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Three Square Meals Ch 90 - Complete! (Patreon)

Published:
2017-09-21 22:48:53
Edited:
2017-09-27 22:39:20
Imported:
2021-01

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Content

*** FINAL version (26th Sept) *** 

Hey everyone!

I've just finished chapter 90 and done a quick edit of the first half. As before, I'll update this post with notes on how much editing I've done so far. Look out for the *** FINAL *** note if you want to wait until all the editing is finished. :-)

This chapter is 35k words, which is considerably bigger than my normal 25k-30k target. I wanted to get the battle completed in a single chapter, hence the larger size. Chapter 91 will probably be smaller than normal to compensate and will cover the aftermath of the confrontation with the Kirrix.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! As always, I'm looking forward to reading your feedback! :-)

Tefler


Comments

Braw

first

Jim lynch

Whooo 1st

Anonymous

You're in roll :D

Anonymous

AWWWW YISSSS EVERYONE GO CRAZY!

Jim lynch

There should be a prize tefler lol

Anonymous

on a serious note, really love these action chapters so im going into it prepsyched... if u get a sec Tef , any advice u have on writing action scenes...

Anonymous

Be back later. Time to read

Evan

Thank you!

Anthony Kester

Thanks Tefler!!! Hope your son is feeling better.

Tefler
>>7339802

He's fine now, thanks for your well-wishes. (and everyone on the previous post too!). He just had a vaccination and ended up getting sick from it, which resulted in a 1am vomcano... the eruption lasted for three hours, so I didn't get much sleep last night. :-(

Anonymous

Thanks ;-). Tefler in the states it's US Football time - High School, Collegiate, and Pro; covers Fiday thru Monday plus some Thursday game.

Anonymous

go out for 10 minutes and look what happens

Tefler
>>7339693

1) Try to visualise any fights, then just describe what you see. 2) The quicker the cuts between scenes, the more mini cliffhangers you create, ramping up tension. 3) Be careful about making too many quick cuts, or you'll confuse the reader. 4) If you're intercutting between several battles, try and match the tempo with all of them so that the tone doesn't shift too dramatically for the reader. You ideally want to build to a crescendo with all of them, to avoid yoyoing of emotions.

Anonymous

I probably start on it tomorrow I'm at work right now and I have to be back at 6am tomorrow to unload the truck :(

Anonymous

thx for the advice tef, it was shorter n to the point yet clearer than anything i have read before. n i just got off reading the chapter n seeing it in action... really looking forward to the next one as always. but also reread this again slowly n focusing on how u applied the writing concepts to the story. either ways, well done on the chapter....

Anonymous

Awesome chapter Tefler. Wonder what is in store for Jade?

Anonymous

Totally fracking awesome! Anyone else think John is having a psychic influence on the other prog? Maybe they're all subconsciously connected?

ItWasn7Me

Tefler, I don't know if you've stated this before but what color are the lions on the twins armor? It was based off hair color and used help tell who is who so having them both be white would make it difficult. Anyway great chapter!

Tefler
>>7341081

Both white at the moment! Glad you enjoyed the chapter. :-)

Anonymous

Out Fucking Standing Tefler!

Big Dude

Tefler, Please go to bed and thanks for Chapter 90!

Anonymous

PS: Don't forget to address the fact that terrans isolated themselves n withdrew from treaties without making it public in the coming chapters. really curious about that. ... also glad to know ur son's fine now. ..:)

Anonymous
>>7341947

We know there is some type of leadership group for the Terran military but is this some kind of military led society? I would think you would hear a lot more from the politicians that we have so far. Pulling out of treaties isn't a small thing and while I don't think the military is going to talk about it much surely somebody has heard in the political realm about the issues.

Grimlakin

It got real dusty here when Sakura watched THAT SCENE. The results were extremely. Satisfying.

Anonymous

Wow! Double WOW!!

Anonymous

good great more more please

LunarLilith

In the words of the Invictus's Chief Engineer, that was F*cking Amazing! I feel like I need a cigarette now and I don't even smoke. I only found one tiny typo, which was a space missing between two words: Althoughin this game, there was a pack of sluggish cats...

Muledrvr

Wow.......... Talk about destruction overload. ... :o Also, moments of humor. :D

Braw

With my mothers maiden name being Shakespeare you'd think I could come up with something better than FUCK YEAH!!! HAVE IT !!!!!

Anonymous

As always so refreshing & intense to read, especially this action chapter! But as always, it's over way too soon and leaves me wanting more!

Anonymous
>>7339664

Nope 5th :0 I had to drop the wife at work and was away 10-15 minutes max and there were like 20 posts

DemonHunterCole

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Wow, just wow.

Anonymous

I think, it is one of the best pieces of writing I have read in a very very long time. The tempo, and switching between 3 different battles pieces is better than anything else out there. Definitely a standing O on this.

Jim lynch

I really enjoyed that chapter each lioness pushed to her limits and that space battle was better than the one at regulas. I think they will need plenty of sleep after that or a good filling up lol.

Anonymous

A few thoughts / questions: Make it clear there were two bridges.  I read it as they ruined the only bridge. Have you considered having them use a tractor beam to pull a ship along with them as cover? Didn't the hive ships smash back to earth when the engines were shot out? 

Evan

“As is began to pitch over on its side” -> “As it began to pitch over on its side“ “eagerly joining in the massacre” -> “eagerly joined in the massacre” “studied at it” -> “studied it”

Big Dude

Tefler - Page 55 Dana, Rachel, you’re with me.” He glanced along the gallery overlooking the lave lake and saw several more Juggernauts a good way - lave lake should be lava lake!

Anonymous

WOW! Double WOW!!

Master Laurent

Bravo As Always!!!!! Carala must be rubbing off on me because I had this feeling that you were going to throw the BSP in the mix in the very beginning, Like I said in my past comments, He had his “Tub of Popcorn”. Even though the battle is ostensibly over, we all know that the Great Tefler has this amazing curve ball of twists that he likes to throw so until everybody is home safe and the enemy is DEAD that is in the region, all bets are off.

Master Laurent

Thank you for the easter eggs on the Nova Lances and firing times. The Photon Laser 10 second cool off (Thinking that on a planet with an atmosphere it would be longer - Sakura and the Mech got lucky.)

Master Laurent

Love the curve ball of no fill up / Jade out for this battle. Awaiting the gift that Jade is gong to be given.

Master Laurent

Wondering why Dana was only able to make one of the new shadow maker rifles? Time??? I am sure more are on the horizon.

Master Laurent

Pretty sure the BSP is filling up vats of his love juice to feed to an army and you have done such a great job of keeping us in the dark if the army is going to be the Maliri or some other race back in the BSP’s home galaxy.

