*re-posting....because i have more to say* - portland night 1 - virtual signing line (Patreon)

(public post)

**EDIT**

hallo loves.

(fist of all, if you're in portland right now, i hope you're on your way to the library for the abortion Q&A and podcast with dr. leah torres. free. info here: https://multcolib.org/events/amanda-palmer-and-dr-leah-torres-lead-open-community-qa-about-abortion-reproductive-rights-and-what/105984)

WE WILL BE STREAMING LIVE from facebook. check for link.

okay. take a breath

i'm just updating this post because...i want to actually speak for a second and ahlf about what happened to give y'all some context. and the comments that came in are so touching and important that i want you all to understand what happened. i was so, so, so, so tired after the show last night i just didn't have time to go into it.

i also want other people from outside this little singular portland moment to be able to share in ths story, and it needs some context. 

so, first off: the venue in portland last night was a really odd one for me because it wasn't laid out for this kind of quiet, listening-type show. the crystal ballroom is one of my favorite venues on the planet, but it isn't usually seated. it's not a theater. there's a bar and a lot of action in the back. and we didn't realize it, but the windows couldn't be covered...so the room was in broad daylight (seriously, it was SUNNY) until about halfway through the show. that was hard for me: being aware of every face and every action in the back of the venue and being able to see people on their phones and checking in and out is just so hard as a performer. but i'm a big girl and i've dealt with this all my life: it was fine. i joked, i pointed out what was going on, i got on with the show. i also had to deal with the club/dance music coming in through the floor towards the end of the show but again: nothing i can't battle with my enormous stage powers of fuck-it. it just makes my soul have to work a little harder.

what truly threw things was that the audience was just incredibly chatty - with me. i often enjoy that but things just started to get a little out of control...i just kept getting interrupted, to the point where i had to start talking over people, which i hate. and i love that the show is like this and that my audience feels brave enough to speak up and out, but i also have a job to do up here, people. in was in this context that i was telling a sotry about an ammends letter that i received from a man who sexually assaulted me. i was talking about compassion - radical compassion, for everyone - and someone called out

"FOR OUR RAPISTS?"

and my answer was:

"yes."

and then there was a brief silence, and then there was full audience chaos as people started voicing their opinions about this matter. 

listen, i am really glad this happened. it exemplified what i feel is happening in the world. it felt like being on the internet live, right there with all caps and people shouting over each other to the point where the din drowned everything out.

............

i will stand by that statement, that "yes".

that's a hard yes.

many of you at this point have seen my show. you know my message.

you know where i stand on these issues and i stand very firmly on the side of radical compassion and empathy for all. i really do believe it is the best way out of the darkness.

i would like to talk about it. i would like to talk more about it to the woman who yelled out. but a show is a hard place to stop everything and have a long converstion.

it hurt me that i couldn't. i did not want to feel dismissive.

maybe it's time to write another book, i don't know.

.....

i do know that coming here last night with my virtual signing, and then reading many of your comments brought me to tears. this community has grown up so much with and beside me, and i feel our collective strength and wisdom and care for one another in a way i never have before. 

there haven't been many time son this tour that i've needed you, but i really needed you last night. and today. i've needed you.

thank you for being there for me.

you have no idea what it means to me to be able to wake up to a hundred comments like this and feel so understood and not alone.

i love you.

.......... 

i've got my LAST SHOW OF THE AMERICAN TOUR tonight - at the same venue, in portland at the crystal ballroom. it's sold out.

i am so glad i didn't end last night, i would have been crushed if that show had been my finale.

if you're coming tonight, you know what it all means. 

take care of me, take care of each other. 

be in the sunlight with me. ignore the club music. 

let's go there. hard.

i'l see you soon. doors at 6 pm, show at 7pm.

fucking hell.

it's never boring, is it.

........................

posted last night:

well damn. 

i’m usually just a fountain of post show enthusiasm but i am out of juice on this count my friends. 

that was HARD. hands down the most difficult show i’ve played in a while...the light thing threw me, but it was fine...but i also just felt exhausted by the crowd. it wasn’t that it was bad. i’m just kinda weirded out. it’s all good. if you were there you know what i mean. things like that throw me.  i can explain more later. 

i am also just so tired. three shows in  row and i went 5 hours. 

seriously - i think i might ditch the whole plan tomorrow and just take requests and go nuts. 

the show wasn’t bad. it was good. it was just hard. 

leave me your love. i need it tonight. 

here we are 

heading to sleep 

xxxx

afp