Kingswood Bonus Content - Letters to a Lost Loved One (Patreon)

With book three only a few days away from starting, I wanted to share another bit of bonus content I wrote during the break between books two and three. FYI, just like 'Welcome to the Family' it's non-sexual, but it serves as both a slight recap of the first two books but also continues Nicky's development as a character.

Just as it feels like a good place to mention it, I wanted to share another little bit of behind-the-scenes information. When I started writing Kingswood, I knew I needed 32 names for the Year 7 students and used a random name generator. The top 8 became the main 8 characters you now know in the first draft of Tales from Kingswood.

One of those 8 was called Matthew. I have no issue with self-insertion in stories if it works (see my use of 'Master Matt' in my interactive stories) but in this case it was a completely different character, but I decided to try and push on ahead with a character called Matthew. After finally moving onto version 3, which became the final version, I had decided I couldn't do it and changed Matthew to Nicholas (Nicky).

It was only part way through Tales from Kingswood that the thought occurred to me that I had deleted, or effectively 'killed' Matthew. That was where the entire inspiration for Nicky and his lost twin comes from. So if 'Matthew' hadn't come up as one of those top 8 names, who knows where Nicky's story might have ended up!

Anyway, enough of my rambling. On with the story. Matterotica is proud to present Nicky Jones in...

Letters to a Lost Loved One

Monday 19 July 2021

Doctor Arkwright gave me some homework to do over the summer break. He told me try actually talking to you sometimes, to say the things I’d want to say to you if you were still around. You saw how well that turned out when I tried to do it back at school in the bathroom with Mr Trent… SO much crying, which I reckon I’d do again if I tried it now, so I thought why not try writing it down instead. I guess that makes this my first letter to you!

So let’s start with… hi Matt!

I don’t really know where I’m supposed to start. I mentioned Doctor Arkwright just now. He’s the doctor at Kingswood which is the school I go to now. I think I’ll tell you all about Kingswood eventually just because it’s just such a weird and wonderful place but for now I just kinda wanna talk about what’s been going on with me. The reason I’ve been talking to a doctor is because I haven’t been doing too well recently. Kinda turns out I haven’t really been doing very well for a really long time. Not since you went away.

That sounds horrible, like I’m blaming you, which I’m not. I mean, I could, it’s not like you can complain lol. Sorry, I joke like that sometimes. I guess that’s one of the ways I’m different from when you knew me. I think I’ve changed a lot in the past few years and I wonder if you’d even recognise me anymore. Not all of the change has been good though.

I haven’t changed everything though. I still love diving… though I kinda stopped doing it for a while cos I had some issues with some of the guys at school, but that’s (mostly) behind me now and I’ve started doing it again, which is great… except for the uniform! I guess that’s one of the things I’ve been doing especially ‘not well’ with.

You know how scary and confusing things were for us when we started changing. It was happening so fast and we were so young and I don’t think either of us fully understood what was happening to us and why. It always felt okay though, because we were going through it together. I felt like a total freak, but at least we were freaks together and everything always felt like it would be okay so long as we had each other.

I think that’s why I ended up feeling the way I did. Everything and everyone was changing and getting weird and getting scary but you were always there making me feel safe and making me laugh and making me feel loved. How could I not love someone who made me feel that way?

Since you’ve been gone, though, I just found myself feeling more and more like a total sideshow freak because I was so much taller and skinnier and… bigger down there… than the other guys our age. It never mattered what other people said about how I looked. Most the guys at Kingswood always say I look great, but it’s about what I feel not what they think and I felt like a monster. I still do. It hasn’t gone away just cos I’m talking to Dr A, but at least I’m starting to understand it a bit better.

It turns out feeling that way about myself has affected a lot of what I do. I hate being seen, so I try to hide away from the spotlight most the time. I REALLY hate anyone seeing me without clothes on, which made diving hard, but it meant I couldn’t even try to use the shower rooms at school when they removed the cubicles. Dr A even thinks it’s part of why I’m so shy around new people.

We had a bit of a breakthrough at our last meeting and it was kind of about you. Losing a brother is hard, but losing an identical twin has its own special brand of mind-fuckery. Hiding away my own body from the world brought enough problems of its own, but I sometimes feel like I have to not be seen to protect YOU. Even though its my body, we look the same so anyone who sees me… sees you too! That means if someone insults my body, they’re insulting me AND my brother, but at the same time, someone compliments my big dick and it’s like they’re talking about YOUR dick too. That’s a lot to handle when I couldn’t even talk to you about it.