Master Laurent

And with deepest respect to all of you who said that a White Queen was not on the horizon- *Picture me with my tongue out blowing raspberries and my thumb on my nose with my fingers wiggling in the wind*

Master Laurent

Anybody want to put money on how pissed Edraele is going to be @ John. Want to speculate on the new security force that will be traveling with him? two more ships with Nova Lances would have dramatically changed the outcome of this battle. That being said, the new destroyer for the primary hanger would have also been a big help. Bigger question is how big are the Nova Lances and can the be fitted on the new destroyer.

Master Laurent

Laughing my ass off, Mission Creep, That was the understatement of the battle! Sakura having a flashback and having her Moral Compass kick in high gear

Master Laurent

Remember that Dana still has to unlock the Primary Weapon for the Progenitor ship, the Quantum Flux Cannon was a secondary weapon like the Photon Lasers are to the Nova Lances. Time to focus on feeding Dana and get the Big Boy Toys going.

Master Laurent

Boy is this footage going to cause some Shit amongst the admiralty in the Tfed. However, I think John just secured a prime spot with all of the diplomats and the worlds they represent.

Master Laurent

Any doubt that John / girls will be able to get whatever supplies from the Trankaran empire they want?

Master Laurent

I am sure that John and the Girls are going to eliminate all of the Kirrix in the region, wonder what that is going to do on the Kirrix home world?

Master Laurent

Any Bets on the next chapters? 91 - Finish battle / Jade’s Reveal / Ashanath - Update with Drakkar Marines - 1.5 days 92 - Trankaran space, John Blake Summit including Maliri, Heal Edraele. Repair Invictus/Raptor/Valkyrie. White Queen . Tfed Admiralty called on carpet. Maliri Pregnant Matriarch’s, Jehanna’s coverage - 4 Days 93 - Plans to Genthalas Shipyard for destroyer, Trankaran raw materials en route Genthalas. Alyssa bond with Tashana. Faye’s Moral Compass / Body. En route to Brimorian Enclave - Tefler Twist, White Queen Part 2 - 3 Days 94 - Brimorian Enclave, Trading for goods, Dana ESP Upgrades to projectile weapons, Tefler Twist, TFED equipment upgrades. Faye and the Boys - 3 Days 95 - Brimorian Enclave Part 2, Dana Upgrades to Shield designs, Dana Feedings, Tefler Twist 2 Days 96 - Genthalas Shipyard - Invictus refit/repair, destroyer build, search for Jade’s sisters, space station plans. Dana Feedings - 7 Days

Braw
>>7344627

Rubbing off on you or rubbing one off over her?lol

Anonymous

Kintark attack on Maliri using BSP weapons/Brimorian shields has to be coming soon.

Braw

I wonder if Jade can now become 'mythical' creatures,as in "you're no dragon Empress,this is a DRAGON" cue the winged fire breather!!!

Braw
>>7343080

As far as I know there was only one bridge,a rail bridge and a gantry/walkway.They were leaving through a Kirrix bore hole. Tractor beams were used in the battle for Ashana to slingshot around wrecks for cover,so he would have used them had he wanted to. And no,they didn't smash back to earth,it was Khalgron.

Braw
>>7339967

yeah,I got in first and I got promoted! WOOHOO

Anonymous

"Jodrun groaned with the pain as he was roused from consciousness," roused from unconsciousness or roused to consciousness.

Anonymous
>>7344678

Honestly, the fact there are not 300 Maliri Marines and a full complement of Ship's crew on the Invictus astounds me...

Tefler
>>7339951

When I was a six year old kid, a friend in school brought in a bunch of stickers with american football teams on them. I was randomly given the Dallas Cowboys and ended up supporting them from being rubbish to winning the superbowl five times! :-)

Tefler
>>7342367

I'm always wary about including too many jokes in case they diminish the threat/tension... it's quite a fine balancing act.

Tefler
>>7342811

It's amazing how quickly you guys can read through a chapter that takes me 50-60 hours to write! It must be so weird for film makers, where they labour over a film for 2 years and its over in 2 hours!

Tefler
>>7342921

Hah! That's the kind of reaction I'm always hoping for. :-)

Tefler
>>7342964

Thanks very much Malcolm! It was an interesting chapter to write and I had fun imagining the scenes and then putting them down on the page. :-) There was a much greater focus on the ground mission for this one, and I deliberately chopped out big chunks of the space battle to try and keep each scene fresh. Glad it worked!

Tefler
>>7343003

Thanks Jim, I'm glad you liked it. :-) It's an interesting exercise, trying to come up with ways of challenging the crew!

DemonHunterCole

Can you upload an.pdf so I can see if that works on the app?

Jedi Khan

No one said "Someone call for an exterminator?" I said I'd be disappointed if no one said that, and I am. Shame on you Tef. How are you going to make it up to me, hm? Moving on, I have to ask, was that last carrier that they took out just as it was entering the atmosphere the last of the Kirrix ships in space? From the way the girls relaxed, that seems to be the case, but I could have sworn there were still a number of smaller ships left to deal with. Maybe you could add a line where one of the girls looks at the tactical map just after destroying the last carrier to clarify what happened to the last of the Kirrix ships in space? I wonder, that cavern collapse, was it the whole cavern that caved in or just the area of the gallery? If it was the whole cavern, that's a massive void to fill. I'd imagine there's now a great big crater up on the surface from where the ground fell away to fill the cavern. Hopefully it didn't take any of the city with it. Also, I had a feeling the BSP would be in attendance to watch the fight, but there's a few things I wondering about after reading this chapter. First, just how much can the BSP see? Could he only see the Invictus ripping the Kirrix fleet apart and not the action on the ground? Could he also see the the fight in the city? Or was he somehow even able to track John's actions underground? Did he know that John wasn't on the Invictus? Second, was the BSP involved at all with the Kirrix invasion, simply sitting in system watch the Kirrix follow his will when he spotted the Invictus inbound? Or has the BSP been following John like a shadow to make sure he witnessed all of John's amusing engagements, and therefore possibly had no involvement with the Kirrix? And finally, just what is John to the BSP other than a source of amusement? It seems clear from the conversation that the BSP doesn't consider John to be a threat, but why? Is it because the BSP doesn't realize John is a Progenitor as well, young but quickly closing the tech and power gap (we hope), instead believing John to be a very amusing Terran? Unlikely, but possible. Or could it be that the BSP knows what John is but doesn't consider him a threat because John is doing exactly what the BSP wants, but in a very amusing way? So many questions, so few answers. And all just from two short scenes that feature the BSP. Truly a remarkable talent you have Tefler to accomplish that.

Anonymous

"While the Kirrix soldiers were tough and resilient, the shot still managed to utterly destroyed its upper torso, sending the head and arms flying in a shower of sticky green blood. " Destroyed should be destroy.

Anonymous

I hate being pedantic but .... "Panting heavily after pushing herself to the limit like that, she dropped her psychic speed and let her arctic embrace fade away, the heat indicators on the Photon Lasers spiking dramatically as a result." The temps on the Photon lasers wouldn't go UP after Sakura dropped her freeze routine ... after all, where would the energy be coming from to make the temperatures spike without firing the guns ?

