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Breaking Dawn, Edward's Penis Is Filled With Venom (Patreon)

Published:
2020-10-10 00:12:36
Edited:
2020-10-10 01:31:49
Imported:
2022-01

Content

The final stretch begins... Slowly.

Files

Breaking Dawn, Edward's Penis Is Filled With Venom

Comments

Anonymous

I can't decide if "Venom Penis" would be the best band name or the worst band name.

SwamplingLvr

Love the Dodgeball reference

Anonymous

I love the little skits <3

Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

7:05 Well, that and the fact that both Edward and Carlisle inherited quite a bit of money which, with inflation because Carlisle is an Elizabethan, has become a fortune.

Dragoncat

Ngl, your short humorous summaries are akin to how my brain got through this garbage. By taking none of it seriously and treating it as so bad it’s hilarious. However I don’t think current me, being more aware of things, would be able to do that.

regina burks

"I have been on the internet long enough to know that if some sort of sexual act is possible, someone - probably a lot of someones - have tried it recently. Probably this morning." There were a lot of gems to pick from this time around, but this one's my favorite.

cosmotron

Figured this would have to be more than one part lol.

Robin Hildebrand

I take back everything I ever said about wanting to know more about vampire biology

Anonymous

My thought for the ad: "you can't divide tape with tape! You created a paradox!" Also, does Dom sound like he's trying to seduce you with these ads? Cause O.O

Verdant Range

The mention of the venom penis thing made me picture Edward taking his pants off and revealing the Venom symbiote attached to his groin which then gives Bella a toothy grin and a wink.

Anonymous

The funny thing is, Bella getting pregnant is the ONLY thing about vampires Meyer got right. In folklore vampires can have children with humans. Most of the time it's a male vampire getting a human woman pregnant, but more rarely a human man can get a vampire woman pregnant. (This latter bit likely came about because of dead pregnant women "giving birth" in their coffins as they and the dead fetus decomposed. The former most likely because of a hot young widow getting pregnant shortly after her husband dies since in folklore the first thing a vampire does it come back and fuck their surviving spouse.) The resulting child is a Dhampire, a natural born vampire hunter. Think Blade but without all the weaknesses Blade has. And no, the child doesn't rip the mom apart. But some folklore does state that the child will be born with completely see through skin and "no bones."

Anonymous

So, here's a question. What is circulating the "venom" that is replacing the flow of blood? If they have no heartbeat, it clearly can't be the heart. Do they grow a new, venom heart somewhere else in the body? It couldn't be in the chest cavity, or it would still just read as a heartbeat, and then what is the narrative point of it all?

Anonymous

The funny thing about "Venom Penis" is that I'm pretty sure Stephanie Meyer tried to take the comment back at one point after people made it into a meme. However, the internet is the internet and people were like nah man, you said he has a venom peepee, he has a venom peepee. This book could have been so much more interesting if they stuck to the legend of Vampire Hunters though... considering vampire hunters are supposedly half human/vampire hybrids. That could have been the reason vampire children were outlawed and Edward didn't want to have sex but nooooooo. All we got was a venom penis and the rapidly aging child.

Kat Deuchars

Two things: 1. Could splitting Breaking Dawn into three books be an homage on Meyers' part to the Austen and Brontë era when all novels were split into multiple volumes? 2. Medicine as science is actually a fairly modern concept and, with how old Carlisle is, it's not surprising he didn't consider the possibility before there was any evidence for it. Here's the episode of Freakonomics Radio where they talk about prestige medicine and the introduction of the scientific method: https://freakonomics.com/podcast/bad-medicine-part-1-story-98-6/

douledamn

Raycon - The Earbuds brought to you by Venom Penis. "Raycon - Get it in your ear".

Anonymous

Apology accpted! #cattax

Anonymous

VENOM PENIS

Syntia13

Two more of those? D: Nooo, why, Dom, why? I know, I know - for the part of the audience that does enjoy either the ‘saga’ or saga takedown. Still. As one who loses a little bit of faith in humanity every time they learn a bit more about Twilight (even in your delightful style), can I motion to follow Twilight with Good Omens series, to restore said faith? I know it’s pretty far down your to-do list, but Twilight wasn’t on the list at all, so... *shifty look emoji*

Michael Drzyzga

Ah, the car. I still remember laughing at it being missile-proof because Edward didn't think bulletproof was good enough.

Anonymous

Great video, but I did not see my name in the credits.

Anonymous

*LAUGHING SO HARD. That quote about Meyer thinking blood "lubricates" cells and deciding venom had to replace it. (Waiting for Dom to bring up the 23-25 chromosome thing for how half-vampire babies happens.) Though also, the idea of half-vampire children only happening occasionally is quite funny, since the concept of "dhampirs" has existed for... kind of a while, I believe.

Crescent Minor

Oh, Dom. I was the right age to be a superfan of Twilight for a year or two. I have known of Twilight in all its highly unique, weird, unevenly written glory since before high school. It is such a treat to see it reviewed by someone who did enough reading on the official website to know how weird it gets. Case in point, the venom penis.

Crescent Minor
>>45590213

Maybe they don't need veins anywhere except down there. I'm suggesting that the venom penis works like an isolated hydraulic pump.

Camille R

You are such a giving soul🤣🤣🤣

Anonymous

Oh, poor Dom...It gets worse. It gets so much worse. I'm sorry for your pain, but that won't stop me from enjoying this!

Kayleigh (TheFabl3DGrove)

I never read the last book (my enjoyment had swiftly dived off a cliff) so im glad i get to see what a nightmare this was through you. XD