From the Ashes: Wild Fire (ch. 4) (Patreon)

I had a new favorite spell, I decided, a heavy box in my hands that just about toppled me with how far I had to lean back to carry it. My arms felt numb with how far thoroughly had been worked, my black hair plastered to my forehead as sweat dripped down my face, soaking my tunic. My legs trembled, my back ached something fierce, and by all rights, I had no business carrying on with my work of loading up a ship with provisions. Yet, all the same, under the creaking wood of a ship named the Siren’s Call, I continued on.

Mage Hand. They were invisible magic hands that I could cast that helped me greatly with my work. Each one was capable of lifting ten pounds of weight, and with two of them helping me along, I was able to carry the box that felt like it was filled with nothing but heavy stones. Another dockworker, Ekken, helped me set the box in place below deck.

Loading up a ship was more complicated than I thought. I thought you could just fill the ship up, but if you did that, you were likely to sink it. Too much weight on one side and the ship would list to that side -- that might not sink it on its own, but it was just asking to capsize the moment that you encountered a large enough wave. Worse yet, a storm. So, the hold had to be carefully filled and directed so that the supplies were all balanced.

A sailor oversaw the process. An elf, to my surprise. A scarred one that had a clipped ear that was lined with earrings made of gold. A long sword was at his hip, held in place by a sash around his waist. He kept a close eye on the instrument that hung from the ceiling that would either lean one way or the other. There were no waves to interfere with the process because we were in a drydock that was filled with enough water to lift the ship.

The elf caught my eye and gave me a grin and a nod, one end of his lips curling up higher than the other because of a long scar that started at his mouth and went up to his ear. Likely the same slash that clipped it. I returned the nod, noticing that he was looking at the scar across my neck. It was almost easy to forget about it.

It had been a full month since that fateful day in the quaint hovel. The scar across my neck was healed and no longer a harsh red or fleshy pink. Instead, rather quickly, it settled on a stark white that contrasted my darkening skin after weeks of spending all day in the sun.

Despite my exhaustion, I climbed up the steps to the top deck and walked across a wooden bridge. The drydock didn’t offer any refuge from the sun, but the air had a cool breeze. The month of Umbralis was fast approaching, meaning that winter was too. So was Satinalia, a festive week of gift-giving and community. I had to start thinking about gifts.

Walking over the bridge, I grabbed hold of a barrel. First, testing its weight, I started to haul it up with knees that threatened to buckle, and then I cast Mage Hand. My magic sang as it answered, conjuring an invisible hand to help me lift the barrel. Then another to make it just a bit easier. I had no idea how Aiezn was able to do this all day, every day. I felt like I was going to die.

My gaze slid over to him. Aiezn stood before Adam and a human woman who wasn’t quite like anyone I had ever seen before. Skin the same color of old honey, a skin-tight tabard dress that she filled out well with full breasts that seemed to be winning the battle against the laces of her bodice because her breasts were practically spilling out. While the end of her dress dripped down to the knees, it split high up on her waist, revealing her thighs until they were clad in thigh-high leather boots.

At her waist were two daggers while a single arm was sleeved in pieces of armor. A blue slash was around her waist, matching the cover she kept over her mane of black hair. Almost more alluring was the gold she wore -- gold earrings, gold necklaces, and a gold piercing between her bottom lip and chin.

As if she could sense my gaze on her, the human woman -- the captain of the Siren’s Call -- looked over at me. I froze, feeling like I had done something wrong, and her lips curled upwards. She tossed me a wink and I thought I would be pretty ok if I’d died right then and there. I thought I just might. A flush crawled up my face as I looked away, and I heard her laugh. It was a nice sound. Even if it was at my expense.

I was halfway across the wood bridge before I heard footsteps behind me, I didn’t dare look over my shoulder, else I’d fall over. “Azoth,” I heard Aiezn say as we walked across. “I’ll be heading out early. It’ll be a dock in my wages,” he started as we crossed the bridge so I could look at him.

My brow furrowed, sparing Aiezn a glance. Aiezn, I learned after working with him for a few weeks, was a workhorse. He just never stopped. He never got tired or took a break. He just kept going and going and going. I don’t think he had ever cut out early before. “What’s going on?” I asked him, cocking an eye as he helped me lower the barrel down into the hold.

“Just some errands to run,” Aiezn said, and that was a bold faced lie. Once the barrel was down and we were walking up, I gave a look that told him what I thought of it. He let out a sigh, “That woman? She’s a pirate, Azoth,” he told me in a low tone. I blinked but I wasn’t overly surprised.

