Home. 1.23.2017. (Patreon)

I've been relatively uncommunicative by email for about a week while traveling. I think it can often be a nice break from everything to travel - it's almost an excuse at times but really can leave you more exhausted than you might think. I often log into accounts but usually wait a few days to actually answer questions/messages/emails either because I'm completely exhausted and it will clearly show in my responses or because I really need the break.

I think communication online stresses me out more than I generally admit, and it's often strange to transition from online communication to a face to face conversation. It's a sudden confrontation with real emotions and the physical responses that you often miss in the online communications. I stronly prefer physical interaction, but on a daily basis the only communication I have with anyone is through the internet or by phone unless I'm actually shooting or going to the grocery store. But, I rarely talk to the clerks at the store as I don't want to be that strange customer who clearly lacks daily physical interaction with another human being.

And it's strange because I often feel completely inundated with conversation online...it's a neverending stream of communication and questions. It's often overwhelming...I think in some alternate reality there must be a better version of me where the normal time continuum doesn't exist and I'm not bound by finite time restrictions. There I can continue all of these conversations consistently, answering all of the qeustions as they ring in my inbox. And then I imagine tossing my gmail account into the ocean and it can sink into the Mariana Trench...if it was a physical object, anyway.

But, instead I'm sitting here stringing together answers and flinging them into what often feels like a void.

I think it's very strange to have so many conversations without real interactions. I can't see the reactions to the things I say. The scrunched up noses, the squinting eyes, maybe laughter, maybe confusion. It is completely detached information. If I don't make an effort to go out while I'm not traveling, I could go days without seeing anyone. I don't really know if there's loneliness accompanying this fact or not, I haven't figured it out yet. Sometimes I avoid conversations online, and maybe that's a sign that it's not loneliness because if it was I'd be clinging to any human contact even if it was only in an email. Or maybe it is a sign of loneliness because constantly answering conversations that are so detached from physical contact highlights the fact that I'm pretty consistently left alone. That these things are so dissimilar to real human contact.

But, in any case, I've returned home and settled in a bit. I'm with two fur bebes who do keep me company. And I'm going to be uploading the photos I took last week while traveling to the $10 tier level tomorrow - well, one of them anyway. I'll be uploading bother within the week though :)