I think that’s why I never like seeing myself in the mirror! Looking at you was always like looking in a mirror, so when I do it now, I can’t help feeling like I’m looking at YOU and that’s hard because seeing you just reminds me that you’re gone.

Sorry, I know I’m rambling, but it’s all such a mess and it’s really screwed with my head, but I’m finally working on it. I think when I lost you I was too young to really understand it and I was DEFINITELY too young to understand how it affected my feelings. I know I’m not exactly a grown-up yet (though I’m SO nearly fourteen, which is close) but I think I’m finally old enough to start handling it and I really want to.

Losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever lived through and it will always be with me, but I don’t want it to be what determines every action I take for the rest of my life. I never want to forget you and I never will, you’re the other half of me and I’ll never be complete without you, but even half a person can live and be happy and that’s really all I want. I know it’s what you’d want too. All you ever cared about was me being happy and I haven’t been living up to that. It’s time to change!

I think that’s probably enough for now… mainly because if I cry on my laptop anymore its totally gonna break lol. Speak again soon. Love you xx

Monday 26 July 2021

Hi Matt, it’s me again!

Hope you’re doing okay. That’s a stupid thing to say. You’re dead. But I still hope it anyway. Wow, I’m good at this!

Anyway, in my first letter I talked a lot about some of my problems, so I’m gonna try and make this one a bit more cheerful and talk about something that’s (mostly) a lot more cheerful – Kingswood!

So like I mentioned before, I now go to a new school. It’s full name is The Kingswood Academy for Boys but to us it’s just Kingswood. I’ve not long finished my second year there and it’s totally changed my life. It’s not like other schools… or so I’m told. I only go to this one so I don’t really know, but Kingswood definitely seems a bit unusual. For a start, most students at the school are part of the LGBTQI+ community. You might not know what that is. I don’t think you knew that word before you died and I’m not sure if you find out new stuff. Don’t really get how this works. LGBTQI+ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Intersex, but the plus stands for a whole load more letters that I’m learning about all the time. The short version, most of the boys at Kingswood like other boys too, kinda like I do. I think you knew that about me. You knew I liked you, so you probably guessed it was more than just you. I wonder if you would have been gay too. I don’t know how that works with twins!

Anyway, a school full of boys who like boys – you can probably guess how that goes… and you’d be right. It’s actually encouraged. Kingswood wants all of its students to have a good education about all things around sex and relationships. They have so much sex education, but also we each get a mentor who’s supposed to teach us that stuff too. I have a mentor of my own called Will but that’s really a matter for its own letter!

When you join the school, you get tested (which means you get wanked off!!) to see if you are capable of cumming and if you’re not, you get your cock locked up in this thing called a chastity device until you can. Supposedly they believe that our sexual activity shouldn’t start until our bodies are ready for it. Personally I think they do it just for a laugh. Luckily, being the freak that I am, I was able to cum years before I started at Kingswood so I never got locked. Finally, a good thing about early puberty!! Haha.

At the start of Year 7, we have to share a dorm with seven other boys. I reckon you’d hate that… at first, though if you got lucky like me you’d probably love it as much as I do. The guys in my dorm are amazing and the best friends I could ever hope for. I hope we’re still friends when I go back for Year 9. It’s kinda hard to know cos of stuff that happened (again, see later letter, don’t wanna get into it now).

But as for who they are, well firstly you’ve got Mikey. We never really spoke at first, mostly because he seemed a bit… scary, plus I was kinda busy with my mentor (I promise, I’ll tell you all about it). We ended up becoming friends when we had to spend two weeks living alone with each other during some big disease thing that kinda fucked the world up even more. But when we were together like that, something just kinda clicked and almost overnight he went from the boy who slept on the next bunk, to my very best friend. He has a lot of issues too I think and we’ve definitely had some problems, but he’s just such a great guy. Mum and dad have met him and they actually seem to like him, which is awesome cos he totally loves them too (he hates his own family).