It made sense, I thought. “Well, she certainly didn’t look like a normal merchant,” I remarked, earning a nod from Aiezn. “But what does that have to do with you leaving early?” I asked him and he paused as if he were seriously considering not telling me. He seemed to realize that I wouldn’t accept a none answer.

“She’s paying me to get a message to someone in the Market Square, is all. It’ll cover the wages that I lose and then some. You can’t tell Mother or Father about this,” he stressed, his eyes hard and sharp. I really didn’t care for the idea of my brother being a runner for a pirate. Especially when the odds were it was for something illegal, even if it was just a message.

“Are things that bad?” I asked him in a small voice, all too aware of the four sovereigns I still possessed. I was close to justifying it. So very close. Then, my family wouldn’t have to worry about money at all.

Aiezn’s lips thinned, “Not yet,” he admitted. Both Mother and Father were still on at the Arl’s estate, for better or worse. When Mother wasn’t around, he told us that Vaughan had been emboldened by getting away with murder. His abuses were more frequent to the staff -- humans and elves, but he had a fondness for tormenting elves. From everything to rape to having a servant flogged to death for a mistake.

“They’re leaving soon then?” I asked, my tone hopeful. Aiezn seemed to realize I knew exactly what would cause a change in our fortunes and nodded. Mother and Father brought in a silver a month each working for the Arl. Less than a fifth of what a human would make for the same position. Aiezn and I, at the docks, were bringing in twenty-five copper bits each. I was actually pulling ahead because my figurine business was taking off, netting us an additional twenty copper bits.

Even together, that was less than a full silver a month. Mother and Father would find new positions, but it did mean that our family income would suffer a big hit just before winter. Right when prices went up and there was less work to be found at the docks because of winter storms.

“Good. Go do what you need to do. I’ll stay longer and try to earn your docked pay,” I told Aiezn, earning a smirk from my older brother.

“Look at you, acting like an adult. A hard-working one at that. Hardly recognize you now,” he said in a teasing tone, flicking my ear as I grabbed another barrel. I gave my brother a scowl but waved him off. Aiezn would be fine. He just had to deliver a message and he could take care of himself. Worrying about him was worrying about nothing. “At this rate, you might even convince Kallian to marry you.”

“Would you leave off?” I said, going to give him a kick in the shin, but damn near fell over. My face was blushing as I used Mage Hand to help me carry another heavy barrel.

Aiezn just laughed, “Just warning you. A girl like Kallian? She’s not going to land in your lap. You’re going to have to chase after her and fight off the competition. She won’t know you’re interested unless you tell her,” he said, flicking me in the ear again, determined to be an annoying arse.

“I’d take your love advice more seriously if you weren’t a bachelor yourself,” I shot back. “Now, go on. Get! Leave us workin’ folk to our work,” I said, earning a chuckle before Aiezn did as bid. He scampered off and I continued my labor of loading up the ship. I continued on, loading barrel after barrel, crate after crate. And I did it all without respite, determined to pick up my brother’s slack.

The humans that worked with me eyed me with some annoyance. They felt like I was making them look bad, I knew. Aiezn told me as much because he went through the same thing. Said that we had to work twice as hard for half as much coin and we’d earn the ire of our coworkers. But, so long as Adam was satisfied with our work and we gave no one any right to actually complain about us, then they could think and say as they wished.

Even with a liberal use of Mage Hand, as the hours ticked by, I was starting to flag. My tunic was soaked through, and I think I sweated enough that my boots were squelching with it. What I wouldn’t give to cast Presiditation on myself to tidy up a bit, but a little sweat never hurt anyone. Though, I did admittedly felt like a large pulled muscle by the time I finally paused long enough to go to a watering barrel and dumped a cup of cool water over my head.

“Quite the hard worker,” I heard a woman remark and I went deadly still when I saw it was the Pirate Captain. She had an accent that I never heard before, but I quickly decided that I liked it. “Trying to impress someone?” She asked, raising an eyebrow and giving an expression that could best be described as coy.

“Uhhh,” was my eloquent response. I don’t think she minded. I imagine she got it a lot from lackwits like myself. It seemed likely because she wasn’t at all surprised with my response and continued on as if I had said something of substance.

“Captain Isabela of the Siren’s Call,” Isabela introduced herself, tilting her head ever so slightly. Oh. Right. I was supposed to say my name, wasn’t I?”

