I am not your load to bear - Chapter 10 (Early Access) (Patreon)

Tristan

“If you’ve got a problem with Flickering-Hope, you should say something.”

“What are you talking about?” Tristan grumbled into his mug.

Serenity raised a brow and sipped his tea before replying. It made Tristan feel monumentally judged for just those few seconds. “You were glaring at him the whole time he was in the room. What happened between you two?”

“That guy with the butt chin?”

Serenity shrugged.

“I don’t even know him,” Tristan scoffed. Butt Chin was just some guy that worked in a different section, noticeable only for his face crack. Some guy that thought it was cool to crowd Dillan’s personal space like he paid the mortgage on it.

“That’s not what it looked like.” Indigo eyes teased him over the rim of a cup drained in one swoop. Tristan would have taken it as flirtatious, if he didn't now know what Serenity had stashed in his pants.

All Ailu't have full genitals.

‘Full’ meaning a mishmash of penis and pussy. No balls. Tristan hadn't seen anything like it in all his twenty-eight years of life. Ten of those spent being an unashamed whore. And he couldn't stop thinking about it, or the fact that his attraction to Dillan hadn't magically disappeared as soon as he saw it. If he could just ignore the middle section, did it make a difference?

"Unless it was little Dynasty you were scowling at," Serenity added, playing with his empty cup between long fingers, spinning it around on the table top. "Have you discovered his secret dark side? The Ailu't men will be crushed."

“When did you get promoted to federal buddy investigator?" Tristan huffed. "Get your nose out of people's business."

Serenity fell silent, but he was smiling like the cat that got the cream. It would piss Tristan off even more if that smile was about Dillan. None of the guys in their cargo bay had mentioned liking him... maybe they kept it in their own language. They'd better be keeping their Ailu't talk PG, he thought, bristling with energy all of a sudden. It definitely wasn't the shitty cafeteria coffee. He could think disgusting things about Dillan because it stayed in his head, gentleman's class 101.

In his head, Dillan's taint was blurry, like he had redacted the cunt there but didn't have a good enough imagination to replace it with something else. Sometimes he just imagined bending him over, fingers caught in that long-ass silver hair, and pounding him without having to worry about what was under his hole. The less complicated the fantasy, the easier he could get off in the shower. The easier he got off in the shower, the less obvious it was that he was jacking it in there. Just about every day now.

Tristan finished his own drink. He didn't get up to go back to work just yet. "What..." He folded his arms and leant on them over the table top. "What did you mean about the Ailu't men and Dillan?" He hated that he'd asked, but he knew he'd hate not knowing so much more.

"Mmm..." Serenity's grin had widened, and Tristan hated that, too. "He has the softness that comes with office work and that is not usually something they get to share a ship with. It makes him stand out, more desirable to those that like a..." He searched for the right word for a few moments, sighed, shook his head and pulled out his little cell phone that the Ailu't kept in their pockets like they were life support. A few taps, and he laughed at the screen. "There is no way I can pronounce this messy word." He pointed it to Tristan. "How do you say this?"

"Androgynous," Tristan read out.

Serenity repeated the word a few times, his pronunciation near perfect.

"He is androgynous, despite taking up the male gender for your language purposes, I think, in our culture, he would identify as something more... in the middle."

"And that's weird for your kind?" He didn't mean to sound defensive. Dillan's gender, and his own kind's opinion of it, were none of his business.

Serenity shook his head, grinning again. "No, we have a much wider selection of genders than humans. No offence, but you are very far behind in your self-discoveries." He laughed lightly and Tristan scowled. "But for this... kind of work, often it is Ailu't who identify and present at one end of the spectrum that we are caged in with. He is different, and it will keep turning heads the longer we are away from others like him." Serenity leant back, rolling out his shoulders. "I'm sure once we get these next few Ailu't stops, the attention will go away."

"There are feminine Ailu't on board," Tristan argued. "Blessing on the deck above us, and Officer Sovereign and Major Symphony."

