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March 2023 | Mooooar book stuff! -- About remembering this time! (Patreon)

Published:
2023-03-20 17:37:50
Imported:
2023-03

Content

Hello Brains & Hearts! 

We have another book prompt for ya. Like the previous book-related prompts, there is a chance we may use your quote in the book. There are a couple different steps here, as we've a bit of a complex method of organising these once they are shared, so please be sure to read all the instructions! 😊 

Step One: Share your quote in the comments to this post!
We want to know...
A) What are your experiences around being unable to remember things?
B) What strategies and tools do you use to help you remember stuff? 

Step Two: Fill out the following form (I know it seems like double work, but again our system of organising these for Jess is a bit... complex... but it works for us!)
Click here to fill out the above-mentioned form. 

Thank you again for everything you've shared up to this point! It's been incredible reading your different stories and we're excited to see what this one brings. 

Please be sure to fill out the form so we 1. know we have your consent to use your story and 2. know how to list you as the quotee. 😊

🧡 The How to ADHD Team

Comments

Jennifer Levenbook

Trouble remembering? I'll tell you about my worst time. I work in childcare and from time to time to babysitting for some of the children I adore. I apparently agreed to babysit once and agreed over text message, but I neither remembered nor did I put it in my calendar as soon as the agreement was made. So as the hour passed and I didn't show up to babysit the kids, the Mom texted me and asked, "Stuck in traffic?" My response was to say to myself, "Well, I wasn't doing anything else tonight and she presumed I would babysit so I guess I'll get in the car and head over. Why not. Money." But I was absolutely convinced that I had not agreed to this because my system was to immediately put it in my calendar, and I had not. And I had absolutely no recollection of making this babysitting appointment. I scrolled up a bit on the texts and there it was plain as day, me saying yes when they asked if I would. Memory ... blank. So not only did my memory fail, but my system failed. As for how I remember, whenever I make a commitment, I immediately add it to my calendar. No, "I'll get to it later," which I really want to say and do. I do it on the spot. I also have a Bullet Journal app on my phone that keeps my ongoing to do list which allows me to complete tasks at opportunistic times if there aren't any particular deadlines to them, and at scheduled times if there are deadlines. It has been a real help as an app vs paper. Because I'd misplace the paper and totally forget about it.

Todd Holdsworth

I have 11ty notes in OneNote for things that aren't necessarily time-sensitive. For things that are, my Google calendar is used purely for reminders. The less interesting the thing, or if it's super-important, the more alarms I set. This can be as much as one at the time of the event/thing, one 10 minutes before, half an hour before, 2 hours before, at lunchtime if I have to prepare something for that afternoon/evening, and one the day before.

Todd Holdsworth

I totally missed Part A hahahaha! My biggest 'daily life' issue was with where I put my keys, wallet, go card (for public transport) and phone. I overcame that by having limited places I keep them. If I'm at home, there's only one place for these things, except for my phone which stays in my pocket or has designated spots I leave it.

Todd Holdsworth
>>104514302

I don't count those as 'memory failures' any more. Maybe this is part of my whole 'advocate level' of my ADHD acceptance (according to Jess's book), but I recognise these now as things that were never committed to memory because my mind was elsewhere, and I wasn't present during the conversation. I was so good at having conversation with my wife without actual full participation that it took her years to work out when I was doing that. Now she just calmly says "You weren't listening were you...?" and repeats herself, or allows me time to switch my focus, and I make the effort the second time.

