Spider + Cat + Redhead update (Patreon)

The work of returning Peter to his home universe was going well. Inside the Baxter Building, Tony Stark was revamping an old Negative Zone viewer, Reed Richards was calculating the new trajectory the portal should take, while Sue Storm and Pepper Potts were downstairs, scanning the residual photons of Peter’s body to find exactly what his home universe was. After all, there was no way of knowing if his universe’s methodology for classifying the multiversal spectrum was consistent with this one’s.

At the moment, though, Reed and Tony were relaxing. The portal was booting up for a test run, while the Multivac was running Reed’s calculations. Both had sampled the fruits of the invention Tony had been working on before being interrupted—a lemonade machine. That made lemonade out of nothing.

“You know, this should have a built-in icemaker,” Tony said, painstakingly transferring ice cubes from an ice bucket to his glass. Reed didn’t even have little tongs.

“Typical engineer, wanting some gadget strapped on to everything that’s already a gadget,” Reed replied.

“Typical scientist—doesn’t think people want ice cubes in their lemonade.” Tony drank, simpering in pleasure with the ice-chilled lemonade. “Now this is how you relax after a hard day’s work.”

“Ha!” Reed went.

“What?”

“You’ve never worked a day in your life.”

“How can you say that? I invented IronTech. If you add up all the places I’d saved, I bet I’ve saved the world at least twice. And if we’re just counting the good parts…”

“That all comes easy to you. You never exert yourself, apply yourself. You just do what’s fun.”

“I’m the hardest-working guy in the city,” Tony countered. “The Stark stud service—that’s me. Ask any of my customers, they’ll tell you I’m a hard worker.” He drained half his glass in one gulp. “Speaking of, this is hard lemonade, right?”

The door to the lab opening with a slight whoosh, the toddling form of HERBIE entering. “Apologies for the intrusion, sirs. But the calculations have finished computing. The portal has successfully formed an Einstein-Rosen Bridge. And Ms. Jessica Drew is here to see you.”

“Jess?” Tony said wonderingly. “Shit, should I be avoiding her?”

“She referred Peter to us,” Reed told it. “Show her in. Then go check on Peter. As soon as those scans are finished, we can send him back.”

“Oh, good, so we have time,” Tony said.

“Time for what?” Reed asked, before Jessica made her usual entrance—always looking like she was about to perform a striptease, only wearing clothes so she could take them off…

“Is that hard lemonade?” she asked.

***

Pepper escorted Peter to the lab, though it was hardly necessary: the lay-out was much the same as ‘his’ Baxter Building. She wore a white cotton blouse, braless from the way her nipples thrust out, and then a pale green skirt with a long slit up the left thigh. He could see a garter belt flash out with every other long, modelesque stride. Although the Pepper back home was equally beautiful, there was something open about this Pepper, something primal, that was simply mouthwatering.

No one was at the lab when they arrived, so they sat and waited, Pepper once more asking if he needed anything. Coffee, tea, or me? came to Peter’s mind, summoned up from some old movie. He declined.

A few minutes later, Sue came out of the lab. She was wearing the usual bodysuit, though it looked particularly tight at the moment, and not because she had put on any weight. She was smoothing her hair, her lips glistening wetly, and it didn’t look like lipstick from where Peter was sitting.

“I’m going to need your clothes off,” she told Peter.

After an explanation, Peter put his boots into the cabinet, following his masks, his gloves, and his shirt. He kept his pants on, and that was a compromise.

The cabinet hummed, scanning his clothing for any particles that could serve as clues to where in infinity he had originated from. Now, Sue led him into the sensor room. There were two high stools in there. Sue sat on one.

The only place for Pepper, following along, was the other one, unless she chose to stand. So, hooking her high heels on the rung, her skirt open at the slit, Pepper sat. Sue mimicked her posture, tablet on one thigh, allowing her other leg to go straight, foot on the floor. Sue could peek under the executive’s skirt almost to her panties.

Peter too was watching Pepper, his eyes wide as he took in her long legs, then looked away.

Sue handed Pepper the tablet and started pulling on a pair of thick gloves, lit-up LED lights in the palms and fingers, representing the working sensors built into the material. “Hop onto the table,” Sue said. “This won’t take long.”

