My last Saturday (Patreon)

Well.... Some of you have already seen the teaser for the shooting of shibari on my Telegram channel) and could have guessed what I didn't want to share until it happened - but no, you would never have guessed.... To be honest, I would never have thought that I would visit such a place.

At the weekend, I was at the BDSM festival. A person who starts crying when someone raises his voice, a person who is afraid of the pain of blood and humiliation went to the BDSM festival.

Now the question is WHY.

- First of all, I am simply interested in the topic of shibari. Shibari as an art of tying. And once, a long time ago, I had the experience of communicating with a shibari artist woman (she told me her philosophy, the psychological effect of shibari on someone who is tied up), I often saw shibari theater - and for me it was very magical. So I went to see Shibari performances. And it so happened that the festival was not only about that. And i knew that.

- The second reason. I am afraid of aggression, physical violence from men (especially with sexual implications). And BDSM is very closely related to these concepts. So I wanted to explore my feelings in the middle of the den) And maybe somehow change my thoughts about these concepts. Expand my vision

- Well, the third reason is sexual energy. In therapy, I came to the conclusion that I have problems with expressing myself, my thoughts and desires. I often feel embarrassed, wrong, and ashamed of my desires. And now I'm not talking about sexual desires - but in general. The  sexual energy in our lives is responsible for enjoying life, for the spectrum of emotions, for creativity, for aggression - it is a very powerful energy that gives us rapid development. And due to the fact that I protect myself from it and do not accept it - my life is quite boring (at least it seems so to me). So I wanted to feel myself in this energy and see people who manifest it.

My insights:

1. All people are friendly. It was both cute and a little strange - when everyone is half-naked, or in latex, leather with leashes, muzzles, talking and constantly smiling.

2. It is a safe space for self-expression. You can be anyone, have the strangest preferences and you can show them calmly and no one will judge you. You will find like-minded people there.

3. Everything happens only with your consent and disappears if you do not agree. You can simply ask someone to help you in performing your fetish if it requires another person and they can calmly either agree or refuse. And that's normal).

4. People care about each other's feelings. I have always looked at dominance as a way of humiliating another person. I was not happy to see it or feel it on me. But at the festival I saw a very interesting thing - after the "game" of domination, they hug each other with a smile and discuss each other's feelings and sensations and, of course, the game itself (what was good, what was not enough, etc.). It's so sweet and so real. I stopped seeing violence in it. I saw care and respect for each other's wishes.

5. I saw a large number of men who love to be dominated. They were on leashes with their wives - they drank water from bowls for animals, waited for their owners tied up near the toilet, and so on. And you know what I thought - How brave must a man be to admit to himself and even more difficult to tell his partner that you like to "walk in women's underwear on heels and be whipped by a woman." I saw so much acceptance in this, so much closeness that even now tears come to my eyes. It was a place of complete acceptance of you as you are. I became envious and sad that at the age of 27 I had never experienced something like this.

At this festival, I felt free, I wanted to explore myself and my desires more, to be open, to achieve the same complete self-acceptance. I didn't see sex there, I didn't see violence - I saw pain in pleasure, happy loving people and full acceptance of everyone as they are. It's strange, but I haven't met a safer community 😭

P.S. and a small preview of my shibari selfportraits for those who are not interested in reading my thoughts.