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too tired for anything but peace. (Patreon)

Published:
2022-03-08 23:29:39
Imported:
2023-03

Content

hello loves.

my heart is in a lot of pain right now. fit to burst.

it’s in pain for the world, for me, for you, for the exhausted people of earth. for those who cannot and are not ready to leave the dark realms of suffering and who continue the mindless and hunger-driven endless cycles of pain, fear and abuse.

i look at ash and i already see the uphill battle written on his own heart’s map.

it is hard to wake up every day and just see people inflicting pain on other people.

it is hard to keep hope alive inside you.

it is hard to imagine that these deep habits can be somehow relieved, released, forgiven, evolved.

and still i have hope.

this is the circle i went to, here on the island, for international women’s day.



together, we sang, we chatted, we shared prayers for the war-torn, and we collectively sent the message out:

change,

please.

happy international women’s day, everybody.

my friends. i’ve had a more exhausting week than i expected. every project has been pushed to the future. i am glad i have patronage. things will have to wait.

a lot of things are waiting. it’s okay. i need to rest, still. i have had the hardest two years of my life and just when i think a reprieve is coming, the universe sends me another storm.

we will all get there in the end ….

won’t we?

i love you all. tell me how you are.

x

afp



























Files

Comments

Anonymous

Beautiful.

Molly McEnerney

Seeing people in New Zealand wearing masks gives me a paradoxical feeling - regret that the virus is now spreading even there, despite how well the whole country did keeping it under control by following the rules and going through all the sacrifices of lockdown, and also relief that people there are being good citizens and just wearing the masks instead of acting like they out to be an exception. Here in California, a lot of mask mandates are ending, even as the evidence shows the virus is still spreading. Deciding not to wear masks in public places doesn't give us more freedom; it takes away the freedom of people who are at high risk by making public spaces unsafe for them.

Anonymous

Hey, on the subject of women, and new zealand, I just found out (through a fascinating talk on Knitting in Code) about a woman now living in New Zealand who is the oldest living female British spy! I bet she would be pretty interesting and inspiring to talk to, while you're there. :-) Her name is Phyllis “Pippa” Latour Doyle, and she is 101 years old. Happy International Day for the Rights of Women (as it's called in french around here), sending love and courage.

Jozias

This hurts so much. There can't be happiness anymore. No happy people. We all hurt. The apocalypse has never been closer. Madness took place and has settled in this world and won't go away anymore. You ask us how we are doing and I got speechless. Impossible to share laughter because there isn't any. Impossible to share sadness because we're all in tears already. Beside that, there's a big chance your grief is deeper than mine. Shame would blur me out. The only hope we can have, is that the end may come fast. I see much madness from close and big ones from far. Not just random madness. So much structural madness this world was built on anyway. So much, that it is no wonder it's starting to fall apart midst these disasters going on. Panic is spreading among us. We don't listen to each other anymore. Many will jump off the ships. Others will just sit and cry. Others will turn on steers while they don't know where they take them. Crowds will move and jump of the cliffs they were challenged by for years already. No wonder I discovered both my daughters are alcoholics. I went back to Europe but Europe is in a war. Madness of all madnesses. Many got so paralyzed they put their jobs and tasks down and many will follow. The system that we thought would safe us, no matter what, is braking down fast or broke already. Part by part first, tumbling down soon, so we realize how weak it was. How vulnerable we are and how fragile we were shaped with no brakes built in. Money lost every value, because there is nothing to order and no people to realize any. Trains and planes will stop for ever, with people in them. No boats will leave the harbors anymore. Many will be drifting on the oceans though, out of fuel and filled with sick and starving people. Houses have been plundered and left behind with the inhabitants murdered in their beds. The only ligitemit hope we have is, that the end may come soon. A message has never been so useless. Our end is coming anyway, without real comfort for anyone. (I know you may consider this unrealistic. Then see it as a piece of dark art.)

Anonymous

I too am exhausted. My great grandmother, my baba and her family fled Ukraine in the earlier half of the 20th century (being of two undesirable ethnic minorities, Jewish and Tartar) and some of my earliest memories are of her spitting at the television in a language I couldn't understand at the Putin and Kuchma on the television. I was usually taken for a ride in her wheelchair by my grandfather when she was watching tv, so this was more on my periphery, coming more to the center of my understanding after conversations with my father and grandfather about her. and about the state of the world. Meanwhile, I have seen some of my fellow leftists demonstrate great ignorance and borderline hypocrisy, bitching about NATO and excusing/ downplaying the acts of aggression and the actions of Putin, which is frustrating and a little offensive and frightening. The acts of resistance bring me hope-- we see indomitable spirit and courage displayed by the Ukrainian resistance and the Russian antiwar movement. I have some things in my personal life which bring me joy and peace-- last weekend, I welcomed Shabbat with a close friend, who is a fellow spoonie (chronically ill) and Jewish Lesbian. It felt so affirming, to say "enough. This 24 hours is for restoration. we are going to celebrate and talk and not be productive as much as possible and refrain from doomscrolling," and to bracket off that intention with candle lighting, brachot (blessings) and singing.