Anonymous
>>7347786

Perhaps the BSP knows John is a progenitor, but does not know that John has parcelled out talents to all of his girls. I mean, taking out John individually is one thing, but he's actually facing two newbie-Progenitors and may not know it. And who knows .... pretty soon he may be facing 10 Progenitors if John gives the full deluxe upgrade to everyone?

Anonymous

You don't save a kidnapping victim by shooting down their plane.  No one was strapped in and bracing for impact.  I expect there to be some survivors but not a lot on those eight ships.  Also there are a ton of implanted civilians, are they only on those ships they were on the surface or have there been a steady supply of hive ships loading up and taking off?  Such an important resource would surely be protected.  Meaning reinforcements...  What are they going to do with the live civilians that are implanted?  Mercy shot to the forehead? So far we have seen hive lords as the leaders but I suspect they are no more than a captain level in the organization.  What is controlling groups of them?  What is controlling those groups?  Will Rachel eventually get into biological weapon making?  That seems to be the easiest way to deal with these bugs.  Just fix the virus she already cured to do what it was meant to do to them originally.

Tefler
>>7348185

"No one was strapped in and bracing for impact." The hive ships have artificial gravity and retro-thrusters to lessen the impact. They'd also only just started taking off. :-)

Jedi Khan
>>7344675

It hasn't happened yet! Just because the Chancellor was giving John the "I want your kids" look doesn't mean it's going to happen. John can still turn her down. The next chapter or two will decide if it will happen.

Forbsey
>>7345082

I suspect that Jade's potential may have finally been unlocked. Maybe secrets will be revealed

MuddMaxx

Seeing Calara's chronokineses in action during a fleet engagement was amazing. Alyssa will need to be mindful of how much psychic post out draws. Hope to see Edraele up and around soon. Maybe three more chapters until then, though

MuddMaxx
>>7348406

Autocorrect sucks. Or my typing does. Chronokinesis.

Anonymous
>>7344656

I think the shadow maker rifle (only one) is a prototype!!

Jedi Khan

Can we have chapter 91 now please? I find myself not wanting to do anything with my weekend except keep reading 3SM, but I don't want to do a reread. I blame Crazy for this feeling.

Anonymous

Nice touch with the train Tef, almost felt like playing some level of Gears of War :) I'm curious will Sakura just open all this ships like sardines and save all this civilians or are there some rescue/clean up actions ahead ?

CJ Mora

Wow! That was AWESOME!!! I feel like I need a smoke after that one! As soon as I started reading it -- I. Could. Not. Put. It. Down! I'm so happy I had a late start today or else I would have had to burn a sick day. Best battle scene yet, Teffler, edging ahead of the Battle of Regulus by a meter (which was the best I'd ever read up until today)! Nice job!

Anonymous

Great chapter, Tefler. Love the battle(s) scenes truly fantastic. You have set the MOLD for SF battles for all other writers.

Grimlakin

That chapter had a frenetic pace and a lot of great elements. On what is happening to jade... I wonder if she is becoming a "queen" to her people... She's always been a battery for a lot of psychic energy. We're talking next level power here at this point. Also where are John's reserves of power. It constantly feels like he's not powering his own stuff. I would suspect he is a massive font of power in and of himself. Using his abilities alone has never seemed draining to himself.

Anonymous

An odd, random thought just popped into my head, imagine if you will.. Alyssa notices her lovers eyes glowing a bit during the battle, and a low chant coming from her lips. Listening closer, she can just barely hear, "I am one with the Invictus. The Invictus is one with me. I am one with ......"

Anonymous
>>7350311

LOL, and if Faye hears it, as well, "Hey, isn't that supposed to be my line?"

Master Laurent

I posted something like this comment above, however, I think it should get it’s own discussion point on this chapter like it has in so many of the other chapters. OK, Anybody see the next Iteration of the Invictus being the Same Size as the Current Invictus and beginning construction at the next visit to the Genthalas Shipyard in a week or two 3SM Time? And with the secrets by John Feeding the Grand Engineering Overlord a part of the design. Just Round like the BSP Ship with weapons hidden like the Invictus? Double Current Armor and 10X Crystal Alyssium or BSP Black Armor Grand Engineering Overlord Enhanced / Upgraded: Progenitor Primary Weapon Brimorian shields 2 Nova Lances Quantium Singularity Driver As Many as possible Photon Lasers ESP Heavy Cannons ESP Gauss Rail Guns Pulse Cannons New Ship for the Invictus that has been discussed a great deal for the hanger, IMHO will not go in a Hanger, but will interlock with the top of the ship and be a flying weapons platform that will be round and detach and have weapons hidden. 400M Long and be behind the Standard Bridge. will look like a hump on the back. Half of the ship above the Arc of the Invictus. ending at the back of the Invictus so the engines will look like a part of the ship and it will not be obvious as a detachable ship. No need for FTL engines Grand Engineering Overlord Enhanced / Upgraded: Double Current Armor and 10X Crystal Alyssium or BSP Black Armor Brimorian shields 2 Nova Lances Quantium Singularity Driver As Many as possible Photon Lasers ESP Heavy Cannons ESP Gauss Rail Guns Pulse Cannons Crew Complement of 3 only Battle Bridge / Bath Room and Mess / Bedroom combination having life support.

Jedi Khan
>>7351404

I think you're being overly hopeful. I don't see the Invictus being replaced by a new ship any time soon, even if they keep the Invictus name. I think it should happen eventually, seeing as how the Invictus pretty much still has its original titanium structure with a Maliri crystal insert in the middle, but like I said, I don't see it happening soon. As for the detachable ship idea, that's a bit...out there. Any ship that size will need to have an FTL drive plus all the other components that the Invictus has, if not the amenities. Reason being so that it can act as a backup in case anything on the main ship quits working, i.e. is destroyed in battle. In fact, any ship that they build for John's fleet needs at least FTL, life support, and a server for Faye's AI spawn, in order to be able to operate independent of the Invictus or a station. Also, you have seen Tefler's sketches of the Invictus right? The command bridge is pretty much right in front of the engines. There's no room for a detachable ship. With regards to the BSP ship, I don't think it's round at all. I picture it as more angular, even in its stance. If you look at the sketches of the Invictus, you can pretty much draw a perfectly horizontal line from stem to stern, and most other ships are the same way. I imagine the BSP's ship, as well as the Ashanath's Legacy and the Progenitor ship schematics that Dana unlocked, to be more off kilter, with the line from the engines to the bow being a few degrees off the horizontal plane. This means that the Progenitor ship would fly in a sort of "nose down" manner, if that makes any sense. I'm sure we'll get a better idea of what a Progenitor ship looks like once Tefler commissions some artwork for it. Speaking of artwork, this month's should be due soon, right?