Then there’s Chris. He’s Irish and his accent is so cute but he seems to try and hide it a lot, but I don’t think he even realises he does it. He’s just the most affectionate guy I’ve ever met. He’ll hug you for literally anything, like… any excuse and Chris is on ya. I’m not complaining, it’s nice! He’s also as musical as I am and we’re awesome together. He’s really cool, but he’s also kind of a low-key nerd too cos he is ALWAYS reading or jabbering on about plants or talking about old music he’s listened to. Not that he gets much time for all of that because of the amount of time he spends with Danny!

Speaking of Danny, he’s Chris’s best friend and one of my closest mates too. Danny’s the strongest guy I know. He’s been through things in the last couple of years that would break most people and he’s just come back tougher than ever. We never really say it, but he’s kind of the leader of the dorm. Well, maybe Rob too (he’s coming up next). But Danny’s definitely the most grown up, but that’s a bit sad sometimes cos I think it’s mostly because the stuff he’s dealt with that’s kinda made him HAVE to be proper grown-up. He cares about other people SO much and I can always rely on him if I need help. Everyone can. He’s great.

Like I said, Rob’s kind of our other leader. He’s not quite as obvious as Danny, but we rely on him just as much. He’s captain of our year’s rugby team, which is probably why he’s so good at being in charge. He cares about everyone in the dorm too, but his first priority will always be Josh (his best friend). Back in Year 7, Rob was kinda obsessed with figuring out what was wrong with Josh even when the rest of us couldn’t see anything was even going on. Turned out Rob was right and things got pretty bad and ever since then, Rob’s been even more protective. He’s one of the guys in the dorm who’s started dating too. He has a boyfriend who’s really nice.

Then there’s Josh! Josh is… this is tough. If I were to base this on what I thought of Josh up until a few weeks ago, I’d say he was funny and tough, but also caring and kind. He survived being abused for most of his life and came out of it still able to be a loving, gentle guy. More recently though, it turns out he’s been hurting a younger student (Angel) because he’d been kinda bullying me a bit! That stuff was dealt with (and it was my business not Josh’s anyway) but Josh carried on using ME as an excuse to be violent, which I hate. He’s been acting like a bully, which is weird cos he hates bullies as much as I do. I called him a bully and he totally flipped out and we kinda haven’t really spoken since. It's confusing cos I know he’s not a bad person, but I’m just so angry at him. I guess if I’m kinda messed up and do stupid things cos of stuff in my past, maybe I should cut him some slack cos he’s definitely got enough shit in his past to fuck anyone up for a lifetime. Ugh, I don’t know. Moving on…

David’s like our little brother, and I don’t just mean because he’s so short… although it helps! He’s the youngest in the dorm. He’s really, really smart and has a lot of common sense, but he’s also totally gullible. He’ll believe literally anything I tell him, which can be really funny sometimes. I’ve noticed since we met how much he copies me and my humour. I swear it’s like he’s trying to learn how to be funny. It’s adorable, especially when he says something and looks to me to see if I laugh. When I do, he just looks SO happy, it’s adorable. He’s had his problems too though. He has really bad anxiety (something we have in common) but his ended up leading to agoraphobia. It’s mostly under control, but I know he still struggles sometimes. I’m really proud of how well he handled it.

Finally there’s James, although technically he’s not part of our dorm anymore. If David is smart, James is an absolute fricking genius! The problem is, he knows it and makes sure everyone else does too! He can be a bit of an arse about it, although he seemed to mellow a bit this year. Because he’s so smart, he’s ended up skipping ahead a couple of years, so when we go back and start Year 9, he’s skipping all the way to Year 11, which is mental. Although he chose not to tell David he was doing it, which is a total dick move cos they’re supposed to be best friends!

Anyway, that’s the guys in my dorm. I feel kinda bad talking to you about my friends, especially my best friend, because that was always supposed to be you. I sometimes feel like I’m almost replacing you, but I guess I have to. You’re gone. Having new friends doesn’t make me love you any less. You’d like them anyway. I reckon you’d get on best with Danny, because you both care so much about looking after the people around you.

But that’s enough for this letter. Speak more soon. Bye, love you xxxx

Monday 2 August 2021

Hey Matt.

Yesterday dad said to me ‘It’s your birthday next month’ and I cried. Not in front of him, obviously. Losing you was so hard for him and mum so the last thing they need to be doing is worrying about me! But yeah, I came to my room and I cried because I hate my birthday, because all it does is remind me every year that you don’t get to have any more birthdays.

