A Fair Trade, another update (Patreon)

I wake up feeling wonderful, no soreness or stiffness today, more giddiness if anything.

Which is strange because I was all tangled up in myself, a strange position to sleep in, but then again my bed is circular, maybe that's just the natural resting position?

Reflecting on it now, it was an odd choice and one I've not seen anywhere else in other stores, but damn though is it comfortable.

Can't recommend it enough.

The apartment reeks of last night, the almost over baring smell of alcohol mixed with cleaning products is a full on assault of my senses.

Something else though that catches my attention, I can still faintly smell Freya.

I realize its all over me, pressed into the matted hair on my chest and shoulders, the large neckline on my shirt did little to shield me from it I guess.

I think of showering and I shudder at the thought. Ugh I hate showers!

I uncurl myself from my bedding carrying its warmth with me, but still missing the comfort. I reach for Bridget's phone, she keeps it on her desk next to my bed, I can't say why but it's just how it is.

She does have a lot more stuff than me so it makes some sense at least.

It's not really my room anyway, they use it too for some stuff, a business?

I've never wrapped my head around it, just numbers, files and such.

I've been having issues lately with my hands.

I frown at them.

Thick fingers, thumbs that don't really work that well, its hard to believe I've made it this far in life with them honestly.

The skin on my palms is scratchy and dry, it makes holding anything techie kind of a challenge, thankfully I don't have to use them much.

Bridget let me buy some stuff the other day though I cant say for certain what, just clothes.

I look down at myself admiring the patterned stripes rolling up and down my mid section blending in to peach fuzz where the skin borders.

Ugh sometimes it'd be nice just not bother honestly, but society is weird like that. Everyone has to be dressed at all times, even those who are blessed with my good looks like me.

The unlock screen flashes up and I realize I have no idea what it is. "Oh yeah duh! Bridget's phone.

In the bathroom brushing my teeth.

Having another one of those moments of unreality. This feels like such a strange thing to do.

I don't like toothpaste, its like a warm hotness. I'm told it tastes minty, though I wouldn't know what that is, I can only imagine.

Maybe that makes it nicer.

We've been here for over a year now, I've been meaning to get them to put in a proper mirror for me.

It's not awful I can use it but it sucks only being able to see my face and chest, how am I meant to look after myself when I can only see half?

I'm not tall, pretty damn short actually, but it's what it is, rather be short and sexy than tall and ugly like Chris. I laugh to myself a bit at this.

Anyway, it would be nice if there was a mirror I could actually use in here. Maybe a full length on the door. The one above the sink is just a bit too high.

Meh whatever I guess I'm used to it now.

I stand on my toes to put my brush away.

I run my tongue over my white glistening teeth to admire myself again, narrow teeth on a narrow face, something almost wild about me. Just how I like it.

Something sharp and keen about my look today, I couldn't put my finger on it.

I smooth back my hair, ears flicking back into place framing my markings nicely.

Bristles splayed out in all directions, huh I guess I must be having some kind of late blooming maturity, more hair is coming in around my eyes and jaw.

It does happen to some people I've heard. A beard will change over time, maybe this is my version of it.

Fine hairs dust my upper lip, Grey?

No white, thank god.

Don't wanna be going grey yet.

I examine myself a bit further, maybe more than I should. I've doing it too much lately.

Since when have I been this self obsessed?

There might be something to it though, There's something uncanny about the man that looks back at me, almost alien, unreal. Bright sharp eyes piercing my soul.

I step away from the mirror feeling uneasy, I shouldn't look too long.

I heave open the shower door and step inside. I'm looking for something, a bottle? The wide variety of stuff on offer, each one smells strongly of one thing or another. But none of them are mine.

Why am I so forgetful today? Shampoo ruins my hair.

Besides takes loads to use and ages to wash out.

I turn on the nozzle.

God! I HATE showers.

Fuck!

Water hammers down, drenching me. water everywhere, matting hair uncomfortably. I shake involuntarily. "Ugh!"