Peter jumped up, suddenly unsure of what to do with his feet. Something about being barefoot always made him neurotic. He didn’t know if he wanted to ball his toes up, spread them wide—he had no idea what was comfortable, not outside his home, on an unfamiliar surface.

Pepper quite looked the way he looked, though. Leaning back on his hands, his long muscular legs dangling down the table, the bulge of his manhood pronounced. She could see a thin line of hair moving up to his navel and she was excited by it, snatching every chance she could to take her eyes off the tablet and onto Peter’s…

Pepper’s phone beeped. She checked it quickly, an absent smile gracing her lips, typed in a quick note, then sent it and holstered the phone.

“New guy?” Sue asked.”Scuse me,” she said to Peter, taking his arm and pulling it out straight, then feeling out his fingers like a blind woman.

Pepper appeared engrossed in the tablet Sue had handed. “All data’s coming in clear. And no. Not new. Same guy as ever.”

“How is the little bean doing?”

“Bean?” Peter asked. “Wait, you have a son?”

“Yeah,” Pepper replied, sounding bemused until she reminded herself that Peter wasn’t from around here. “Why? Do I have my tubes tied where you’re from?”

“No… but you’re not a superhero, either.”

“Iron Woman’s hardly a superhero,” Pepper argued. “She’s more of a… troubleshooter.”

“Uh-huh,” Sue said. “This is why we wear spandex, Pete. Armor, leather, all of that goes straight to your head…”

Peter sought to distract himself as Sue pulled on his earlobe and pushed her gloved finger into his ear—he wished he hadn’t run out of Q-tips a month ago and never bought more. “You mind if I ask who the father is?”

“Tony.”

“Tony?!”

“And what’s wrong with that?” Pepper asked, clearly well-versed in defensiveness.

“Nothing!” Peter said hastily.

“It’s just that if you described all the qualities that made someone a bad role model to a sketch artist, you’d get a picture of Tony,” Sue said.

“You’re just jealous my man can grow a beard,” Pepper said, though she was gazing at Peter, her eyes fixed upon the enticing bulge in his pants. She wondered how big his cock was, his balls, if they were full yet or still depleted from before. She’d heard they’d had to practically drag him out from under a pile of women. None of whom had seemed to complain about going to jail.

“Wait, wait, wait—“ Peter said. “So, Pepper… you and Tony are together, with a kid?”

“Yeah, us and Rhodey…”

Peter nodded. This Earth… “And Sue, you’re with Reed… you still have Valeria and Franklin?”

“Last time I checked.”

“How do you do it?” Peter asked, trying to ignore that Sue was now pinching his nose. “I mean, it’s one thing to endanger an adult by being in a relationship with them… but kids? A family? Don’t you ever worry about someone getting to you by hurting them? How do you even… begin to live with that?”

Sue started petting Peter’s chest. “One sec… Pepper, reading’s still good?”

“They look a little off. Maybe use the other hand?”

“Yeah, okay.” Sue massaged Peter’s chest with her other hand. “I guess it’s never really been a choice for me. I couldn’t live without my kids, without Reed. They drive me crazy, but they make me better, too. How could I just decide to stop being a better person?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Pepper said. “Sue, have you checked his crotch yet?”

“My what?”

“Saving that for last,” Sue replied over Peter.

“Well, I don’t have all day…”

“All day for what?”

“I just need to scan your pelvic region,” Sue told Peter gently. “Same as everything else. If you want, I can give you the gloves and you can do it yourself—“

“But we don’t have any magazines,” Pepper broke in.

“You’ve been hanging out with Tony too long.”

“I know.”

Sue’s hands moved slowly, caressingly, on Peter’s inner thighs. Peter’s body trembled a little, and there was a soft sigh from him as Sue’s fingers ran over his groin. Sue was trying to make it look professional, but Pepper thought she was playing a waiting game, trying to predict what Pepper would do if Sue simply started jacking Peter off. She was sure that if she hadn’t accompanied them, Sue would’ve done that already.

