State of Sterling: Writing, Producing, Life Stuff (Patreon)

Hello, people what is doing a reading of a words!

It’s been a while since I did an update post, and even though I should be making progress in Bayonetta 3 for review purposes, I can only go where the Elvanse takes me! So here we go.

Since we mentioned reviews, I suppose that’s the best place to start. As you’ll have noticed, written reviews are back! The desire to do them came from thinking about what I want/need to prioritise in my career. Also my phone keeps forcing the British spelling of words now I’m in the UK, so I’m gonna stop fighting the word “prioritise.”

Anyway, yes, I wanted to get back into writing for a while, but I’ve struggled in the past few years with major executive dysfunction. Since finding out I have ADHD, I’ve come to understand more why I stopped reviews. Yes, I was burnt out from “discourse” back when I stopped them, but it’s clear to me just how much ADHD was worsening the burnout.

This began to impact my other work too, to the point where I fell into a habit of doing very little in a day because the idea of starting a job felt insurmountable, and then spending that day feeling like a lazy piece of shit. I’d also felt like I had lost the ability to write well, that any “spark” I may have had was gone. In that regard, returning to written reviews has been a big boost to my self esteem - not only do I feel busy again, but looking at my recent output I think my ability has improved from the break, rather than declined.

It’s actually scary how natural it felt coming back and realizing I could always have written like I used to - it was just the fact my brain wouldn’t let me start writing.

Since the NHS stripped me of my ADHD meds, I’ve honestly struggled. I’ve managed to get a (re)diagnosis privately in the UK, and am jumping through some hoops to get back on medication. I’ll be able to, but it’s taking time. I’ve been surviving on spare meds, and it’s very clear to me that they’re a huge part of why I could start writing again. Hopefully I can get a reliable prescription asap. They’ve been crucial in getting my writing back off the ground.

While I know that untreated ADHD is a big part of why my content output slowed to a crawl, I’d still like to apologize for such a sharp decline. I’m aware I used to produce so much more, and I’ve been conscious of that fact.

Understably, the patron numbers dipped as a direct result. Justin looked over the stats and the dip coincided with when content became just The Jimquisiton and Podquisition. The business is still making a privileged amount of money, and I’m aware the fucked economy is also part of it (biggest reasons patrons give for dropping is a change in their finances). Still, it’s always gonna be scary to see Number Go Down when you’re entirely crowdfunded.

Anyway, seeing how much people missed my reviews, and how happy they were for the return, has also been wonderful. The people I know at Metacritic were positively thrilled, having apparently missed me too 😁

Now, some have asked if I’ll still do video reviews. This is a complicated matter.

It’s no secret that the YouTube channel is a dead end. The exact same day I came out as transfem, the pattern of losing 1,000-2,000 per Jimquisition began, and has continued. Given how every new video receives comments along the lines of “oh god, what happened to you dude, why are you dressed as a girl?” I don’t expect this pattern to change.

That’s not to say transphobia is the only reason anyone would unsubscribe, it’s just the primary catalyst for the Gamers(™) fucking off. Additionally I’ve been told I suddenly got “too political” as of 2021, and that my videos focused too much on worker abuse. This year I made a conscious effort to make episodes predominantly about not those things, but it had no impact on subs, so… y’know.

Regardless, even before the sub situation (which must qualify as an historic phenomenon now), I’d made no secret of seeing YT as an increasing waste of time. It’s not like their algorithm is gonna push an ad-free channel, and I can’t even reach my own subscribers thanks to the site’s ineffective notifications. It still makes sense to use the channel for things I already do like JimQ, Squirty Play, etc, but there’s no growing on that platform now. Anything I want to add to my work is best added via other platforms - focusing on written work is one such example.

This year has been a rollercoaster in general. I moved back to the UK to be with my husband and pursue wrestling opportunities I wasn’t getting in Pennsylvania. This massive upheaval has been tough, as has struggling to find a home for eight months afterwards. I’m thankful for y’all’s patience with my trying to maintain the minimum content I was doing while trying to settle enough to do more.

I’ve talked a lot about having a tough time, but 2022 has been kind to me in many other ways.

Aside from being in the most supportive relationship of my life, I finally found a wrestling trainer who actually believed in me. Liam Slater is amazing. I came to the UK with only a chokeslam to my name, and he’s turned me into an accomplished wrestler who is now regularly booked, is over as a hugely popular face (after I thought I’d be a career heel), and does fucking wheel kicks and rolling sentons. With my age and chronic pain, I doubt I'll have a long career, but I will have a fun one.

Next booking is November 4th for True Grit Wrestling in Leeds, and it's gonna be a very bitter fight against the biggest asshole I've ever met, Nathan Black. 

I became a wrestling promoter with Phoenix, too, running Spectrum Wrestling and having an amazing debut show which you can watch here. Our next show, Collide O’Scope, is on November 19th in Sheffield and you can book tickets here.

Then, of course, I had the privilege of writing for the biggest indie game of the year, Vampire Survivors. It was already my game of the year, so I was blown away when Poncle reached out about writing lore for them. Getting to do the stage descriptions and bestiary entries for the official release was so much fun, and it was amazing having so much creative freedom. The response has been so overwhelmingly positive too, with the only major protest being from a small group of Status Quo Warriors who were upset that Giovanna is trans. But of course, it's never about gender, right? Anyway, I got to write about how jealous lizard people overthrew a massive dairy and seized the means of lactation. Life can be good sometimes. 

Writing for Vampire Survivors had a big hand in reigniting my passion for writing in general. I think I'd love to write for another game, though I don't know if I ever will. If this is the only one I ever do, it is a hell of a game to be able to contribute to. 

This went on way longer than I planned it, so I'll leave out other personal updates for another time. In short, reviews good, life can be hard, but there's also a lot of exciting stuff going on.

Thank you as always for your continued support.

Cheers,
Stephanie.