Fool's World: The Fool's Journey (ch. 23) (Patreon)

I was stalling. I knew it. For so long hate was the only thing that I could feel. I was a cup that was overflowing with it and there hadn't been any room for anything else. Every other feeling – respect, amusement, admiration, guilt and more were all so new that it was easy to identify them. What I was feeling now was hesitation and anxiety. Uncertainty. It was something that was always there under the surface, even if I turned my attention away from the new feeling.

"Woah!" Taiga gasped, her hands cupping her cheeks as there were stars in her eyes as I slowly spun the skewered boar over a fire. "It smells delicious…!" She whispered, breathing in deeply. She was right about that – the smell coming off of the freshly slaughtered boar was the perfect blend of the herb rub I had slathered on with the aid of a fat that I had gained when butchering the boar. Herbs, spices, the smoke from the fire, and the scent of cooked meat blended together. "Is cooking a genetic trait?"

"Taiga, how many times are you going to ask that?" Shirou sighed as he stood inside the kitchen, the window opened so he could coordinate with me. He didn't deny that we were brothers, even if we weren't. I wasn't Mikoto Majima. And after creating this body, we didn't share a drop of blood either. Still, Shirou just nodded at the question whenever he was asked.

Shirou really was a piece of work. I still thought that he was crazy. The scary kind of crazy. But that crazy side of him was mellowing out.

"When another explanation makes sense!" Taiga answered, sticking her tongue out while Shirou rolled his eyes. Standing next to him, Sakura let out a giggle at the relaxed air that had fallen over the Emiya household. Signs of the battle could still be seen. Shirou's workshop was nonexistent, his dojo was missing a wall and part of his roof had caved in. It was still livable, though. Especially with an army of construction workers making quick work of the damage and filling in the craters in the ground.

I slowly spun the hefty boar. It was a project I was looking forward to for a week now. Humans were too reliant on appliances like ovens or cooking tops. Especially microwaves. It was convenient, sure, but there were times you couldn't trade convenience for flavor. Drops of juice fell from it into the crackling fire, but more fell into a funnel that I had prepared. Grabbing it when it was half full, I poured a dollop of honey into the liquid and began to stir. Once it was nice and fluid, I began to pour the mixture on to the boar.

Taiga gasped dramatically and Shirou seemed to think that she was being overbearing. "Taiga, taste test," he called out, and Taiga immediately lost all interest in the cooking boar. I think while he was willing to accept me, it was harder with people he cared about. At the end of the day, I was still the man that killed his parents and forced him to walk through hell. The fact that he could tolerate me at all is what made him crazy.

When Taiga left, another remained. "I am surprised you can cook as well. It seems… an odd talent for you," Saber admitted. Her armor was gone and her sword was in its sheath. Her blue dress was gone, replaced with leggings, a pencil skirt, and a white button down. She almost looked like a normal girl.

I scoffed, "My cooking is so delicious it turned a lifelong vegetarian into a straight carnivore," I pointed out. Saber seemed to understand exactly what I was hinting at – king Zahhak. A thoroughly average and unremarkable king by any measure until I amused myself with him. Prophecies were fun when you weren't dealing with them. "Don't worry. I wouldn't be asking to kiss your shoulders after you eat your fill."

Saber chose to ignore the idle flirting – she didn't know how to deal with it, and I found that was infinitely more fun than creating one of the most hated villains in the Zoroastrian religion. Sure, convincing king Zahhak that he had to feed human brains to his snake shoulders had been hilarious, but seeing Saber squirm as she struggled to respond was charming in its own way. I was still Angra Mainyu, after all. Tormenting people is what I did.

"It's been over a week, Majima," Saber chose to switch topics. "You have yet to make your wish."

It had been twelve days since Gilgamesh was defeated. Meaning that tomorrow would be the very last day before the ritual would fail, having gone on too long. It had been then that I felt something new.

Fear.