A bit peevishly, she kept the conversation going. “Listen, Peter, I’m not telling you not to worry,” Pepper said. “Sure, it’s scary—it’s incredibly scary, thinking someone you love might be suffering, just because they’re with you. But they suffer without you, too. They’re someone they’re not meant to be. I believe Tony and I were meant to be together. And if I’m not with him, we’re depriving each other of the best versions of ourselves. I’m a superhero thanks to him! He quit drinking. Maybe it’s not much, in the grand scheme of things… but I wouldn’t give that up just for a little less stress in my life.”

Peter was moaning softly, trying to keep from twisting on the table. And Pepper’s eyes smoldered, staring at every move Sue’s fingers made. She had not taken them away from Peter’s crotch.

“I take it there are a lot of particles there?” Peter asked knowingly.

Sue smiled. “Have to be extra-thorough.”

Peter wondered why he couldn’t have found this universe back in high school.

Through lowered lashes, Sue watched the effect this was having on Pepper. She was pleased by what she saw, the way Pepper writhed on her stool, lips open as she watched. Finally, Pepper stood. Laced her fingers together behind her head and arched her back as if stretching, straining her pert breasts upward. Peter stared at her, and kept staring as she moved in a sort of dance, her body twisting lewdly, her breasts jiggling—full thighs rubbing together, then spreading, letting Peter see past her skirt like it was a red cape being waved in front of a bull.

“Why don’t you pull your pants down?” she asked Peter. “They’re getting in the way.”

“Y-yes ma’am,” Peter said, almost automatically, fumbling to lift his ass so he could work his pants down.

“Call me Pepper, stud. You are a stud, aren’t you? A handsome guy with a prick like yours must’ve been with a lot of women…” She wasn’t teasing. Peter was handsome, athletic, and despite an obvious deficit in his seduction technique, she was hopeful that he wasn’t a virgin. She wanted someone experienced, even if they were from one of the prude dimensions.

His slight stutter and his fumbling worried her, but he quickly took on a confident mien, smiling at her—if a little bashfully—as he pushed his pants down to his knees.

Sue gasped. Pepper wanted to. From the bulge they’d seen in his pants, they’d both been expecting a big cock, but not nearly the stiff, gorgeous monster that faced them now. He was huge.

Pepper raised an eyebrow at Sue, as if to say well?

Always a little submissive, Sue lifted Peter’s balls, cradled them in her palm, gave them a gentle squeeze. The longer she held it, the more Peter’s cock jerked. A drop of precum ran along the smoothly swollen head of his cock, and Pepper ran her tongue over her lips as she watched it trickle down his shaft.

Sue slipped her thumb and forefinger to the base of Peter’s cock, Pepper smiling as she pulled on it, bringing a glistening bead of precum to his cockhead. Then she went back down to his balls, squeezing them tenderly, her expression anything but professional. The way her breasts rose and fell inside her bodysuit shouted out how intensely excited she was. And made Pepper even more excited too.

Peter kept looking at Pepper as Sue took hold of his hard cock and stroked its shaft. Pepper felt her already swollen nipples stiffen even more, more blood rush to her clit. She wondered if her had a thing for redheads.

She began swaying her hips from side to side, dancing to the beat of Sue’s wetly choppy pulling on Peter’s manhood. Brushing her skirt aside by hand, displaying her wet pussy. Peter stared at them she stared at his prick and the hand that was slowly stroking it.

“God, Sue, you’re an artist,” Pepper breathed. “You’re doing it just right! Just right! Come on, Peter! Give!”

While Sue fondled his balls, Peter gave a moan, his cock suddenly gushing. Both women cried out as he came, Sue squeezing his balls hard as they watched his cum fly high into the air, falling on his stomach. It came splashing down on his thighs and groin as well, glistening wetly.

Pepper grasped the base of Peter’s cock and squeezed it, licking her lips. His cum squirted high again, splattering her blouse right where her left nipple protruded. Her fist jacked wildly on his cock, making him shoot for a long time, longer than Pepper thought possible. A glob of cum almost struck Sue’s chin; more smeared Pepper’s hand. Pepper almost came herself, watching Peter come so copiously. And she didn’t know if Sue did or not, but the woman was definitely shaking.

“Well, that takes care of the sperm sample,” Sue mewled. Her words were professional, even if her voice was simperingly lustful.

