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Day 50 -- Song in Progress (lyrics only) and a call for help rhyming! (Patreon)

Published:
2018-02-17 07:03:50
Imported:
2023-02

Content

Who’s good at rhyming? I need your help!  ***SPOILERS***

This is a starter attempt at writing a song, I figure even if I don't use it it's good to get the practice :D

I'm not sure it's totally what I was going for, but there's something there. Maybe. I could look at it tomorrow and be like WHAT was I thinking and WHY did I share it with people. Ah, the creative process. 

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Day 50 — Song in Progress (lyrics only) and a call for help rhyming!

Who’s good at rhyming? I need your help! ***SPOILERS***

Comments

Anonymous

I forgot to mention you get a "A" for effort, creativity and resilience in trying something new !!!!! I wonder where I heard the resilience thing? Things that make you go hummmm.

Anonymous

That was so cute!!! My 2 cents would be to actually use both. As in, an adult version with "it's not your ocean, it's not worth the pain" - it appealed SO much to me and I'm only guessing how many out there... This could be rock style, with graphics in darker colors and then we have the kids version that's light and jumpy and has a video with blues, greens, yellows and puppets :)

Anonymous

THANK YOU for letting yourself be vulnerable in videos like this - it is not easy to put yourself out there, especially when you're trying out a new skill (like songwriting!). Your genuineness and authenticity is what initially drew me to your YouTube channel, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that. My struggle with my ADHD has been difficult in the last couple years (since starting grad school), but your encouragement and understanding through your videos, and this amazing community that has grown around you, has been a bright spot that helps me through some tough times. Thank you for all you do! Also, the lyrics sound great so far! And it's really cool to see this part of the creative process. I think it would be totally fine to stop at " 'cause failure might just mean you're trying to climb instead of swim." If you do want another line after that, what do you think of this? "There's another way of doing it that might work for your brain. So don't give up - keep trying. There's hope for you, my friend!" It doesn't exactly rhyme, but maybe it would sound ok after adding the music?

Anonymous

I loved it! So relatable and so important for people who love us to hear and better understand our struggle. My brain finished that line with “and if not, just find a river. Cause no two oceans are the same.” Close-enough rhymes aren’t a crime ;) right?

Anonymous

Thanks so much for sharing this. I'm a singer and I've also dabbled in songwriting before but it wasn't really my thing. Anyway, I actually really love your original lyric even if it isn't right for kids. Btw a "Bridge" is confusing cause it means two things, the "pre-chorus" or the "middle eight" (the bit near the middle or end of the song). But you can have a post-chorus too if you were that way inclined haha. Works well as an instrumental.

Anonymous

Thank you for sharing! The lyrics are really moving and the song will be beautiful! I personally agree with the folks who suggested moving the Brain out of there to a different place, I would stop at the "another way of doing it" and go in the direction of "a river instead of a tree". That will give the song more sophistication. But if you end up doing two versions, by all means, keep the brain for the kids!

Anonymous

"and if not, just remember it don't mean that you're insane." Can't tell you how many times when I was little that I thought I was nuts or that I was "finally losing it" when really I just had ADHD and didn't know it.

Anonymous

"and if not, just test the waters, sometimes it's worth the pain."

Anonymous

I vote that you leave it at that - “instead of swim”.

Anonymous

Love the line "potential turns successful when we just learn how to swim"

Anonymous

Ooh, I think I got something... maybe ... There's another way of doing it that might work better for your brain, It might just start with a change of view, Known as a cognitive reframe.

How to ADHD

Aughhh you guys are the best!!! There are so many good suggestions here!! I’m gonna keep playing with the music and see what seems right in the end :D Thank you!!!!!!!!!!