FJTTS - Chapter 13 (Patreon)

The cat was fine.

Sure, it was trying to dig a hole in the now sealed up passage to Zoe’s underground lake, but it was fine.

BOOM!

“Tartar sauce!”

After the underground lake fiasco with the monk and Zoe, Arthur told her to seal the hole up with her magic mumbo jumbo. 

While still a boy at heart, Arthur definitely did not mind having his own personal secret bat cave. In reality though, having a hole in your basement that led to underground lava tubes wasn’t the best medicine for a good night’s sleep.

So, the hole was molded shut with Zoe’s magic.

And the cat just neko-punched it to oblivion.

After coughing out all the dust that got into his mouth, Arthur fumbled his way to the mewing cat. It was a confused kind of meow.

A corner of his brain was screaming at him not to carelessly approach a supercat that watched a tutorial meant for gods.

But having a pet was a responsibility and Arthur was determined to keep it.

It took a bit of effort of grab the disordered cat in all the dusty air, but after he held her in a hug, she calmed down and didn’t struggle any further. 

Arthur ran out of the basement and closed the door shut. He would have to clean all that up later. For now, he needed to check the cat for injuries.

Newton’s third law told him a neko-punch of that magnitude of action would have an equal and opposite reaction. But the cat didn’t appear to be a mess of blood and gore.

“Good enough.”

He would have to bring the thing to Vileplume tomorrow. There was something supernatural about it now, and he didn’t know if modern vets were qualified to give her a once over.

Zoe was done with her lecture. From the look radiating on her face, Arthur guessed she was satisfied.

“What do you want for dinner?” she asked nonchalantly. Not at all giving heed to the explosion on the basement or the explosion above their head.

“…” Arthur guessed it would take more than this to perturb a cosmic horror.

“Instant noodle?” 

Zoe neko punched him.

***

Waking up next day with a cat chewing his hair, Arthur quickly did his dailies.

Zoe already prepared a hearty breakfast of microwaved instant noodles for the male human, and a tuna steak for the cat.

Arthur regretted his folly.

With a mouth full of Indomie, he sputtered, “We’ah nhgoing dhu chshe birbhun angefer bwefktcst.”

That earned him a smack on the shoulder and a ‘Don’t speak with your mouth full.’

So, after gulping down the delicious gourmet cuisine, he repeated, “We’re going to see Vileplume after breakfast.”

“The employee package thing?”

“Yeah…” he glanced at the cat, “And her. Need to know if the tutorial was harmful for her.”

“Oh! You don’t need to worry about that. Have you heard of immortal ascension? It’s a good thing.” Zoe asked as she served herself a big bowl of rice.

Arthur looked at her with envy, replying, “That thing in video games and Chinese novels?”

“Basically yes. It’s one of the highest power levels people around here can achieve.” She pointed at the cat which was trying to steal some toppings from Arthur’s breakfast.

“Immortal ascension?” Arthur asked skeptically.

Zoe blushed.

“It’s about the knowledge and power!” She explained defensively, “She got the knowledge, and it gives her the power.”

Arthur glanced at the cat again. It was croaking funny after sniffing some onions in one of Zoe’s side dishes.

“Knowledge?”

“Shut up.” Zoe blushed even harder. She wanted to play it cool being the all-knowing ancient being. But the cat was ruining her chance to show off.

Arthur had no more questions. Whatever Zoe’s verdict was, not that he didn’t trust them, he still needed to take Snowy to the loli goddess.

Breakfast after that was awkward.

Zoe was still depressed that her facts seemed to fail her. And Arthur’s attempts at cheering her up were met with failure.

But knowing the eldritch horror, her mood would swing for the better if he just left her alone for a while.

And so, he did.

It was half an hour later when he finally told her to get ready. He’d already called a shuttle.

The journey to the heavenly realm was uneventful. They got off the shuttle in front of the company building, and went directly to the lift after giving the receptionist a wave.

The security guard was awake this time though. He looked at the cat, but didn’t say anything otherwise. 

It seems like cats were allowed inside the building.

The elevator ride was also unremarkable, much to Zoe’s disappointment. She looked at the buttons the whole time, but didn’t get the expected response. 

After reaching their destination, the floor above the world, or worlds, they saw Kralterror in his classic butler attire. 

The cat was not reacting negatively at all, unlike what Arthur assumed. He thought she’d be a bit scared at least, of all the fragmented images beneath their feet.

Rather, he felt some sort of glee from her. Something that weirdly didn’t feel out of place, as Snowy gazed down at hundreds of mortal worlds with her feline eyes. Like a god beholding her servants.

Weird.

Kralterror led the trio to Vileplume’s office. Along the way, Arthur once again saw the pony-man. He looked as awake as a sloth. Even though he was drenched in water.

