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❤️ Thank You for A Very Important Year ❤️ [Personal] [TW: Suicide & Mental Health Issues] (Patreon)

Published:
2022-12-30 21:06:53
Imported:
2022-12

Content

I say this not to be dramatic, but to just genuinely share, I was thinking of killing myself at the end of last year. Most of us think about suicide at least a few times in our life, both flippantly and seriously, and I really do think that is human and normal. It’s our brain saying “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t fix this. I can’t see a way out. It would be easier (and better for everyone) if I wasn’t here.”

I’ve thought about it a lot, but last year was the most seriously I considered it. Thankfully, I have an amazing family, wonderful dogs, and thanks to you guys, access to real and consistent mental health support.

I sometimes feel incredibly ashamed of how hard I find life. I always have. I don’t often have very good mental health. I’m emotional, easily fatigued, and generally don’t feel at ease with life or people. I don’t know if that’s because of my childhood, being neurodivergent, or maybe I’m just easily overwhelmed - whatever the case, I think I’m learning that it doesn’t matter. What matters is being able to find a way through. Even if I don’t find it easy, I can at least find a way.

I just wanted to say that I’m grateful, sincerely. I’ve been able to attend weekly (now monthly) therapy, I’ve taken medication consistently for the whole year, and I’ve been able to open up about things I never have before. It’s brought me and my family closer, helped ease so much shame and self-hate, and genuinely enabled me to feel like I’m not living a lie anymore.

Thank you for enabling all of that.

Just thank you.

Comments

Greenstrike

For me what help is living one day at a time, if one day is aweful for some reason, who cares that was yesterday and yesterdays mes problem.

Ed

Take it one step at a time. You sharing this info show that you making good progress to a better health. Wish you hope and give all the hugs you need.

Jonathan Stanbro

Smiling and happy tears 😭 as I read this, knowing you are getting better.

Phoenix Brave Hideki

Im glad that your feeling better Tea and that you have your therapy and your family along with us for support. It makes me happy that your negative feelings are also easing up. Never give up and stay awesome Tea and we are all glad to help you out 🍵.

Lucas

It’s a terrible thing to go through and it just makes you feel so helpless. Just know that there are people here who love you! We don’t even know who you are, but we love the strong woman on the microphone like she’s one of our own family ❤️

John Folmer

Yeah I've been there sis. Not really a fun time or place to be in. Funny enough your audios have explicitly helped me out of downward spirals at times, and I am nobody to judge anything but I appreciate the guts it takes to admit that. Glad you are getting help and hopefully you'll one day find yourself in a place where you are close enough to being okay to keep going. Being a person is hard, and I'm glad you are still here.

Nox Nemesis

We are happy to still have you with us. Whenever you think that "you can't" anymore... just remember that you have proven that wrong every other time the thought strayed into your head. I have a similar issue quite often, and the only thing that keeps me going- is that what about those I could have helped if I had been around? I am very happy that you are overcoming your own personal demons, and always will be in your corner when you need support. We got you.

Flux Goodra

I’m glad you’re still here and I’m glad that you trust us enough to open up about it. I had a time where I considered suicide and… well let’s just say I’m proud of myself for not giving into the self-hate and proud of anyone who doesn’t also. Well done you wonderful woman, here’s to the new year! 🍻

Spectral Dragon

Believe in the me that believes in you! But seriously Tea, you're a bright spot in a world that has too few. None of us would be here if you weren't awesome.

Watchmin

I’m glad you continue to grace us with your talents even if the compliment is hard to accept. I genuinely appreciate the time and effort you put into your work and that you are willing to take breaks when you need to. Health wether mental, emotional, or physical that comes first, cheers for the new year

Morgan Jacobs

I'm seriously so so happy to hear that you've been able to get the help you need, and that you've found a way to keep on pushing forward. Life is not easy, it is troublesome, a series of overcoming challenges, and sometimes we stumble and fall. But I believe it was Hayao Miyazaki who once said something along the lines of "the things that are troublesome are worth doing", and I think that applies to life to. Family, friends, pets, there are so many beautiful things in life, and I'm so glad you've been able to surround yourself with those things, and have been given so much support from the people on here. I know I'm happy you're here, Tea 🥰 and I hope things keep getting better and better ❤

TheFireIron 357

More than once I've sat with pistol or rope in hand, praying for the strength to use it. I never could. Thank God (or whatever you believe in). For me relief came as I gradually accepted the idea that many of my wounds were not of my own making, nor did I deserve them. But neither did I deserve love; because it's not something we can earn. It's a gift. And one of the gifts of trauma is the ability to compassionate with others rather than look at them as an outsider. We know their pain. And God willing we find a way through that hopefully we can pass on to the next person. There is much joy and purpose in that. And it's a great deal of weight off our shoulders to know that we're not in charge, never will be, and don't have to be. There is an order to things, mysterious, but loving. Even the painful stuff has good purpose if we let it. I hope you continue to seek your answer and know that the gifts you've given us here have served me well as I seek mine. Glad to have you here Sister. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

Jack

Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist. Keep on loving, keep on fighting, and hold on for your life.

Jeremy Knight

I'm sorry you felt that way last year. As a disabled person I do sort of see where you are coming from but you have to remember you're hurting the people who care about you, I'm glad you saw that.

NICONICOREEE

It's amazing to see people support one another and share their similar experiences and ways working towards or already managed to get out of this drowning sensation. Hope you Tea and everyone can at least find some warmth and comfort here as it has I. Nobody deserves to go through this nor the events that may have led them to these thoughts of ours but especially do people deserve to just sit there and suffer especially not alone. Glad to know things are starting to progress well and hope it goes the same for many here in life!

Casey Hengstebeck

I'm glad to see you still with us. I also had my own scare just a few months ago where I was very seriously considering punching my own life card. But I have a good family and two great doggos that helped me at the time. I'm doing much better now and it makes me happy to know that you are also doing better. It oddly makes me feel hopeful to see the stories of others who have struggled like me and have overcome it. I love your work and I hope to more from you in the year to come. --Love You Tea

TheNoisy

Yes life can be hard guys it sucks but what has helped me moved forward was of all the pain I would put my loved ones through. Everything people have done for me just to be thrown away like so makes me realize in a way planning this escape is selfish in a way. So keep your head up kings and queens life goes on. Just as I had people to lean on when I needed them most you may be that pillar for others ❤️🙏

Jeremiah Johnson

Life can be hard sometimes and it seems like collectively 2022 was rough for everyone. One thing that helped me this year was when i heard "Just because someone may have it worse doesn't invalidate the things you are struggling with." And another was listening to a recording of "And When You Survive This" anytime I really needed it or when the intrusive thoughts just wouldn't stop. Thanks for everything you do and we all appreciate it!

Lachlan Parker

This makes me really happy to hear. You being able to fight back and keep winning makes me smile and tear up. And I’m so grateful and surprised that I could have such a positive impact on someone, even just a single person. I’m especially glad that it was someone else who went through severe depression. I so wish I could hug you right now, to make you feel loved. I always thought, and still sometimes do think, that most people only pretended to care about what I said because of how different I am. Also, I struggle with basic things too (autism gives me intelligence, but at a great cost). Life should be easy for me, because I go without nothing, but some of us are just less capable of handling day-to-day life. I’m 21, and I’m shit at it.