Water beads up on my face dripping down my whiskers and drumming on my ears.

I awkwardly reach up rubbing at my head in a strange sort of motion, but stop mid way through, what am I doing?

I didn't use anything, what am I rubbing at?

Weird morning.

I cant handle it much longer, I'm soaked through and I carry out most of the shower with me.

I have to hurry, I can feel the shiver running down my spine.

I shake into the towel catching most of it.

Honestly, this whole thing is just ridiculous, it's not like it achieves anything anyway, I'm just getting wet, then dry. What cleaning is involved?

I feel awful, damp and sticky hair plastered all over me. I catch a glimpse of the poor creature in the mirror again, I look terrible.

I soak 2 towels drying myself off enough to pass for human again. Hair sticking out at odd angles, what's always worse are the long bits on my neck, once they're up they will not stay down.

Most people are lucky in that sense, hair is a small problem for them. I did try hair wax a few times, but its the same problem, looks bad and always ends up sticking out at odd angles. especially around my neck.

I run my hands through the tuft in question. It's softer now at least, hands drift down through my chest and along the trail that connects it with the rest of my hair. I used to call it my trail. Creamy and thick complimenting the brown and black tones on the rest of me. must be the color growing in on my face I suppose. Maybe finally it wont be so patchy and I can get a full beard. Man that would be so cool.

I stop myself at my junk, well the pocket it stays in anyway, I cant be getting that out in here, so hard to get back in.

I fluff myself up a bit looking in the mirror again, or at least what I can see of me. I look good.

Going out today, I need to look my best. Might find a mate. My imagination sparks up Freya again and I force it down.

Itching on my lower back and legs mess me up a bit so I comb out my thighs with my hands. Flatten my back down.

I slip into my shirt pulling down at the collar so it doesn't slide down my shoulders.

I consider tying another around my waist for some reason, was that a good idea? Sounds a bit pointless to be honest.

My shirt hangs over my underwear anyway, almost like a skirt.

There's no problem there.

As usual I have to make several adjustments. My hair bunches up on the collar.

Everything is ruffled and out of place too, dressing messes everything up, I have to flatten everything down again. My face itches something fierce this morning.

It just looks wrong, why does it look wrong? I must've looked at myself like this a million times but standing here now shirt draped over me like a bed sheet it just looks stupid. Why do I buy such huge clothes?

Oh, maybe that's why Bridget bought me some new ones!

She's nice like that.

I t tie a knot in my shirt to tighten it a bit my hands feel more stiff and awkward than yesterday, maybe I slept on them wrong.

Meh, whatever.

I look again at it, what was this even about?

The shirt is pale, some faded...something on it. like it'd been left in the sun too long or bleached.

Had there been writing on there at one point?

Metal pops up for some reason but I cant place it anywhere on the meaningless shapes and stains of color.

Maybe I'll ask Bridget to get me something that matches my pattern, or at least compliments it.

It's funny but the days just seem to blur together lately.

I cant remember the last time I went out, what's more I cant remember doing anything in particular last time, I just went out...somewhere, with someone? Who?

I frown, stroking my forehead.

Maybe I need to see a doctor? I've been having these conflicting thoughts recently. Like my memory has been thinly painted over in places.

I shake my head

It doesn't matter, today is what matters, today I'm going out and I don't need anyone to do that.

I pick up Bridget's phone from the bathroom counter. I need her to tell me when my clothes are coming. I hope they're nice, maybe not so big.

Bridget and Chris are out that and I feel myself sinking slightly, I feel a little let down.

I set the phone by the door and walked to the kitchen.

They must've been busy, the place is spotless,

it still smells sure, but that's normal.

Alcohol lingers for weeks after a party.

The window is open and I'm drawn to it. I can practically taste the crisp morning air outside, fresh but as usual its mixed with nasty car smells, city life though. What are you gonna do?

Eyes closed, a glittering string of delightful noises flowing in. Birds!