Anonymous

I think Jehanna being sent the footage of the battle is a phenomenally bad idea, perhaps the very reason it needs to happen but I would urge caution in doing that. John is the greatest threat to power for the Admiralty. They don’t want the people to side with him, choose him to lead them, etc. So the Intelligence Services are out there trying to learn as much as they can as well as to discredit him. That means interviewing / investigating everyone he comes in contact with and searching / wiretapping / following those he regularly comes into contact with. Jehanna probably has had her apartment searched and bugged and all her communications are checked. John and team just knocked out a MASSIVE fleet that was equivalent to what is in a Terran March. Think about the number of drones, support ships, smaller ships and capital ships and the Terran equivalent because the Admiralty will and will compare it to their forces as an estimate of the outcome of a conflict with John. More than that, the Terrans would not have been able to defend almost any system if those forces jumped in to begin harvesting people. The Terrans violated their treaty with the Trankarans but no one really knows about it right now. The Admiralty won’t look good when it comes out that they didn’t help but John did, without their help. There are bound to be traders that were killed going into Trankaran space prior to this so that might make some news. There are traders with the Trankarans that are also affected as it will have an impact on the markets in the area, perhaps a shipyard or two isn’t getting their supplies, etc. But other than the people in the March that is adjacent I don’t think the average Terran cares. So the Admiralty could spin their way out of it. The problem is Jehanna can’t become a thorn in the Admiralty’s side or she will have an accident. If the footage is transmitted to Jehanna, it will be intercepted. Unless she is some super spy, the Admiralty will end up with copies of the footage within the week even if it is on a device that the Terran’s can’t copy from. They may keep her alive just so they could intercept communications, but she has to be made less damaging to them. What I suggest is that instead a “positive PR” piece is put together that someone else at the same network gives as an exclusive. Just say John ran the blockade and got the delegates out. There are too many politicians involved for the general extent of the forces, the battle, and the general on the ground running retreat to not make it back to the Admiralty. But it is a completely different thing to see footage, the have access to the tactics, capabilities of the equipment, people involved, etc…

Anonymous

Another awesome chapter Tefler! Almost too much to absorb in one sitting; however, I punished myself and did it anyway! Excellent battle scenes! Question; why do you wait to post the name of the chapter on Literotica, and not give it to us with our advance Patreon posting of the chapter?

Jedi Khan
>>7352805

They could send it to Jehanna, but it would have to be heavily edited by Faye and Irillith to hide all the super power usage and anything else John doesn't want made public, such as the twins. I'm sure between Faye and Irllith, they can do a damn good editing job that would fool the best techs the Terrans have. The fleet battle in space only got recorded by the Invictus' tactical computer (if it did get recorded), not the Paragon armor, and John was only planning on sending Jehanna the Paragon armor footage. Besides, what's it matter if the Admiralty finds out just how powerful the Invictus is? They already saw it in action first-hand at Regulus, and they know John has improved it significantly since. Even if they found out how powerful it is now, there's nothing they can do about it. They wouldn't be able to round up a fleet large enough, as there is likely not a single ship officer who'd be willing to go against the Lion. And that's exactly what the Admirals are afraid of. Of course, the footage could be delivered to Jehanna in-person, perhaps along side an in-person interview with the (not glowing) Trankaran Chancellor, who has come to Terra to deliver a personal plea for aid from the Terran Federation after the initial request through official diplomatic channels was declined. After that first request was denied, she was trapped and besieged by the Kirrix while she put out a general call for aid, and it was the Lion who answered. Cue footage of the rescue. Now that she is safe, she has come to once again ask for help in repelling the scourge of the Kirrix hordes from the Trankaran Republic, as even the Lion cannot do it alone. As a side note, it might be a good idea for Irillth to dive into the TFed comm archives to try tracking down that first call for help from the Trankarans, with the intent of finding out if it even made it to the Admiralty and perhaps who declined it.

LunarLilith

There has been talk among John and the girls about Jade glowing after feeding because John is still increasing her power, and I think it was Alyssa who asked what was going to happen when Jade reached her maximum. I'm pretty sure that was what happened and I am very much looking forward to finding out what has changed with Jade now that she has 'evolved' to a new level.

Anonymous

Sorry, put this in the wrong post originally. Yep it's official, there's a new best battle chapter. Each one gets successively better at building the odds against the heroes, and having them undertake more and more epic actions to overcome them. It was satisfying to see Calara's new powers at work, and sobering to know they would have lost this fight without them. Just wondering if you are a 40k fan Tefler? I couldn't help noticing the Kirrix similarities to the Tyranids with the Hive Mind and the giant boss bugs in charge of fodder bugs and all that. Of course there are numerous other Sci-Fi xenomorph examples to draw inspiration from. I'm betting there will still be one more crisis in the wrap up of this battle where everyone is exhausted and Jade wakes up to replenish everyone with all the power she is cultivating during her nap. I hope she and Ailanthia get to meet soon too. Even more intrigued to learn BSP's true motivation. It seems like he knows they'll be enemies eventually, but for now he's just using John as a version of Progenitor reality TV. The new galactic counsel meeting will be fun to see, especially if the Maliri reveal themselves in good faith. A certain Bolon may have a lot to answer for too. I hope John can persuade the Brimorians and Kintark into a non aggression pact at the least. I don't want to see any Maliri ships limping into Ganthalas with plasma damage. My thanks to you as always Tefler, and I hope your son is doing better. Remember beer before liquor, never been sicker.

Tefler
>>7349888

Yeah, gunfights on trains are a staple of fps games. :-) It was a fun scene to write, and hopefully made the shootout more interesting!

Tefler
>>7350057

Nice to hear it was a page turner! I do like writing the combat scenes, but they take a lot more effort than regular chapters. Spacing them out a bit keeps me sane and helps keep them more unique hopefully. :-)

Tefler
>>7350135

Thanks very much Robert! I still get nervous when I release a chapter, as I worry you guys won't enjoy it! That goes double for combat chapters because of the extra work involved in them. :-)

Evan
>>7344704

Do the Kirrix even have a home-world? How old is the species and how widespread have they become?

Evan

Is anyone else waiting for Jade to wake up, look around at John and the girls around the bed, and say, “Oh my! That knocked me out for a moment. Let’s get you girls all fed and go squash some insects!” She would then look around for a moment, look at her flat abdomen, and say, “What happened?!” Yes, I know, it’s very much like when Sakura missed the earlier battle.

Tefler
>>7353574

Thanks! It's great that you loved the battle scenes! "why do you wait to post the name of the chapter on Literotica" Because I only think up the title just before I hit the "submit" button. ;-)

Dark Storymaker

Hey, Tefler. Going through the chapter. Loving it so far! Of course, I have questions. :D First of all: "Taking a chance that the station was deserted, he activated low-intensity external lighting on his helmet. The low-light amplification in the suit’s HUD greatly enhanced how much he could see in the gloom." (p.37) Possibly an important couple of things that Rachel could/should have mentioned. First of all, are Kirrix endothermic? Do they produce any heat that would be picked up on thermal view? Terran insects do not. Second, what EM frequencies do they see? Can they see IR and UV like many Terran insect species can? If not, then using IR lights in combination with an IR/Thermal view is similar to what modern military forces do today. If so, then putting out an IR light would be a beacon. Possibly more to come. :D

Anonymous
>>7355286

Jade is going to wake up and say "I know where my sisters are!"

