Rant post#2 - Doujinshi Event (Patreon)

So.. It’s been a while I do this… Honestly this month is probably my worst month of 2018 so far, and I bet it won’t be the only bad month coming… As I thought it can’t get worst with the whole parents thing 2-3weeks ago, then there were quite a few people keep disappointing me.. It really makes me demotivated on drawing and I am truly sorry for my slow progress and being emotional.

As the title suggest, this is about my first ever doujinshi experience happen this past few months, it is quite a lot of negative feeling so if you don’t want to read it is fine.

So… It has been for years since I wanted to make and sell a doujinshi of my art, after so many argument with mum I finally did it with my own money (thanks to you guys). As I finally able to do it I really want this to be the best, best quality book I can deliver. I got all the drawings ready at mid-June and is pretty much ready to make into a book, and that’s what I believed…

First problem I encounter was to find a software to make a book. I never did this kind of thing before so I have no idea where to start. I heard people use PDF to print and so I shifted onto looking for a software to create high quality PDF file. Over spending a day trails and error, with a friend’s help I finally got this free software which allows me to make a High quality PDF file, after sending it they say I will need to have AI (Adobe Illustrator) file instead… spend so long trying to find a workable version of the software, and finally manage to make a file… then there was a lot of problem with bleed out area as I have no idea how to do it, follow some picture tutorial online but it was still not what they are looking for, it was very frustrating.

Another problem I encounter is the size. Normally doujinshi size is B5, but they say doing small batch with B5 is expensive so after a long conversion I accepted to do A4 size. Originally since this is a small batch, they say the book doesn’t have to limit the page numbers to multiple of 8. After receiving the payment suddenly print shop say I get charge for 32page due to it not being multiple of 8……….. After that apparently my file’s bleed out still has problem, and so I asked another artist in the same group to help out.

Finally after all that BS, the book is printed out, but then it was realize the book has 1 HUGE problem, and it was that the double page is wrong way round. I was really confused since my AI file is planned from right to left (Chinese way of reading), but instead the book is printed western style with left flipping. Not only this isn’t how I originally requested it, it also mess up this double page as well as some other pages! If these guys are truly professional, don’t they usually print 1 book to have a test first? But instead they printed all 100 books to find out there is an error?? Then the guy say most Taiwan books read from left to right, which is a complete lie! Worst of worst, is that even I follow exactly how the other artist taught me, there is a HUGE FUKIN white outline around every page of the book, seriously?! At this point I just give up on whatever BS they throw at me, just sell these 100 books away and get this misery over with…….

So… FF32 event starts yesterday,  I wasn't there though since I cannot afford a random trip to Taiwan lol... At evening time my Taiwan friend message me informing me that he sold half of my books. I was surprised that my books actually got sold (as most of you might know, I lack confidence on my works and myself…), I was actually quite happy at the result. He told me he only brought so many which is why I only sold half, and there was people who couldn’t get my book because it was sold out on first day.

But an hour later I found out the sad truth with a picture which tagged me on Facebook. The photo shows the sales of us 3 artists in the same group: artist A-100books sold, B-38, me-30. I thought I sold 50, so I got really confused, he say he accidentally left 20 books at home……..

My friend didn’t help promote my book much, Artist A has been promoted few times separately, artist B has also promoted alone by this friend once, but none for me. (is this because I am the last to actually get my book printed? Is this because my book is R18? Or is it because I suck?) Then there was this group promotion, I was the last on the promotion page as well, makes me feel like I am just a +1 artist, someone just handing there like a clown… I was happy it sold half yesterday (what I originally believe), but to see the sale number posted publicly on facebook, I only sold 30. Everyone on my friend list includes my friends and parents, will think that this is the most I can sale, being bottom of the 3 artist. Judging by the number it means both artist has more books brought to the event, why? Is it because he thinks my books can’t sale? Or is this an actual mistake?

Either way, as I always been regretting with my life choices – Is drawing a wrong choice for me… Now it makes me question more, if making doujinshi was also the wrong choices… 

Ultimately I can only blame my powerlessness, leads to all my failures. The Lack of skill and courage is what leads to all my problems. If only I can find a way to end this all… and peace…

Anyway, to those who support me, and also buy my book, I am truly thankful to your support, believing me such me, even when I don’t…