Pepper was afraid to speak, worried her own voice would similarly betray her excitement. So she nodded her head in agreement, her gaze still on Peter’s cock. It was still quite hard. She worried he would come again as Sue cleaned him up with tissues, wiped the head of his cock.

“You can get dressed now, Peter. I think we’re done here. Unless you’d like to give a urine sample…?”

“Uh… no thanks. I’m good.”

Sue sat back on her stool, reaching out to take the tablet from where Pepper had set it down. Pepper sat down as well, exhausted as if she’d run a mile. As she listened to Sue type on the tablet, Pepper crossed her long legs, the slit of her skirt falling away. When Sue looked, Pepper uncrossed her legs. This time Sue could see all the way to Pepper’s pussy.

“So Potts,” Sue said gently, typing away. “Will you be staying for dinner?”

“I’d love to.”

“Good. I’ll go tell Reed. For some reason, he isn’t downloading my readings, so I’d better check on that. You two stay here. Don’t touch anything.”

“No promises,” Pepper said.

Biting her lip, Sue disappeared out the door.

“What about you?” Pepper asked of Peter.

Peter laid back on the exam table. “Me?”

“Will you be staying… for dinner?”

“I’d love to, but I’ve been gone long enough. As soon as the portal’s working, I should go.”

“Be honest, though… there’s no way you have it as good back there as you do here. You’ve got a big cock, you know how to use it, and you’re practically a virgin. You could have it made here. A regular novelty act.”

“Practically a…?”

“You could count your lovers on two hands, yes.”

“Well… I mean, before coming here…”

“There you are. I bet Sue has some Who Can Fuck The New Guy First contest going, and there are plenty of prizes for first runner-up…”

Peter gulped. “Nah. I couldn’t. This has been fun and all—really fun—but I’m more than just a walking hard-on. Well, most of the time. Back home is where my family is. I can’t just hop from bed to bed forever. I need a home.”

“Listen,” Pepper said seriously as she stood up. “I have this crazy urge to taste your cum. Mind if I suck your cock?”

Peter shrugged gregariously. “Well, if I’m not twisting your arm…”

Sue reached for his member and gave it a playful squeeze. “Once I start blowing you, you’ll have to twist my arm to make me stop.”

Peter wondered if this had anything to do with why his Tony had hired his Pepper…

***

Earth-617

“This is not my idea of a relaxation technique,” Felicia said.

In point of fact, there was nothing Felicia considered very relaxing about the room, a glass storefront on Eighth Avenue that faced the Park for ‘soothing, natural light,’ but effectively broadcast their yoga pants to anyone who walked by. There were the ten couples, obnoxiously heterosexual, hipsterish, occasionally downright yuppie—Felicia was trying to avoid hearing what anyone was planning to name their kid. There were exercise balls in a variety of florid pastel colors. She didn’t even much like the yoga mats. They looked like they were trying too hard to be beach towels.

“It’s Lamaze class,” Mary Jane said. “If they were teaching you your idea of relaxation, you wouldn’t need it. And it would probably be pornographic.”

“Not seeing a downside, on either count.” Felicia bumped MJ with her hip. “If you really want me relaxed, we could go to the car and—“

“I want to be relaxed,” Mary Jane announced. “And that means knowing that you know what to do when you’re in labor.”

“Like you won’t be there.”

“Like, I might not,” Mary Jane replied in a valley girl accent. “Now shut up and try to relax.”

“Yes, mistress.”

Sighing, Mary Jane held up the cross-stitch piece again. She had knit it in memory of one Aunt May had made for her during her pregnancy, and Felicia had actually been pretty gracious in accepting it as a focus. It depicted—in somewhat NES detail, it was true—Peter, Felicia, and Mary Jane together, since they hadn’t had a lot of time to take pictures together before the disappearance.

“And now let’s try pant-blow breathing!” the instructor cried gently—she had a way of doing that. “Felicia, I’d like to see you pay extra special attention here…”

Felicia hung her head. “If you had told me before all this started that my heavy breathing needed work…”

***

After class, they got smoothies from a cart on the sidewalk. Whoever had scored that real estate was going places. They walked into the Park, Felicia clutching her pea coat around herself both to hide her unfashionable ensemble and the pregnancy that was starting to show. They sat at the first bench they found.