Laura Morland

Thank you for all the beautiful photos! I'm with Molly McEnerney in admiring the civic-mindedness of the lovely masked women... BUT YOU ALL WERE OUTSIDE! Studies have shown that the wind will blow away the virus when you're out-of-doors... unless you're in a mosh-pit or a packed-to-the gills demonstration where everyone is singing our shouting. All that is to say: the Waiheke Women's mask-wearing is endearing, but from a scientific point of view, it wasn't necessary. Too tired to address the meat of the matter. Kia ora. I'm praying for Ukraine.

Catherine Hannah

I love your images of togetherness and strength - I love this energy put into the word - do what you need to do dear heart, we are here

Anonymous

Last night I saw a video of a girl singing in a bomb shelter. This young thing (probably no more than 8) had dreams of singing in concerts and grand places. She definitely had a captive audience as she sang the local version of “Let it Go” from the Frozen movie. Beautiful, strong voice, obviously gifted singer. in a Fucking Bomb Shelter!!!!!! There is hope for us, I think. My Reiki class sent Reiki healing to ukraine the other evening. I don’t know if it helped anyone, but we tried to do Something

Emilly Orr

There's a lot I could say here, but I think, tonight, others have said all I would more deeply, and more eloquently. So for once, I'll be the light touch. I adore the lady in the flowered mask. She makes me happy. If people can still coordinate flowers and masks in this world, we are not lost. It's the little things, sometimes.

Anonymous

Is it just me or does march this year feel like a month that really wasn't ready for itself? Since it started I don't think I've had a single day I would consider peaceful... And globally that's even more true. I wish we could all pause for a while and take a breath, calm down or open up. It would save so many lives. Love you all

Anonymous
>>79513014

She even coordinated flowery pants as well, you can see them in one of the photos.

Lindsey Lubow

Thank [insert choice of deity or similar intensity level force] for internet friends. Had someone reach out to me from a mutual Discord server and the resultant conversation led me to contact my psychiatrist and try to move my upcoming appointment earlier. There are no openings before my existing appointment in mid-April. The thought of reaching hospital-worthy levels of symptoms (let alone a prospective hospital stay) has long been a tremendous fear. But my best option for preventing that sort of thing is facing the question head-on and doing the "GONDOR CALLS FOR AID" thing. So I had the scheduler staff person forward me to my clinician's voicemail on the off-chance we can tweak stuff before I'm scheduled to be seen next. But uh, yeah... check in with your internet friends. Never know who'll notice what. I had what is probably top or second from top worst nightmare of my life last weekend. Won't go into the content. But I'm physically exhausted and my brain just... won't let me stop looking back at the dream... I'm not sleeping enough. I know it, and it interferes with my falling asleep to know that I need to sleep. I don't need to worry which piece is from what yet. I just have to get myself through long enough for my psychiatrist to figure out what our next plan is going to be to pull me back out of whatever piece(s) in my brainbox keeps flaring. For now, I'll reassure everyone (including me) that I'm still doing better with my current protocols of not-quite-ideal meds than without them, and nap when I can so my body will be ready when it's time to meet with my healthcare team. (I'm also in individual therapy, which is neutral or helpful in turns... not like I'm all on my own until mid-April, you know?) I can only do what I can do, and expecting more from myself is unethical. So I'll do what I can, for now. [shrugs] But the shortlist of likely culprits is bipolar disorder and ptsd, and they can both fuck right on out of here any time with my full endorsement for an efficient departure. ^_^;

Anonymous

Yes Happy IWD!! No marches for March here in Ontario Canada, so I held an impromptu protest / celebration in the park outside of our city hall, where the local anti-vaxxers have moved in. They've taken over the public space with their messages of hate and paranoia in the name of nationalism. Our little protest was the first time in months that anyone other than them have been in this (or any) prime public space. Passersby now assume anyone actively occupying public space are those people. We were given the finger (many times, by anti-vaxxers - who are also anti-feminist presumably), accolades, and double takes. Some folks came up to thank us for not being those assholes. For being there on IWD. It felt good to be out there on IWD, reclaiming the space. I recommend it. Don't let the hate-mongers take over public space.