Patreon Newsletter #7 (Patreon)

You know the little red squiggly line that goes under words when they're misspelt? Well in the heading, 'Patreon' has a red squiggly line underneath it and this is on Patreon. Patreon thinks Patreon shouldn't be spelt Patreon. What a world we live in... 

Oh hey, this is Matt, welcome to newsletter number 7! Welcome to our new patrons, what a pleasure to have you with us! For the bonus episode patreon people, Dave will be uploading this month's bonus ep in the next few hours, this time he made a quiz for Jess and I, all questions being related to previous episodes! With that in mind, my top 5 this week is my favourite 5 Do Go On episodes... (not including the 20 eps I did the report on cause obviously they are the best twenty, so I guess this is really the top 21-25)

MATT’S TOP FIVE 

25. McDonald's

24. Curse of the Pharoahs

23. Marvel Universe with first ever guest host NICK MASON!

22. The Zodiac Killer

21. The Mystery of D.B. Cooper

TALK TO THE TOOSH, with DAVE WARNEKE (This week aka GETTING TO KNOW DAVE WITH THE PINA COLADA SONG)

Guys if you’ve heard our show you’ll have at least learnt one thing… We love to sing. Especially Jess. A couple of weeks ago we were sitting around waiting for the bearded one to arrive, and we were talking about what wishes we’d ask a Genie to grant us if the opportunity ever presented itself. Jess knew straight away, she’d ask for a really great singing voice. When I pointed out that she naturally has a nice voice and that with some lessons she could be really great she said “I’d prefer the Genie.”

The song that we sing more than any other (except for EVERYBODY POD NOW. POD! POD POD POD POD! – we use that to warm up for nearly every ep) is The Pina Colada song (also known as Escape). It’s a 1979 song by Rupert Holmes that was Canada's 156th most popular song that year. He’s also won two Tonys!

Anyway, the song is about a guy who is bored with his “old lady” and sees an add in a newspaper looking for a partner with certain qualities. He is intrigued by the ad and takes out an ad to reply to the person and they meet up. He “hilariously” discovers that the person is his old lady and that he knew nothing about her. 

Anyway, if you overlook how fucked up the guy obviously is - I couldn’t sleep last night and I was going through the lyrics in my head working out whether I would have responded to the add placed in the paper based on my interests and decided thus. 

"If you like Pina Coladas”

Fuck yeah I love Pina Coladas. Probably my favourite cocktail of all time. When I was 20 my grandpa was going on holiday to China and needed someone to go with so he took me and part of the tour was cruising in a boat down the Yangtze River. And they had $5 Pina Coladas and I drank about one million and grandpa paid and apart from meeting a panda at the Cheng Du research centre that was my favourite bit of China. 

 “and getting caught in the rain”

I’m not into this one. I hate getting caught in the rain. Although something that I’ve always found strange is that when it rains and people are in a pool they always get out of the water. IT’S ALL WATER PEOPLE!

“If you're not into yoga” 

I’ve never done yoga. I was in a short film last weekend part of which took place in a yoga studio. People praised me for being so funny and awkward whilst filming the yoga stuff as if I was some acting genius. When in reality I just suck at balancing and can’t do yoga.

“if you have half a brain”

I have a whole brain so I don’t know if this makes me doubly qualified or if you very specifically want someone with half a brain.

“If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.”

I’m up for the staying up, I’m up for the loving but I am not down with what sounds like a very sandy liaison. And that I don’t want.

That’s 2/5 for the ad, so to be honest I don’t think I would have ever replied. Either way I get to stay with my old lady so I feel like there are no real wrong answers here. 

If none of this makes sense to you, please enjoy the Pina Colada song right here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fsj2wdFDmLk

THE TURN WITH JESS ‘BOP’ PERKINS 

Hi friends! 

I have something to confess and I feel like I can say it to you guys because we're all friends and this is a safe space. Right? 

RIGHT? 

Great. So I have a .. what would I call it? A problem? A habit, maybe? Recurring issue? 

I have a recurring issue where I sometimes get accidentally drunk. 

I'm not a big drinker (like Matt, amiright?) but I'm Australian and we love a beverage. But more than once over the last few months, I've had an innocent outing that has resulted in me stumbling home, saying something dumb to my housemate and feeling incredibly fragile the next day. 

Most recently I caught up with some cousins that I don't see much. We met after work in the city and had a cheeky glass of wine. I cannot even begin to explain how gorgeous a Melbourne Summer is, especially if you like the hot weather like I do. It was a Friday evening, the sun was still shining, the city was bright and beautiful! 

Flash forward and I'm back at my cousin Phil's house with his sister Amy and girlfriend Frances and there are more glasses of wine. And we go to a park to play Kubb (Swedish lawn game where you basically throw wooden pegs and some wooden blocks. Surprisingly fun) and then we got dinner at a pub and GUESS WHAT more drinks were had. 

Then it's midnight and I'm in a Uber home and I don't even remember what I was talking to the Uber driver about but I remember that I liked him. As I wrote that last sentence I just realised I forgot to rate him. Bugger. 

Aaannndd that brings us to Saturday where I woke up feeling fine and then got worse throughout the day because apparently hangover really DO get worse after 25. 

And I know you're thinking "that's a nice story Jess but how is that accidental if you drank alcohol and got drunk?" 

And that's a great question. But I think it's just that it's always the casual, quiet nights that sneak up on you. Anytime you plan to have a big night out partying, you end up in bed by 10.30. But if you find yourself saying "let's just have one drink", well I can guarantee that you are going to find yourself trying to jump over letterboxes and telling everyone you love them and feeling incredibly awful tomorrow. 

Learn from my mistakes, friends.

THE BIT BEFORE THE END OF THE NEWSLETTER

That's just about it! This week's episode is out in a couple of days and it is an epic tale from Dave! Definitely one to look forward to...

Remember, our door is always open if you have any feedback or questions or anything!

Much Love,

Do Go On