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What happens when you’re overburdened by expectations? Why is perspective taking so hard?

Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright revisit a favorite, Everything Everywhere All at Once, and take a closer look at the villain, Jobu Tupaki. They discuss how Jobu is a collection of the many versions of Joy in the multiverse, born from Joy’s fractured relationship with her mother. Evelyn crushes Joy with expectations and leads her to spiral into depression and create a life-sucking bagel. They discuss why perspective taking is so hard but so necessary in our relationships. Alan explains why the crazy sci-fi and grounded world blending works, and Jono struggles to pronounce some words.

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Comments

Anonymous

YES! Never clicked something so fast.

Angie

Yaaaaasssss! So excited!

Lauren Wagstaff

YES!!!! Can’t wait to watch this after work

Emily Powers

"You could get an MBA." Oh how I hear you, Alan.

Matt

"What happens when you’re overburdened by expectations? Why is perspective taking so hard?" When you're overburdened by expectations, you feel like it never ends and nothing you do is enough, and that is the worst thought and feeling you have. What you can do for yourself is work with what you're given and to remind yourself that what you're doing is enough and to love and be kind to yourself above all else As for why perspective taking is so hard, it's because we don't know how the other person operates and we are not mind readers. The best we can do is try to empathize and do our best to understand and learn. Even if we mess up on that, it's still a chance to learn and there's nothing wrong with that And Alan, even though you might not get ever get the response or love you need from your mom, you still have plenty of people who do love you and want to see you prosper and flourish and that is enough

Anonymous

This has easily become one of my favorite movies of all time! It's so profound and absurd at the same time. Just like life. Jono, thanks for pointing out your takeaway about healing all of the Joys at once at the end. I hadn't thought about it that way!

Anonymous

Brilliant! That was just... <>

Aether

I hear Alan with being your own biggest critic. It's so hard to move past that when it's your own voice telling you you're not good enough. Great episode and definitely did not make me cry at ALL (I'm lying). Time to watch this movie again

Jan Sapper

Haven’t watched, but already enjoying the anticipation! 😆

Jan Sapper

Thanks, guys. Also my fave movie, and you’ve added more layers to it. 🎂

Sharon aka Pocozy

Yaaaaaaaas. Been waiting for this!! Also bird noise was hilarious. Need more #SophieOnDrugs not really because that would be bad but I laughed a lot and I appreciate Sophie's drug induced humor. 👏👏👏❤️‍🔥

Emily Snell-Salvaggio

This just gave me the craving to watch this film again, lol. Such a fantastic film, and this is a fantastic villain therapy episode.

tropetweeter

Hamilton and You Say Run go with everything.

Natalie Carbone

I think the biggest thing I learned from this movie was that if nothing matters, if nothing has meaning, then I get to CHOOSE what matters and what has meaning for myself. No one else gets to decide that for me. And it’s time to watch EEAAO again.

Loki Dokey

Omg how have I not seen this movie yet and wtf was the ending? You guys are too creative for me 😂 And we got Sophie and Brad(?) and Megan in this episode, so good. Loved it. Let's get Ke Huy Quan on the show!

Loki Dokey

Okay, wait! Hold on, why don't we have the Raycon ad in here? I can't 😂😂, that was brilliant, I'm dying 🤣🤣

Sean Goettsche

I feel like I need this video right now. I’m not on the same level as Jobu, but I’ve recently had moments of feeling like saying “I’m not meeting expectations, so why even bother trying?”

Lara

I watched this movie on the plane and it was so hard to hold back the tears (at least to an okay-ish level)! (I might not even have watched it if I hadn't seen your first take on the movie since I'm, surprisingly, not much of a movie person 😅) The character journeys here are truly amazing, thank you for analyzing yet another aspect of this movie. It hit so close to home. Your videos are always so healing while also giving me new things and perspectives to think about, new approaches to consider. Thank you so much!

LB Clark

I just wanted to say: I see you. I don't know the specifics of what you're dealing with, but I've felt the same way, and I know how much it sucks.

Anonymous

Watching this movie had me sobbing my eyes out. I’m a Latina bisexual woman who hasn’t been able to come out to her parents yet, though I am dating a man. And I’ve never seen a more relatable character than Joy. I myself love my mother very much, but she too puts too much pressure on me. And watching Evelyn and Joy finally talk about everything they’ve both endured with each other. Made me want that more than anything else in the world. I just wish my own mother could see how much she’s hurting me, by pressuring me.

Anonymous

Thank you for making me feel less alone in my 'Citizen Kane is NOT the greatest movie ever' stance.... stupid Rosebud.

Kate Ackerley

Random commen not related to the content of this wonderful villain therapy, I love Alan's Loch Ness t-shirt.

Hollywood and Wine

Truly a gem of a movie. So happy it won so many Academy Awards. Well deserved

CinemaTherapy

It's INFLUENTIAL AF, to its credit. It pioneered new styles and techniques. But not the best ever.

Daniel

Omg the Psych reference though

Anonymous

SHRIMP. HEAVEN. NOW.

Kristine Amdor

Alan, since you and Jono are our Internet Dads™️, we can be your Internet Moms. I'm proud of you for busting your butt and not giving up on your dreams. The world is a better place for you sharing your light with it, not only for the brightness you've given others but because when the darkness threatens to overwhelm you, we'll be there to help keep it at bay. Drink some water, unclench your jaw, go outside for a few minutes, eat some vegetables, and don't forget to pack clean underwear.

Asteria Bates

I'm only 11 minutes into this video and Sophie these jokes are incredible NEVER APOLOGIZE

Angie

"Parents confronting their own behaviors often have to deal with their own parents; where it came from." Omg yes. Yes yes yes. 😭😭😭

Angie

Yes!! I am here for this and fully agree!! -another internet mom

Amelia Hansen

Mg humanities teacher had us watch this for our section on daoism and I have been OBSESSED with this movie, actual perfection 👌

Josh Mann

When Alan was talking about dealing with disappointment in himself and Jono talked about being happy without being satisfied, it reminded me of a quote that I really like by dancer and choreographer Martha Graham (1894-1991). Here it is. “There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”