks so smooth and lick-able! Like gelatin! You can't not think that, right?!" 

"There's a lot to unpack here... first things first. Do not. And I can't stress this enough Linkle, look at me. Into my eyes. Do NOT eat that fucking rock... do you want to know why?" 

"Why?" 

"It'll fucking kill you." 

"R-Really?" 

"In the sense that it will erase your memories and your sense of self, making you into nothing more than an animal." 

"..." 

"How... do you know this?" 

"Probably some lingering effects of the Tri-Force of Knowledge." I lie, concealing the system yet again. "Maybe that's why Purah got fucked up so bad through using it on this. Maybe she doesn't have the full thing? But. As I was saying." 

"Second thing. Why the HELL do you want to eat rocks?!" 

"I... I ate some rock roast Daruk gave me one time... it wasn't that bad, honestly. It had an interesting and earthy taste... sort of like a truffle." 

I give her a genuinely disgusted look. 

"D-Don't look at me like that!" She whimpers in embarrassment. 

"What is wrong with you?! I think I chipped a tooth just from you even saying that to me!" 

"H-Hey! It wasn't that bad! Rock roast isn't like... an actual rock it's... more the consistency of bark." 

"YOU'VE EATEN BARK?!" I shriek. 

"..." 

"..." 

Purah doesn't even stir. She must really be exhausted. 

"Linkle." I breathe, rubbing my forehead exasperatingly. 

At least she won't bitch about my cooking if I even try to make anything. 

Wait. A fucking- 

"Hang on a fucking second. What sort of ass backwards world do we live in where you have had fucking gelatin but not cheese?!" 

I swear, at this rate I'll spend one of my free 'dungeons and dragons item quest rewards' on a fucking cheese platter just to give this tasteless freak something actually decent to drool about. 

I sigh and shake my head, reaching out and grabbing the crystal shaped like a Tomoe. 

"WH-" Linkle gasps. "Isn't that dangerous?!" 

I narrow my eyes down at the little smooth jade-like rock in my hand, looking over it. 

I point my hand forwards... 

Nothing. 

I guess I can't wield it. 

"Aurum." Linkle cuts in. 

"Hm?" 

"Isn't that dangerous?" She repeats. 

"This?" I ask. "Well, not immediately? As long as I don't eat it, I should be fine... oooor I could have just given myself turbo cancer from the hypothetical magical radiation this stone is giving off. Anyways, in addition to the extremely basic- and what I thought to be COMMON knowlege of 'do not eat this'... I also realized that through use, someone could gain- and I quote- 'Tremendous Power'. But... apparently, it's sort of picky?" 

"Hrm... can I see it?" 

"Do you promise to not immediately shove it in your mouth upon touching it?" I ask. 

She rolls her eyes. "Yes, Aurum. I won't kill myself with the shiny rock." 

"Alright." I relent as I offer her the stone. 

She looks over it, pointing it towards the side. 

"You said this gives us tremendous power, right?" 

"I think it might be a master sword sort of deal... so it doesn't see us as 'worthy'." 

"That's annoying." She frowns. 

Her hand moves to her mouth- 

"LINKLE-" I begin to shout only for her to grin and point at me with a bright grin.  

"Ahh. I got you!" 

"..." 

"One of these days, Linkle. I'm going to snap like a twig... not hurt you, mind you, but do some actions that I would probably regret over the next... nine or so months." 

"That's hot." 

A long sigh leaves my lips as I gesture tiredly towards Purah. "I can't even ask our living crystal ball here if the Cassil herb is still working on you! That's annoying." 

"Anyways, not tonight. I'm far too mentally exhausted to stay up for a few more hours. About the secret stone... if they are used to power the divine beasts, do you think that the pilots would have an affinity for them?" 

Linkle ponders for a moment. "Maybe? The easiest way to check would be to get Saria to Vah Sarin, right?" 

"True. Maybe she can get it to stop murdering people." I nod slowly. 

"That'd be good." She agrees. 

I crouch down. "Alright, put Purah on my back, then grab all the pieces of the orb." 

"Got it." 

Linkle hoists Purah's limp body, draping her arms over my shoulders, my hands go under her legs as her chest squishes into my back. 

"So." I begin as I watch Linkle quickly scoop everything up, she looks to be waiting for me to continue with my thought. "How are we going to prevent Purah's health from deteriorating from lack of sleep?" 

Linkle shrugs. "I could always choke her out if she stays up for more than twenty hours straight?" 