I think I might have cried a bit too because of the date. Yesterday was supposed to be the day that Chris and Mikey came to stay with me for a couple of weeks but because of… stuff that’s just not happening and it just makes me feel really really sad.

I guess I haven’t explained too much about Chris and Mikey, but before I get onto them, I should probably tell you about Will (the mentor I mentioned before). When I went for the final interview to get into Kingswood, I met an older boy called Will. As it turns out, those boys are there to choose which kid they want to come to the school, because they get to be their mentor. So I met Will and he was so funny and sweet and kind and mature. Obviously he liked me too because he chose me to come to the school. He was more than just my mentor though. Right from day one, I was in love! Well, I think I was. I wasn’t even twelve yet and I was in love and he was in love with me and it was amazing.

I joined Kingswood and we started going out but we had to keep it a secret. It’s not, like, forbidden to date your mentor but it’s not something the school really like. Turns out Will had me hiding it for another reason. I don’t really wanna go into it cos it’s so stupid and annoying and it still upsets me, but the short version was he was lying to me and it hurt me pretty bad. I actually thought of you when I found out. I couldn’t help imagining what you would have done if you’d been at Kingswood when the truth came out. I could picture you just walking up to him, punching him in the face and saying, like, “That’s for hurting my brother!”

I’m kinda cool with Will now. I’m not as close to him as most of the others are with their mentors, but I know he’s there if I need him. So that was my first big relationship at Kingswood… and it was a disaster! Anyway, right when we broke up was when I started hanging out with Mikey and I don’t think I would have handled the break-up anywhere near as well as I did if I didn’t have Mikey. For a little while I thought me and him might get together, but then I had this crazy idea about being with him, Chris AND Danny, which woulda been awesome, but we just stayed friends.

It wasn’t until Chris’ birthday in Year 8 when things really changed. Chris had asked me something and I thought he was asking me out, but after we cleared all that up… he actually did ask me out! Me and him got together and it was great, but it felt like something was missing and it turns out that something was Mikey! Me and Chris had been going out for a month when we both kinda realised we wanted to date Mikey too, so we asked him and he said yes and just like that… threeway relationship.

It was incredible. I love having a boyfriend, but having two of them was amazing. I’d never been so happy, although I still had plenty of other issues. I always wondered what you’d think of me dating two boys at once. It sometimes made me think how little I really knew you, mostly because you weren’t finished yet. You weren’t even the person you were going to become when you went away.

Anyway, things were great for the three of us. Even through some really shitty times, with Danny getting hurt and Mikey’s moods going a bit crazy, we stayed together and we stayed happy, right up until I finally started dealing with some of my issues!

I had SO much going on and I was just exhausted and Mikey was having issues of his own and eventually it was all just a bit much. I talked to Mikey and we both said we wanted to break up, which made things a bit easier, but it still meant we had to tell Chris. I broke up with Mikey right before practice for the music competition and I was *supposed* to wait until after for us to talk to Chris, but he started singing this song, and the lyrics just made me really emotional and I blurted out that we were breaking up with Chris, right there on stage in front of everyone.

I know. I know! Dick move, you don’t need to say it… everyone else already did. But that was pretty much it. We broke up after nine months together! I’m thirteen and I’ve been in two long-term relationships, which is just mental. It’s also kinda why I needed to break up and need to stay broken up… or single, I suppose is the right term.

I was kinda trying to fill the void you left when you died with other guys and I really don’t think that was the right move for me. I need to deal with how I feel over you and figure out who I am on my own before I even think about being with anyone else! Maybe I just need to NOT have a boyfriend for a while. I need to think about that!

Take care, speak soon, love you lots xxx

Monday 9 August 2021

Hey bro. Writing this a bit earlier than usual today because I’ve just woke up from a dream that you were in and wanted to tell you about it before I forget it!

So in the dream I went back to Kingswood for Year 9 but everyone was all, like, happy and friends again and stuff (I realise I haven’t explained yet what’s gone on, but I’ll get to that!) Anyway, I mentioned one of our dormmates was leaving, didn’t I? James. So we’re all there in the dorm and Mr Trent walks in and he’s all, like, “Hey I want you to meet your new roommate!” and then he steps aside and it’s you!