Anonymous

Tef, also remember to consolidate business interests n money in some chapter. with rachel's dad purchasing ship building companies n rachel's inventions n new border stations n etc... etc... less thrilling yet interesting world building aspect of the story

Anonymous

WOW! Another Awesome Chapter. I do love a good bug hunt. Overwhelming numbers is definitely something of a problem. They need to give Faye a couple of heavily weaponized drone ships. Something that can provide some punch or take one instead of the Invictus, if needed. I still believe they need some sort of supply drone/shielded cover platform/heavy weapons platform, for away missions. Could also contain extra ammo, trauma kits, 5hr Psychic Energy Drinks (bit of John's Jizz), grenades and such. Dana could maybe even use the stealth tech on it so it isn't immediately visible to enemies while following the team.

Braw

I have a question about Rachaels' 'space magic'.Could what she's doing be a form of Shadow Manipulation.When Tashana enveloped John with her flames,it was very similar to the way Rachael envelopes her patient in mist.Add that to Alyssa seeing Mael'nerak use his Shadow Manipulation in a psychic echo suck the lifeforce out of enemy thralls,leaving the same kind of husk as when he drained his own thralls in a different psychic echo,i'm strongly leaning that way.

Grimlakin
>>7361459

Maybe or maybe she was a race that lived in the psychic space where the monsters were. Perhaps they weren't created but rescued?

DemonHunterCole

Question, has Tefler said in any of the comments of THIS post only if he's working on Chapter 91 or working on chapters 1-10?

Jedi Khan
>>7364927

He has said nothing with regards to either option yet.

Anonymous

It must be fascinating for the BSP to learn that there is more than one way for a progenitor to build an empire. John's taking a radically different route, but with a little prodding and a bit of help from the BSP he' solidly on track to have his empire up and running within a year of creating his first matriarch.

Evan
>>7367250

Dave, considering the sample population we're looking at insofar as the Progenitors go, I still don't see that John is doing anything unique... only different from those that we believe we know about. For all that we know, Progenitor society exists in a different Space (perhaps reachable via the Astral Plane, perhaps in it, perhaps not), and all the Progenitors of which we have knowledge are outcasts from their society for their antisocial tendencies! I just don't like the tendency to generalize from insufficient information to unsubstantiated conclusions. Too many possibilities exist, and we shouldn't be eliminating them, but rather, recognizing their ever-growing potential in our speculations, until we have evidence to the contrary.

Anonymous

OOoohhh - giving us some more info on the "other guy" eh? Sweet!

ringill

You find yourself in the flow of the story, racing along with the different elements of the battle when without warning the scroll function of your computer stops working! After hitting the mouse button and any seemingly useful keyboard function to get the damn thing to carry on scrolling you realise to your horror you've reaching the end of the chapter which can't be right, 35k words in 5 minutes shouldn't be possible. Except rather more time has passed, you've just not noticed because you're so wrapped up in the tale! Excellently done sir.

Anonymous

also bring Edraele back sooner ... missing her surprisingly...

PLRus--Founding member of the TSM F5 club.

Well, I can see several things happening in the AAM (After Action Meeting). Jade wakes up and is now a psychic battery from hell or full blown Progenitor with connections to all her Nymphs, both alive and dead (more like active and dormant). I base this on how bright her image was in John's mind...just like Athena was...and the fact she is throwing out a light show from two sources now (her head and her abdomen). The Nymph connections just makes sense as they are all partially psychic anyway and John is the Master Enhancer. Sakura is told to explain herself and why she went off-mission and endangered the lives of other team members in the process. When she explains herself she is forgiven as no permanent harm was done...but with the caveat that she be more attuned to the needs of the crew first and foremost. John will be very pissed at first, move to understanding, then to gentle scolding which will be all it will take to fix the problem...and everyone learns a good lesson from it. Dana gets a lot of attention: She scared the crap out of John and Irillith...to the point Rachel took one look at their faces and ran like hell without even asking what was up. Dana also comes up with some major improvements to the Body Armor on the suits, Valkyrie, Raptor, and Invictus. Possibly with the inclusion of the Graphene Scrim to both dissipate heat at astounding rates as well as create an impenetrable barrier for mass weapons. The creation of smart torpedoes in 12x12 racks (set back to back) to be dispersed by the Valkyrie or Raptor which I have mentioned before. The deca shaping of everything. The application of Progen tech to the power relays of the Nova Lances so they can fire more rapidly. The application of runes to everything. Upgrading the heavy cannons, gauss cannons, and singularity driver with the shield defeating tech. Upgrading the munitions feed rails to the Valkyrie rotary cannon so they are more protected. The addition of 2 Destroyer sized FTL capable gunships that outfly the Raptor and Valkyrie with minimal crew (1 John enhanced pilot, 2 John enhanced gunners, 1 John enhanced Engineer) with 8 enhanced ordinance, retractable heavy cannons (4 topside—2 forward 2 rearward--and 4 keel side—2 forward and 2 rearward) on turreted mounts, 48 enhanced photon lasers 12 per quarter 6 upper and 6 lower) 24 autoloading next gen torpedo launching bays, and 18 enhanced Gauss Cannons (9 on each side in 3 placements of 3 cannon configurations on turrets), and a Nova Lance. Make the fuselage with a slightly oval cross section to maximize internal volume for the necessary munitions storage/power cores (3)/CNC center/capacitors/cabling, etc. No crew quarters other than an an efficiency suite with a small kitchen and temporary racks. Dispense with decks and just harden critical internal areas to save space and weight. Put 4 sublight engines on it and massive thrusters. Create two completely separate shield generation systems on it so when one goes out the other can be brought online...effectively doubling their shield capabilities...AFTER the Brimorian upgrade. And provide for initial shield regeneration cycles while the secondary unit is operational. This will provide continuious coverage in most firefights.

Jedi Khan
>>7369928

*looks at the clock* Nine PM, huh? Yeah, I can probably get this done and be in bed by ten. *finishes reading, looks at the clock again* What the hell? One AM?!? Just how many times did I reread some of those scenes?

PLRus--Founding member of the TSM F5 club.
>>7344689

ML: And with the diplomats seeing first hand what has happened, don't think for a second all those small empires will not be putting stuff all over the holonet. There is no way T-Fed will not find out, so John may as well let Jahenna get the scoop. That Terran Fleet Admiral has already alerted the Admiralty so they know it is coming.

PLRus--Founding member of the TSM F5 club.
>>7344696

Uh....yeah. By the ultra large freighter full. And I am thinking a Trankaran medal of some type...with a huge ass, multinational/multi-species awards ceremony broadcast over Terran and as far as Maliri space.