“Is it the cross-stitch?” Mary Jane asked. “You don’t like the cross-stitch…”

Felicia actually had. Of course, then Felicia had heard that she was meant to focus on it while she was in labor. “It’s a very good quilt. I like it a lot. Not going to do much good when there’s a small human shooting out of my—“

“It’s not a quilt,” Mary Jane insisted. “Even a small quilt would have three layers of fiber—“

“Getting why Peter married you now.”

“As if it weren’t obvious.”

“Hey! Mind if we cut in?”

Felicia looked up sharply. They’d abruptly been accosted by two supermodels. The first one was blonde, tall, and voluptuously muscular—the kind of definition that made it clear a girl could bench-press a small tank without letting her biceps overwhelm her femininity, like a jock from a universe where cheerleaders played contact sports. She had a tough cookie smile and had her hands on her hips like they belonged there.

The other one was more slender, less obvious power, but still tall, lean, with womanly hips and full, rounded breasts just a bit less overwhelming than her friend. It was only in comparison to her friend that she suffered at all. Not in the looks department, but in having to be qualified as more dark-haired and pale than simply beautiful. Where her friend was clean-cut, All-American, with a dashing smile and a head of golden hair, this one was a little more gothic, a little more brooding, a little more serious. Her face narrow, fine-boned, on the petite side, where her friend had a strong jaw and full lips.

She was also preggers, and not in the glowing sense. In the ‘I’ve peed fifteen times today and given up my hair as a lost cause’ sense. That was enough for Felicia to like her. In addition to the hope that maybe the pair would let Felicia watch them cuddle. They had been the only other ‘alternative’ couple in the class, aside from those two beardy guys whose story Felicia really didn’t want to know.

“Carol! Jess!” Mary Jane sprung up from the bench—show-off—and made herself the meat in a hug sandwich. It was enough to tempt Felicia towards being That Guy and asking what about her hug. “It’s been ages! Oh my God! How are you?”

“Full of baby,” Jess, the brunette, replied. “Just… full of it.”

“She’s used to being full of it, though,” Carol added. “We’ve been trying to check up on you since Peter—well, while he’s away…”

“I know, you guys are busy… Rhodes stopped by, helped us put together a crib. And bought us a crib…”

“Anything we can to help,” Jessica said.

“Forget about me, what’s with you?” Mary Jane insisted. “You quit the Justice League, next thing I know, you’re ready to drop a bomb—“

“Those were two separate things. I quit the Avengers, then, uh...” Jessica looked down at her belly. “Yeah. Happens to the best of us.”

“MJ, who’re your friends?” Felicia asked.

“Oh, God, so sorry—Cat, Carol Danvers, Jessica Drew. Guys, this is Felicia. She’s my… friend.”

“Felicia?” Carol snapped her fingers, suddenly reminding Felicia of a large Golden Retriever. “Black Cat, right? With the tight leather number?”

“I’m having it let out.”

“Jess, isn’t she part of your spider-family?”

“Don’t call it that.”

“That’s so crazy. Two pregnancies and in the same spider-clan!”

“Don’t call it that either,” Felicia said.

“We should totally do lunch. I mean, the four of us, we must be the only pregnant superheroes… and, uh, superhero defense squad… members? Yeah, we’ve gotta be the only people who can really get each other in the whole city!”

“And if we do do lunch, I promise to give Carol a long nap and decaf before we come over,” Jess said.

“No fair threatening me with decaf while you’re pregnant.”

“We’d love to come over, or have you over,” Mary Jane said. “Whatever works. Right, Felicia?”

Felicia heavily stood up and put an arm around Mary Jane’s waist. “Well, I do like having Red here all to myself, but I think I can share her for one evening.”

Jess and Carol smiled widely. “That’d be great!” Carol enthused, Jess patting her on the shoulder to tell her to calm down.

“And not to rush into anything,” Jess said, “but it is really cool to have someone going through what we’re going through, while in… you know… the same place.”

“It’s very cool,” Carol added.

“So maybe we could… I don’t know… shop for baby booties together? I’m new to all this.”

