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hallo loves
this'll be brief because i am totally destroyed.
short story:
i finished the song today at around 3 pm. it's really good. it's called Drowning In The Sound.

from 4-10pm i brought the engineer into the studio and tracked the entire time. hours of piano tracking and punching, take after take after take...and then another few hours of vocals and vocal overdubs. when we finally hit 10pm, we were nearly finished, like 95% there, i was so overjoyed (mostly so i could go home and sleep, because i've got a wicked cough and was holding on by a thread)...hayley and michael (who'd been kicking around d in town) finally came into the control room and we listened the track down and i was really really happy with it. i was just sitting down in the studio to do the last few piano overdubs when the engineer came in with an incredible pale face and told me that this had never happened to him before, but the vast majority of the session had vanished. then i went pale. i was like: that's not possible. things get saved. pro tools is forever. there are ways. he shook his head. then he said he needed to go outside and maybe throw up.

we tried starting again but i was wrecked and i couldn't keep pace with where i'd been. i called neil from the parking lot.

i've had way worse things happen to me in my life. i didn't freak out.

art gets lost. shit happens.

i told the engineer...people die. this is nothing.

i'm cancelling the morning and early afternoon tomorrow and i'll do it all again. it'll be better. it'll have to be.

when i came home, neil re-told the story of the time he lost 21 chapters of a book while trying to transfer the files and my friend coco told me that i was her zen guru because i didn't seem mad at the engineer. in truth, i'm more worried about him than anything else. he didn't look so hot. i told him to go home and not worry.

at least hayley and michael heard it before it was gone. if i die in my sleep tonight, i hope they spread the lore far and wide forever about how good a song it would have been.

if i live
tomorrow, 9 am. redux.


FUUUUUUCKKKKKKK

and also: none of this would be happening quite this way without the patreon. so whatever. i'm infinitely grateful. what fucking awesome problems.

and when you hear the song tomorrow (once i re-record it), you can always imagine that somewhere, forever floating in the rings of saturn, was version #1.


for your enjoyment: a picture of my bum, at work on lyrics, by hayley.

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Comments

Anonymous

It's true: Seeing someone passionate about a creative idea and not freaking out when its first fruit is lost is inspiring. I'm sorry the recordings were lost, Amanda. I'm also thankful for having this story to follow. What a weird birth/death/rebirth/don'tfreakoutit'sreallyallokay blessing.

Anonymous

hold on, it's the leprechauns!

Anonymous

That is a wonderful story of calm and strength. It takes so much not to discharge pain on to others. Thank you for a reminder of the capacity for compassion that we all have.

Anonymous

Maybe the first take was just for the universe, which could always use some love =) Looking forward to the song!

Anonymous

I had a orchestra conductor who, rather than advocating stern glares, rolled eyes, and expletives when something got fucked up just said "that was interesting" and went on, making it better. Love you Amanda :)

Laura Wellner

Chai tea or ginger-lemon tea with honey for the cough. (It's what cures what ails me, tho' a nice chilled glass of hot pepper honey wine is a good tonic too.) Losing hours of hard work, ugh, file that under shit happens. I'm still looking for those watercolors I made when I was pregnant and haven't found them yet, (thirty-one years later.) Damn, probably lost them in a move. But I've made better things since. I've had to reconstruct lost chapters from old drafts, and poems from crappy hand written notes on post-its found in a dusty old notebook under the bed (why or how it got there, no idea.) It's always better. Always. It's how we grow. It's how we find the good stuff inside of us. (Sorry I haven't been around... when you asked for ideas, I was feeling a bit off, my brain has been too full to sort out lately, and had nothing for ya. It happens.) I'm looking forward to the new song!

Anonymous

OH, BABE!!!! I FEEEEEEL you on this on. I'm late to your party, but you inspired my being here through our mutual beloved Patron, Bruce Rauhe. I'm upping my pledge today. It is modest, but I am growing and you are part of the WHY. Shine on, play on. I understand the grief of which you speak. More soon. This is about YOU, AmandaP. Love from Portland, Oregon. Come play by the river.

Anonymous

You are a huge inspiration in so many ways but the most impressive part is your grace under pressure, loss and disappointment. Wonderful problems to have indeed! Great song by the way!

Anonymous

You rock - way to be thoughtful about others during a frustrating situation.

Anonymous

Laura, I recognize you from Tumblr! I once lost a roll of old paintings. They were either left behind by movers (I learned to double check because they leave things in apartment hallways) or else I had to throw them out after a fire. I also get rid of things and then months or years later I wish I had them back.

Anonymous

Been there, done that. I had about ten 4 track cassette masters that I lost in a move in '86 which consisted of my entire recorded output of demos I'd done thus far, it consisted of about 100 songs, mostly originals along with a few covers(try to imagine a 4 track keyboard and drum machine version of Wild Man Fischer's "The Mope," if you will). Lost forever, aside from one song I'd mixed to stereo cassette to contribute to a local Pioneer Valley area compilation that never materialised. I moved to Montreal later that year and the band I formed there recorded a few of the songs, fortunately I had the keepers memorised and had the lyrics as well to jog my memory. Different kettle of fish, work spread out over a couple of years of free time between work hours as opposed to hours of hard work in the course of a day. Still just as heartbreaking either way.