Anonymous
>>7371525

With the site secure, Rachel and get someone to cut out the grubs so she can heal some of the civilians but the number has to be astounding at this point. Rachel can also gather her specimens for future autopsies.

DemonHunterCole

Let me blow everyone's mind. Reread the Jade section and you'll notice where John's cum went, and therefore realize... JADE IS PREGO!

Anonymous
>>7375331

I'd like to humbly disagree. The main reason being because John didn't make the conscious decision to make her pregnant, which has been established as the only thing stopping them. My theory is that Jade is changing in some fundamental way, and knows instinctively that she needs a full load in order for it to happen, hence why she didn't share. Just my thoughts. :)

Anonymous

On small arms and ammunition: I find it a bit weird that the Quantum Rifles are described as using 10mm caseless ammo. For those who don't know, caseless ammo is just like a conventional round, consisting of a bullet, a propellant charge, and a percussion cap for ignition. The only difference is that caseless doesn't enclose the propellant part in a metal shell, and hence doesn't need the ejection mechanism most 20th and 21st century firearms use. IRL, no-one has ever been able to get caseless ammo to work terribly well for various practical reasons, but the theory is sound enough. The part I have issue with is as follows: the Quantum Rifle, and the Punisher Rifle before it, don't actually use the combustion of the chemical propellant charge in the round itself to launch the projectile down the barrel to the target, they use electromagnetic railgun acceleration. Therefore, it is deeply weird to be putting ammo with chemical propellant charges into those weapons. I'd actually suggest that railgun weapons only need the bullet part of each round, not the rest. That allows for some novel and innovative magazine designs which pack many more rounds into the same space. For reference on that, the helical magazine design used by the Calico M960 (google it if you don't know the name) would be a good starting point for Dana's creative mind.

Anonymous
>>7380169

Also, it's mentioned that standard T-Fed rifles use hollow-point ammo. That's also a little strange, most rifles use pointed full metal jacket rounds, giving good ballistic characteristics and penetration. Hollow-point is more usually a pistol round intended for maximum damage against unarmoured targets.

Forbsey

Save the orphans! Alyssa’s projects haven’t been discussed for a while and Dana’s space station schematics still unknown (I guess that would be further discussed with Niskera). They have been rather busy; however, an XO meeting is in order for an update. Talk in the comments of a destroyer in the making? I haven’t heard anything from Tefler about a destroyer (I don’t expect he would) and seems to be a strong nudge at Tefler to add it. It is a good idea and is worth considering, but time constraints for the story may not make it viable. Jade’s sisters/Admiralty power struggle/Maliri unification/Trankaran war with Kirrix/Invictus upgrades (Brimordians, Progenitor upgrades)/Other BSP wrench throwing/Astral monsters/John’s origin (finding Jessica)/Unlocking psionic potential (all relevant characters) would make such an undertaking time consuming unless wormhole tech comes into play. Even when Tefler adds wormhole generator soon into the mix (presumably during Dana topping up), it will be difficult adding destroyers into the mix. The only viable option to allow the construction is to have the Maliri build the ships with the schematic sent by Dana, then sent to the Ashanath to fit the armour and sent to the nearest Dana completed space station for the group to finish weapon/internal component instalment with the help of Maliri engineers in the station. Hopefully the Maliri will reveal themselves by then and openly support John in a move to consolidate the Terran and Maliri public. Given destroyers are much smaller than the Invictus, it would take much less time and can be orbited at the station until needed unless the wormhole generator can envelop the destroyers as well, if not then only one destroyer can fit into the Invictus to take then only one built destroyer would be viable. Having one destroyer alone would be an easy target for theft and subsequent problems. Any thoughts?

PLRus--Founding member of the TSM F5 club.

Liam: Instead of destroyers, make a whole new class of ship where two can park in the large cargo bay. Something along the lines of a very fast, very well armed, very agile, very strong gunship with 1 pilot and 2 or 3 gunners. Dispense with typical deck layouts to provide max room for ordinance and just harden high value areas like munitions lockers and the battle bridge. You could then have a small fleet (2 gunships, Valkyrie, Raptor, and Invictus) that would rival the whole Maliri fleet in deliverable firepower (with 100% accuracy) and survivability.

Braw
>>7381164

Liam, at the end of Ch79 Dana said she was sending the plans to Genthalas for buiding with them turning up to arm and armour it.JFL thinks 2 new shpis,but you can fit three corvette sized ships(60m) in the primary hanger.My vote's for the destroyer though

Braw
>>7381427

3 corvette size ships will fit in the primary hanger,maybe upto 5 if they can fit facing outwards.Twice the size of the Raptor,same speed,massive amounts off firepower and Squadron Commander Faye at the helms.

Anonymous
>>7370774

She brings a different type of insight to the story then the other girls. Her knowledge is to invaluable. I agree she needs to come back sooner then later.

Anonymous

FUCK IT I CANT WAIT ANYMORE FOR THE FINAL TAG IM DIVING IN BOIS!!

Anonymous

Well I finally finished it and I have come to the conclusion that them damn bugs need to be exterminated right down to the last one I'm talking full scale genocide

Anonymous

Agreed, I just wonder if maybe that little flash of regret Faye had about killing the Kirrix means Nexus had something to do with creating them? Maybe she can influence their hive mind? Or maybe it was just a conflict in her morality sub routine, who knows.

Tefler

I got the edits back yesterday so I'll go through those today and aim to have the final version up by this afternoon. :-) I was away visiting family friends and we had relatives to stay on the weekend, so It's been pretty hectic. When I have had a chance to get to a computer, I started making some more headway on the early chapter edits, so I'm going to keep working on the ebook for the rest of this month. Hopefully it'll be ready for when the cover artwork is complete. I'll be adding a few new scenes and adding more to existing ones, as well as fixing the bad punctuation and grammar as I go. It'll basically be a "director's cut" of the first 10 or so chapters. :-)

Jedi Khan
>>7395459

Any plans on where/how you'll publish the ebook? Or is that another thing you'll keep to yourself until you're ready, like the plot? ;-)

Kim Biel-Nielsen

Are you still planning a shorter chapter 91 by the end of the month?

Anonymous
>>7403511

really needed a small chapter to calm us down from the battle buildup... :)

PLRus--Founding member of the TSM F5 club.

Some more songs for the movie <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRvCvsRp5ho" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRvCvsRp5ho</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcATvu5f9vE" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcATvu5f9vE</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_VsvZmIWxY" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_VsvZmIWxY</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTNcYMV2eWE" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTNcYMV2eWE</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95kCv10duFw" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95kCv10duFw</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lS-af9Q-zvQ" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lS-af9Q-zvQ</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUsFWO08CO0" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUsFWO08CO0</a>

Anonymous
>>7410702

LOL, while watching ZZ Top, I was perusing the list and there was Black Magic Woman... when I went back to play the next song in your list, lo and behold. And, no Bonnie? <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBwS66EBUcY" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBwS66EBUcY</a>

Anonymous

I don't know if anyone finds the timing suspect.... but Mad Jonah started John on the path. If the other promenigator started his schemes a little earler there would be on-one to stop him...