“Azoth Surana,” I introduced myself, swallowing a sigh. At the very least, this couldn’t get any more embarrassing. Wasn’t like I could make more of a fool of myself. Probably. Hopefully. I think if there was ever a chance I would outdo myself, it would be to make myself a more spectacular idiot. “Nice to meet you?”

“I’m sure it is,” Isabela outright purred as she looked at me. “You, Azoth, look like a man with a story to tell,” she remarked, very pointedly looking at my neck. “Thats a deadly wound if I ever saw one. I should know since I gave that same cut to plenty of men,” she said, tossing me a wink and… I… was I aroused or scared? Both? I really needed to sort my shit out and preferably when I wasn’t being vaguely threatened by a pirate.

I swallowed thickly when she reached out with a finger, “Right here, the blade went in. Deep too. Straight cut out. I reckon you should have been unconscious and bled out in short order, so I’m very curious how you managed to survive long enough to load my ship up with a bunch of very heavy crates.” There was a dangerous look in her eye as she flicked her finger across my scar and now I was just scared.

Wasn’t like I could tell her the truth. “You had about the right of it, Captain Isabela. A human got the drop on me when I was sneaking out of the alienage, and got me from behind. Cut my throat and I blacked out. When I came to, I was back in the alienage with a bandage on my throat and everyone telling me that I was lucky to be alive.”

“Lucky indeed,” Isabela remarked lightly, her finger going down my neck and towards my chest. I was worried she was going to feel how hard my heart was pounding. “A wound like that… they only way you survived that was with a mage’s assistance,” she continued, staring me in the eyes and I wondered if she felt my heart throw itself against my ribs with how it lurched in my chest.

“I-” I started to reply, not at all sure what I would actually say. Dismiss it? Call her a liar? How she looked at me told me that she knew. Like, somehow, she had just smelled the magic on me and she knew I was an apostate and I had no idea what she was going to do with the information.

I was saved from having to answer when I heard a harsh shout, “Azoth! Azoth!” I heard Adam call out, making me flinch. I looked over at him as he entered the dry dock, his expression severe and he was red in the face. Somehow, for some reason, it felt like my greater concern as he approached.

“I’m sorry, I was just getting a bit of water-” I started, thinking he was cross with me, but when he neared I saw the look on his face changed. His lips were a deep frown, his brow was creased, and he was wringing an old cap in his hands as he approached me. “Is… something wrong?” I asked him, realizing that he wasn’t angry with me. No, how he looked at me was…

Adam opened his mouth to say something, only to close it a second later. Then he opened his mouth again before he looked away. Not at the ground. Up. A knot of worry found itself in my chest as I turned my gaze in the direction he looked in. To my shock, I saw smoke drifting up towards the sky. A thick column of it. How had I… missed…

“Somethings burning,” Isabela noted, sounding unconcerned. My heart dropped from my throat and sank all the way down to my boots.

“The alienage is in that direction,” I muttered, catching her eye. Isabela then looked to Adam, who finally found the words.

“There was a purge, Azoth,” he told me, and I didn’t have the words to describe what I felt like the moment I heard that. It was the sword that was ever-present over the alienage's head. A time when the guards would enter the alienage enmass and they would ravage the alienage -- murder elves, rape, steal, and burn. Purges were on a sliding scale of terrible -- there had been one about six or seven years ago, and only a dozen elves had been murdered. In the purge that killed Soris’ mother a decade ago, more than three hundred elves had been butchered and half of the alienage was put to the torch.

Adam wrung his hands over his hat as he delivered the news. “It was meant ta’ be to keep the numbers down. For winter, I suppose. I don’t rightly know. I heard it wasn’t supposed to be many, but… some… some of the elves fought back, you see? Things…” Adam trailed off, his words failing him. His lips thinned as he looked at me with guilt. And shame. And pity.

“No,” I told him, shaking my head, not believing it for a moment. “No, I’m going.” I felt a ringing in my ears as I made to pass Adam, but he stopped me with a hand to my chest.

“No, lad. Don’t. You’ll regret it for the rest of your days. Just… sit here, with me, and we can talk, alright? You’re a good lad. A hard-working lad. I plan on keeping ya’ on for as long as you’ll let me, so-” he started, but I brushed past him before I realized what I was doing. “Azoth! Don’t go!” He shouted after me as I took off running out of the docks, sprinting as fast I could. My weakness in my legs was gone when I cast rejuvenation upon myself, granting me the strength to run through the docks.