I LOVE birds,

I lean on the window sill peering out.

On the window sill is this strange circular cushion I'd not seen before. It looks kind of like my bed but way smaller, what's more strange is that it's up here and not on the sofa with the others.

It's not an important thing but it strikes me as odd. Bridget is really tidy, a cushion wouldn't be just sitting on the window like this unless it had a reason to be there.

I shrug.

The birds are back! I've been watching them for a few weeks now.

A pair in their mating dance now has set up in a roof across the street, they're zipping in and out of it almost like clockwork.

A nest maybe? My heart quickens.

There's something in there for sure!

It's always the same couple?

I raise my nose to the window...Yes. It's them!

I think I can smell something else too, something warm, dirty but soft.

Fluff?

I'm sitting on the window sill now, eyes fixed on that small crack in the wall just below the roof gable. They should really get that fixed, but I hope they don't.

I can hear them now, tiny cheeps, distant and almost drowned by traffic, but undeniably there. I suddenly feel famished.

Other things catch my eyes too, the scene on the roof goes quiet for a bit and my attention is drawn away.

A tree at the end of the street is always a hub of activity, squirrels and sparrows, the like, all scurrying about with their small minor drama's.

100's of tiny things in the dance of life, each one fascinating.

This is totally my zone, maybe that's why there is a cushion here now? Bridget must've noticed I sit here a lot.

I try it out, its fits me well enough, though I might suggest a bigger one, its not super comfortable plus it makes my back sore.

My eyes stray around ignoring the people they are boring! Just walking in lines, going no where interesting. I don't envy them. I envy those birds though.

Envy? Is that the right word? I want something that's for certain,

I want them, is that it? I want them? Yes, though in what way do I want them?

I can't say for sure, what would I do with one?

Holding it, no...catching and holding it.

But then what?

I sit there for a couple hours watching and thinking.

I figure I'm just an avid bird watcher, I do really like birds, maybe wanting to catch and hold them is part of that?

The door knocks.

I stumble down almost guilty in the action.

Oh, that must be my order!

"Coming!" I shout out

A voice responds but not to me, I cant make out what he's saying, the door's probably muffling it.

He knocks impatiently again before I can manage to get to the door.

I have a hard time opening the door, the latch is one of those small stiff things high up on the door and it always hurts my fingers but making all that noise stopped him knocking at least.

"Yes, that's for me, thanks."

I say reaching up.

He looks down at me, peers into the apartment and shouts past me.

"Hello!" He say's something else too but he has some accent or something and it escapes me.

"Hey, that's mine!" I say louder this time sounding almost like a whine.

He reaches down and rubs my head.

What the actual fuck??
He holds out the box in front of him,

I reach for the box and grab it, the delivery guy seems shocked and say's something in a foreign language. I try to pull.

He smiles at me, apparently this is funny to him, a game?

I get it part way through the door when he pull sharply back my nails leave marks in the cardboard.

More angry now I reach again but the guy just drops it in front of me almost tripping me up.

"Dude, what the hell!" I yell back.

He mumbles something in that accent of his again and pulls the door closed behind him.

"Well fuck you too!" I yell through the door.

What a prick!

This box is heavier than it looks. I manage to lift it but something clicks in my back so I decide to push it instead.

I have no idea what's in it, I remember some clothes were ordered but there are some hard solid lumps and something that rattles when struck.

I get as far as the living room when I decide that some mess here would be fine.

No doubt Bridget won't mind cleaning up.

I slide a nail along the seam holding the lid together and scrape out an opening.

Handy things nails, the cardboard alludes me a few times though, hard to get a good grip on it. The tape gets stuck and I get frustrated.

My eagerness got the best of it though. When I just ripped off the lid with my mouth some of that wild energy that infected me from staring out the window finally had an outlet.

I tilt my head puzzled at what I see inside. Huh I guess she got some things for herself too?

The clothing on top is nothing I recognized nor think I would've asked for though its hard to remember what I had wanted anyway.

