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my friends


i have just had the most exhausting 72 hours of all time.

i have no energy to write.


everything is late.


everything is oversized and flooded and cracking. but ok.

my heart. covid. new zealand. russia. ukraine.

i want to have energy to write but i don’t.

but …. i wanted to post.

something

so

so from this exhausted bed

to wherever you are:

i love you.


i love you and i hope you’re okay.

i’ll write more soon.

here’s a couple pictures of the sky here in new zealand.

how are you all?

xxxx afp




i

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Comments

Jozias

When young I was so positive about to realize a respectful world. These barbarian leaders started as harmless babies too. What went wrong with them? Why do they get support? Why didn't they take this lesson from their grandfather's? Live and let live.

Jo VanEvery

I love you too. Sleep well.

Anonymous

This poem might help. 💜 The Cycle Every day I watch you You work yourself to death You spin in circles A sad aimless desperation Covering ground You’ve covered A million times before And nothing changes Tomorrow will be the same And every tomorrow after The only change you ever see Is a new obstacle here Or a bigger mess there No peace No progress I see you get stuck And I watch you struggle You literally bang your head Against the wall Over and over And it’s clear that so often You put yourself in these same Tired predicaments Until it’s almost as infuriating As it is sad To witness Every day you try again And every day you spin your wheels Until the light inside of you starts to die And you drag yourself Slowly Pitifully Mournfully Back to your home Where you fall into a death like slumber Desperately in need of recharging Unappreciated and forgotten by the world Until tomorrow comes And as the cycle begins again You think to yourself Why do I suck so much? Why Roomba? Why? 😂💜 Love Barb

Anonymous

Random question: What do you think of Fiona Apple’s 2020 album Fetch the Bolt Cutters?

Nechyfer5

Awww Rest, restore, relax…..😴

Allie Push

Feeling the tiredness you’re expressing here. Exhausted, it feels like by everything. The events in Ukraine. Job that feels like its straggling my spirit. Covid anxiety with travel and events on the horizon. Chronic body tension and pain. Cough and sore throat that so far doesn’t seem to be Covid. Feel like i could sleep for a week.

Japke van Wingerde

Everything feels so heavy. The Ukrainian war and heavy weight of possible ww 3 starts the week that The Netherlands says goodbye to almost all COVID restrictions. There seems never any time or room to breathe.

Stephanie Rowe

I love you too, Amanda. It does feel especially heavy and exhausting lately. I am starting to wonder if it will lighten up or if it’s something to adjust to yet again. I don’t want to adjust.

Anonymous

Love back! One of the best things about "following" you is the close encounters I've had with other people who are your fans. We don't need to drain energy from you (every concert etc) ... we can use this rolling global party you have started to connect with each other. (Including in the Substack comments! But ... ) In the context of all this love, I'd vote for you to either STOP or CHANGE what you're doing on Substack. These four letters were EPIC - grounded and for the ages - but it seems as if they took a lot out of you. It was great you were the artist in residence for ONE MONTH (Feb, the month with all the hearts in it, with the hearts that can be so misunderstood) and I hope that introduces more people to your work. But Substack is another walled garden and I don't want you to be a prisoner of it. Let these 4 letters stand "for the ages" and if you want to do something else on Substack, make it something that connects with you "being Amanda across platforms." I know you aren't asking us to VOTE on this topic but that's my vote anyway. Love again!

Anonymous

Things get weird. Bizarre coincidences. My mother passed away the week after 9/11, and today, the week after Russia invades Ukraine, my father passes away. Pictures of the unthinkable, incomprehensible, rolling over us from near and far; personal grief mixing with the doom and the gloom of a world gone temporarily? insane. My partner's mother died two years ago, at the very beginning of this pandemic; and now, just as we perhaps, possibly, knock on wood, might be on the brink of getting it under control - at least in our little quirky corner of the world - my father takes his last breath... weird, indeed. (Neither was because of covid, BTW)

Anonymous

Thank you! Its. A. Lot right now ... War in my almost neighbour country. My little niece in the hospital. Pretty rough withdrawal symptoms of psychotropics, I had been on for 15 years. I am crying a lot. It helps. But I am exhausted. This, too, shall fucking pass.

Nathan Williams

I feel you Amanda - I’m Exhausted but excited to be alive and scared and nervous but also feeling triumphant that I am still actually alive