“Sounds perfect!” Mary Jane was practically doing a cheer.

“Or,” Jess said, “we could have a shared baby shower and get it all over which at once.”

“Please move in with us,” Felicia said. “We can keep the other two around to remind us how good beer is.”

“Beer is so good.”

“I remember. Faintly.”

“I’ve made Carol drink German beer.”

“It’s the most romantic thing she’d ever asked of me,” Carol recalled. “We have to go. Nail salon. But we are definitely hunting you down later. Have your ultrasounds ready.”

“We’ll wear clothes around the apartment, just in case you show up,” Felicia promised.

With a few more hugs and promises to look them up, Carol and Jess were gone.

“They think we’re lesbians, don’t they?” Mary Jane asked.

“I know, isn’t it great?”

***

Earth-69

Sue stood over the three, watching Reed’s cock sink inside of Jessica’s cunt, Tony’s disappear into her mouth. It hadn’t been the reason she’d expected to discover for Reed’s absence, but it was a wonderful surprise.

“Fuck her good, boys!” Sue cheered, watching them stuff her friend from either end. “Fuck her mouth! Fuck that hot pussy!” Her fingers rubbed her itching clit.

“Knew you needed to get laid, eh Reed?” Tony grinned across Jessica’s back at Reed as he had her from behind. “Who called it?”

“This is proving—a remarkable—simply remarkable—physical exertion!” Reed grunted between his long strokes. “I find it endlessly fascinating—how simple variety—can add so much to a sexual encounter!”

“So how’s her pussy feel?” Tony asked, driving deep into Jessica’s suctioning throat.

“Fantastic! I’ll let you try it out later. I want to see how good she sucks with that remarkable-seeming mouth. It’ll be interesting to compare her performance with Sue’s!”

“I’ll compare her performance, thank you very much,” Sue said. “Just as soon as Tony’s done, I think I’ll ride that mouth a few miles.”

And she stuffed another finger into her throbbing pussy, working up more of her arousal for Jessica to taste. On first walking into the room, she’d wanted simply to join in, but after seeing how excited Pepper had been by her voyeurism, she was quite liking this change of pace. Watching. Fingering her pussy. Playing the part of cheerleader. It made this more than another fuck. It made it an experiment.

“Suck that big cock hard, Jessica! And fuck that cock! Suck that hot cum down with both your holes. You’ll love it, baby! It’s soo good!” Sue shouted before her climax rendered her speechless, hand working furiously on her burning cunt, her breasts craving attention as well, getting her other hand squeezing the aching teats.

“Let her have it!” she screamed when she once again found her voice. “Give her those big cocks! Hard!”

Sue knew how it felt to be fucked by the scientists’ huge cocks, and Bruce Banner’s besides. She wanted Jessica to know all the pleasure she had received. Her joy for Jessica was totally unselfish. There would be plenty of other times for her and Reed, and Tony, and whoever else needed a break from super-science. Now was the time to watch her friend literally get filled, and let the exquisite sight push her towards another savage eruption.

“Fuck her, fuck her, fuck us both!” Sue cried, feeling the heat inside her vibrating. “Harder! Deeper! I’m getting so close! Just watching, I’m getting so close, I’m going to come again, oh, Reed, darling, I feel my cunt burning, I’m going to come!”

Reed redoubled his efforts inside Jessica, trying to keep pace with his wife. “That’s wonderful, Sue! Enjoy it, darling!”

Jessica tried to say something as well, but Tony forced his thick cock even deeper into her hungry mouth, throating her before she could so much as gasp.

The squirting climax was a completely different sensation for Sue, a feeling of ravenous greed swamping her mind, something pure and burning in how she wanted all of them, how she was having all of them by being able to watch this, a spectacle that seemed wholly for her pleasure.

Her gorged clit burned her fingers. She swayed and trembled on her feet, riding out the turbulent explosion, the blasts of liquid pressure from her cunt. Through the daze of her climax, Sue was aware that her juices had landed on her three sucking, fucking friends. It spurred them on like a whiplash.

“Shit! Suck it, bitch! Suck!” Tony groaned, the first bolt of cum shooting from him.

With blurred vision, Sue saw Jessica gulp down his thick jism. She smiled in, remembering the taste.

