FJTTS - Chapter 14 (Patreon)

“I’ll even give you a choker for the cat. It’ll keep her in check. And she seems to like you enough. So she won’t hurt you.” The loli said, her eyes still lingering on the bundle of living fluff on Arthur’s lap.

‘Come to think of it, when did she get so fluffy? Could’a sworn she wasn’t like this when I first met her…’ Arthur thought. Expression confused, he said to the loli, “O-Okay. That’s reassuring.”  

Arthur didn’t know what kind of choker she was going to give him. But he assumed it was some kind of limiter. 

He was right. The goddess might’ve played down the severity of the danger, but that’s because she had surefire ways of containing it.  The choker, which looked like a normal black cat collar, was something that stored Snowy’s power and turned it into defensive energy. According to her, it would stop the cat from demolishing the house (and town), when it got agitated.

“Back on topic. Tada!” Vileplume exclaimed, as she brought out a package from… somewhere. It looked like on of those gift boxes, the ones with an assortment of truffles and other chocolates people gifted each other on Christmas. “Your employee package! I even convinced the boss to throw in something extra.”

That got both Arthur and Zoe’s attention. He took the package from the loli and quickly unboxed it. Zoe was leaning over from her chair. But the contents of the box made both of them go sour.

“Excuse me, boss.” 

“Yes?”

“This is a box of Ferrero Rocher.”

“I am aware.”

Arthur threw his arms up in frustration. He should’ve known better to trust the silly loli. Shame on him for having expectations. Shame on him for being disappointed.

He was hoping for a power-up, or something at least. Not diabetes.

The gloom must’ve shown quite strongly on his face, so the loli waved her hands and said, “Don’t be so upset. Those are divine instruments you know? The HR department only sent it in that form because it would be easier to eat for a Terran. Also, it tastes good.”

“Haaa.” Arthur dully replied. The way Xylnareon divinity did things was too outside of normal human common sense.

“In any case, just eat one. The one marked 1.”

Arthur complied. Zoe reached out for one too but for some reason the loli stopped her. She then gave Zoe another, albeit smaller, gift box. Very reluctantly.

It was also a box of Ferrero Rocher. 

‘Whoa.’ Arthur had to admit this was the best piece of chocolate he had ever had. What did the loli call it? Divine instruments? How can a confectionary be an instrument? It reminded him of a certain famous quote by a certain famous starfish.

Then suddenly, something clicked in his brain. And he understood what the ‘divine instrument’ was.

“Language module? Did it just install a software in my brain?”  

“Yup! Sentinels have to travel a lot ya see. So, we teach them god script. Basically, now you can access any language in this universe in the database. And as a bonus, all Earth languages have already been installed in your brain, the ones that are still being used by natural humans and supernaturals. For the rest of the languages, you need something else to access them. I’ll get to that later. Eat the ones marked 2 to 4 now.” Vileplume clapped.

The gift of all speak was definitely a plus, and a cheat he could be satisfied with. And now that he confirmed these confectionaries really were divine, he happily obliged.

Probably no risk of diabetes either.

After he was done the loli explained what they did, “The one marked 2 is for body restructure. 3 is for your mana and spirit channels. 4 is the follow-up to the tutorial and number 1. You made an account in the Xylnareon Divinity corporate server, right? It can connect you to that with the help of another gadget almost anywhere. Comes with some neat modules you’ll find useful.”

“Body restructure, channels? Gadget?” then suddenly, before the loli spoke again, something else clicked in his mind. And he knew whatever body restructure and channel opening was going on, it was completed. 

“Just like that? Don’t I have to… you know, suffer unimaginable pain, or something?”

He was still obviously confused by simplicity of the whole thing. It felt too easy? He simply knew his body was better now. Better than he had ever been in his entire life. He knew he wasn’t yet superman level invulnerable, but his physical body was now what could be considered a perfect human specimen naturally strengthened via godly means (yes, godly means count as natural).

Except his face.

Where was all the hardship, the black gunk, the impurities? 

Arthur realized; he’d been still subconsciously comparing everything that was happening to fictions he’d read. But reality was way stranger than that. And he now also realized he would probably continue to compare everything to fiction no matter how much he convinced himself not to, just to make reality seem less strange.

Yeah, reality was definitely stranger. But not harder.

Vileplume scoffed. And it looked like Arthur’s subconscious muttering earned him a small laugh from Kralterror. The cyclops was usually happy to be a statue at the side.