Anonymous

A) What are your experiences around being unable to remember things? Sometimes being misinterpreted as being good at holding onto confidential information, when really I am just good at being present in a conversation and forgetting said conversation until that person asks me to remember it again. Also, all the shame. Mostly due to forgetting things/people that are extrememely important to me. My forgetfulness has no way to discriminate between things that are important to me or not (emotionally or logistically)... what... so... ever... B) What strategies and tools do you use to help you remember stuff? ~Apps: "sticky note" widget on my Samsung phone (no widgets on apple product phones means I can never go Apple); Google Calendar, Google reminders, Timers/Alarms with labels, ~Linking important things to routine tasks with a reminder in my phone for 'daily' and I can physically check it off once done to remember that I already took it if Im unsure later. (routines that don't get forgotten). Ex: Meds with morning drink of choice, I'm always drinking something when I wake, but since I do change what I am drinking this means when I get a refill on my prescription I split my meds into three places: Near the coffee machine, On my desk, and in my car. This way I can take my meds after I make my coffee (with first sip). Then when my reminder goes off a little later (within an hour of when I need them to have kicked in) I might be in one of two places, my car or my desk. When that goes off I can either I take notice of my drink, if it's coffee I remember that I already took them and mark reminder as done, or I notice it is something else find the stash of meds in car/desk, take them and then mark as done. ~also if i need to remember to bring something to a meeting, or mention something to someone I will use notes on events, or scheduled messages to friends. ~~On events, then when I click on them I can see the note (or if extrememly important I add the note into the event title ~~If late at night I need to remember to ask someone about something, I schedule a text to send them during the day when they are most likely to be able to respond and I would be free to read and note their answer. I.E. ask friend what color she wants her cake to be, but ask her when she would be on a work break, and I would be able to make a quick call to the bakery to update the order colors etc.

Anonymous

I often forget things on a daily scale, especially minor instances such as forgetting the my cup of water that I just filled in the kitchen. I make sure to put everything of importance into my phone calendar immediately and add multiple reminders. This way I avoid forgetting the important things which can have personal and/or financial consequences. If I must remember to take something with me from home, that I'm not used to, i.e. shopping bags for groceries, then I set a reminder on my phone and/or place the said item(s) in from of my door or hang it on the door handle.

Anonymous

I am well known in my family for going to the store and returning without what was asked. If I am given a list of one or two things, I can usually get it and return successfully. Give me three or more, and there will be trouble. Possibities include: bringing home something extra that wasn't on the list, bringing home some but not all of the things on the list, going to a second or even third store for something that may or may not have been on the list, and bringing home one or more thing not on the list instead of returning with anything on the list. I have learned against my will to use a form of external memory (a paper list, a list on my device, or a helper who can remind me) when I go to the store. Then, I must mark things off as I get them so I can see what I still need to acquire. It isn't perfect. One way I can fail is to bring a paper list and forget pen or pencil to mark items off. Another is for my device to run out of charge. Redundancy isn't the answer though. It is to improve my chances while accepting that I don't always have to succeed.

Anonymous

A) What are your experiences around being unable to remember things? I struggle a lot with forgetting things as soon as they are "resolved" unless I've repeated them a lot or engaged with them on a pretty in depth level, and even then it's no guarantee. I forget simple, everyday things, like taking my meds or why I'm in the room I just walked into, but I also forget the big stuff. I was talking with my mum the other day and she said that a conversation I had with my nana had a really big impact on her. I couldn't remember the conversation at all, just that it sounded like one that I would have had. I also forget almost everything from books and movies once I've finished reading/watching them (not immediately, but like after a year almost definitely), which can be good in that rereading is a genuine pleasure and I get to be surprised all over again, but also makes it difficult to talk about the great things I've read. B) What strategies and tools do you use to help you remember stuff? I write things down. I'm a PA and I always make sure I have my laptop on me so that I can write down any instruction I get. Whenever I'm given a new job, I write down every step explicitly. I create a lot of process documents for exactly this reason, which thankfully is useful for everyone else. If I don't have something to write on, I chant the thing in my head until I get to somewhere I can write it or I can do it. If I'm asked to do two things at once, I'm kind of doomed. I also use alarms. I've got two for my night-time meds because if I forget them then I feel sick, and I have an awful habit of saying "I'll get them in a minute" and then having no memory of the alarm going off when that minute is up. I also journal a lot, especially at the end of a workday so that I don't go home thinking I've done nothing, because I've usually done a lot of things, I just forgot about them as soon as I didn't have to hold them in my head.

