a xerox of my bum: a little voice ramble from home - june 27th (Patreon)

hi my dears.

my boxes have arrived from new zealand. i still haven’t done all the laundry. i’m swimming in the deep of the undone.

but i made a little early-morning voice ramble for you.

i still don’t know what - if anything - i’m going to put out by the end of this month. i have a piece of writing drafted but don’t know if i can’t finish it in time. i’m exhausted. but happy to be home.

max melton, one of my favorite friends, is here to visit from london, and michael is here with his daughter emory. the worse the outside world gets, the stiller and slower i feel. everything, inside my body, inside my brain, keeps getting slower and slower. i want to see how slow i can get before i decide what to do. i am a still pond. i want to be a stone.

so does max.

here is max, napping on the porch yesterday,

…..

and here’s the transcription of the voice ramble, thank you alex the merch queen. :D

Good morning, my loves.

It’s 6am. The birds are singing. The fan is on. It is very hot in upstate New York.

I’m home after a long week away in Maine with my family and Ash, and it was so beautiful, and I’m so tired. 

I got the Roe vs Wade news on Friday, and I just knew it was coming, but... I said to a friend yesterday, it’s like even when you know someone is gonna die, like what I went through with Anthony for four years, and I was as prepared as you can be for someone to die, I’d been watching him die, and having the idea in my head that he might die for four years, it still... It made it a little easier, but it didn’t mean that when he died it didn’t hurt like hell. It hurts like hell.

And I’m bone tired. I’m so tired. And I’m also finer than I’ve ever been. I’m fine.

My God, I watched Lizzo’s new video last night. I love her, I’m gonna put up a link of that for you.

I’ve been listening to the Frozen 2 soundtrack with Ash. And oh my god. I’ve had this song in my head that Ana sings, where she’s just lost in a cave. I think that might be my Thing this month. I might just sit down at my goddamn piano and give you another Frozen song. Just cos it resonates.

I don’t know, you guys.

I need rest more badly than I ever have in my life. I think we all do. And yet, it does not seem like the time to take our eyes off the ball, if you know what I mean. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m a German Studies major. I also read a lot of books about the Holocaust. I concentrated on Weimar in the 20s, and what happened with Germany in the 20s and the 30s in the lead up to the war. The main thing, not that Germany was inherently terrible, fascist, or racist. The main thing is that everybody was tired. They were tired. They were tired from World War 1, and they were tired form the Depression, and they were tired as fuck. They were tired from the giant flu pandemic. Everyone was just out of fucking juice, man. That’s when it happens. That’s when it happens, is when everybody’s just out of juice. That’s when they steal your lunch money. When they see you staring into space.

That’s my thought for the day.

I love you all, so much.

I might do more voice rambles. It’s about what I’ve got in me.

And I wanna Thing something in the next few days. Something.

Maybe the Frozen song.

It would feel like a fitting bookend to leaving this house three years ago having just learned Let It Go.

Or maybe I’ll watercolor.

Or maybe I’ll write a long essay about abortion.

Or maybe I’ll just find a rare Xerox machine somewhere and make a Xerox of my bum, which I’ve always threatened to do, and Thing a Xerox of my bum. You’ll know I’m done with Patreon because I finally do that. When I Thing a Xerox of my bum. Maybe I’ll write a song about Thinging a Xerox of my bum.

Hey, a Xerox of my bum.

I love you very much.

Have a beautiful day.

I really do love you.

Hey, I’m back in your timezone too, you Americans.

Okay, bye.

……

more soon.

illl be back with …. something. i think. or maybe not.

not all who wander are lost.

how are you all doing?

are you all feeling as slow and as fragile as i am?

xxx

a

———THE STUFF I SAY AT THE END OF EVERY POST———

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