I slammed into a dozen different people on my way. As I neared, the stench of smoke began to linger in the air. People were in the streets muttering amongst themselves about ‘knife-ears’ and this or that. I didn’t linger to hear what they were saying. I didn’t care. My feet just moved as I ran in a way that I never had before.

My family was going to be fine. That was the thought that ran through my head as I spotted the gate to the alienage that was left open, but there was a wall of guards at the entrance. My stomach opened up when I saw the blood on the blades. Between me and the guards was a crowd of curious onlookers that were muttering amongst themselves. I gathered myself up and threw myself into the crowd, pushing and shoving and forcing my way through.

“Get out of my way! Get out of my WAY!” I screamed, shoving past the humans and dwarves that were shocked and outraged by my impudence, but I forced my way past. The guards didn’t catch sight of me since they were all looking the wrong direction, and I slipped through the opening by the gate wall.

I was going to enter the alienage and I was going to see my family.

And, I was right.

“No…” I breathed, my feet suddenly felt like they were filled with lead as I entered the alienage proper, my eyes wide as I gazed up at the Vhenadahl to see my family was hanging from it. The rest of the alienage didn’t exist in that moment. I didn’t even notice as I felt hands grip me as I pressed forward, thrashing in their grip to stumble forward like I was drunk. Distantly, I heard someone screaming and I think it might have been me.

Grandfather was hanging from the tree. Next to him were Father, Mother, Aiezn, Nikkia, and Nessira. My entire family. All purple in the face, stripped naked, and hanging from the Vhenadahl tree from a single branch. Bile rose in the back of my throat, guards with gloves slick with blood let go of me to step forward.

I don’t know when I fell to my knees but, I think, it likely was when I saw that my family wasn’t the only one dangling from a branch. There were others. All faces that I knew, Some better than others.

I saw Adaia hanging from the tree, but it was difficult to recognize her. She had been mutilated to the point that the only way I could recognize her was because of her fiery red hair.

It was for that same reason that I realized that Kallian was hanging right next to her.

I gazed up at the elves hanging from the tree of the People, a strangled gasp escaping me. Sounds started to echo over the ringing in my ears as I stared up unthinkingly. “It’s his family! Have mercy for Andraste’s sake! It’s his family!” I heard a familiar voice screaming and I recognized it as the Haren’s. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that a human had been standing over me. A sword raised and an ugly sneer on his face, a cheekbone weeping blood from a deep slash. I think he was the only injured guard that I saw.

“Good!” The human snarled, giving me a kick and I crumbled as if I were made of vellum. My mind wouldn’t form thoughts. It was like it couldn’t. It couldn’t process that I was looking up at the corpses of my family. Of Kallian.

I never told her that I loved her. That I had been in love with her since about I figured out what love was.

What did I last say to my parents? Something about money, I think. I couldn’t remember. Why couldn’t I remember? Nikkia… I had broken up another fight between her and Nessira and they both had been rather upset with me. Did they die hating me? Did they die wishing that I would swoop in and save them?

What had I been doing? Working? For money that we didn’t need because I didn’t want to be caught in a lie? If I just told them about the gold, then we wouldn’t be here. We would be out of the alienage. We could move from the city and buy a farm somewhere. We… I… I as good as killed my family. I killed them. Just as much as the guards did.

Hate was a word that was tossed around too frequently. It was a word that lost its meaning because people would throw it around to describe how they felt about minor annoyances. Hate was a word that meant something complete and total. A feeling so strong that it completely overwrites any semblance of rational thought. It was an emotion so powerful that it blotted out everything else, forcing your mind to travel down a tunnel that blocked out any attempt of reason, any second thoughts or feelings beyond it. Beyond hate.

Hate was a word that could be used to define a person because it was a feeling that changed them. When you hated someone or something, truly hated them, then your life was forever altered in such a way that you could never quite be the same person that you were before.

My fingers dug into the dirt, smoke burning my lungs. In the distance, I heard screaming. I couldn't tell if they were because of pain or fear or loss. My hands clenched into fists, trembling as I rose them up, the burnt soil of my home packed tightly between white-knuckled fingers that I brought to the side of my head. A muscle spasmed in my jaw, my teeth aching from how harshly I grit my teeth. Tears burned at my eyes, but they wouldn't fall. A strangled gasp escaped me and it was only then that I realized I had been holding my breath.

“Enough, Maric! Enough, damn you!” I heard another guard demand and it was only with the utmost reluctance that the guard did. He stood next to me and began to speak.

