Unruly Summon Side Story: What if they summoned the wrong hero? (Patreon)

This is a crossover chapter between Unruly Summon and several of my other stories, in which they keep accidentally summoning the wrong protagonist.

"Ouch," muttered Katie, staring up at the ceiling, which seemed to have changed colour since she last opened her eyes.

"Well, that was an interesting experiment," came a voice from somewhere above her. "I can't say I was expecting the mana expenditure to increase exponentially. I look forward to writing the paper."

"How... how are you... still so... energetic..." came another voice, this one interspersed with panting and coming from a lot closer to floor level.

"Oh? Is it not a simple question of mana capacity? However, even if we were successful, I think there's one significant area in which our plan has erred."

"Is this a kidnapping?" asked Katie. "At first I thought I'd fallen out of bed, but my bed doesn't seem to be in the vicinity. Then I assumed I'd had some sort of medical emergency in the night, but I seem to be on a hard floor and you don't look like doctors. That leaves kidnapping, but you're not really talking like kidnappers, either."

"Uh... How would you define 'kidnapping'?" carefully asked the first voice.

"No..." panted the second voice. "Not... kidnapping... Give me... a minute..."

Katie gave her the minute, sitting up and looking around the room. She took in the female knight in armour that had obviously seen some use. The mage, looking like she'd just done a party trick. The maid with the metal collar around her neck, which, given the other clues, Katie guessed implied slavery. Then she saw the smoke out of the window.

"Nope," she said simply.

"Pardon?" asked the second voice. "Well, I've recovered enough to talk now, anyway."

"I wasn't saying I wouldn't give you time to get your breath back. I was saying no to whatever you summoned me for. I know full well how this sort of thing goes. You want me to slay a demon lord, or a dragon, or something equally ridiculous. Well, sorry, but I can't. I could barely fight a kitten. You're probably going to tell me that summoned heroes get cool powers of some sort, else there would be no point summoning one, but I'm afraid it won't make the slightest bit of difference. Short of being hit by something so traumatic it completely shatters my personality, put me in front of an enemy, even one trying to actively kill me, and I'll just freeze up and die."

"Uh... Are you sure?" asked the first voice. "We certainly can send you back, but don't you want to hear why we summoned you first? Try out some magic? We haven't even told you our names..."

The mention of magic was tempting, but nevertheless, Katie resolutely crossed her arms. Some things simply weren't worth the price. "Nope."

"Oh well. Looks like our first attempt is a dud," said the first voice, waving her hands. Eldritch runes glowed for a few moments, then Katie woke back up in her bed, the memories already fading.

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"Well, that was impolite," grumbled Katie, massaging one of her tails that had ended up underneath her in the fall. "Hey, wait. This place seems familiar."

"Oh, great. Our first attempt might have been female, but at least she was human. This time we've got a demon," complained the girl in the dirty white dress, who this time around had offered less mana to the circle and so managed not to stretch her mana capacity.

A metallic sound accompanied the knight drawing her sword.

"Oh, for goodness' sake, put that away," said Katie, casually waving her hand and turning the sword from whatever magical metal it was forged from into completely unmagical marshmallow. It flopped over, unable to support its own weight, and splatted onto the floor. "You lot summoned me before, didn't you, back when there was only one of me? Why did I forget? Some sort of memory filter? I suppose I was only human back then; it would have been easy to do."

"Her face certainly does seem a good match for the first hero we summoned," said the lady in the blue dress. "And summoned heroes have historically always been human. Don't write her off just yet."

"Don't write me off? Fine, I've already had my personality-shattering traumatic experience, so let's see what you want me to do."

"We're under attack by..." started the girl in the white dress, but though her mouth continued moving, no further words came out. She floundered uselessly, obviously having no clue what had happened.

