Lewd Dungeon, Book 31 Prologue (Patreon)

Prologue – Trade Chat

(Adventurer’s Guild Official Forums, Miami Branch)

SunnyBunz, MightyMouse, ImAPally, DontYouWantMe, AsaAkiraIsBae, BestGirl, LatinHeat, Salty, Backpage, Craig34, l33tpally, Anonymous3, Anonymous4, RedFox, Kimiko, DonnyJuan, Crusader, BadCompany, HurricaneGal, Ambassador, Scholar, Righteous, Id10t, Satyr, DarkEnchanter, RangerMiguel, ScoopGirl, VenusFlyTramp, MagicMike, TsundereHealer, Max, LightningLegacy, SwiftTaylor, Domino, Bacchus, Aegis, Temptation, and Lord_Kickass are in the chat.

Id10t: Hey, Tsun! How’d your trip to Japan go?

TsundereHealer: Oh, it was awesome! Don’t get me wrong, I love the dungeons around here, but getting to pop over to Japan and see some of the dungeons there was a great experience.

Domino: Oh? Any notable ones you wanna talk about?

TsundereHealer: Well, there’s that Silver Mercy dungeon, that took over this big temple thing. There aren’t any random monsters in that place. The fights are all strictly 1v1, and are more like duels, in that you can’t die.

Crusader: How does that work?

TsundereHealer: Don’t ask me the mechanics. But, if something was going to kill you, you instead get teleported back to the entrance, and slapped with a stacking 10% debuff to your stats that lasts for either 24 hours, or until you reach the point in the dungeon you were at before. And you have to fight your way back through all the other fights to get there.

Crusader: Seriously? On the one hand, that sounds brutal. But on the other, you’re not dead, so it could be a lot worse.

DarkEnchanter: Reminds me of those SoulsBorne games.

Temptation: I’ve been told that the mind behind the dungeon was inspired by those games. They used them as a way to keep the dungeon dangerous, while allowing people to still use the temple for its intended purpose. However, those trial monsters are not the only ones in the dungeon.

TsundereHealer: They weren’t? What did I miss?

Temptation: If you didn’t see the other monsters, then that means you did not try to cheat the trials, harm other individuals in the temple, or do anything else to anger the dungeon. If something like that happens, then mobs spawn, and they aren’t nearly as nice as the trial bosses, who are supposed to be ‘tough, but fair’.

TsundereHealer: Oof. If those bosses were considered ‘fair’, then I don’t ever want to see what that place considers unfair! I took some nasty deaths before I was able to clear even the first boss!

Id10t: What was your worst ‘death’?

TsundereHealer: Well, the first boss is maybe thirty feet tall, built like a truck, and covered in armor. Oh, and he has this massive spear and shield. Nasty thing to try and fight, especially since I’m a healer, not a melee combatant! Anyways, at one point, he did this shield slam thing, which knocked me into the air. Next thing I know, his spear in my guts, and he lifts me up, so I start sliding down it until the spear comes out my mouth.

Satyr: You mean, it went all the way through, from… one end to the other?

TsundereHealer: Like I was a pig being put on to roast, yes. Worst part was that the stab didn’t ‘kill’ me all the way. I still had some health remaining, but I couldn’t speak to cast spells, so I couldn’t heal myself. I had to just hang there, watching my HP tick down due to bleed damage.

Salty: Brutal.

TsundereHealer: Yeah, I needed several drinks after that one. That wasn’t something you just shake off. But, I did eventually beat that damn knight.

Id10t: So, how far into the dungeon did you go?

TsundereHealer: Only that one boss. I used up too much of our time trying to learn the patterns. So, we moved on to that new dungeon that opened up in the school. Nasty thing, but at least our whole party could go in as one.

Crusader: That one is horror-themed, right?

TsundereHealer: Yeah. Mix of zombies and evil spirits wanting to rip you to tiny pieces. A lot more straightforward than the temple was. But the dungeon is not for the faint of heart.

ImAPally: Is it true that the souls of the dead students and teachers are trapped there?

TsundereHealer: Don’t know. But there is definite malice there. Strangely, the dungeon reacts differently to men and women. The monsters try to kill the men, while they seem to want to abduct the women. Don’t know what that is about.

Temptation: Interesting. I’ll pass that along.

Crusader: Pass it along to who?

Temptation: No one you need to worry about.

BestGirl: Hey, Temptation! Where’s this new portal in your portal airport terminal thingy go?

LatinHeat: Portal airport terminal… thingy?

BestGirl: Shut it! You know what I mean! The place with all the portals so people can travel around the world! A new level just opened underneath the main one! Only a single portal there, though.

Temptation: Oh, yes, that is the start of my extrasolar portal nexus.

Crusader: Extrasolar, meaning going out of the solar system?

Temptation: Indeed! That portal leads to a temple of mine in the city of Nighthold, on Bluemountain. Oh, but don’t go causing trouble in Nighthold, because that city is part of a dungeon there.

ImAPally: Why open up a portal to another world?

Temptation: Why not? Also, it allows me to get in on the flow of goods between worlds, while also letting some of my new followers come visit Earth, and get a bit of an education.

Ambassador: So, yet another way you’re trying to make my life paperwork hell?

Temptation: Oh, don’t be like that. I just happen to have a lot of things that only I can do. Well, others could do it, too, if they knew how, but I doubt anyone will figure it out anytime soon.

LatinHeat: Figure what out?

Temptation: Oh, the secret to making wormhole travel possible for ships that don’t use black holes as power sources.

Scholar: Wait, WHAT? THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!

SunnyBunz: How did you manage that?

Temptation: The System is very… crunchy. That means there’s stats and rules for almost everything. However, the universe is just too big for even the System to account for everything. There will always be edge cases, or less than 0.01% probability scenarios, where things start falling through the cracks. Like, say, a planet being knocked out of the System for long enough that entire civilizations rose and fell in the interim.

Craig34: So, like in video games where certain skills and power-ups have unforeseen interactions, that can break the game unless they are patched out?

Temptation: Exactly. And, as far as I know, there is no one patching the System, so these ‘exploits’ and ‘glitches’ remain. Of course, actually using these exploits means you have to be in a position similar to my own.

Scholar: I can see why Ambassador is angry with you.

Temptation: Aw, don’t be like that. I was going to call you in, to see if you knew any geneticists who could help with a project, assuming I get a positive reply when these TechKnights go home with their new kids.

Ambassador: Ugh.

Scholar: What did you do?

Temptation: Come on by, and we can chat about it.