Jedi Khan
>>7415304

So what are you suggesting? That Jonah is the BSP and set John on his path so that he would have some entertainment while in the area? Or perhaps that Jonah is some previously unknown third-party who knew about the BSP's coming as well as John's potential, and set John on his path to confront the BSP as entertainment and/or to prevent the BSP from achieving his goals? One of the many things we don't know about the BSP is just how long he's been in the area. Has he been in the region since John's birth, bidding his time until John was ready to play? Or is he a recent arrival, only having arrived in the last year?

Tefler

I've updated the post with the FINAL version of chapter 90. I added another thousand words or so, extending the ending a little and changing it slightly. I also clarified a few more points that the editors flagged up. I'll be editing the early chapters for the rest of this month and adding more content to them for the ebook. Normal service will resume in October! (I'll aim to get chapter 91 done by the 10th). :-)

Anonymous

Oh Great One, can you tell me the range (approx.) in miles of the Nova Lances and the Singularity Drivers?

Tefler

My embedded reply to Liam got eaten... The new version includes (all changes in the second half): 1) A brief physical description of the minor-empire species (the ones from a single world) 2) A few extra lines here and there in the fight scenes. 3) The final scene with the diplomat evacuation is extended, with the bulk of the word count going there.

Tefler
>>7419744

Well, a beam laser can fire out to "long range" and Nova Lances and Singularity Drivers can shoot up to triple that distance. So the definitive answer is... lots (of miles)! ;-) I haven't quantified any of the ranges, but I'm sure one of the more physics inclined patrons could come up with something sensible!

Evan
>>7420487

So annoying when that happens. I'm glad you were able to repost it! Thank you. I was curious and had started to look, myself.

Anonymous

Thanks O Great One!

Anonymous

So, the Invictus could lay above the earth and take out either N Korea or the Iran Nuclear apparatus, buried in the mountains, without fear of any weapons reaching them? I know this is off subject, but what the hell let's dream a little. I smile really big thinking of turning Faye or Jade loose in the Raptor sweeping in and destroying the missiles of little rocket man.

Anonymous

Thanks Evan!

Evan
>>7420884

Carl, please note that my reply was to Tefler and just my input as to the question. It was not meant to be in any way definitive, since the world and its physics are up to him to ascertain and pronounce (or not) as he deems fit. I have no idea if he'll agree or not with my suppositions and analysis. However, you're most welcome. :-)

Evan

Tefler, when you updated the chapter to the 'final' version, you introduced some errors, I believe. If you want to fix them, one is where it says: "...the hyper-accelerated ploughing on into the ranks behind and cutting down more of their number." The hyper-accelerated *what*? You left out the noun. Projectiles? Bullets? Slugs? Alternatively, you could just change it to read: "...their hyper-acceleration (referring back to the term 'slugs' used earlier in the sentence) causing them to plough on into..." or "...the hyper-accerated slugs ploughing on into the ranks..." or whatever else you come up with. :-) It then reads in the same paragraph: "...timely intervention wiped out most of the Kirrix firing shooting at Dana..." - should probably say either 'firing' or 'shooting', but not both. Finally, it says: "John effortlessly swept her of her feet," should probably be 'off her feet' or even 'up off her feet,' I should think. No? I hope that this is helpful.

Tefler
>>7420853

Yep, definitely! Some weapons are better for orbital barrages than others: Mass Drivers and Heavy Cannons are a lot more effective than Beam Lasers, and Laser Cannons don't really pack enough firepower to make much of an impact. There's an example in the "Truckstop Takedown" story I did.

Tefler
>>7423449

Ah brilliant! Thanks for spotting those. Yes, I was chopping around all those sentences in the latest edits! :-)

Anonymous

Guess this is the perfect time to start over and see what I forgot in the first couple chapters!

Anonymous

BSP fills vats to feed his thralls? Always thought John should be putting some on reserve in cryostasis but when would he have the time or energy?

bigdawguw65

I don't know how to list songs on here but one song that always comes to my mind when John swings into action is Nazareth's "Hair of the Dog " better known by it's unofficial names , The Son of a Bitch song .

13Lokiz
>>7426224

I'm gonna wait till the ebook comes out to do another re-read. Then, not only do you get a refresher, you get new content.

Forbsey

Found another mistake: (Page 17) His stomach lurched after the rapid descent, but he did his best to ignore it as "he" returned Faye’s friendly wave from the gunship’s cockpit or His stomach lurched after the rapid descent, but he did his best to ignore it as "he turned towards" Faye’s friendly wave from the gunship’s cockpit

Anonymous

Another great chapter,. You know what you are doing, so just keep up the good work.

Evan

Tefler, when you release the updated final version to SOL and Lit, will you also include it here for us? I know that the current final version posted here is dated from yesterday, so I thought I'd inquire.

Youkai-sama

Smexcellent chapter, Ole chum. Simply smashing. And now, for the Youkai's predictions/fervent hopes for The Transmogrification of Jade. So... considering her whole 'little kittens' fetish, considering her lamenting line "I was supposed to be a leader of my people", considering her tentacle/oppai 'juice' transfer ability, considering Alyssa's "off handed" comment about Jade's psychic energy capacity, and considering the sheer blinding brightness of her new aura (where have we seen THAT before?), I'm calling Futanari Matriarch/2nd female progenitor over the newly evolving Lenarann race. I see this serving two purposes. First, it saves Johnny boy from having to incorporate dozens if not hundreds of new sex bob-ombs into his growing family so that they can be evolved and un-enslaved. Second it would be the ultimate in character growth for Jade herself; from slave glad at finally finding an impregnator, to being the one doing the impregnating, quite the level up. Plus the futanari scenes plus more tentacle stuff would be HAWT! P.S. Considering Jade's lower natural body temp, the dangly bits wouldn't need to be external. Full-package Futa kinda breaks the illusion, ya know. Just my 10 cents, my 2 cents is free.

Tefler
>>7437861

I've made a few fixes for typos and just updated the latest one. I'll post that to literotica in a minute! :-)

Forbsey

Tefler, with the eBook since 3SM is both the culmination of your work and financial help from us patrons do we get copies of the eBook or something? Something tells me no, I'm quite happy to pay for the eBook just confused to what this means for patrons.

Tefler
>>7445671

I might do a quick preview on here of one of the early chapters that I've rewritten. I'm also considering giving copies to the most generous Patrons, a bit like the pledge-tier rewards. I can see the total amount people have pledged in the Patron Manager, but I can't filter the lists by totals, which makes it a difficult one to organise a mailshot. I might just say something like: "If you've pledged over $200 so far, email me for a free copy of the ebook." I'm up to chapter 7 at the moment... the early chapters need a lot of work to sort out punctuation and I've been tidying up bits and pieces and adding extras to the scenes. It's fun, but quite time consuming. Between that and working with the artist on the Invictus, I'm glad I'm not trying to get chapter 91 done by the end of the month! :-)

Forbsey

Hey people, I found a button combination to space in this comment section. Hold shift then enter. Didn't know until I stumbled on it

Anonymous

Tefler. I noticed a continuity error. In one scene you have this "One of the beams struck the Valkyrie, blowing off its leg and sending the mech careening out of control. It slammed into a skyscraper, leaving Sakura stunned by the mighty impact. " and later she is running and doing other things which would require the mech to have its second leg.