The clothes are on the top but in feeling around there were certainly other items underneath. All the clothes were those same mixes of pale colors yellow and green and all shades between.

They're smaller, that was a nice thought. I've often wondered what I'd look like in a closer cut of shirts. The jeans caught my eye though.

I've not worn pants for years, my shirts have always been long enough to serve and no one seems to care anyway.

Oh, actually that makes sense then.

Smaller shirts, need pants, of course!

I slapped my ear in realization. She's so smart to think of that.

I hold out the jeans in front of me, still look too big... I squint at the label, it seems to be foreign, most of what's written there doesn't make sense but I can read the bold "S" for Small.

My shoulders slump again. I'm an XS at most, I guess she didn't know and just assumed, people always over estimate me.

I'm sure I can get them to fit well enough though.

I hear Bridget's heels walking down the hallway outside, my mood lifts. I hear plastic rustling as she whips out keys to open the door, she's been shopping.

First thing that pops in to mind is food.

Holy crap am I hungry.

I can smell some on here but its not clear if that's recent or present food yet.

rush to greet her at the door, setting down my Jeans. But the fabric snags on a nail and I drag them half a step with me.

Keys rattle in the lock as I'm shaking them loose. I'm worried I might've damaged them. Got to remember to be careful.

I've been in trouble with Bridget in the past regarding curtains and dresses.

Bridget steps in through the door as a free myself.

"Oh hey there Braddie" She squeals lovingly.

I'm sitting in the middle of the mess I've made a little ashamed.

"Oh hey Bridge, look sorry about the mess. I was just..."

"No don't be silly, its fine."

She puts down the mass of bags she was carrying.

"You got your package then?" She looked down a bit confused.

"Yeah just came a minute ago." I said looking up at her

"Thanks" I smiled.

"Thanks?" more confusion now.

"Yeah, you bought me these?"

"I did?" She grabbed her chin.

"Oh yeah, I guess I did didn't I?"

She picked up her phone. "Does this mean you're done with this now?" she said, waving it at me.

"Your phone? Done with it?... I guess?"

Realization blossoms on her face.

"I left it here just incase y'know?... But I'm glad to hear you're properly done with it now."

"You're looking beautiful today by the way." she walks over rubbing my chin. "Your coat is stunning, I'm almost jealous."

"May I?"

I grab at my shirt

"I'm not wearing a coat?"

"No silly! Your fur!"

"My fur?"

"Yeah, its beautiful, very vivid. You must be a thoroughbred" She smiles

I stand there stunned by her words

She runs a hand through my hair and down my chest savoring its feel but mindful not to go too low.

"I...er" My mind goes blank. Fur? What's she talking about?

Fur belongs on an animal, this is hair.

I look at my arms, It does sort of look like fur, is she being cute?

"Thanks." I manage.

She kneels down next to me and smiles broadly. "You are coming on just so well."

"So what did I buy you?"

She rubs my head, I feel better and forget the weirdness between us.

I lifted out the two Jeans, the shirts and show them to her.

I thank her for everything and gloss over the wrong sizes. She nods a little patronizingly though I don't think she means to. Its obvious to me that she doesn't approve of these items. Maybe she see's now that they're too big?

Under the clothes there are more boxes.

"Huh, no idea what those are?" I say, mindful not to get my nails caught as I fold my clothes.

I start to open one of the smaller boxes.

"Here, let me." She say's placing a hand on it.

"Sure, thanks." I say feeling a little inadequate.

She opens it.

"Oh its a cute little red harness" She say's holding it up.

"A harness?" I ask. "For what?" It's green if anything.

"Well for you, I guess, too small for me." She holds it up to my chest

"Hmm needs some adjusting, or we could just wait a bit." she winks

"I'm not wearing that!" I exclaim "What's it for?"

"For when we go out for a walk or something, I see people use these occasionally for safety."

