ready set COLLAPSE. (Patreon)

(patron-only)

hallo loves. 

greetings from literally bed in london. i scraped myself out of bed this morning after a few hours of lounging and reading to ash and  debriefing with neil about the show last night and just barely had enough energy to make it through a non-day of nothingness. working through the show and the content of the show with neil in the audience is like an entire extra full time job on top of everything. i’d forgotten. it wasn’t fun. it wasn’t what i expected. i suppose i will try to write about it later. there’s something to be said, something useful and beautiful to be said, about what he and i are both making right now, and how different and yet the same we are. and how our superpowers grate against one another. and how that keeps things interesting. i was so happy he was there. and it was also hard. 

today neils fancy and nice british film friend invited us to his house for brunch and we went and i just sat there spinning like a little electric top. i am so so so tired. also nothing feels quite real when i’m in this show head space. i’m all squeezed out like the toothpaste top. 

now i am lying here feeling kind of dead and kind of happy. 33 shows. done. soon we leave for australia. 

this morning before heading out, i wrote this and posted it up on instragram and facebook. i’m still too fragile to head back over to twitter. i think i may stay off until australia. 

but here...this is the group patron photo from the last union chapel london show last night (dec 14). holy. fuck. 

(photo: gabrielle motola)

man....if i could have seen this photo when i was 17, writing songs all alone in my bedroom, wondering if i would ever find an audience for the weird, dark, personal piano songs i was writing in the darkness of my own head. 

what a ride, indeed. 

this is JUST the patrons after the london show last night. fecking hell, mate, it’s like practically a third of the entire audience!!! we also added 400 new patrons over the course of the last few days of live-streaming. and if you’re one of them, welcome. this community is my life-art-blood and i cannot put into words what it means to me to know that over 15,000 people have my artistic back. in this photo, literally. they’re holding me up. this is the final point. we hold each other up, we try. that’s what we do. last night i delivered london show #4 - the final show at union chapel and the final european show of tour - and i left it all on stage. it’s hard to describe how this feels, getting on stage every night and talking for four hours (with occasional breaks for songs) about abortion, sexual assault, miscarriage, loss, birth...i mean, what the fuck was i thinking. i know what i was thinking. in just not sure i really had a plan. did i have a plan? er. i just knew i wanted to do it. 

if you can, you must. 

and i know that i never would have been able to do it without the emotional and financial security that my patrons give me. yes...there’s money. there’s thousands of dollars there every month so i can pay my staff and have predictability and  know the rent is always covered. 

but also: it changes the art. i can risk without thinking about the market. i can risk and know that the fall will always be into this net of smart and real human beings, even if what i want to do is absolutely outside of the bounds of what is considered “acceptable”.

 i don’t need to be “acceptable” anymore. i just need to be able to work, deliver my offering, and know that there is so much more to making art than having to get it approved by a board room of men and a bunch of radio pluggers. to my patrons: you have made this all possible. 

thank you, thank you, thank you. 

you have no idea. 🎡♥️🔥

.....

also...

if you want to go peek at the stream for either night, they’re still up. i probably won’t keep them up forever, so go see. feedback welcome. 

here's the stream link for friday, december 13th: https://www.crowdcast.io/e/afp-20191213

here's the stream link for saturday, december 14th: https://www.crowdcast.io/e/afp-20191214

i love you all. 

thank you for being here. 

x

a

------THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS---------

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2. see All the Things i've made so far on patreon: http://amandapalmer.net/patreon-things

3. join the official AFP-patron facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/afpland

4. new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

5. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net