“My word, Sue!” Reed gasped. “You would not believe the differences in sensation between her vagina and yours! I wonder if it’s from environmental factors or… or… genetics!” he shouted as his balls exploded, fat cock jammed into Jessica’s tight pussy. Each spurt of hot cum brought grunts of mindless pleasure from the devoted husband and father.

Jessica was too busy sucking Tony’s cock clean to express her joy when she came, completely ended by Reed’s vibrating ejaculation. But Sue could easily see how much Jess loved it, bucking and rocking to devour Reed’s cock with her quivering cunt. She smiled with shared joy as she watched Jessica arch her body with wild, ecstatic movements, thrashing around between the two cocks in complete depravity.

Sue watched the trio gradually collapse into a sweaty, tangled heap. Her own knees were about to buckle. With weary steps, she stumbled to the pile and sat down atop them.

“So… I take it the portal’s ready?”

“Just needs the scans from Peter calibrate it.”

“I’ll do that, darling. You lie back and relax. I’m sure a slut like Jess really took it out of you.”

Jess blew Sue a kiss.

“There is one thing,” Tony said. “A, uh… time dilation effect, from our universes being so distant? Reed, what’d you call it?”

“The Narnia Effect. Goodness, Sue, I believe Jessica is prompting me to another erection, by sheer virtue of not having had coitus with her prior! I wonder if I would receive similar stimulation from sex with you while temporarily at a loss for memory of you. Perhaps, if we were to get one of the X-Men to induce amnesia in one or both of us… I’m sorry, Tony, we were discussing the Narnia Effect?”

“Forget it,” Tony said. Jess was sucking him again. “Can’t be that important.”

“Yes. Sue, start the portal. I believe our young friend is in a rush to get home.”

“And Reed’s in a rush to have you back,” Tony opined.

“I wonder if I would have a similarly ‘novel’ reaction if I were deprived of stimuli, then exposed to both Sue and Jessica. Could Sue also strike me as a ‘new conquest’ if I were unaware it were her? This is a fascinating field of inquiry!”

“You have my full support,” Tony said. “We should get Pepper up here too…”

***

“So I just walk through the portal?” Peter asked.

He was boggling a little bit about the maelstrom of swirling energies and un-matter. No matter how many times he saw one of those, they always reminded him of a screensaver.

Sue was less impressed. “That’s how you got here, isn’t it?”

“Something like that. It’s just… I don’t know… these things usually seem a bit more complicated than that.”

“There is something called the Narnia Effect. Because of how far away our two universes are from each other, the timelines don’t exactly sync up. So the few hours you’ve spent over here should be like only a few seconds have passed over there. Or something like that.”

“Cool,” Peter said. “Hey, maybe I should stay a while, grow a beard, really freak people out?”

“No. You shouldn’t.”

“Alright then,” Peter said, deferring to veteran superhero wife judgment. He pulled his mask on. “Tally-ho!”

He stepped through the portal and immediately into a battle between the Avengers and the Masters of Evil for the fate of all mankind.

“Oh, for the love of…” Peter dodged a laser. “I come back to you now at the turn of the tide!”

***

Peter slipped away after the battle was over, but before anyone could suggest shawarma again. He didn’t want to get dragged into deciding which of the twelve Avengers teams he was on, even if that meant he got stuck on the West Coast Avengers. Instead, he clambered to the door of the apartment, knocked, and hoped like hell that Mary Jane hadn’t moved to L.A.

Dimension-hopping was one thing, but flying cross-country?

She answered the door. Immediate embrace. Peter hugged her back. Yeah, he figured it hadn’t been a few seconds. More like a few weeks.

“Hey babe. So, uh… why’s Captain America black? Why is Thor a woman? Why’d the Incredible Hulk call me ‘dude’? And was it just my imagination or was Iceman giving me the eye? I leave for five minutes…”

“Little more than five minutes, tiger.” Great, she was crying. Peter petted her hair.

“Okay, so… what’s new? You finally get enough things in your shopping cart for Amazon to give you free shipping?”

“I got a haircut,” Felicia said. Peter looked at her. And the baby she was holding. “I think it looks nice.”