"I know," I responded. I was stalling. Excuses hadn't really felt like excuses at first. After everything, there was a lot to take care of. Gilgamesh's disappearance, the Yakuza, the Mage Association had wandered by and asked what the fuck had been going on and covered up what happened with Shirou's house. But more than a week later, the excuses were wearing thin. Saber was getting impatient.

"There's no time to wait. I cannot wait," Saber admitted, sitting on a log as she gazed into the fire. I spun the boar, setting the cup back in place to continue to collect the juices.

Her wish. To undo her own legend. To prevent Camelot's disastrous fall.

"You can though," I pointed out, earning a sharp look from her. "You have all the time in the world, Saber."

"I have a day before the ritual fails," Saber argued, her tone carrying a sharp edge.

I shook my head, "Only if you can't sustain yourself. I still have thirty Command seals. Even with just a couple of them, you could last for quite a while even without a Master. Add Shirou or Sakura into the mix along with Avalon… you have a second shot at life, Saber." I spoke, slowly turning the boar. "Don't pretend you haven't noticed it. You aren't backed into a corner. You have time. Use it."

I had no issue with Saber's wish. It might be foolish, but it came from a place of selflessness. That, I endeavored, was something I would always respect.

"To what end, Majima?" Saber questioned, shaking her head at the mere thought of it. "My wish is to simply not pull the sword from the stone. To not become king. Another shall take my place in history and surpass me." She sounded so certain of it. A foolish thing, but given how things ended for her, I couldn't say that I didn't get why she thought so.

"Destiny doesn't work like that," I spoke, poking the meat of the boar to find that it had a nice crisp to it.

Saber narrowed her eyes, "And what do you know of destiny?" She asked, her tone on the edge of bitterness.

"Destiny is a curse, more often than not. And I am the King of Curses," I responded, giving a teasing smirk. "Just because you step back from the throne doesn't mean someone will take your place. It's possible that the sword of kings never gets wielded. It's possible that it does, and the one wielding it fumbles against the enemies you defeated and your Camelot falls to a barbarian invasion instead of a civil war." Fate and destiny were intertwined but they weren't the same thing.

Fate was the broad strokes. Destiny? That was the detail work. Everyone suffered at the hands of fate, but destiny only touched a chosen few.

Saber curled her hands into fists, "You claim it to be pointless then?" She was getting angry. She adopted her cold kingly mask of indifference, but there was anger in her eyes. My voice whispering in her ear to strike me for insulting her last hope to save her kingdom and those within it.

"I'm saying that you can't ensure that someone better than you will take your place. What you can do is make sure you do better," I told her. In the end, all you could do was control your own actions and response to the whims of destiny and fate. But destiny was a fickle thing. It wasn't as unfailable as it would lead others to believe. It couldn't be. Otherwise my own fate was sealed and my struggles were pointless. "Take your time here, Saber. Live as a woman, not as a King. Think on the mistakes you made and learn from them. Why did Camelot come to an end?"

I could practically see her swallow her initial response. That it was because she had been king and her failings, but that wasn't what I meant and she knew it. I had an idea of what I had whispered into Mordred and Morgana's ears, prompting them to take action, but the specifics were lost to me. In the end, I had a very long history of influencing people at their worst possible moment to take the path that would lead to the worst possible ending. It was impossible for me to remember everyone I had influenced, but I knew her history and that was enough to make an educated guess.

"Mordred. He led the rebellion because I wouldn't acknowledge him as my heir," Saber answered after a moment of thought. Her eyes narrowed a fraction. "What are you suggesting? That I make him king? He completely lacks the temperament-"

"Or you could kill him," I interrupted and I saw her gaze flash with anger. "Morgana too. What I know of your legend, that'll solve half of your problems." I continued, unrepentant. "Or if you're a glutton for punishment, you could try to teach Mordred how to be a king. Not sure about Morgana – you really are better off just killing her. Maybe while you're at it, you'll give it a thought about why half your country joined Mordred in rebelion and snip that problem in the bud."

