Mommy Lessons, Chapter 7 (Patreon)

Lesson Seven: Overcoming Obstacles

“Where are you?” he asked. I knew his tone well enough to know when he was concerned and when he was curious. Right now, he was just curious.

“A friend’s,” I said.

“But you don’t have any…” His voice trailed off, realizing that maybe that wasn’t the best tactic for this conversation. He tried again: “Which friend?”

“You don’t know her,” I said. A blatant lie, but there was no way that this was the time and place to tell him the truth. “But I’m staying the weekend.”

“Her?” he asked. He sounded skeptical. Suspicious.

“Okay, let me ask you then: Where are you?”

“Home.”

“And at what point did you notice I wasn’t there?”

“It’s...uh…”

“Right. I’m surprised you called me at all,” I hissed.

“When will you be home?”

“Tonight. Will you be home?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

The conversation was as productive as I thought it would be. I was hesitant to look at my phone at all, but I thought I’d check, just in case there had been some sort of emergency. I had two missed calls from Neil. No voicemails. No text messages. The second call was what had woken me up, and I had to really stretch my arms through the bars of the crib to even grasp the phone from the small table it was sitting on.

He had no idea. He didn’t know I was at Averie’s, or in a diaper. He didn’t know that I had called him back from within a crib. Probably the same crib he had spent some time in himself.

I was tempted to say that I had reached an epiphany in that moment. Yet the more I mulled it over, the more it seemed like it felt like I had already reached this conclusion some time ago, and was only now just admitting it to myself.

Neil hadn’t been a good partner. If he was a decent person, it’d probably take someone else to see that side of him.

Maybe he thought the same thing about me.

So...what the hell was I doing here, again?

My body was waking up, and I was shaking off the mild dose of adrenaline triggered by getting flustered with Neil on the phone. Oh yeah...hangovers…

I had a vague thought about needing a face-diaper in case I threw up - I wasn’t sure if I was making a joke or not.

I scanned the room from the crib, feeling like I was taking in everything again for the first time. The changing table. So many diapers. The highchair.

It was fun while it lasted, but I thought that I might be over it in the light of morning. My marriage sucked. I drank too much. I was a long drive away from home. Whatever it was I was thinking when I showed up yesterday, that seemed to be a different person.

I debated for a while what my next move would be. Maybe I’d play along for a little longer, feigning interest until an opportunity presented itself where I could say “Thanks, but no thanks. Gotta go!” Or, perhaps I’d just tell her the truth. She deserved that much. I’d just tell her that I really enjoyed her company - and her attention - but I had made a big mistake. This wasn’t the time for me to be having these adventures. And, now, to what ends did any of it matter?

“Can I interest any babies in some breakfast?” Her saccharine sweet voice echoed down the hallway. Looking at her face when she entered the nursery, I could barely believe how composed she looked. Either she had made a pact with some unearthly being to avoid the hangover I was feeling, or she could power through it like a champ. How the hell did she manage to look so beautiful?

I opened my mouth to respond, but I didn’t know what to say.

“Feeling a little less-than today?” she asked, sliding open the crib door. “Did Mommy let you drink too much big-girl juice last night?”

“How...are you…?”

“Lots of practice,” she said with a wink. “I brought you a baba, would you like that?”

Her exuberance, and willingness to just immediately throw herself back into the role of Mommy caught me off guard. Even more impressive, it was working. Her tone had the right amount of condescension to leave me feeling a little smaller than wearing a diaper in a crib already had.

“Uhm...I...I think that maybe…”

“Oh, of course. Silly me.” She set the bottle down on the table. I had to assume it was milk in the bottle, though I could never be too sure with her. “Here I am asking you about breakfast, but you’re probably wondering about getting your diaper changed, yes?”

“Oh...I, uh…”

I hadn’t used the diaper yet. I could’ve if I wanted to. After everything I drank the night before, on top of my body’s usual routine, had my bladder roaring at me.

“Come now. Let me check your diaper, Dumpling. If it’s wet, we’ll take care of that for you.” She sniffed the air in a rather obvious way. “I mean, I have to assume it’d just be wet. I think I’d know if you made another stinky diaper like yesterday’s.”

“It’s not wet,” I said.

She sighed and nodded, seeming to sense that something was off. I watched her eyes pull to my phone, still in my hand. “Everything okay?”

“The day just hasn’t been off to a great start,” I said.

“I see,” she said, nodding. “A phone call?”

“I called him. Not that it matters.”

“He...called me this morning too,” she said.

I took a sharp breath in. Had he actually known where I was? But, how could that be? I was careful not to have left any trail.

“He wanted to make an appointment,” she added. A let out a little sigh of relief. “He actually...wanted to see if I was available today. Perhaps he saw an opportunity with having the day all to himself.”

“What...what did you say?”

“He just left a message. I’ve never once, in the time I’ve been doing this, taken an appointment on the same day. He should’ve known better. I’ll get to him when I get to him.”

I didn’t think this would bother me, and I definitely didn’t want it to. But of course it would. He had made the bare minimum effort in seeing where I was, and now that he had done his job there, he was free to try and secure himself a little fun.

“I think I might go,” I finally said.

She nodded, offering a warm smile. “Of course. Whatever you think is best.”

“I just...I’m not sure I’ll be much fun here. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me this weekend. You’ve been so patient and so nice and…”

“I promise you, I understand if you have to go,” she said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “I know you had a good time yesterday, and I did too. I’d be happy to revisit this in the future if you wanted to.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“Would you like some space?”

I shrugged.

