Early Access: The Bond [China] E1-2 (Patreon)

E1-2. When my mom started watching this show, she couldn't stop talking about it, right from episode 1. I'd shushed her after a while, asking her not to tell me too much, because I planned to watch this show too, and didn't want spoilers.

Now that I've watched the first two episodes for myself, I finally understand why Mom couldn't stop talking about it.

You guys. This isn't just any regular drama, for me or Mom. This is basically Mom's childhood, translated into drama format.

Mom didn't grow up in China, but the scenes depicted in this show, of the small neighborhood, with many households close together, living in shabby conditions, some households better off than others, and everybody attuned to everybody's else's business, because there just wasn't any space for privacy, is very, very close to what Mom experienced, growing up here in Singapore, in the 1950s.

I've heard so many of Mom's stories over the years, that even though I didn't live through the same things she did, watching all these scenes unfold before my eyes, was like watching Mom's stories come to life. It feels.. uncanny, surreal and strangely poignant. I feel literal tears burgeoning in my eyes as I watch this show, because for the first time, I feel like I'm seeing Mom's childhood with brand new eyes.

Mom isn't the eldest child, but she was the most sensible child, and the eldest girl, and therefore, watching Yicheng basically raise his siblings in the absence of his parents, made me feel like I was watching Mom raise her siblings too. And, seeing how stressful, and difficult, and exhausting it is for him, makes me want to cry, because it must have been just as stressful and difficult for Mom.

I've glimpsed some of you guys' comments about the father in our story, and I just wanted to say, that even though I completely agree that his actions are wrong, and no child should have to deal with a parent like that, in my eyes, he kind of lands as an archetype. I've heard such similar stories, of fathers like this, from my mom's own kampung (colloquial term, from Malay, for small village), that I'm not even surprised at Dad's actions.

There were absolutely men like this, in Mom's stories, who gambled or drank all the time, and beat their wives, and didn't provide well for their families. And there absolutely were heavily pregnant women who had to walk to hospital, because that was the only way they'd get there.

The thing is, I think that's the point of Dad's character. I think he's meant to be an archetype, and as much as his actions are reprehensible, I feel like he's mostly there to be the catalyst to our story. The Chinese title of this show is 乔家的儿女 which literally translates as "The Sons and Daughters of the Qiao Family." This tells me that although the spotlight is on the Qiao family, the main point of our story, is what goes on among the siblings, rather than what goes on in the family as a whole.

As a result of this, I find myself not reacting so strongly, when Dad does something irresponsible. It's almost like, yes, that's exactly the kind of thing fathers like him would do, in those days. And that's exactly how the kids would have to manage, on their own, often without adult supervision.

My grandpa wasn't a gambler like Dad is, in this show, but he was drunk a lot of the time, and my grandma wasn't very present, because she was mostly either trying to make a living, or catching up on lost sleep, so Mom and her siblings often had to fend for themselves, much like the Qiao siblings have to fend for themselves. And much like how it is for the Qiao siblings, food was scarce, and when available, painfully simple. The Qiao siblings have plain rice porridge with a bit of pork lard, while Mom and her siblings had plain rice porridge with a bit of soy sauce and chillies. Same same, but different.

The tears of the kids, when their pet chicken had to be killed, reminds me of the story Mom told me, of the chicken they'd raised because my great-grandmother had given them a chick. They'd named him Percy, and when he was eventually slaughtered for the dinner table for Chinese New Year, Mom couldn't eat him (my aunt apparently had no qualms eating poor Percy, though).

The scene of Dad taking Sanli to have dumplings, reminds me of my grandpa taking Mom out to breakfast, on the rarest of occasions, when he wasn't drunk, and had enough money, and he'd take her to the coffeeshop, and buy her a slice of toast, which came with a thin slice of butter on it, and sugar sprinkled on top. It was the rarest of treats, much like those soup dumplings are such a rare treat, for Sanli and her siblings.

See how this show really is hitting close to home for me and Mom? It's a weird, emotional and rather discombobulating experience, but I'm glad for it, because I feel like this is a special chance for me to understand my parents better.

When Mom started watching this show, we described it to my dad and asked if he'd like to watch it too. Dad declined, saying that it would bring up too many painful memories. And now that I'm watching this one, and feeling all these strange, poignant feels, I understand where he's coming from. This isn't going to be an easy watch for me or Mom, I think, but I feel like it's going to be a worthwhile one.

Things that I'd like to mention specifically from these first two episodes:

1. The young actors are so excellent, and I'm particularly impressed with the two young actors who play Yicheng. I'm especially impressed with the scene where the younger Yicheng starts to crack under pressure, and Uncle then comes and has that talk with him, which is when Yicheng starts to bawl. Augh. Such a raw, open-wound sort of delivery. I felt that, so much, and I'm floored that the actor who gave us that scene, is so young.

2. My heart goes out to all the kids, but it goes out to Yicheng extra, because he's the one who ends up shouldering all the responsibility for his siblings, and he's the one who ends up parenting everyone. It made my heart ache, to see such a young child have to learn to make such specific demands from his father, on the household expenses and other needs, because Dad is too wrapped up in his own world to know or care.

3. I'm so relieved for the kids, and especially for Yicheng, that Aunt and Uncle are in their lives, to provide at least some kind of adult assistance, guidance and encouragement.

4. That soy sauce seller is the pits, for trying to take advantage of a little girl. I'm glad that Yicheng reports him, when his appeal to Dad's fatherly instincts eventually fail.

5. My heart truly goes out to Yicheng, as I see him being both mother and father to his siblings. The way he talks to the teacher, and vouches for Erqiang's innocence, sounds just like what a parent would do. He's grown up way too fast, and yet, as I've learned from Mom's stories, this was just how it was, for the elder children.

According to Mom, it was a common sight, to see 5-year-olds walking around with an infant on their hip, because kids were expected to help raise their younger siblings.

I hope you guys don't mind that I've woven so many of Mom's stories into my episode notes; I think it's mostly just me processing the weirdly unsettling sensation, of vicariously living through stories that I've only heard, up till now.

I'm sure I'll achieve a better balance, going forward into future episodes.

Next episode notes will be out on: Tuesday, 26 Oct 2021!

*This show will be covered on the VIP Early Access (US$15) Tier*