THANK YOU! (Patreon)

Like most of you, I've got a kind of background anxiety these days. Feels like we're all just waiting for things to get better, and for Covid to go away. Even though it probably won't.

But... and here's the really weird thing... I feel oddly free. For at least 10 years - slightly more, in fact - I've been working on the same handful of shows. Dani's House ran for five series... at the tail-end of that, 4 O'Clock Club happened and ran for 10 series, then early on Dani's House got a spin-off that ran for several series... then I ended up doing Almost Never. We're writing series 3 of that right now. 

I've been very lucky in that I've had four shows of my own run for multiple seasons. I couldn't have dreamed of that ever happening. At the same time... they also kept the wolf from the dining table, and so I kind of never felt brave enough to step away from them and do new things. And, in all honesty, I got comfortable, and stopped taking the sort of risks that led to, among other things, Biffovision and various other pilots. 

Now, thanks to Covid, that security blanket has been ripped away. 

I'm still writing Almost Never, but there are no guarantees that this next series will even get made. Last week I got the bombshell that the three-part 4 O'Clock Club finale, which had come within 10 days of filming back in March, only to be pushed to next spring, has now been officially axed (taking a huge chunk of income with it). I've no idea whether that could happen with Almost Never; the added costs that come with Covid - and they're huge - could prove insurmountable. I just don't know, because none of us know anything anymore.

You'd think I'd be in a foetal ball because of all this, but weirdly... I'm not. Not yet anyway. Yes, I do have that niggling anxiety, yes I worry about next year... but for the first time in a long time I feel like my options are wide open.

A big part of that is you lot, for supporting me. You've given me a baseline that - while it doesn't quite cover all the bills - helps massively. Also, I have to say that HMRC have been very understanding this year, for once. It has all given me space to be creative. So, thank you.

I'm loving making the YouTube videos right now, I'm really loving doing the podcast, I'm making music... I feel creatively fulfilled like I haven't done in... forever. Also, I've even pitched an original idea to Adult Swim - I mean, I don't expect to hear back, but the fact I've had the time and brain space to do that is huge for me. Though their VP of development thinks Mr Biffo's Found Footage "is great"...!

The kids' shows I've had on CBBC have been pitched to me to develop, rather than ideas I've come up with from scratch. And they've all be projects where I'm writing to please the producers, to be honest. What you've done for me over the past few years is remind me that I can work on things that I enjoy, that I can be driven by what I want to do, not what others want me to do.

There are other projects I otherwise never would've done that I'd do that I've now been asking my agent to put me forwards for - jobs that don't bring in a lot of money, that I want to do because I want to do them... rather than feeling I have to.

This week, I've put out two podcasts, two videos, and a 16 minute-long single. And I've loved doing all of them like I cannot express. To the point that I'm well aware that I'm neglecting my day job, which suddenly feels like it's much less important! 

It can't be unfortunately. I still need it, to keep a roof over our heads. Literally. When I got divorced, I bought my ex out of her share of the house, which meant remortgaging, which means my monthly mortgage is, frankly, eyewatering. But... we're now even working towards paying off things like credit cards, so that I can remortgage at a lower interest rate, and that might take off even more pressure.

Sorry. Boring grown-up stuff. But the less financial drain I have, the more free I am to take creative risks.

Heck I even updated my LinkedIn for the first time in years, and realised I could add all these extra skills - Final Cut, Logic Pro, etc. - that I didn't have until the last few years. And immediately, an American producer I worked with some years ago reached out to me. So, that's nice. 

Again, that's because you've trusted me to follow my instincts. So, thank you again. So very very much. Y'know.

Paul