“I’m going to go downstairs for a little bit,” she said. “I put your clothes over there by the changing table. If you do need me, or just want to talk, say the word and I’ll be here.”

I didn’t actually want her to leave. Her company felt good. Her warmth felt comforting. Now, I was left alone with my thoughts again.

I did see my clothes, sitting in a nicely folded pile on the carpet near the base of the changing table. Just yesterday, I thought: I was on top of that thing while I got my diaper changed. My eyes shot over to the table where she had placed the bottle of milk. I took it, holding it in both hands while I held it up to my mouth. I had no recollection of ever drinking from a baby bottle before, and as I sipped the milk up through the nipple I quickly discovered the appeal.

I couldn’t stop myself, or at least I didn’t want to. I drank about half the bottle while I just sat there in the crib. For the last half, I layed back down while still clutching the bottle to my mouth. I needed this. Not the milk so much as the feeling of laying down while mindlessly suckling away at the bottle.

In the same three seconds it took to process the idea of wanting to wet my diaper, I did it. Feeling the diaper swell and grow warm between my legs as I drank from the bottle was so perfect that I actually began to feel tears well in my eyes before trickling down my cheeks.

I wished Mommy was here.

Upon finishing the bottle, I let it roll out of my hands into a corner of the crib. I had decided that I would need to find her myself. Taking a few steps towards the door, I shook my head and felt that if I was going to do this, I needed to do it right. I was back on my hands and knees. I crawled down the hallway. I carefully eased myself down her stairs. I crawled through the foyer and into the kitchen where she was making a pot of coffee.

“O-oh,” she said, stifling a little laugh. “I did not expect this.”

“Mommy? I…”

“Yes, pumpkin?”

“I...need my diaper changed.”

It had been as if there wasn’t any interruption in our little fantastical weekend. No late night drinking. No phone call. No doubt that threatened to derail it all. I was back to not speaking unless she gave me permission. Crawling everywhere. Following her every request and constantly looking to her face to make sure she was still pleased with me.

She was, still. Every time.

I was holding out hope that this diaper change would be like the day before. She’d take her time, spending an extra amount of time making me moan and groan like a desperate little girl on the changing table. She didn’t. It was thorough, but quick. I felt like a race car pulling off the race track for a pit stop in a race. Tapes unfastened, diaper pulled down, bottom wiped, diaper removed. She rolled up and tossed out the old diaper and slid a fresh one beneath me. Baby powder, diaper pulled up, tapes fastened.

I swear it took longer for me to piss in the diaper than it did for her to change it.

“Does this mean you’ll be staying today?” she asked as she pulled the onesie over the diaper to snap it closed again.

I nodded.

“Good. I’m adding a new rule for today: We won’t be speaking about your husband. Today is for you. It’s about you. Understand?”

I nodded again.

“Very good. Now then, let’s get you dressed. We’ve got some shopping to do.”

“Muh...thopping?” I asked, a pacifier still lodged in my mouth.

“Just a little errand, Dumpling. It won’t take long.”

“Buh...buh...mah diaperth…”

“I must say, you’re getting better and better at that baby talk. You’re sounding almost like a real toddler.”

The diapers and the onesie stayed on. She had me step into the jeans I wore to her house the day before, and then my bra. But it was a shirt of her own choosing - one from the nursery closet. A baby blue t-shirt whose hem just barely reached the waist of my jeans. It had little ruffles on the sides and on the sleeves, and there was a rainbow colored popsicle on the front of it. If it weren’t for the size, I’d have assumed this was for an actual little girl. And even then, the size couldn’t have been that much bigger.

“I’d prefer it if you left the pacifier in your mouth until we’ve reached the store, Princess. And I don’t think I have to tell you that you’ll still be expected to use your diapers - even while we’re out.”

I hesitantly nodded. These didn’t seem like complicated requests, but I was also missing context. Where were we going and why were we going there?

“Do I need to bring a diaper bag?”

I shrugged.

“If I don’t bring the diaper bag, you’re stuck wearing whatever you do in your diaper until we get home. But...if I bring it, we’ll have to find a place to change you. So? Which will it be?”

Having no diaper bag felt like the correct move. Even if it was a few hours, I could probably last without needing a diaper change. Even if I did end up just a little wet, that could probably wait.

On the other hand, if I was wrong, that’d be the worst thing to be wrong about.

“Bag,” I said. I didn’t like the idea of us toting around a bag that was just filled with more diapers and who-knows-what else. And maybe I could still last long enough that it didn’t matter. But I didn’t want to be in the worst case scenario.

“A wise choice,” she said, pulling a bag from the same closet. It looked like it had already been packed and ready to go. Either she saw this coming, or she always had a diaper bag at the ready. “But as I’ll be carrying my purse, I think you should carry it. Besides, little girls like to help their mommies, yes?”

It was a small backpack - maybe not much bigger than a child in kindergartens and it was shaped to look like a ladybug. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the nursery’s mirror, with my frilly popsicle shirt, ladybug backpack, the pigtails that were still left in my hair, and the pronounced bulge in my jeans where my diaper was, I realized that I was pretty much just dressed like a little girl. Sure, maybe it wouldn’t attract everyone’s attention - but it’d probably pull in a few curious eyes.

“Shall we go?” she asked.

“I was nervous. It was one thing to make a fool of myself in Averie’s home. But it was another to trot around the public in a diaper with my silly backpack.

Yet...I could feel it somewhere deep in the back of my mind. A little voice speaking up on behalf of my most private thoughts that were usually a little too timid to speak up. Excuse me...what if this was actually...a really good idea? Hot, even?

I nodded to Averie, and she smiled back.

“Very good. Let’s go.”