"Mmm..." Serenity tilted his head to one side, then the other, as though rolling up his thoughts into a package to deliver to Tristan. "They sit firmly on the other end of the spectrum. We are used to feminine people, especially on missions with higher security, and they are not soft. It is Dynasty's balance, right in the middle, that they are missing. And that is... interesting to have aboard."

Serenity snatched up both their cups and delivered them to the dirty dishes tray. Tristan remained seated, thinking, and wishing he wasn't. When Serenity came back, he hooked himself over Tristan's shoulder to whisper, "You find him interesting, too."

"Fuck off," Tristan barked, shrugging him off.

Serenity jumped back with a laugh and left him to his unwanted thoughts. He should really get back to work, too. There may not be exact rules when it came to cargo loader's breaks, but the others would notice him not pulling his weight. Tristan dragged himself up and loped out, silently praying he wouldn't come across Butt Chin and Dillan canoodling in one of the corridors. As much as he wanted not to care, something about his little blue alien had latched onto his chest. Tristan hoped it would burst out and save him the unwanted emotions.

For the next two days his body was braced for the impact of spotting them together. No matter how many times he reminded himself that it had been one conversation, ten minutes max, it didn't stop his brain creating elaborate worst-case-scenarios of Dillan and Butt Chin going at it in every dark corner of the ship. And Tristan knew every dark corner of the ship.

What was so much worse were the non-sexual scenes. Those ones plagued him at night. They were approaching a series of Ailu't drop-offs and Butt Chin could take Dillan on all kinds of dates. Tristan had shown him a pharmacy and a convenience store, Butt Chin could take him anywhere. They could talk in Ailu't and be all romantic and shit. Tristan might fuck like Michaelangelo painted, but that lovey-dovey crap was not in his skill set.

Tristan excused himself from his station. Serenity didn't question him, and he knew it was because he looked like shit. He was overdue for his monthly check-up, but more importantly, the medics might be able to give him something to force his brain to let him sleep properly. Stupid emotions. So unnecessary. And not his fault.

Instead of the Ailu't documentation officer Tristan was expecting at any moment, the human one

appeared at his side as if from nowhere as he made his way up towards the medical unit. The immediate area had been completely empty and silent before Bexley materialised.

"Jesus, the aliens teach you that trick?" Tristan yelled.

Bexley rolled his eyes. "You should pay more attention to your surroundings and less to fantasizing about arseholes." He continued to walk in-step with Tristan. It wasn't a coincidence that they'd bumped into each other, then.

Tristan chuckled. "Worried yours didn't make the hall of fame?" He received a weak shove off the smaller man, and chuckled more, like it tickled him.

"That's kind of why I wanted to talk to you," Bexley said, quieter than before. His dark eyes flicked up and down every corridor they passed.

"Don't worry, I don't fuck and tell."

"Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to… finish where we left off?

Tristan struggled to keep his expression neutral, internally wincing. "I’m not really in the mood…"

Immediate suspicion. "You’re not in the mood to pick a time to have sex later?" Bexley said with a squint.

"I just…" Fuck, his brain couldn't come up with anything. Usually he could lie out of his ass as easy as gas.

Bexley stepped in front of him, halting their march. His brows were high and his arms folded, hip jutting out sassily. "I would ask if I did something wrong, but I know I didn’t. So what is this really about?" When Tristan still couldn't find anything to answer with, he added, "I don’t care that you have a one time rule, that’s all I wanted, but our one time was interrupted."

"Yeah…" Tristan mumbled lamely.

Bexley's eyes sharpened. "Is this about Dillan?"

"What?" Tristan choked. "No!” Of course it was.

An awkward pause held them in a vice-like grip. Bexley pulled a face as though working out long division in the air between them, watching numbers flow in front of his eyes.

"You like him!" he gasped.

Before Tristan could deny the accusation, the ground disappeared from beneath their feet.