The anthropomorphic employee was watering some flower pots on a window sill with as much eagerness as watching the same TV commercial for the thousandth time. The flowers were watering him back.

More weirdness.

As they approached the office of the divine loli, Arthur started to get jumpy for some reason. The loli said his employee package had arrived. 

What kind of employee package did a demigod get?

And it’s been one whole day and he still didn’t feel like a demigod!

Arthur had more questions he was dying to ask.

But first,

“You did WHAT?” Vileplume exclaimed.

Arthur had just finished retelling the tale of his cat. And his boss seemed shocked for a minute.

“That… was meant for you. I mean, I knew the jellyfish would watch it too, but for a cat…” the loli said as she shook her head.

“Jellyfish?”

“Hey!”

As expected, it took less than 3 sentences for the loli to piss Zoe off. Arthur had one more question to add. What jellyfish? Also, Zoe was getting more pissed.

Not the kind of pissed when insulted, but the kind of pissed when she was seeing something she didn’t like.

“Rather, than, that!” The loli forcefully said, “You don’t have to worry. It’s nothing too bad, I’m just amazed is all. Heh, What Zoe said was right. The cat did achieve immortal ascension. In a manner.”

“Umm, can you explain?” Arthur asked.

“Okay, so, immortality and that shi-”, she faltered, “stuff, as they refer to it in some cultures on Terra. It all has to do with Dao, which is basically a really really really mini form of the Emblematic Governance we divines have. It’s also called the ‘divine concept of godhood and priesthood’ in some places by on your Earth by those fake deities. Divinity and knowledge about the secrets of the universe and whatnot, right?”

“I’m following.”

“But it all depends how you comprehend the universe. Of what knowledge you have already gathered. Practitioners on Terra work for hundreds of years, even thousands, before they reach that level. With a culmination of a huge amount of knowledge and experience. They then apply that to the world around them, to change it to their will. The so called ‘Achieving the Dao’ or ‘Achieving Godhood’. As for the cat,” she paused for a few seconds to snuggle Snowy, “It’s a cat. What knowledge can it have?”

“Okay, you lost me.”

“What I’m saying is, it’s a cat. And a domestic one at that. Its whole life revolves around eating fish and bugs, napping, rolling around on the carpet, and-”

“It was a stray cat a few days ago.”

“Stray? The cats on the moon? They’re basically housecats that like camping outside. Not strays. And don’t interrupt me!”, Vileplume said angrily. 

“Ahem! As I was saying, the tutorial I gave you contains that secret, the secret of the universe, this universe, to a certain extent. How you use that is up the person itself. A fire mage might use that to create an ultimate fire spell, applying his knowledge on fire to the concept of the creation or destruction of the universe. Now, what will happen when a cat, which has a thought process of a normal cat, applies its knowledge of scratching furniture when the owner is not home to the concept of the formation of the universe?”

“Ahahaha.” Zoe laughed out loud. As an ancient being who hated those ‘immortal’ hypocrites whom thought themselves superior to all, she wondered what those fogies from the eastern mountain would do if they heard of this. Definitely cough out a river of blood each, as they liked to say.

Then she caught herself. How ungraceful! 

Arthur was too speechless to reply. He did notice the cat was still acting very much like a normal cat even after her so called ‘immortal ascension’. Normally in these situations in fictions, they would get a hundred times smarter, maybe even get a human form with cute cat ears and a tail. And for some reason that seemed reasonable. So, Arthur voiced his doubts.

Vileplume smiled, and replied, “You are actually correct. If a normal housecat somehow lived hundreds of years, gaining wisdom of tens of generations, it would slowly become sapient. Gaining supernatural abilities and so on and so forth.”

“Time, it all needs time. To change the thought process of a cat to more like that of a sapient. Even if like all those fictions, a cat suddenly eats some fruit of immortality, it might gain super strength, but not super wisdom instantly. The elixir might change its body and brain to something much more complex, but it won’t instantly make the cat become as smart as a human. Maybe make it go from as smart as a two-year-old to as smart as a four-year-old.”

“I’m also curious. This has never happened before. Maybe soon we’ll get the Dao of ‘always landing on your feet’, or a concept of ‘chewing power cords.’ Terrific!” the goddess giggled, “I need to tell this to the Reality Coder Division.”

Arthur felt his eyelids twitch. He really didn’t know what to think of this. The goddess seemed to think it as harmless. For an entity like her maybe it was.

But for mortals though, the concept of scratching furniture powered with the concept of the creation of all things that is and isn’t might as well be a new kind of natural calamity.

Zoe was still snickering for some reason. But she was still glaring at the loli. 

He felt his blood flow speed up.  

But then the cat struggled its way out of Vileplume’s hug and hopped onto his lap, giving him a few friendly headbutts.

“Well buddy, at least you’re still you,” he said with a helpless sigh, calming down, as he starting patting her gently.