The Portal to Tenderness, and other thoughts and images from Denver. (Patreon)

HELLO LOVES

Greetings from Santa Fe. I wrote most of this on my journey from Denver to Santa Fe Airport, where I’m stationing for a second to see my family (my sister Lisa lives out there, still) and to recover a bit from this epic weekend in Denver and prep for the weekend in Santa Fe.

I owe you some news about the pop-up possibility. Wait for it.

Photos from the Denver shows will be rolling in but MY GOD every night just fucking topped the one before. Brian Viglione is the best drummer in the world and was so on fire it was almost blinding.

Here’s a quick stage-side phone photo that Michael grabbed, pro stuff is in the pipeline. But uhhhhh it was so delicious.

The empty stage at the end of night 3.

I’m not gonna actually spoil things for the upcoming shows with a setlist. But we played a slightly different setlist every night.

I brought a ton of ill-fitting message t-shirts and for shits and giggles am taking photos every night backstage for the next 12 dolls shows. I’ll compile them all here when I am done, and if you’re following. me on instrgram you’ll see them in real time.

But there were broken drumsticks galore, bleeding fingers on the keyboard, Brian’s hands blistered so badly we had to bandage them and ice them, the new songs brought us all to tears and fucking laughter, and … it was everything. Everything I needed. The cup is filling.

I gathered with a bunch of patrons on Saturday even though I was wrecked, and posted this:

(all above by me but this last one by Dahlia Graham - mistress of chocolate).

I wrote, on instagram:

Yesterday, Denver. She told me that the dolls got her through a parent's death.

He told me that "The Bed Song" was the catalyst that led to him coming out of the closet to his family. She told me that she had a double mastectomy the day the dolls tickets in Denver went on sale and missed out . I put her on the guest list. He told me I was the reason he didn't kill himself. I told him I believed him. I am sure I was part of a larger whole. I believe in the magic of music, because I too have been saved.

To think I was almost too exhausted to make time to do this little patron-gathering in Denver today. I almost bailed. I am so glad I didn't. My voice and body were so tired but my sore heart needed it. I need these little stories to remind me why I'm so tired; that it's all for a reason, that I'll come out the other side.

It's hard for me to describe what it feels like at the very moment to be surrounded by my patrons, who are going out of their way to self-organize because they see how tired I am, and then they show up with such profound care and love, reminding me that this is one of those eras in my life as an artist when They are there for Me, because they can see how much weight I've been carrying around - especially as I try to navigate my divorce. I just love the joy, the simplicity, the feeling of family. I've had to turn around and explain my "Amanda on Tour" modus operandi to quite a few folks lately - it's difficult to explain, and I remember how hard this used to be, year after year, trying to juggle my need to connect and my need to recover.

Such joy & extreme silliness, this chosen family.

Such incredible love. Shown above: a Trout Heart Replica tattoo (that song is going to need a part 2, I suppose, now that the little heart has been fully crushed by a boot), a tarot from The Night Circus - I had no idea how Dresden-dollsy it was!

….and a portal-scarf from Meow Wolf connecting two people's heads.

(More on that below).

We all had a long talk about art, patronage, money, trust, space, power, pain, support, and How It All Works. I love talking to my patrons. We will try to come up with a plan for Santa Fe. Holda phone. And if anyone here wants to take initiative and come up with a gathering spot for patrons on Saturday or Sunday - maybe at Meow Wolf? Or downtown - YOU ARE THE LOCALS!! Find each other here in comments or on the FB group or shadowbox (all links below).

And

Meanwhile - I did an epic photoshoot at Meow Wolf DENVER - there are hijinx afoot. Meow Wolf, for those not in the loop, is a massive-scale psychedelic interactive narrative-driven art museum, with various locations in the states. My sister Jason Webley and I happened to be there for the opening of the original Meow Wolf in Santa Fe - where the Dolls are about to do a sold-out three night stand - and the place was so inspiring we wrote a patron-backed song about it called “The House of Eternal Return”.

You can see a little live video of the shoot here: https://www.instagram.com/tv/Cshkjzhpglb/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

AND …Here are some sneak peeks from the shoot, in black and white.

I wrote some thoughts, a little earlier today on instagram as I boarded the plane to Santa Fe.

This is a little behind-the-scenes from the photoshoot I did yesterday at Meow Wolf Denver with the masterful photographer Glenn Ross. We did a breakneck hair and make-up session then had about 45 minutes to shoot. We ran around the museum like kids in a psychedelic candy store - and the Meow Wolf team was just fantastic. Then I went and played Dresden Dolls show #3.

I have been surrounded by human magicians as of late, some of them accidental and unwitting.

Last night, a mom and her trans son found me after the show. He had an old signed The Dresden Dolls poster with his deadname on it and he wanted to get it re-christened. While I was signing it, his mom was quietly telling me about escaping a marriage that had been abusive and violent for decades. She was talking about life, but also, the music. The music. The songs. The saving.

She said: Amanda, I don’t know what you’ve been through. But we see you. I took mother and son in my arms and the tears flowed in all directions. I need these moments like I need air. The slow awakening of a fragile numbness that I hadn’t realized had set in because it was so gradual. All the tenderness I used to know, a lifetime ago.

The barely-there touch of a lip against a nose. The ability to be together in soft silence. The pressing of a cheek against an ear, a silent hand in a silent hand. Like a weighted blanket on top of me, protecting me.

Meow Wolf wanted to do a shoot in each museum: one in Denver, one in Santa Fe. I am meant - in the final photos - to be climbing from one portal to another.

So, I feel inbetween, but delivered. The way the lens holds me. The way gentle arms wrapped around me with light, paint, cloth, music and space-time.

I want to be the magician, I want to wrap my arms around absolutely everybody and whisper so quietly in their ears what I know is true: we are all going to be okay.

Out of the world of violence, into the world of tenderness.

Out of the world of violence, into the world of tenderness.

Art is a portal.

We carry each other in and out.

I love you all so.

More soon.

X

Amanda

———THE STUFF I PASTE AT THE END OF THE POST———

1. if you are a patron and new to my work, don’t forget your patronage allows you access to ALL of my patreon releases to date. HERE is the link to download my latest big solo record, “There Will Be No Intermission”, and HERE is a link to download the PDF of the art/essay book that goes with it.

2. if you’re a patron reading this post via an email notification, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol. that's always nice for me to see, so i know who's reading.

3. see All the Things (over 200 of them) i've made so far on patreon:

http://amandapalmer.net/things

4. JOIN THE SHADOWBOX COMMUNITY FORUM, find your people, and discuss everything: https://forum.theshadowbox.net/

5. are you new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

6. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net

2023 Tour Dates:

***THE DRESDEN DOLLS***

May 19th, 20th, & 21st - Denver, CO - Ophelia's Electric Soapbox *SOLD OUT*

May 26th, 27th, & 28th - Santa Fe, NM - Meow Wolf *SOLD OUT*

June 16th, 17th, & 18th - Orlando, FL - The Social *SOLD OUT*

June 23rd, 24th, & 25th - New Orleans, LA - Toulouse Theatre *SOLD OUT*

All tickets at: https://amandapalmer.net/events/