I thought it was a decent enough suggestion, but Saber shook her head. "That is why I must not become king. I alienated my people. I never led them. I did not inspire them. It is why they would choose a poor ruler rather than a distant sovereign. For that is who I am."

A sigh escaped me as I continued to roast the boar, "Then become a better liar." The suggestion seemed to catch her off guard. "Live here, Saber. Until you are certain that you can sell the lie. Until you can convince everyone else that you are more than a distant ruler and martyr of a king." Because that's what she had been. It's why I was bothering with this advice at all. People like Saber were rare and they usually didn't wind up in positions of power.

"Do you really believe that is possible?" Saber questioned, her tone heavy with tension. I could see my prodding was getting to her and making her think. Her own self-loathing was clouding her judgment. "I… Rider, in the last Grail War, he…"

"Ahh… Iskandar. Yeah, fuck that guy – he's an idiot and a butcher," I said, dismissing everything that the King of Conquers had said. Ever. "Great military commander, extremely charismatic, but that doesn't make him any less of an idiot. The number of cities he sacked to fuel his vanity field war of conquest is in the dozens. Thousands upon thousands of dead for his ego. He died before he spent a day as a king instead of some marauding general."

I couldn't stand the guy. I had been dimly aware of him during the last Grail War. Enough to know that Iskandar wasn't just a clown, but the whole damn circus. He wanted to go see Oceanus? Go walk there like a normal fucking person.

"I'm not sure I would agree with that assessment," Saber responded and I shook my head.

"I measure kings by the amount of suffering they inflict on people, Saber. There's a reason why you're remembered as the greatest king in history," I told her, meeting her gaze. Her eyes widened a fraction at the seriousness of my tone because I meant the words. "I'm the Source of All Evil. I've always been the second shadow to every monarch, dictator, or president. And I never had a grip on you, Saber. That, I promise you, is not something I say lightly."

Saber's head dipped down for a moment. Her feelings warring in her chest, decisions and resolutions she had made battling it out with a new perspective. "Do you think it's possible?"

"I have to. For my own sake," I answered evenly.

"Then… I shall consider what you said," Saber decided with some hesitance.

"Majima, the rice is done!" Shirou called out, breaking the tension that had filled the air between me and Saber. That snapped Saber out of her thoughts while I nodded.

"Boars done," I said, giving a thigh a poke to find the meat had the desired springiness to it. Saber got up, taking one half of the spike driven through the boar and as one, we lifted it up and carried it to the plate that had been set up. It was a large oval one, large enough for the boar and enough for some garnishes that would go around. Removing the spike, I took a step back and admired my handy work – it was a meal fit for a king.

A table had been set up outside on account that the dining room was being worked on. Already, a good dozen side dishes were on the table as Shirou and Sakura worked together to create a blend of America, Japanese, and Ancient Persian dishes.

Nobara left the building carrying another. "Rin called," she informed, setting the bowl down. "Her flight just landed. She should be here."

"Did Touko pull through?" I questioned, and Nobara offered a shrug.

"Rin's not in London, so I'd assume so," Nobara answered. The Mage Association was filled with malicious morons, but they didn't keep magecraft a secret by being reckless. Any potential exposure of the greatest kept secret of the modern age was punished swiftly and brutally. As Second Owner to the territory that housed the Grail War, Rin was being held responsible for the lack of secrecy during the War – as far as Fuyuki knew, someone had blown up bombs in an empty park and in the residential district. Understandably, people were freaking out about that.

They also sniffed around me too, holding me responsible for the mass brainwashing of the Yakuza. That came to an abrupt end when it was made known that I had two Servants, and I was the Source of All Evil. Magi were stupid, but they weren't that stupid.

I had been of the opinion that Rin should have blown them off entirely, but she decided otherwise. For the past week, she was in London, making her case to the relevant authorities. Unknown to her, I had asked Touko to join her to pull a few strings in her favor. Touko had something called a Sealing Designation, the greatest compliment and curse in the moonlite world. Her magecraft was so unique that it had to be preserved at all costs, despite the wishes of the user. Touko wasn't in a bubble for the rest of time, so she clearly had some pull with the decision-makers.

