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Opening scene of My Father the Woman (Patreon)
Content
But I didn't want to write a drama about it. That sounded boring to me. And not at all representative of my family. I always hated the Very Serious Realist Drama about Trans People that Hilary always wanted us to watch. To be quite honest, I couldn't relate to them. I was never going to want to watch a movie titled Normal. We were not normal. We were a John Waters movie.
The person who thought it would make a good movie, thought I would be a good protagonist; a relateable character for people to experience the story through. And she's right, but I couldn't figure out how to write it without making it Welcome to the Dollhouse or, like, Angus. There are four million outcast-teen movies and I didn't want to make another. I wanted to make a fun teen movie like Mean Girls or Easy A or Hairspray. And if there's a way to make a fun movie out of bullying, slut shaming, and the civil rights movement, there had to be a way to make this movie fun, too.
But it was also a time so painful that I've honestly blocked most of it out. I can tell you everything that happened around X-Files that year, but I have only a few anecdotes from the year. And they are really, really, sad.
But it occurred to me that a lot of the pain I felt came from disappointment. My parents owned a video store. I spent a lot of time watching movies, and it gave me very high expectations for what life would be like. But movies and tv were also my solace and my coping mechanism. And it occurred to me that if this story was going to be told through the eyes of a film obsessed child with ADD, it was going to need some fantasy sequences.
So that's where the fun comes in; the daydreams she has, the way she keeps expecting her life to be a teen movie and the ways that life keeps failing to be that.
The music choices and fantasy sequence come from a film script I started writing in 7th grade (which was just an idealized version of my life at the time) so I'm glad it came in handy eventually.
EXT: MILL VALLEY -MORNING.
As Daydream Believer plays, the camera pans across an idyllic Mill Valley view, down to a large but run down California style house.
INT: HOWES FAMILY HOUSE
The house is sparsely furnished with ugly thrift store furniture and moving boxes, mostly marked BOOKS. Camera travels through the master bedroom where we see Dennis and Celestine, a couple in their early 40s, contentedly spooning in bed. An alarm goes off and Celestine rolls over to turn it off and get out of bed. She nudges Dennis, who makes silly noises but does not wake up.
The camera follows Celestine as she walks through the house, down the stairs, into Alithea's room.
INT: ALITHEA'S ROOM
Alithea, a young girl not quite 12, is fast asleep under a blanket covered in rainbow hearts. On the wall next to her bed is a giant poster of David Duchovny.
CELESTINE
Wake up, cara mia, it's the first day of school. Don't you want to be on time at least once this year?
Alithea mumbles but refuses to wake. Celestine nudges her again. Finally Alithea rolls onto the floor, taking the blankets with her. She dramatically disentangles herself and crawls toward the stairs. Celestine sighs but looks amused.
INT: KITCHEN
Alithea groggily eats the microwaved burrito that Celestine puts in front of her. Celestine sets down two plates of eggs and toast and sits down to eat. Dennis enters the kitchen wearing a frilly nightgown and sits down at the table.
ALITHEA
(yawning)
Morning Dad.
DENNIS
Morning sweetie.
TITLE CARD: MY FATHER THE WOMAN
Music changes to Magnapop's cover of Pleasant Valley Sunday.
INT: ALITHEA'S BATHROOM
Alithea is brushing her teeth. She leans out of frame to rinse her mouth.
CUT TO
INT: BATHROOM OF ALITHEA'S FANTASY HOUSE
Alithea flips her hair back up and is either flawlessly made up or actually played by an older actress. A montage reminiscent of the opening of Clueless begins. Alithea looks like a 17 Magazine fashion model, circa 1995. She runs up the stairs through a movie worthy version of her house. Celestine helps her put on her brand new backpack and she runs to a sleek looking car, driven by Dennis, wearing men's clothes.
EXT: ALITHEA'S FANTASY SCHOOL
Alithea meets up with her best friend Arielle who is similarly hip and older looking. They do a complicated high five, then stride into school looking like Charlie's Angels.
INT: ALITHEA'S FANTASY SCHOOL
The other students, none of whom look like middle schoolers, are all friendly and smiling. A couple cute guys check Alithea out.
INT: ALITHEA'S FANTASY CLASSROOM
Alithea proudly raises her hand. Her youthful teacher looks impressed.
EXT: ALITHEA'S FANTASY SCHOOLYARD
Alithea and Arielle eat with a large group of friendly, laughing, kids.
DENNIS
Alithea?
CUT TO
INT: DENNIS' RUN DOWN HONDA
Alithea startles to attention and the music stops. Dennis is in the driver's seat, wearing much more dorky men's clothes.
ALITHEA
Sorry, what?
DENNIS
We're here. You excited?
ALITHEA
Yeah. I think it's gonna be good.
DENNIS
Great. I'm working late tonight so you'll have to walk home.
ALITHEA
But it's so far now!
DENNIS
Sorry kiddo, people need videos. Now, let me give you some sage advice for your fist day of middle school...Hug me while I think up sage advice.
ALITHEA
(Smiling)
You're such a dork.
She hugs Dennis then starts to get out of the car.
DENNIS
Neither a borrower nor a lender be!
ALITHEA
(laughing)
Shut up!
She rolls her eyes and closes the door.
DENNIS
(Calling after her)
To thine own self be true!
ALITHEA
Whatever.
EXT: ALITHEA'S REAL SCHOOL
Dennis drives away and we see Alithea is wearing the children's JC Penny version of her fantasy outfit; cheaper and dumpier. She wears light makeup, inexpertly applied, strands already escape her french braid. She looks up at the prison-like grey cinderblock of her new school. There is no music as she shoulders her ratty backpack and trudges inside.