Anonymous

A) What are your experiences around being unable to remember things? Not being able to remember things is exceptionally frustrating...for both myself AND those around me. I have had extensive testing done due to concerns about my memory loss. After many tests (neurological exams, cognitive and functional assessments, brain imaging...MRI and CT, and blood tests) to rule out early onset Alzheimer's, traumatic brain injury (because I've had a few concussions over the years), and Gerstmann syndrome (because I have dyslexia, dyscalculia, and dysgraphia)...they finally decided upon the diagnosis that both my short-term and long-term memory issues were due to ADHD. The short-term/working memory is the most problematic; however, long-term memory is also affected mainly because of HOW the information is processed in the first place. Unless I am incredibly mindful about processing whatever I am engaging with...it will float away into the aether, never to be remembered (or remembered at 4 AM). Habits are incredibly hard to create, but once established...it helps most of the time. Sadly, I spend a lot of time apologizing. Apologizing for forgetting conversations, people's names, not doing something that I was asked to do, etc. I also spend a lot of time reminding others of my lack of memory skills due to my disabilities. I have a pu pu platter of disabilities and disorders...and they all like to play together and make a massive mess of my brain. B) What strategies and tools do you use to help you remember stuff? Essentially, I overcompensate with incredible organization and LOTS of ways to remind myself of things. 1) If it is not on my Google Calendar...it does not exist. Any appointments, meetings, events I'm attending, special days to remember, etc. Live on Gcal. 2) Apple watch reminds me of ALL THE THINGS. My watch is always on vibrate, so I am tapped every time there is a reminder app notification or an alarm I set (I have repeating alarms for waking up, leaving for work, three breaks at work, leaving work, etc. Certain health apps remind me of things (like when to fast, when to check blood sugar, etc.). If I need to get poked at for some reason...I make it so my watch will notify me somehow. Having that physical feedback is essential because I miss a lot of notifications on my phone. 3) Reminders app is how I stay on task. Reminders app on my phone is my daily to-do list, and I reference it every time I forget what I'm supposed to get done that day. I heavily utilize priority, flags, and tags. Where appropriate, I have times assigned, so a reminder alerts me. This includes repeating reminders such as PAY BILLS or CHECK Business Email. EVERYTHING that is on Gcal also lives on here as a "to-do" item. Since I can check things off, I can clearly see what I need to do...and when I'm done! 4) A dead tree planner. Yeah, complete overkill, but the act of physically writing things down helps even though this SAME information is on Gcal AND in Reminders...but sometimes I just want a quick look at what my week looks like, appointments, meetings, work-wise...so I have a planner on my desk. Sometimes if there is some special deadline...that will be on the day, too, with a star next to it to indicate it's an action item. 5) Paperless app is to keep special lists. This app is used for grocery lists (1 for each store we go to), packing lists, etc. I never remember what the hell I'm supposed to pack when traveling. I have it all detailed...1 list for my suitcase, 1 list for my toiletries bag, 1 list for the bag that goes in the car with me, 1 list for the cooler, 1 list of "loose" items, and 1 master list of each thing that must be packed in the vehicle (a list of previous lists...e.g., suitcase, toiletries (if not packed in the suitcase), carry bag, cooler, pillow, blanket, coat...). 6) Post-it notes...EVERYWHERE! If I have something that will need my attention...it gets on a post-it note and is "put in the way" of something I will be doing. Example: I need to send a super important email to a client...I put a post-it on my computer screen...right in the middle...so I literally can't work without seeing it. If I need to remember to get gas after work...I will put a post-it note on top of my odometer area…this way, I see it when I start my car. 7) Everything must have a "home." Items like keys, bags, purses, shoes...things I use often...they live in a specific place. That is where they must go when I am done using them so I can find them next time I need them. Bills that need processing go in a specific basket that I pull out on bill payday. Incoming mail goes in a basket to be processed. I'm sure I have a million other processes that I don't even think about anymore that I use to keep myself from forgetting to do things, where things are, etc. These coping skills have been developed over time and are just a part of my everyday life.