And if she hadn't pulled through, I would have just gone to London and slaughtered the Magi. Well, most of them. Enough that those that I couldn't would have greater issues to deal with than me and Rin.

"This is going to be goodbye, isn't it?" Nobara questioned, looking at Shirou and Sakura that were trying to keep the food away from an energetic Taiga. Illiya trailed behind with her own bowl, sticking her tongue out in concentration to make sure she didn't spill anything.

It was.

"Doesn't have to be. For you," I pointed out. We never really discussed it, but as the clock ticked down, it became increasingly more obvious that the subject was an elephant in the room. We both avoided speaking about it. It was one of the few sources of my anxiety, a new and painful feeling.

Nobara was a pseudo-servant. I had given her a body of flesh and blood, then wiped away many of her memories to prevent her from using her advanced techniques against me. She hadn't been taken from her home world, rendering her desire to return to her home moot. Her world wasn't missing a Nobara Kurgasaki. The Nobara that I knew had lived out her life, made it to the Throne of Heroes upon her death – she just didn't remember any of it because of me.

"Do you think it will work?" Nobara questioned me, not answering my offer.

To that, I shrugged. "I don't see why it wouldn't. It should be enough in theory, but my curse isn't something so easily shaken off. I won't know until it's done."

"In that case, I think I'm going to stick with you," Nobara decided, reaching out to squeeze my hand. Her warm brown eyes gazing into my pale gold, "To make sure you stay on the straight and narrow even if it doesn't pan out." A valid concern, all things considered.

"Then, I suppose this is going to be goodbye for us," I said, looking to Shirou and his burgeoning new family. I had no clue if he and Sakura were an item yet. Illya had fallen into the role of little sister seamlessly except for when she decided she was the elder sibling when it was convenient. Touko was even creating a new body for her because Illya's current one had a built-in expiration date.

He seemed good. Better than he was. Still kinda totally crazy, but there were enough anchors in his life to keep his feet on the ground.

"Am I ruinin' a moment?" I heard a family drawl, announcing the presence of Goro Majima. He looked as he ever did – snakeskin jacket over a bare chest, skin-tight leather jeans, and steel toe dress shoes. A far cry from the man that had his guts blown out by a Servant.

Taiga stilled at Majima's presence, understanding exactly who he was. Her family was a Yakuza one, and even if she was distant from that world, there was no mistaking the man who now had an iron-fisted grip over the underworld. The clans of Yakuza were no more. Now, there was just the Majima family and not the Majima family in terms of scale.

"Nah, you're just in time," I answered, gesturing to the table. "Foods done. We're just waiting for our final guests." Majima aimed a smirk at me as he strode up to the table, taking a seat at the head of it.

"The dark god of what the fuck can cook? Ain't that a bit out of yer jurisdiction?" Majima questioned, casting a look at me as he seemed impressed with the spread.

"Among other things. The best herbs and spices can double as poison, you know," I remarked. As if I would ever poison my own dishes. I'd poison Shirou's, if I had to. That got an exhale through his nose as he was forced to concede the point. I glanced over at the entrance of the property to see that there was a small army of Yakuza blocking it off. As well as the block around us.

"I'm surprised you have time for a cookout, Eye patch," Nobara noted as she took a seat. "Figured you'd be running the Yakuza into the ground by now." Taiga stiffened at the offhand remark, but Majima just shrugged.

"I'm a pretty good businessman, ya' know? I ran my own construction company way before I ran the Yakuza," he pointed out before gesturing to the house that was being rebuilt on his dime. Shirou started to speak, once again intending to offer his gratitude, but Majima waved him off. "Don't go thankin' me again. Ya' said it once, that's enough."

Then his lone eye flickered to me, "I sold you out to hell in back," he informed, making no apology. "Needed a scapegoat for some leniency."

