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Hi loves.



I am in this moment.

The wine glass broke at the very end of the potluck - the kiwis call it “bring a plate” - and it was my own carelessness - while doing the dishes - that tipped it over. The last guests laughed and cheered and yelled Susi’s name.

I raise this glass to Susi, to Lee, to Katherine. Pillars of my life.

I lost them all within six days.

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”

-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

……

Nor would you want to

To all of them.

L’Chaim.

Kua hinga he totara i te wao nui a Tane.

So much love to you all,

And all you’ve lost.

♥️🌊♥️

Afp

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Josie Wall

Grief really does tear your life apart and put it together in new ways. I'm still reeling from loosing my nana at the end of November. 100 years of family history, gone. All the time and admin and care I took looking after her in the last few years- just a void left. I have never wanted a baby, but now I understand why grief makes people want to start a family.

Anonymous

I’ve been watching everyone’s grief from safe distances this year. Yesterday morning they found my love, alone and cold after a brain aneurysm. We had so many plans. We had so much time. How the fuck do i keep breathing?

Josie Wall

I'm so sorry Amanda. I hope you can keep breathing, one breath at a time, even if you can never ever make sense of this. Sending love.