Lewd Dungeon, Book 32 Prologue (Patreon)

Prologue – Trade Chat

(Adventurer’s Guild Official Forums, Miami Branch)

SunnyBunz, MightyMouse, ImAPally, DontYouWantMe, AsaAkiraIsBae, BestGirl, LatinHeat, Salty, Backpage, Craig34, l33tpally, Anonymous3, Anonymous4, RedFox, Kimiko, DonnyJuan, Crusader, BadCompany, HurricaneGal, Ambassador, Scholar, Righteous, Id10t, Satyr, DarkEnchanter, RangerMiguel, ScoopGirl, VenusFlyTramp, MagicMike, TsundereHealer, Max, LightningLegacy, SwiftTaylor, Domino, Bacchus, Aegis, Temptation, and Lord_Kickass are in the chat.

Kimiko: Damn, these children are annoying!

Satyr: You on babysitting duty or something, Kimiko?

Kimiko: Yeah, ever since the new rules came down about kids needing an adult with them to go dungeon diving, there’s been groups needing an adult to chaperone if they’re going to get levels.

DonnyJuan: How is the pay?

Kimiko: Most groups? Usually one and a half to two shares of the take from the loot you get in the dungeon. Which is fair, considering that you’re usually having to try and make sure the brats don’t die or worse.

DonnyJuan: Sounds fair, yeah. What dungeons do you take them through?

Kimiko: The best one is the Savage Lair of the Golden Serpent. Good for low-levels, and the loot makes for good crafting materials. And none of the crap you see in that goddamn Forbidden Chambers dungeon.

Temptation: Yes, well, anyone trying to bring underage kids into my dungeon would be doing so on Nightmare mode.

Satyr: Not that I mind, but what prompted that? I know that some kids from Atlanta went in, and you smacked them down, but normally you wouldn’t make such a big commotion about it.

Temptation: My bosses for the first floor had a crisis of conscience when they saw the kids enter their floor. With adults, they can say that anyone who came here literally signed up for what happens to them, but kids who aren’t even old enough to smoke, let alone drink? Yeah, they staged a minor rebellion and forced me to take action, instead of letting them suffer through the floor.

Salty: So it wasn’t about the kids, but the fact that they made you do work?

Temptation: Exactly. Creating rules that apply fairly to all races, especially when a goblin is considered an adult at 3 while humans aren’t adults until 18 and elves aren’t adults until 50? That is a problem I hadn’t wanted to deal with. Unfortunately, the Guild didn’t keep close enough eye on their own, and made me have to step in. Then Miguel took action to keep me from bringing in lawyers to do the work for me.

BadCompany: For which we thank him.

RangerMiguel: Comes with the territory. Don’t get to have the fancy office if I’m not willing to try and settle things when they come up.

MightyMouse: Hey, what’s this I hear about something going on at the border between Texas and Mexico?

Domino: What do you mean, MM? Has something happened?

MightyMouse: Not sure. I have a friend in the Texas guild, and they’re saying that something big is going down with a dungeon on the border.

RangerMiguel: That would be the Freedomland dungeon, yes. Temptation, you ought to know best about this.

Temptation: Yes, it seems that the mind behind the Freedomland dungeon has decided not to show the same kind of measured restraint that I have with my dungeon, or that other dungeons exhibit. The dungeon was sporting casualty numbers of at least 50% critically wounded or dead.

BadCompany: Geezus! That’s brutal! Your dungeon doesn’t have half those numbers, now that people know the basics of surviving the first few floors!

Temptation: Worse, when the Houston Guild partnered with the police and the Texas National Guard to blockade the entrance, the dungeon dug under the Rio Grande and opened a new entrance on the other side, specifically trying to sucker migrants in to die. There was general agreement that the dungeon was on the verge of going rogue, if it had not already done so.

SunnyBunz: What does that mean, exactly?

Temptation: Rogue is a general term for dungeons that have ‘broken protocol’, shall we say. It is not something used loosely, mind you. Just being a deathtrap is not a sign of being a rogue.

MightyMouse: So, what behaviors are we talking about here?

Temptation: One of the biggest ones is sending dungeon creatures outside the dungeon’s territory. Actual dungeon creatures, not dungeon bound individuals, who often act as ambassadors or representatives for a dungeon.

BadCompany: What about that time you sent all those monsters out to greet the Ambassadors, and when you go visiting people all over?

Ambassador: When that ‘reception’ was offered for us, none of the dungeon monsters left the dungeon’s territory. A dungeon’s territory is not just the interior of the dungeon itself.

Temptation: Exactly. And my popping in different places is actually me moving my avatar, which is basically a projection of me, rather than my true body, so that doesn’t break the rules.

SunnyBunz: So, this Freedomland dungeon was sending monsters out of its territory to hunt?

Temptation: I cannot confirm or deny that. However, the fact that it became a deathtrap, and then took active measures to escape containment and deliberately entice weak prey? Those are clear signs that the mind behind the dungeon has gone down a twisted path, and is likely becoming rogue.

Scholar: So, what is being done about it, then? Are you going to blast it like you did that training camp in Libya?

Temptation: That was the original plan, but a consensus was reached with the forces behind other dungeons on the global scene, and it was agreed that another dungeon, one that could benefit from the oncoming Dungeon War more than I could, should be the first to attempt the destruction of Freedomland.

Crusader: No worries that the dungeon will lose, and make Freedomland stronger?

Temptation: None at all.

RangerMiguel: Which dungeon is doing this?

Temptation: The Scaleskin Burrow dungeon, in Colorado.

RangerMiguel: I’ve heard of that one. Seems to be a reasonable dungeon, from the reports. Dangerous, but not unreasonably so. Casualty numbers are 25% critically wounded or dead amongst those who have more than three dives in the dungeon under their belt, which is about average. Those numbers skew higher for the less-experienced adventurers, obviously, but not so much that it has a reputation as a noobkiller.

Temptation: Yes, I’m really quite proud of it. They’ve done a good job of training up their forces. More importantly, Freedomland doesn’t have a clue what they’re up against, so it should be over before long.

Kimiko: What makes you say that?

Temptation: Because the kobolds of Scaleskin Burrow have access to body armor, firearms, and construction equipment. I helped refine their basic attack plan, but I barely needed to do anything to help. Both entrances are getting attacked, and drilled out, with special, dungeon-specific boring machines. Scaleskin’s kobolds are just following behind and cleaning up the mess to make sure nothing gets stuck in the tracks.

DarkEnchanter: Hey, breaking from that topic for a bit. Temptation, anything you can tell us about that group that got off the very fancy looking spaceship at Swamptown looking like they were out of a Halo-Final Fantasy fusion game?

Temptation: Pilgrims from a distant land, looking to honor their god and run the dungeon. I look forward to seeing what they can do in my halls. They might even beat the desert levels, which is nice, since I’ve been waiting on someone to actually finish those before I get to work on the next batch of levels.

ImAPally: Oh, fuck. That sandworm boss on the second desert floor was brutal. Just came up under us all, and was about to swallow us, before we used the escape charms to get out of there.

Scholar: I’ve heard of that one. So far, no one has managed to beat it, I believe.

Temptation: Yes, sadly. Which is too bad, since actually defeating the boss is optional. You just have to survive long enough to make it to the door. Of course, the reward if you do kill it is commensurate with the challenge, but still!