I shrugged, thoroughly uncaring, "Nothing I'm not used to." I dismissed the issue entirely. I hadn't been the one that tipped the first domino over, but I don't think grubby politicians would be able to tell the difference between me and Mikoto. Still, "Not much of a thank you for the guy that saved your life."

Majima scoffed, "I already decided who's gonna be the one ta' put me in the dirt, and it ain't some spell flingin' witch. Ya' didn't save me from nothin'." I suppose that was one way to look at it.

"What will you do now, then?" Anti-Yakuza laws were coming like a tidal-wave. Majima more or less ruled the underworld, but even the underworld couldn't survive with the light of day shining on it's every movement.

"Kick my feet up. Maybe count the days until Kiryu-chan gets out of prison," he answered. He didn't seem that worried about it. I would take that as a sign there was nothing to worry about on his end. I guess my head came with a hefty price this time. That was a first. Then his phone rang, and upon answering, he gave me a knowing look. "Yer friends are here."

Rin? Good. We could finally eat. Taking a seat at the table, I looked over at the entrance to see Touko and Rin making their way through. However, even with the quickest glance, I noticed that something was wrong. Rin looked like cornered rat rather than someone returning after a mon-guilty verdict. Her expression was terse, tension in her posture, her hands clenched into white knuckles. Touko, on the other hand, simply seemed deeply annoyed.

Rin spotted me as soon as she passed the wall of Yakuza, as if her gaze was drawn to me. Oh… she was mad. Not murderously furious, but more… throttle me and find ways to make me suffer kind of anger.

She strode forward, her hands swinging with every step, completely failing to answer Shirou's greeting before she came to a stop in front of me when I turned around in my bench chair. Her foot slammed into the wood next to me, her hands going to my throat as if she were just barely restraining herself from actually strangling me. "You!"

"Me?" I questioned, cocking my head and that was the wrong thing to do. Her hands reached out, grabbing my shoulders with an iron grip before she began to shake me with growing intensity.

"I should have let Archer just kill you, you utter moron! Do you have any idea what your hair brain schemes cost me?! Getting into the Clocktower? What a joke! I'll be lucky to escape this mess with my head!" That got some sounds of alarm from the others, but I turned to Totuko while Rin continued shaking me, determined to give me shaken baby syndrome or something.

Touko offered a small shrug as she lit a cigarette, "The hearing didn't go over well."

"I gathered," I responded drily.

"They're covering everything up," Rin seethed. "Kirei, Gilgamesh, and you, you colossal idiot. They want to wrap a neat little bow around everything and all it takes is me losing everything -- my reputation, my status as Second Owner…! They were going to imprison me and turn me into a mana battery! We barely got away!"

"No, they weren't," I responded, and Rin instantly understood what I meant by that. That worst-case scenario would have never of materialized. As a Servant, my talents had been few. Even with this body, I was still weaker than I had been.

But, when it came to massacring humans, there was no one that did it better than me.

That took the edge off of her anger as she regarded me for a moment, her shaking stopping so she could look into my eyes. "You owe me," Rin decided, letting go of me as she took a step back and crossed her arms. "I went along with your dumb schemes, and you cost me Archer with one of them. So, you owe me," she continued, stressing the words.

I could see where this was going. "I owe you," I agreed, sparring her already brutalized pride.

"I'm calling in that debt, Majima," Rin spoke, holding her head up high. "I'm going with you. For a time. Just until I can come back and shove every word said down those idiots' throats and make them suffer for trying to take my territory from me." She declared her intentions for all to hear.

She wasn't giving me any choice in the matter. This was a demand, plain and simple, and something she couldn't be convinced to change courses.

But that was fine. I was still more Angra Mainyu than Majima, but the idea of Rin joining me and Nobara was still appealing. Things would be less boring with her around.

"Alright," I agreed. "You're coming with us… but, for now, let's eat."

After all, this would be the final meal we all shared together.