Update (Patreon)

Alright, first, I want to apologize for the late posting. As of today, the 19th, my classes have officially started. So on top of sports, the things I need to devote energy to are increasing, which means less energy for writing. And I say energy for a reason. 

I'm not sure why, but the fire inside me, the motivation to write, has been dwindling. I keep forcing myself to sit in front of my computer, but I always end up either staring at a blank screen or shifting my focus to the books I'm reading. I can't seem to be able to muster the energy to put words on a page, which pains me heavily. Up until around a month or two ago, I could write all day, putting out a chapter or two a day. But now, as evidenced by my releases, that rate has decreased. 

I have a feeling I know why, although I'm conflicted by the reason. I guess... my priorities in life, or should I say, the goals I wish to pursue, are changing. Mainly, they're changing in nature. 

How do I put this... When I write, at least now, I feel as though I'm working, but not for an appropriate purpose or toward an appropriate goal. I feel like I should be doing something that aligns with my beliefs and that I should be bringing, what I think, is appropriate value into the world. My writing is starting to feel like an avoidance keeping me away from what I really should be doing. 

If I wanted to write and make that my source of income and occupation, then I would have to devote myself fully, as in make it my purpose. But I can't do that. When I try, I get this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, and it holds me back from my best. I've had said nagging feeling in my mind for a while now, and it's like it's telling me that I shouldn't continue what I've been doing. 

Because of this, I've come to an impasse, one that requires me to decide between the superficial efforts of writing, or the pursuit and search of something deeper. 

It's hard because if I stop writing, then I feel like I won't be doing anything productive with my life. Plus, I still enjoy it to some extent. On the other hand though, it makes me feel lesser and wrong, if that makes any sense. 

So, it's come down to this. Believe me, I am only saying all this after much deliberation. 

I may be doing a Hiatus. I'm thinking a month or so long, but I at least need time, and I don't wish to lead on my readers. If and when I decide to pause, I will make it clear. 

As for the future of the Origin Seeker story, as I've said before, I wish to finish it. It's a matter of principle for me. However, I need to be in the right mindset to do so, hence the pause. 

As for the new story I planned on starting, I can only regret the fact that I didn't start it sooner, or that I brought it up at all. I don't think anything is going to happen with it. At least right now. There's the possibility that after I've done some 'soul-searching', I'll return and start it. 

Man, I really am just venting to my readers. I can't really apologize though. I need to articulate things myself. In exchange for all the enjoyment I've provided you, allow me to indulge in this selfishness. 

Anyway, that's the gist. Possible Hiatus for me to do some brooding.

It pains me though. I've come so far with Origin Seeker. I've grown so much through writing as far as I have. But maybe that's what it was always meant to be for me. A tool to grow myself. A staircase on my path to bring me higher. Now I need to digest it all. Understand the changes brought about by the reconstruction of my mind. Maybe in that sense, Origin Seeker was a story about my own growth. 

I guess that's what happens when you put your heart and soul into a work. You inadvertently communicate your thoughts and being to others. 

Now, I'll stop here. Any other updates will come as necessary.

I appreciate you all

-Author