It was really funny cos for a second everyone was like, “He’s not new, that’s Nicky!” and I was, like, “No, I’m over here!” and they all do that stupid ‘am I seeing double’ face everyone always pulled when we pranked them with the twin thing. It was SO funny, but obviously then I kinda realise that it’s you and that you’re back and I just start crying and hugging you and I won’t let go and it’s hours before anyone can even get me to let go of you.

But after that it was so cool cos I got to introduce you to everyone and they all thought you were as awesome as I do, which was so cool. Then I got to show you round the school and it was really funny when I was, like, ‘so that’s where the suicide almost happened and that’s where Danny got paralysed and that’s where I totally fucked up everyone’s lives’ and you thought I was making half of it up, cos seriously, who’d actually believe that shit was real?!

Then I woke up and I was crying and laughing all at the same time and for a moment it felt like I’d lost you all over again, which was every bit as horrible as it sounds. All I wanted was to go back to sleep and go back to a place where you were still alive, but I couldn’t and it sucks and I’m stuck here in real life without you and with most of my friends hating me.

I guess I’ve talked enough about the depressing dream, so let’s stay on the subject of stuff that sucks and tell you about why everyone’s hating me. It all comes back to what I mentioned in my last letter, when I broke up with Chris on stage! It was like doing that was the spark that set off a whole explosion in the dorm.

So Chris ended up pissed at me for doing it and Mikey for knowing about it and dumping him on the same day. But cos I was feeling so shitty after upsetting Chris I didn’t handle things very well with Josh and basically just called him a bully in front of everyone and called him out for being violent, which kinda set him off, which upset Rob, but Mikey said some stuff to him too about fighting that I don’t really get, but they’re kinda pissed at each other too. But then Chris comes back to the dorm and David tries to calm stuff down and Chris snaps at him, so James tries to defend him. That’s when Chris gets angry and blurts out that James is leaving and hasn’t told anyone, so everyone’s kinda pissed at Chris for keeping it a secret, but David is pissed the most, but he’s also pissed at Chris for knowing and not telling him and then it turns out Danny knew too so David’s hating on Danny as well. So it kinda felt like I started all of it, which would have pissed them all off already, but they’re also pissed at me for hurting Chris cos everyone loves Chris so they’re all on his side.

And that’s all just one day! It was right before the end of term too, so most of us came home with all of that still unresolved. Danny’s been trying to make peace in our group chat, but nobody really seems interested, everyone just wants to be pissed at each other and now I’m dreading going back for Year 9 because I’ll be in a room full of people who hate me… which might explain the dream I guess. I dunno, Dr A says dreams can help you understand stuff sometimes, but it’s not always reliable. Sometimes it’s just random shit. Maybe I just liked having a world where you were still around.

Anyway, I guess that’s me done for another letter. Speak to you again soon. Love you xx

Monday 16 August 2021

Hey Matt, hope you’re okay today. I’m… okay… ish! I did something today that was really hard but I’m glad I did it.

So you probably remember the end of term, when I tried talking to you in the mirror? You know, the one where I ended up just crying cos seeing you was so hard. Yeah, that sucked, but I had to give it another go.

I decided to try going all in and I got that full length mirror mum has in her room and I stood in front of it and I looked at myself. I did exactly what I did before and started crying, but I didn’t let myself look away. I felt like I was looking at you and it hurt so much that crying was literally all I could do.

But after a couple of minutes I managed to calm down a bit and just look and I realised something kinda cool… and sad… but mostly cool. Usually when you lose someone, especially someone as young as you were, one of the hardest things is not getting to see them grow up and become who they were going to be, but as I stood looking at my reflection I realised… looking in the mirror every day is a chance to see you one day older. I get to see you grow up with me, even though you’re not here, and it’ll never be the same as actually having you back, but it’s more than most people get when they lose someone. So it hurts but… maybe it’s kinda… good hurt!

After that I got brave and I took my top off. Aside from, like, looking down occasionally when I’m showering or in swimwear, I haven’t looked at myself like that in such a long time because I hate it. I look so different from the other boys, which was a problem we going to face together. But it’s also like I said in my first letter, about how my body is the same as yours so looking at me (or letting other people look at me) is like they’re looking at you.