"Quiet a minute, I'm concentrating," said Katie. "Okay, I see. Wow. I guess you are going to have to tell me what you summoned me for, because I count at least four existential threats, and I haven't even looked beyond this continent yet. If I had to guess, I'd say the beastkin invading you in the north? It seems the most acute of your problems."

Three of the four locals started opening and closing their mouths.

"Oh, sorry," added Katie, snapping her fingers again, at which the three all spoke at the same time.

"How are you doing that?!" exclaimed the blue one. "There's no mana movement at all!"

"Yes, we've been attacked by the demon empire, and without aid, our kingdom will soon fall," said the white one.

"Thank you for your time, but I don't think you're the hero we're looking for," said the knight.

"Sheesh, take it in turns, would you? You're lucky I have good ears. To Wendy, because I'm a Katie. To Stephanie, nope. To Christine, too late."

"What? Why?" asked the white one. "Wait, how do you know our names?"

"If I can look hundreds of miles away and spot a beastkin army besieging a fort, why wouldn't I know your names? And as for the why, as Christine has already worked out, I can see through your deceptions easily. You really should have cut your hair, by the way. But that's not important, and I don't actually care. It was a pretty sensible plan, really, given that there's not really any better way to convey the urgency to an outsider. No, the reason I won't help you is because of that."

She pointed at Mary.

"What? What did I do?!" exclaimed Mary, panicking.

"Nothing, which is the problem, really. You've just been standing there and smiling, because that's exactly what your puppet masters want you to do, and so, thanks to that collar, you want it too. Any civilization that uses tools that evil doesn't deserve to survive."

"She wears it willingly," pointed out Christine. "And if our civilization were to fall, her and others like her would die."

"A valid point," nodded Katie, and snapped her fingers again. Mary vanished with a pop. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll leave the rest of you to die in peace."

She snapped her fingers one last time, this time vanishing herself.

"... I feel that could have gone better," opined Wendy.

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"We'd better get someone usable this time," darkly muttered Stephanie as she and Wendy charged the summoning circle for a third time.

The construction flashed white as it activated, the tang of otherworldly air briefly detectable by the three remaining women in the room.

The light died down, revealing an empty circle.

"Did it fail?" asked Stephanie.

"Maybe Katie did something to sabotage it?" suggested Christine.

"No... It worked fine," said a very confused Wendy.

The other two looked once more at the empty circle. "... I'm fairly sure it didn't," carefully opined Stephanie.

"Hello?" called Wendy. "I know you're there. I felt you come through the gate."

The other two moved their gazes from the circle to Wendy, expressions shifting from confusion to concern.

"Maybe you should take a short rest?" suggested Christine.

Stephanie threw up.

"Hey!" exclaimed Wendy. "Are you okay?!"

"Dammit. We've lost our healer," said Christine. "Wendy, keep her stable while I..."

"I'm okay," interrupted Stephanie. "I'm okay, I just suddenly felt... weird. And I... uh..."

She peered at the marshmallow puddle appraisingly.

"Please tell me you aren't..." started Wendy, before Stephanie grabbed a handful of the goop from the floor and shoved it into her mouth.

"Well, that was weird," said Stephanie. "I just had a really intense craving all of a sudden."

"You're bloated," said Christine, looking carefully at the princess. "Your dress hid it at first, but your stomach has swollen."

"Cravings, nausea, swollen stomach..." said Wendy. "Oh, come on. That's definitely not possible. Vita Visus."

"Wendy?" asked Christine.

"She's pregnant. Looks about four months."

Stephanie felt at her tummy, confirming there was indeed a bump there that should not be.

Stephanie took a deep breath.

"WHAT! THE! FUUUUCK!"

"What she said," agreed Christine.

"Don't look at me!" exclaimed Wendy. "If that Katie messed with our circle, she certainly went about it in an interesting way."

"But... But... I'm a virgin!" cried the princess.

"Wow, you really like your isekai heroes young," said a fourth voice, turning up in the minds of the other three without the aid of their ears.