Anonymous

I’ve lost so many valuable and invaluable things over the years. Buying that gift for someone that I will give to them “later”, putting that thing in a “special place” so I don’t lose and and ultimately lose it. Once I put a $2,000 bond check from my husband’s grandmother that had passed, in a “special place”. We were going to take it to the bank. It’s been 10 years and I still haven’t found it. We were utterly broke and really needed the money. I have learned to put things in the same place every time. I now have a “special place” for those gifts. They go in the same place all the time. My car keys and purse and things I use every day and would lose every day, go in the same spot of my house when I come in the door. I forget that I’m doing laundry while it’s running and have gotten stinky clothes. Forgotten appointments, tasks, etc. Technology has really helped me out. I set alarms and reminders constantly to remind myself of these things. “Alexa, set a reminder to give so and so their gift that’s in the closet on such and such date.” I also set reminders for my reminders to give me a heads up that something’s coming up. I set reminders on Alexa to check the laundry while I’m doing laundry. I set timers and alarms to pick my kid up from school and take her to her activities. And, I have to do these right away, or I forget to set them.

Anonymous

Name: Joshua Scharf Gender: male/he Nationality: German Located in: Germany Age: 32, got diagnosed when I was 9 Presentation: Twice exceptional ADHD, primarily inattentive Medication: yes (stimulant medication 5-7 days a week) You are welcome to quote me and use my name For me, not being able to remember is the ADHD symptom that has the most impact on my everyday life. From having very bad short term memory (forget mid-sentence what point I wanted to make, or leaving a room to do something and forgetting what I wanted to do as soon as I open the door) to not being able to access my long term memories (e.g. I have hardly any memories of my childhood, or I am having a hard time listing the companies I have worked at). The strategies for dealing with this are as various as the situations when I can't access my memory. What helps me most is medication. It feels like it expands my working memory capacity, and unlocks hidden stacks of stored long term memories. Other strategies I found useful are: not to try to remember - e.g. in school I rarely learned at home because I usually couldn't remember the next day anyway. So when I had a test I didn't even try to remember but instead find a new solution to the problem right then and there. I came up with new approaches to math problems, estimated dates for history tests, used the given context to come up with answers in physics….The only area where this doesn't work is when there is only one correct answer (like remembering vocabulary in language lessons, or recite cities in geography lessons), which is why I was terribly bad at those subjects. I am still using this strategy today - if I can't remember I often don't try very hard but instead focus on finding a new solution in that moment. Can't remember the recipe for pancakes? Just invent one! Can't remember if you have everything you need to leave the house? Just think what you will be doing outside (all the way from how to get there, what you do there, who you will meet,…) and that will give you the clues to what you might need to take with you. Instead of remembering what I had planned to take with me I will just make a new list right that moment. Sharing the responsibility to remember - this one is particularly useful in a business environment. Whenever someone asks me to do something that I cannot resolve right away, I respond with "sorry I have a bad memory - if you don't hear from me by XXX, then please give me a nudge" (XXX could be a day, a time, a month….depends on the task). By doing this, we then both share the responsibility for remembering that they need something from me. But this one also outside of business - e.g. I used to have difficulties getting ready to leave the house in time for appointments, so maybe tell your friend to give you a quick call when they get themselves ready. Or if you are supposed to bring something to a party you could either plan for someone to pick you up and tell them to remind you, or you could ask someone to join efforts and bring your stuff to them beforehand, so that they will be responsible to bring it to the party. Use technology - Some friends are impressed how organised I am, which is absolutely not an attribute I would choose to describe my adhd life. However, I learned not to trust my memory, which is why I store every to do in my phone's to do list, and every appointment (also the "still in discussion" ones) in my calendar with multiple notification reminders. For my afternoon medication I also have a daily alarm scheduled. I have a digital shopping list where I add items via voice command right the moment when I notice that I am running out (voice command is useful, as often my hands are occupied with something, and the moment I put that down to take a note I probably will have forgotten what I was about to note). Or I use geo-tags in my wallet, keys, sunglasses to find them, because I can never remember where I put them. I have a cleaning robot (which not just takes care of vacuuming the floor, but also sends me tidying up the floor in a rush every day). Another strategy that works well is routine. I hate this one, but it does work. For example in the morning I always have the same breakfast + medication routine, so that I don't even need to remember taking the medication. Or when leaving the house I always check if I have 5 items with me: Wallet + Keys + Headphones + Phone + Reason (the last one being the reason why I leave the house - e.g. go for shopping? Take shopping bags. Go to the pharmacy? Take your prescription. Go to a birthday party? Take the birthday present.) Accessibility. The thing is, I never know when I will remember something or when a thought will hit my mind, so I try to plan my home in a way that I can follow through right away without the need interrupt what I am doing. E.g. I have a pack of medication in every room - so when my alarm goes off I can take the medication right then and there without the need to stand up and walk somewhere which would inevitably result in me forgetting what I was supposed to do. I do the same with Water (I have a bottle of water in every room, and several of them at my desk because I WILL forget to drink). Also with my voice assistant and my phone - I try to have a voice assistant for notes / quick questions available in every room and always have my phone with me to take notes (but I also do have pen + paper in every room). And then there is another side to accessibility, which is to place things where I need them / can't avoid them. Need to do the laundry before breakfast? Put it on the breakfast table. Need to bring that parcel back to the post office? Put it in front of your door + lock your door + hide the keys underneath the box (my geo-tag will help me find the keys in case I forget). Need to respond to a letter / pay a bill? Put it on your toilet seat (there you usually have the time to pay the bill) or on your pillow - if you also need a laptop to respond to the letter then place that on the pillow as well.