“I know what you’re talking about. Those trash fictions are actually correct about this. But most protagonists there start from the very bottom and work their way up. Eating all kinds of suspicious weeds and rocks. You are already at the highest level possible. Why would you need for something that would cause that kinda pain for a little bit of power up? You think the Quality Management division would green light a sketchy confectionary like that?”  “Umm… I guess no?” Actually, that made sense. It was just that Arthur had still not really grasped what the actual extent of Xylnareon Divinity’s power was. The tutorial gave him some ideas. “So, what did the… restructuring actually do?”

“I dunno.”

Arthur grimaced. But Vileplume vehemently defended herself, “It wasn’t made by me. I’m no professional biologist or food scientist. How am I supposed to know these stuffs? All I know is that it made your body better, and easier to revive.”

“Umm.” Zoe decided to cut in then, “I don’t really need… umm, all that?” 

She was pointing at her own gift box. Confectionaries still uneaten, with only the bindings lose.

“Hmph! There’s only the language module there. Rest is for staff only!” 

“I-I see.”

Well it did make sense. Specially the one marked 4. And 2 or 3 sounded really sketchy to be honest. If Tecsov didn’t cover all his insurances, Arthur wasn’t sure he’d react so calmly after hearing what they did. 

Zoe somewhat hesitantly opened the transparent cover of her box, and ate the first confectionary. After a few chews and a gulp, there was a gleam in her eyes that told Arthur she’d probably gotten the gift of all speech too.

That, or she was just impressed with the taste.

Turning his eyes back to the loli, he asked, “So, what do the rest do?”

“Gives you divine diabetes.”

“…”

“What? You think it’s safe to pump you full of thirty different godly functions at once? The rest are just normal confectionary.”

“Dia-”

“Normal, as in, made by gods normal. Probably not safe to eat all of them at once.” The loli seemed unbothered by the stress she was causing. He now had suspicions, that the loli wasn’t quite right in the head. 

Autism maybe?  As that thought quickly surfaced in his mind, he quickly snapped his head back towards the window of the room.

No meteors, or lightning.

So, either nothing would happen when he blasphemed inside his head, or this ‘Heaven’ was a safe zone.

Good to know.

“What’cha looking at?” The loli asked, her voice somewhat dragging. Putting a giant truffle in her tiny mouth. What was with the smirk?

“Hmph…” Zoe scoffed, annoyed.

Arthur was confused at what was happening. Did he miss something in that tiny amount of time he looked outside?

Zoe must’ve noticed his confusion, so she explained, “That’s the 29th candy she ate since the start of this conversation. And she has the nerve to tell us about diabetes.”

‘Ah-ha! So that’s why she looked so pissed during the whole thing.’ Arthur remembered some fond memories of the past. Fond memories of a monster policing all the chocolate intake for people under teenage years in his family.

No wonder.

“But wait, I didn’t see her eating so much?” He asked.

“Munya munya, body, munya, restructure.” Arthur could clearly see her chewing the hell out of the thing. Her cheeks where all puffed up like a hamster. 

Zoe gritted her teeth. Arthur feared that this might turn into some kind of OCD for her.

And,

“No, no, no. I would have definitely noticed if she was eating like that. Body restructuring or otherwise.”

Zoe wanted to say something, but the loli slammed the table with her hands, finished it her mid-conversation snack.

“Back, on, topic!” She exclaimed, “I got one last thing to give ya. Most important.”  “More diabetes?”

“No! Sheesh. Can’t take a joke. It’s this.”  Vileplume struggled for a bit to reach the lowest drawer in her desk. The ‘adult’ executive chair must’ve been too high for a loli like her.

The she huffed, and puffed, and telekinetically opened the drawer after giving up her futile endeavor.

A few moments later, Arthur was looking at a peculiar device.

It was a sphere, maybe? With an electronic display on one side. Well it looked more like an electronic eye rather than a display. The thingamabob looked mighty science-fictiony with bits of irregularly shaped pieces of metal orbiting around it. Mostly triangular or trapezoidal in shape. 

There was some really complex circuitry on the underside of those bits. 

The loli muttered ‘Activate’ and ‘Standby’ in a language Arthur didn’t recognize, but understood. And the orbiting bits merged into the central sphere. The whole thing looked similar to a modified drone. 

And very futuristic, even by 23rd century standards.

“What’s this?” Arthur asked.

“This,” the loli replied, “is a DiviBot. It’s the extra thing I asked the higher-ups for ya. The gadget I mentioned earlier is this. Better be thankful. Most popes only get the most basic module. This one, on the other hand, is the latest, coolest, most recent Prototype developed b-”

There was a loud meow, and suddenly there was a grey streak heading straight towards the DiviBot.