"I think the lack of oxygen would kill too many brain cells." I shake my head. "The idea crossed my mind too." 

"She's getting pretty high and mighty. She could do with a few less brain cells." Linkle pouts. 

"No. Bad Linkle. Don't lobotomize your friends because they annoy you. I can't believe I have to tell you this." 

She snorts as we begin walking back towards the Great Deku Tree's clearing. 

**Linebreak**

Purah wakes up with a start, looking around blearily. 

A low groan leaves her lips. 

"So. You're finally awake." I observe from my spot at the cave wall. 

"Gah!" She squeaks, eyes snapping over to look at me. "Were- were you watching me sleep?!" 

"Nope." I shake my head. "I was resting and keeping guard. Most of the lost wood's mist vanished... or at least, the mist that kept this place safe." 

The woman yawns, rubbing an eye as she looks around the little cave. "Hm... where's Linkle?" 

"Oh, she's outside talking to Saria." 

"Who?" 

"The green haired girl." I admit. 

"SHE WOKE UP?!" Purah gasps, rocketing to her feet. 

"Yes. Oh. Also you dropped that orb yesterday and it broke apart." 

"WHAT?!" She shrieks. 

"Well, less broke and more disassembled. Do you know what a Zonai is?" I question. 

The woman pauses her crazed tirade, blinking slowly. "Why..." 

"Because there was only one thing inside that sheikah puzzle cube... something called a 'Zonai Sacred Stone'. Also. DO NOT fucking eat it. If you do, it'll remove all memories and intellect from you. I can't believe I have to say this twice, but you are unhinged enough to actually fucking try that!" 

She looks genuinely offended. "You think I eat rocks like Linkle?!" 

"You are sort of insane." I admit. "Mildly. Just a bit." 

She pouts at my casual dressing down of her character. 

"Like a person who would cut off your own arm and replace it with sheikah tech the second your mortal flesh inconvenienced you." 

"Do... Do I really give off that vibe?" She questions. 

"Considering you sat up a divine beast, exploded, and came out of it with blood just pouring out of your nose, but only cackled madly at the opportunity to 'figure out something'. Yes. Yes you do." 

She continues to pout. "You don't know how much time I take to keep my skin soft and smooth, I'd never replace it with a blocky metal arm." 

She shakes her head. "But a Zonai Sacred Stone?! Are you sure?!" 

"Does the name mean something to you?" I ask. 

"Not really, but the Zonai part does! They were an ancient civilization... supposedly people in the past worshiped them as gods... there's some ruins to the west of Lurelin village. We avoided them by traveling along the beach, though." 

"Saria also gave Linkle and I some interesting information, apparently in the past the Sheikah were led to the location where they supposedly found all this stuff by a large owl made of stone and metal. Want to know what that sounds like to me?" 

"A divine beast." Purah whispers. 

"Mhm." I nod, eyes straying to the side to the quest objectives that have been revealed. Originally I really didn't have that idea, buuuut with these, my mind went from 'giant golem' to 'hey, that's totally a divine beast'. 

Bonus Objective: Find the Precursor Divine Beast: [ ] 
Bonus Objective: Find the First Prototype, The Master Cycle Zero: [ ] 
Bonus Objective: Find the Second Prototype, The Remote: [ ] 

"There's also two more things of note, the first, some sort of bike that can only be driven by the wielder of the master sword, and the second a prototype for a Guardian Stalker simply called 'Remote'." 

"Interesting. So. There are seventeen divine beasts?" Purah mutters, cupping her chin in intrigue. "The seventeenth clearly being made before the Sheikah... then... if you take into account the fact that the Divine Beasts are powered by the Zonai Sacred Stones... is this seventeenth Divine Beast... perhaps Zonai in origin?" 

"That's my honest guess." 

"So. Where is this Zonai Sacred Stone you found?" 

"I'll only give it to you if you promise not to use the triforce of knowledge on it." 

"Wh-What?! Why?!" 

"Purah. The last time you did that, your nose bled." I deadpan. "You might actually kill yourself if you try." 

"The reason my nose bled was due to my overuse of the triforce and my lack of sleep." She replies. "I should be completely fine scanning it right now as I am well-rested. 

I let out a quiet sigh as I pull the tomoe shaped piece of glassy rock. "Here. I don't care anymore. Don't die, fucking idiot." 

She looks it over briefly, blinking owlishly as a dull glow fills the room from the back of her hand. "Huh... alright, this is... unique." 