cyntaxera

Remembering stuff is such a challenge for me. When someone is explaining topics that I've previously covered, at the time it all makes complete sense (and I'm actively participating in the conversation where I'm forming correct conclusions based on my understanding of the topic). Not long afterwards, it's as though I never knew any of that topic and everything discussed seems to float as though it were mist - only to allow me to remember stuff when others are explaining the same thing later. It leads me to feel super stupid and like I have to relearn everything on the fly when I need to know something. It wastes so much time and effort when I would love to just be able to get straight into doing whatever it is I need to do. As for remembering stuff in the physical world, if I don't see it, it doesn't exist so I end up forgetting I already have things (just no idea where it is - I hate clutter, so try to put things "away" since I'm overly aware of leaving stuff out (I subscribed early on to the "don't put it down; put it away") which means I spend/waste money on multiples of everything and boxes of doom all over the place that I need to go through... one day. Just seems like such a goliath task that just thinking about it makes me want to just throw it all away instead of actually sorting through it all. To work around some of my challenges, I have certain areas where I have a collection of things that I need for certain tasks (eg. everything I need when I leave the house - I don't have a handbag since I tend to put it down and lose it - and certain things in certain places that I have habitually made part of my daily routine for things I need to do on the daily)... I have/create visual cues everywhere to remind me of what I was in the middle of doing (when I see something else that needs doing in the middle of a task and get distracted with that...). So yeah, visual cues, having everything in "its place" and habit forming are my main ways of dealing with my forgetting, but I haven't quite got a handle on the issues of recall of knowledge when I need it. I just have to research whatever it is that I'm trying to do (sometimes muscle memory kicks in though if I just try to "wing it" and knowing that if I screw something up, I just have to figure out how to fix it really quickly before it becomes a problem), but otherwise it just feels like I have to do twice the work in half the time to feel like I'm not a complete failure :/

Lynnea Brunner

I have an 'out of sight, out of mind' issue. If I can't see it, even if I know I have it, I have no clue where it is. The only way I've found to solve this is with clear containers (not foolproof; I can't always see everything and still lose stuff) and taking the doors off our cabinets. Thankfully our landlord is really chill. On the flip side, clutter stresses me out so it's a balance of figuring out how to not lose something because I can't see it and how to keep from having a meltdown over everything being visible. Appointments and to-dos I put into my phone calendar as soon as I can. Usually with at least two reminders. And I try to get an address for anything I need to go to so I have an idea of when I need to head out. I do this with video calls, too, and phone calls. Putting the phone number in the calendar event (never figured out how to use 'reminders' so I don't) means I can just tap the number in the event and don't have the extra step of finding it. As for remembering what I need to, when I need to... still really bad at that. Messaging systems have been great, when they work. I wanted to use a notepad for things (much like my... occasionally... successful use of a notepad in college) but I forget it all the time. And I don't like carrying much with me. If it can't go in my pockets, it's too much work to deal with. So my phone notes get used (I had more to this thought and forgot it.....).