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I need short proofreading! (Closed) (Patreon)

Published:
2020-03-03 14:01:29
Imported:
2020-09

Content

EDIT: Now I could proceed with revised text! Thank you for your viewing & helping~!

Hello my dear patrons!

Now I need short proofreading for English text, dialogue of Yumi (a girl in the left in the art above), a Gyaru heroine from my world.

Would you like to help me? I hope to make it more sophisticated English, also sounds like words from a young, slutty teen.


Hey Old Man , you like Gyaru Booty Dance like this, don't you?
To make our compensated date great, like, before your raw cumshot inside me, you should store your cum juice til your balls are full of it!
If you gimme more Money, I can give you naughtier dance...<3


Proofreading at Comments is welcome, also I'll check message system on Patreon too!
And if you had not read original comic, please visit this post~!

https://www.patreon.com/posts/all-6-pages-from-7140791
(You can get all 6 pages in English as $5 tier reward)

Files

Comments

Kaiyeti

It looks fine to me. However, I do have disabilities when it comes to reading and writing so I don't think I can be much help.

Anonymous

All right, here's my attempt: Hey, old man, you like this kinda gyaru booty dance, dontcha? To make our compensated date great, like, before your raw cumshot inside me, you should store up all your cum juice till your balls are bursting with it! If you gimme more money, I can make my dance even naughtier… &lt;3

Rebis
>>33210055

Wow thank you! It really helps me :D While I can understand it, words have more young &amp; naughty taste, I guess. (I edited the second sentence while you give me your help, it was the same time!)

Rebis
>>33209665

Thank you Kaiyeti! If it looks like enough for you, I'm glad about my English ability~ :)

Luna.

Hm, so it has to be sophisticated, yet slutty? ahem. "Hey there, old man, you love jiggling gyaru ass dancing, yeah? To finish off this date before you cream inside me, save up that thick ball juice until those balls look like they'll burst! But if you give me more money, I can dance even more naughtier~ &lt;3"

Rebis
>>33214974

Thank you, Luna.! Also your proofreading helps me! And probably my own English was not so good... I hoped to say "smooth" English or "fluent" English, rather than sophistication for character's speaking.

ShockInfantry

Ah, too bad I am late, but I came up with this one anyways! "Hey Mister, you like this kind of jigging gyaru ass dance, dontcha? If ya wanna make this the best paid date ever before you cream inside me, you better save up that cum til your balls burst! But... if you gimme more money, I can give ya an even naughtier dance~ &lt;3"

Rebis
>>33235663

Oh thank you ShockInfantry! Though I had finished making sub in the movie (as in the newest post), I can study many things about slutty English from your version too!

Anonymous

Good work