I am not wearing it! Its ridiculous. It looks like some kind of sex role play thing. Who the hell would be seen outside in that? I move on quickly to the next box and push it towards her.

"What's this one?"

There's something in this one that seems to be pulling me towards it, it smells wonderful and makes me dizzy.

"Oh my!, no that's a bad idea just yet." She pulls it away.

"This is special, but it'll be better to wait a bit first."

She smell's the box herself and seems a little bit disappointed.

"What is it?" I say eagerly.

"Forget it...for now." she say's

"Look I got you a new food bowl. That was nice of me."

She pulls out a large metal dish with a rubber bottom to it.

"What's wrong with a regular bowl? I ask

"Well, this one has your name on it! Plus it looks adorable."

I lift the bowl up, and turn the nameplate towards me.

"See Brad Kitt! Isn't that cute?"

"I don't get it. Is that a spelling error?"

It does have Brad in it I guess. but the other word makes no sense.

"Humor lost on you already? Don't worry about it."

"Look, toys!"

"Toys?" That harness is a sex thing I'm sure of it.

She pulls out something small and fluffy, it catches my interest.

"Oh you meant actual toys! Huh ok."

"Yes, what did you think I meant?" she said, peering over her shoulder.

"Never mind." I say

The toy was attached to a string, the other end of the string was a stick, like a fishing pole. The fluffy thing was in the shape of a bird.

Now I know this sounds strange. My rationality knew this was a toy, but part of me could not take my eyes away from this thing.

Bridget could see my interest set it down next to me.

"You like?" She smiles

"Want me to play with you?" I wasn't entirely sure what she meant by that.

Play sounded good but I wanted to go out today and this is all very distracting.

"I..." I stare at it. my hand reaches out and I touch it. "No...thanks for the offer. But I should get going."

"Get going?" She asks

"Yeah, I've been feeling restless today, I need to get out. Stretch my legs y'know?"

Bridget looks me up and down. "Uh sure, if think you're ok, i don't think there'd be a problem with that." She smiles hesitantly

"Want me to come with you?"

"I think I'm good for now, thanks."

I lean down to pick up my Jeans. I'm quite interested in trying these out, I cant remember what pants are like.

I step awkwardly into the leggings and pull them up.

The fabric rubs against the grain on my hair and it makes me shudder, maybe these were a bad idea.

The band catches on something on my lower back but I cant reach around so I just wriggle it over.

Bridget starts discretely giggling to herself.

She should know I can hear everything.

"What are you laughing at? Never gotten dressed?" I snarl at her

She snorts. "No, sorry you're just adorable."

I pull up the band as it loosely hands around my waist.

This has a fastener. Most pants do, I was a little stumped. The button has to go into the hole but as I tried to grip the button my pants fell down.

I had to use both hands on it to get a better grip on it and let go of the band.

I cursed my useless hands, I should be classed as disabled really.

I failed twice more at this, when I had the bright idea to button them on the ground.

That was a lot easier. I easily pull them back up since they are still too loose for me.

"I don't suppose you have a belt I can borrow?" I ask ashamed. "T...thanks by the way...I love my Jeans."

"Money well spent obviously." She say's sarcastically.

She couldn't find a belt that fit me, but she did tie a curtain cord around my waist through the belt hoops. Actually looks quite good with the tantalizing tassels on them.

Bridget seemed a little flustered as I left though, as if she was afraid for my safety or something, she's so motherly, I suppose I should be grateful since I never had one before...i don't think.

My Jeans crumpled around my legs and balled up on my feet, I felt like I should put something on them as I left.

Most people wear shoes but I don't usually wear them. I don't have any now at least.

The skin on my feet is tough like leather in places and besides they're a strange size and shape, custom shoes are expensive. It's occurred to me that when you look at them objectively my hands are kinda similar. Maybe when I get back I'll have a closer look at them.

I have to press hard on the outside door to open it, its old and stiff. Luckily someone is here and they open it for me making kissing noises. Weirdo.