"Who's there?" snapped Christine in response, moving to draw her sword but gripping empty air instead.

"My name's Mystery, and I'd quite like to know how you managed that. I mean... there's shedloads of complicated plumbing involved, even before you get onto more complicated things, like incompatible immune systems. Not to mention that you seem to have left my bonded artefact vessel behind, which shouldn't be possible. Guess the unlosable property doesn't work between different universes."

"You know... I'm starting to really hate Minister Dennis," sighed Stephanie. "Am I, right now, talking to the baby that has inexplicably turned up inside of me?"

"Yup. Well, I'm hovering in front of you right now, actually. Or my soul is, at least."

"Anima Visus," chanted Wendy. "Huh... Wow, you're cute."

"Am I? Kinda hard to see my own soul, but it should be the same shape as my body, and my body is an ugly little thing right now."

"Nope. You're like a silver winged kitten."

"... My father has a lot to answer for," sighed Mystery. "Guess my soul has reshaped itself to fill my vessel. Oh well. I'm used to being the cute mascot by now."

"So... to ask the obvious," carefully stated Christine. "How are you conscious?"

"I pissed off a goddess. I think. She never actually said so explicitly, but putting together what's happened since, it's the best theory I can come up with. Now me and my mum are stuck in a fifteen year..."

"Yes? Fifteen year what?"

"Sorry, got interrupted by a ding. Turns out [Interdimensional Traveller] is another legendary, so let's make that an eighteen year pregnancy."

"I think that, perhaps, we should give up at this point?" suggested Stephanie.

"I vote in favour. The question is how we get Mystery back home and safely plumbed back into the correct mother."

"Wait," said Mystery. "You could at least explain yourselves. Why are you summoning people?"

"We're being invaded by demons. We need a hero to save us, but thus far, our luck has been... poor."

"Bah. More demons. Had enough of those damn things. Hang on, let me... Right, impressively long white hair... What's with that dress? Ridiculously ornate, but filthy. You a fallen noble or something?"

"Uh... princess, actually."

"Oh, white-haired princess! Don't suppose you're a healer, too?"

"No? The only white spell I can cast is Lux."

"Pity, not a complete copy of Grace then, but I guess I can still nick parts of her design. And the mage over there has blue hair, even if she's not great at keeping the roots the right colour. That's easy enough. The problem is the knight... Far too boring. Kinda looks like my dad's hair. Hmm... Gothic knight? Can probably manage that. Right, let's give it a go."

"Give what a go?"

"For friendship and justice, demon slaying magical girls Graceful Purity, Flowing Water, Polished Obsidian, transform!"

The ritual chamber flickered with white, blue and black light, which was rather impressive, because black light isn't a thing. Nevertheless, the girls gasped as their clothing broke apart and was remade.

"Hey! What are you doing?!" screamed Stephanie as her dress and hair both cleaned themselves up. With her waist-length hair and ornate dress, her clothing was practically magical-girl suitable already, so very little changed beyond the addition of a few ribbons to decorate her hair.

Wendy lost her cloak, her dress sprouting extra frills and the jewel at the front enlarging. Her hair turned blue right to the scalp, brightening up in response to the magic.

The metal of Christine's armour darkened, the scratches polishing themselves out, leaving smooth sheets of obsidian. The leather parts flapped in a non-existent wind, losing rigidity as they transitioned into an ankle-length dress of a shiny black fabric. A new black cloak spun into existence, clamping itself to her shoulders.

"I realise I'm saying this sort of thing a lot today, but what the heck?" asked Wendy, but half-heartedly. After all the shocks of the day, someone switching out her clothing barely qualified for the top ten.

"Magical girls! It's how we beat the demons in my last world. Polished Obsidian is the melee fighter, with the awesome sword skills. Flowing Water has control of water, and Graceful Purity is the anti-demon one, that can purify miasma. Now you just need to learn how to cast that spell yourself, and... uh... is something wrong? Why are you all staring at me like that? How do you even know where I am to stare at?"