I don’t quite think that’s right though. I mean, I look at Rob who’s really into rugby and over the last couple of years as he’s grown up, he’s kinda bulked out because he spends so much time working on rugby stuff. Then I see Mikey who’s been playing football and tennis and he’s getting a bit more muscular too, but in different ways to Rob. You always loved football and rugby, so if you’d carried on doing that, while I was off doing diving, I kinda think we’d both be looking a bit different by now. Sure, we’d both still be freakishly tall and still just be all… arms and legs, but I reckon you’d be starting to put on the muscle. I know that wouldn’t change my appearance and I’d still have my issues there, but maybe that means looking at me actually isn’t like looking at you after all. I don’t know, I’m literally making this shit up as I go along now.

Back when you were still here I used to get annoyed sometimes when we got treated like we were the same person. And yet here I am doing exactly that for years after you’re gone and that’s just a silly thing to do! You’re you and I’m me and I’ll never stop seeing you in the mirror, but I guess I have to accept that other people don’t see you when they look at me, they just see me! I guess it’s another thing I can talk to Dr A about and work on when I’m back at school, but I think it feels like progress.

While I was looking in the mirror, I did get my dick out too. I know it sounds crazy to complain about having a big dick – Will always used to tell me that too – but it’s just another one of those things that makes me feel different. But is different really that bad? Especially when it comes to dicks? Guys in my dorm have a range of sizes (yes, I’ve seen them and played with a lot of them) and it doesn’t really seem to bother them how big or small they are. Everyone seems to like my dick, so maybe I need to learn to like it too. I definitely don’t like how much it shows when I’m in a speedo, which I’m gonna have to get used to now I’m back at diving club, but hey, if I’m not having a boyfriend for a while, I’m still gonna need some fun and showing it off a bit might help with that!

Anyway, done for another letter. It was nice (sort of) seeing you today and sorry I cried when I did. Hopefully I can get used to seeing you in the mirror and just be happy that I get to! I’ll keep working on it! Love you so much xxx

Monday 23 August 2021

Hi Matt. I guess this is my last letter for the summer as I’ll be back at school at the weekend.

It’s weird to think that the new Year 7s will be there in just a couple of days. They always started back a few days before the rest of the school to give them a chance to get settled in and to get to know each other before the year starts. Their Year 10 mentors start at the same time.

It’s kinda hard to believe it’s already been two years since my first day there as a Year 7, but what’s even weirder is that this time next year, I’ll be getting ready to go back as a Year 10… and someone’s mentor! That’s insane. I’m so not ready for that, I’m gonna need SO much help from Will. I guess that’s kinda why the mentor system works so well, it starts us off with lots of support and no responsibilities, then gradually builds up to Year 10 where we have someone we’re responsible for, but still have the support of our own mentor, and then after that have to just figure it out on our own.

Things seem a tiny bit better in the dorm. Nobody really seems that angry anymore, more just… unkeen to be around each other, except for David. I don’t think anyone’s even heard from him all summer, which I feel really crappy about. But one week and I guess we get to see what it’ll be like.

The person I feel most sorry for is whoever’s taking James’ spot. As there are two vacancies coming up in Year 9 (a boy in another dorm also left), there’s a chance we know who’s joining us. Jazz is Rob’s mate/sort-of-boyfriend from another school who found out he’d got into Kingswood, so I guess there’s a fifty-fifty chance it’s him. I know Danny was hoping the other slot would go to Ian, a boy from another school and also his mentor’s boyfriend, but apparently he got a rejection email and didn’t get in, which sucks. So it’s either Jazz or a stranger, but either way they’re walking into a situation that’s… not fun!

I keep thinking about the dream I had about you and a tiny part of me keeps on hoping you somehow appear, but as much as our lives are like a soap opera half the time, I think dead siblings returning from the grave is a step too far, even for us!

Just so you know, even though this is my last letter, that doesn’t mean we’re gonna stop talking. Don’t worry, I’m not losing my mind, I know you’re gone and you can’t really hear me. This isn’t me having a mental breakdown and convincing myself you’re still around. It’s just that talking to you makes me feel better, about myself as much as about you, so I’m gonna keep doing it as long as it keeps helping me. I spent too long hiding from my feelings about you and about myself and I need that to stop. It’s not gonna happen overnight (or just over the summer!!) but by talking to you and working with Dr A, I know I can get myself sorted.

And who knows, once I’m a bit less broken, maybe I can finally find a relationship that lasts! Bye for now bro, chat soon. Love you with all my heart xxx