Why the glum face? (Patreon)

Why the glum face mate? It’s new year, crimbo is out of the way and you know, everything to look forward too.

I dunno mate, crimbo was shit, was in isolation for most of it plus it’s back to work tomorrow.

You get owt nice for crimbo then? Looks like your sporting a pair of new sneaks.

Yeah, I was spoilt. You like the sneaks? I don’t if I’m honest.

Why don’t you like em?

There too white, I’m more of a black sneaker kind of guy, well, anything but white.

How about we swap, what size are you mate?

I’m a 9, but why would I swap?

Perfect, I’m a 9 too. And Well, my sneaks are black, just like you want.

Yeah, but your sneaks are old and trashed.

Ok, well how about we nip down the shops, I’ll buy you a new pair, I’ll take yours and you can have the new ones.

Yeah, you’d do that?

Sure, why not, no point you having something you don’t like. Come the shops with me, we can pick a pair out for you and I’ll pay.

An hour later we had picked the pair he wanted, he waited outside the shop for me to pay.

When I got out I was wearing the trainers I had just bought for him.

Hey, I thought they were for me.

Yeah, they are, the man in the shop said he couldn’t let me out of the shop without trying them on. Then he said my old sneaks were too trashed for me to take them with me. Said some shit like I can’t allow someone to walk out of my shop after buying a new pair with something so trashed. He binned them there and then. I’ve literally put them on and walked out of the shop.

Right, but now they ain’t new.

So…. I’ve had them on for five seconds. Yours ain’t new either.

I know there not, but you seemed ok about wearing someone else’s sneakers. I don’t know if I am.

Mate, I’ve had them on for minutes. They are as good as new, and if you want rid of your whiteys then there’s no other choice now.

Fine, suppose there’s no choice then.

He took off his sneaks and tossed them straight at me in the middle of the shopping centre. I sat down and he followed me and sat next to me. I took off my sneaks passed them to him and we both out on each other’s sneaks.

Whiteys always look good on me.

Yeah and these greys look good on me too. Good choice.

We began walking home and after about ten minutes into the walk we both started to feel off and strange. He looked down at my legs.

Mate, weren’t u wearing an adidas trackie when we came the shops?

What do u mean? I only ever wear addidas trackies. Nike sneaks and Addidas trackies, it’s my style.

Not now it ain’t, the stripes are gone. Wait, I’ve got stripes on my trackies, I was wearing Nikes. We look odd, mismatched. Wrong tops to the trackies. You’ve got my trackies on some how.

Mate, you were taller than me when we came down here. Now we are the same height. Shit man, I think I’ve got your legs some how.

Fuck, yeah you must have because I’ve got yours. My dick has changed too, I’m assuming this tiny pencil thing is yours, it isn’t mine. Fuck I’m getting shorter and the stripes are appearing on my sleeves.

Bro, we’re swapping bodies, what kind of weird shit is this?

Must be the sneaks, quick swap em back again.

It’s not working, in fact I think it’s sped it up. Your completely me now mate…