Anonymous
>>7452405

The easiest fix is for the leg to simply be damaged or some other damage which would not completely render the Valkyrie incapacitated.

Tefler

TP: Those events didn't actually happen. Whever you see the following: ~~~ it's one of Calara's Prescience visions. ~~~ <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_76RK_5bBs" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_76RK_5bBs</a> :-)

Forbsey

How about making those visions that Calara has get written in italics to help differentiate?

Anonymous

Has Calara had a prescience vision about when the ebook will be released? I have told some friends to delay starting until it's release.

Tefler
>>7453859

I've used italics occasionally but I don't tend to use them much for two reasons: 1) A paragraph of italicised text is annoying to read. 2) literotica and storiesonline accept text files for submissions which don't pick up italics. You can get the sites to display in italics by using notations in the text, but they use different formats and I can't be arsed to make two versions, one for each site. For example, any telepathy text using asterisks comes out as bold text on storiesonline...

Anonymous

I'm curious Tefler for the eBook at least once the story is complete have you thought about releasing a less sexualized version? While for the literotica audience etc.. the current sex lvl is ofc no problem,but i fear that it will severely limit your potential audience in getting the book. The main story so far is utterly fantastic i'd hate for you not to get the recognition this work deserves just because the story was initially planned for a far less mainstream audience.

Tefler
>>7455110

It largely depends on three factors: 1) How long the cover art will take to complete. We've agreed two weeks, so it could be another 10 days before it's finished. 2) How long it takes me to finish editing the early chapters. I'm making good progress, so I hope to be done by the end of the month (ish). 3) How hard it is to convert my word documents into e-reader format. I need to do some research to see what's involved.

Tefler
>>7455835

I definitely could do, but there's an awful lot of sex and quite often there's been character development thrown into those scenes too. It would be a mammoth task to remove it all! (without severely messing up the story).

PLRus--Founding member of the TSM F5 club.

Tefler, have you given any thought to offering a limited edition bound set of books? I would much rather have the paper book in my hand than an e-book. Everyone can laugh at me all they want, e-books have no possibility of investment potential as an initial or special/limited printing. Cost would not be an issue as I would gladly pay for a collecter's level bound edition.

Anonymous
>>7452587

Is that like the moments in the Sherlock Holmes movies?

Anonymous

Tefler, I just notice this on my second re-read of this chapter, I don't know if you want to change it now as this is finalize, but seems like its off kilter a little bit. This may have been before you're son was sick. page 82 - One of the beams struck the Valkyrie, blowing off its leg and sending the mech careening out of control. After when you were back. Page 88 - Running around the left flank of the hive ship, Sakura dodged another set of neutron beams as the Valkyrie ran between two tall administration buildings. Thanks for the chapter and love the story and hope it never ends, but continues with more adventures of John and girls.

Tefler
>>7469578

The mech getting damaged was part of a prescience vision. A paragraph starting and ending with ~~~ is Calara seeing a possible future.

Anonymous

Great chapter again, thank you Tefler. Regarding the photon laser rifle I have one question: it looks like Dana got rid of the overheating issue which made the justice laser rifle in heated battle scenes quite inefficient (from my POV). Is there no cooling time required anymore?

Tefler
>>7479152

Thanks a lot for keeping it updated, it's extremely handy! :-) For those requesting a link: <a href="https://www.patreon.com/posts/dark-storymakers-11865270">https://www.patreon.com/posts/dark-storymakers-11865270</a>

PLRus--Founding member of the TSM F5 club.

“The fourth (singularity) slug punched deep inside the carrier and instead of a single explosive retort there were two, the second far more devastating. The enormous primary reactor that supplied power to the ship was smashed by that fourth hit, triggering a core breach that made the rear half of the vessel balloon outwards obscenely...before the detonation blew it apart in a monstrous supernova. “ Ok. It seems to me it is time for Dana to up the ante on the explosive inside the singularity, heavy cannon, and gauss cannons with miniature Projen power cores that are activated as part of the firing sequence and set to begin an overload explosion at a pre-determined time after firing. Have a rune reinforced, penetrating head of Crystal Alyssium shaped like the hollow ground 3 faced obdurater of a trocar. Superior penetration and an unequaled explosive warhead that can cause cascading explosions in a ship's power systems. This could easily result in some one shot and many two shot kills as opposed to 4 shot kills of Capitol sized enemy ships. The power cores could heavily reinforce/power the tycheon/shield defeating cocoon of the shells as well, allowing them to more effectively drain shield strength.

Anonymous
>>7492382

John F Lewis, I thought that since Dana's now has improved or upgraded abilities, she would go over all of the Invictus, Valkyrie, and the Raptor systems, to see if she could further improve them. I'm not sure what energy source provides power for the power cores, but my thoughts were to add a small amount of anti matter, with a microchip to detonate a few seconds after contact to allow penetration or to detonate after a certain estimated amount of time, if there in no contact. The anti matter could be the size of a grain of sand, up to the size of a pea depending on the size of enemy ship and the amount of damage to be caused to the enemy ship. This anti matter could be added to your above described improvements or not. The smaller heavy cannon and gauss cannon could, just have a microchip and a predetermined amount of anti matter, from a heavy charge to a light charge. A heavy charge of anti matter could leave a twisted wreck, or completely vaporize a ship it was inside of when it detonated. I see this, as one of many improvements that could happen.

DCM

My imagination sees an energy sucking drone released in the middle of a fleet, depletes enemy shields and explodes to severely damage the core of the enemy fleet. With each core explosion sending large amounts of armor, now shrapnel through the enemies operating area I can't believe there isn't a lot more collateral damage, especially to smaller ships.

Anonymous

Does anyone else think that one of the future toys for their armor should be the ability to play an incredibly load lion roar? I think it would be particularly effective against Terran troops and make them immediately question their actions.

Anonymous

Just for shits n giggles, go for it!

Forbsey

I don't think the mobile hacker tool that John used multiple times in the early days has had some love? Upgrades by the engineering overlord? Integrated in the Paragon suits?

Jedi Khan
>>7575429

lol John's a traditionalist. Who's he going to ask for permission to marry her? John himself is the closest thing she has to a father, and I guess you could consider Irillith her mother since she owned the hacking desk that Faye came from.

Anonymous

Wonder what the range is on Dana's power. in ship battles it could either open up hull reaches and so let the air out, or against carrier style ships could weld the doors up in combat (in the same way that Irrilith has shut doors on launch bays before)

Anonymous

Touch would be my guess from her prior interactions.