Alright. Now I am a little curious. 

"What is it?" 

"Hmph. I might not tell you because you were so rude to me!" The woman harrumphs.  

"Come on now, Purah, don't be petty." I frown. 

"I'll tell you if I can sit on your lap." The woman smirks. 

I stare at her for a moment before letting out a relenting sigh and patting my lap. "Whatever." 

The girl quickly gets up, then walks over to take her place in my lap. 

"Hmph. This'll show Linkle. Mocking me all this time from the back seat." The girl mutters under her breath. "Well, to explain it simply... none of us can use this... this stone is really picky in who can wield it." 

"Yeah?" I ask. "If we can't, who can?" 

"I do not know!" She smiles brightly with a headshake, sounding mildly bothered by the fact. 

"I see..." I eventually mutter. "I would have thought that with the Triforce of Knowledge... you would know." 

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I know a lot about it, but there's still a lot of information that escapes even me..." 

"So, what does it do?" 

"Well, the stones seem to give tremendous magical capabilities depending on a person's affinities. If it accepted us, either of us would be able to manipulate a certain element like fire or water with great proficiency. I'm not exactly sure how great, but it would no doubt be quite impressive." 

"..." 

"The last driver of Vah Marak was apparently a Korok... does that cause anything to slot into place for you?" I question. 

"Not really." The woman sighs as I reach around her, my hand falling to her breast. "But, I guess we could try." 

"If Vah Makar made mist, maybe it'll let whoever uses it create mist?" I question.  

"A good theory, my faithful bedwarmer." Purah grins as she stands. "One that might just be correct! First, let's go find Linky." 

She stands up abruptly and walks towards the exit of this little cave. 

I follow her a moment later as she peers around, looking for Linkle. 

"They're over there." I gesture to the side causing the woman to turn and begin to speed walk. 

I follow along after her, eventually coming to the two archer girls 'competing'.  

I say 'competing' because... Linkle doesn't really stand a chance at all. 

"HOW?!" Linkle roars. "How are you so good?!" 

"You need to remember, Hero... I have been doing this for over one thousand years~" Saria chuckles as an arrow made of plant life is twirled between her fingers. A thick root-like bow rests in her other hand, a string of vine in between the arched limbs of the root. 

With a flick of her wrist two additional arrows appear trapped in between her fingers, she knocks all three and tugs the bowstring back, then with a sudden jolt, the three arrows are shot forwards at the same time towards large flowers. 

It seems like someone held a grudge, as these flowers look quite a bit like the deku baba heads, just, instead of teeth, they have little soft flowery fronds. 

Sara, as I've come to find out, can manipulate plant life quite well. 

She had grown those flowers from the ground to act as targets in order to blow off a little steam. 

The three arrows find purchase, each one striking a separate plant. 

"Wh- What the fuck?! Your arrows curve?!" 

"She can manipulate plant life, Linkle." I call out as I approach. "She's probably giving the arrows a little shove after shooting them." 

"WHAT?!" The blonde exclaims. "That's CHEATING!" 

The green haired girl pouts slightly. "Aww... you're no fun, Hero two... I was wondering how long it would take her to figure it out." 

"You-" Linkle seethes only to sigh with a small pout. 

"Linkle, the only way to put her in her place would be to split her arrows with your bolts." I cut in, causing the blonde to look to the crossbow in her hand. 

She points it, firing off one shot towards the plant target. 

It strikes just to the left of Saria's first arrow. 

She lets out a small growl and shoots a second towards the middle plant. 

Her bolt barely clips some of the leaves acting as fletching for the second arrow, and the third strikes the base of the arrow, not quite center, but enough to shatter the arrow itself. 

"HAH!" Linkle laughs. 

"Anyways, Saria, this is Purah, Purah, this is Saria." I introduce the two. 

"Ah... hi?" The green haired girl quietly mutters. 

She's a good head shorter than even Linkle, and Linkle herself is rather short. 

"I have SO much to ask you! What was life like back then? What's it like being a Kokiri? What IS being a Kokiri to you? The divine beasts, what were their capabilities? Were you aware that the power source of the divine beasts come from an even more ancient civilization called the Zonai? do you have any information on the Zonai? Could you-" My eyes slide from Purah to the kokiri girl as a mounting dread seems to slowly form on her face. 

Linkle seems to relish in Saria's uncomfortable-ness. 

Well, what an interesting group we are.