“Elves of the alienage,” I heard a man shout, his voice echoing through the burning alienage. Slowly, I uncurled myself to look up at the source. A man with a short goatee, swept-back greasy brown hair, wearing the armor of the guard that was splattered with blood, mud, and soot. A bloodied sword hung loosely in his hand, dripping with blood of elves. “Let this be a reminder that you live due to our lord’s benediction. This purge on the alienage is not the extent of what we could do. Nor will it be the extent of what we will do if you earn our Arl and Kings ire again.”

My throat felt like it was closing up. Air wouldn’t enter my lungs. My ears seemed to go deaf except for everything that the human said -- the screaming, the crying, the crackling of flames as buildings burned. Every word that he said was carved into my heart, engraved in my memory to never be forgotten. They were the words that encapsulated my hate. Why I hated. And, years from now, whenever my hate began to lessen, I would remember those words and I would hate anew.

If I lived that long. Magic gathered around my hands, the Fade screaming to be used. I was going to kill them. I was going to kill all of them. I didn’t care if it killed me to do it, so long as I could take as many of them as possible, then I accepted death. I accepted that my life was going to end right here.

“Remember this day, elves. Remember what caused it -- elves are not permitted a knife longer than the palm of a hand, and they are not allowed to wield them against humans. Remember this well! Because I never want to do this shit again,” the human continued, muttering that last part just to himself as he began to turn away with his company. The company of guards and soldiers that were sent here to butcher innocent people because one elf had defended herself with a weapon that was longer than what was allowed.

Magic sang in my veins, my hands clenched into such tight fists that my fingernails dug into my palms, making blood weep between my fingers. I caught a flash of movement out of the corner of my eyes, a flash of red hair. For the briefest of seconds, my heart soared in my chest, hope overruling any form of sense. I desperately hoped that it was Kallian that stood on the edge of the crowd, but it wasn’t.

It was Shianni. Soris stood next to her, both of them looking sick and afraid. If… I… if I did this… then it wouldn’t end with me, I realized. My gaze drifted to the dirt below me, a crushing feeling in my chest. If I lashed out like this, if I accepted the offers from the demons that whispered in my ears at a time of weakness, then the purge wouldn’t end here. Even if I killed them all, more soldiers would come. They would put the alienage to the sword and Shianni and Soris would be killed. I…

The speaker paused and looked at me. I wasn’t that far away from him. Our eyes met and what was left of my rational mind knew I should look away. To bow my head. To swallow the shit I was forced to eat because it meant living. My gaze wouldn’t waver. Blood dripped down my cheeks and I could only see the color red. It colored his face as shock flickered over it. Shock followed by shame. He felt bad. I hated him more for it. I glared at his retreating back that snuck one final look over his shoulder at me.

If you felt bad about butchering elves, then you shouldn’t have done it in the first place. His remorse just made him worse. I hated him. I hated them. I hated the entire fucking kingdom of Ferelden and everyone within its borders. And beyond them. Hate churned in my gut, and flowed through my veins, and it changed me in a deep and fundamental way that I knew that there was no coming back from. Hate so potent it made me accept death hardened into a hate that burned to live for the sole purpose of bringing ruin to them all.

I could feel my life shifting, taking a path that I never imagined possible before today. Before I knew what it meant to hate.

When the guards were gone, I felt a pair of hands on my back, “My child, I am so sorry,” the Haren Valendrian whispered to me as I stared helplessly up at my family. My parents. My Grandfather. My siblings. Maker, Nesseira was eight years old! Nikkia was ten!

“W-what…” I breathed, blood dripping down my cheeks. “What happened. Tell me,” I demanded.

“I don’t-”

“Tell. Me,” I demanded, grasping his hand, squeezing it as tightly as I could. Valendrian frowned deeply at me, seemingly at war with himself, but he sighed before he answered.

“It was going to be a light purge, but the guards got their hands on Kallian. She fought back and injured a guard… Adaia got involved to save her. Your brother… he tried to save them both, but he was struck down. So, the guards took your family and… Maker, Azoth. I’m so sorry,” the old Haren breathed, sounding like a weight was crushing him. A sob escaped him, his shoulders shaking ever so slightly as the alienage aired its grief because my family was not the only one hanging from the Tree of the People.

I was jealous of them for that. I don’t think I could. Tears of blood flowed from my eyes, but I didn’t cry. I didn’t sob. My heart pounded powerfully in my chest in an even tempo. My hate hardened in my chest into something terrible.

In that moment, I knew… I knew the truth.

No matter how terrible and horrible humans could be…

I was going to become something worse.