"Purify..." said Wendy.

"... Miasma?" finished Stephanie.

"Yes? I mean, that's kinda important when fighting demons, right? Or do you not have miasma on this world?"

The girls looked at each other once more.

"Please, teach us this spell," they declared in perfect unison.

Learning the spell turned out to be quite hard, given the lack of a system and the incompatible mana, but nevertheless, by some heroic miracle, they managed it.

Mystery went home, and the girls set about putting their new powers to use. Unfortunately, upon seeing the strength that was granted them, they at first tried deploying it against the demons, intending to end the war before turning their attention to miasma. All three thus died rather promptly upon leading a counter-invasion into demonic territory, when the spell broke in response to an act it deemed evil.

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"This is insane," complained Prince George as he pumped his mana into the summoning circle. There was no need for fake smoke this time; screams were clearly audible through the window as the demons tore through the capital, walls designed to stand against mindless monsters having failed to keep the siege at bay. "What if we get Mystery back? I don't even have the correct biology!"

"It's unlikely," answered Benjamin Freeman, who'd taken over Wendy's role. "Or if we follow the previous pattern, we'll get Mystery when she's a little older, which would suit us perfectly."

"And if we get another Katie?"

"Then I'll handle it," answered Siegfried Kingsblade, who'd taken over from Christine, rounding out the group of men chosen to deal with the fact that they apparently kept summoning females.

"I still think this is insane, but here goes..."

The good news was that the summoning circle activated, and the hero was indeed female once more.

The bad news was that this time, they got Queen Josse.

"Wait, did we do that?" asked Fang Zorzomon, as lumps of the royal palace thudded into the city, wreaking homes, workshops and stores alike. Alas, for security reasons, his command post lacked a line of sight to the city centre, so he hadn't seen the cause of the explosion; i.e. that the summoning ritual had summoned over a thousand cubic metres of queen into a room that was less than fifty. "I didn't think we had any units close enough to assault the palace?"

"We don't," confirmed Claw Thazremath. "I'll go and see..."

"D... D... D... Dragon!" came a yell from outside.

The shout was rather rapidly taken up across the entire city, by human and demon alike.

"Retreat," ordered Zorzomon without preamble. "Get our men out of here. We aren't equipped for this, and a dragon will do far more damage to the humans than we intended to."

And thus was the human kingdom unexpectedly saved, even if none of the royal family lived to witness it. At least for a few more years, anyway, at which point the spreading corruption threw the entire continent into chaos.

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A few decades later, an assorted collection of peoples surrounded a familiar circle.

"This is a terrible idea," said the human first chancellor of the Alliance of the Faithful.

"It is, isn't it," agreed his demon deputy. "Shame every other idea was worse."

"Oh, come off it," sighed The-Sound-Of-Rain-On-Leaves, an elvish mage, managing to complain despite being in the middle of charging the circle. "You know the prevailing theory; that the gods were pissed with the old Ricousian Kingdom for breaking a taboo, and gave them duff heroes deliberately as punishment. I remember the last time I travelled with a summoned hero, and believe me, it went fine. Not to mention some of the things he could do with his tongue..."

"That's far too much information," gruffly declared the dwarf in charge of security. "Just get this thing done before the damn cultists turn up to stop it."

"The preparations for this have been carried out in utmost secrecy," harrumphed the elf.

"Forgive me for not trusting in that. You know as well as I that the cultists are everywhere, and they've infiltrated everything."

"Whatever. I'm ready to go, anyway."

The circle sparkled.

The sky darkened. Shadows flickered at the edges of everyone's vision. A strange susurration sounded, with each individual present at the ritual prepared to swear it was coming from directly behind them.

"Oh!" exclaimed Anya. "New friends!"

Future historians did indeed agree almost universally that the summoning had been a terrible idea, but opinions sharply differed on who for.