Confession (Patreon)

Hey everyone.

A month has passed since I released the renewed ReVAmped Anthro (and feral) pony model line to the public. Even though it's the major release of this year, I've been pretty silent on this feed. It is time I had a say on what's been going on. There's gonna be some rambling but I want to let it out.

Two years ago I started the anthro pony campaign to make ends meet. Since then, it went through a lot of change, both quality and feature wise. I went through a lot of change as well, both skill and personality wise. For two years I managed to relatively keep up the pace and produce content for all of you to enjoy, but this year there's been too much of a change.

In January, my partner left me, not only unburdening me from having to deal with ever increasing list of her issues, but also abandoning me completely alone. This was daunting at first but gave me some breathing room to do a big think on how I should move forward. I reflected upon my past and realized that it might be time to make my goals come true.

Two years ago, when I just rent a flat and moved, the goal was just to survive. But thanks to my patrons' support, I managed to go beyond that. I've built a modeling studio in the room and switched from ramen diet to healthy self made food, and - that might sound wild to many of you - was now able to save up quite sufficiently. In a quick few months, more distant goals became much closer, and started to tempt me.

I've always dreamt of moving to US. In fact, it's one of my goals here on Patreon. I've set it at a quite ambitious level, but that's because I wanted to make my move comfortable, and I wanted to actually deserve it when I reach it. However, with how unstable the political situation becomes here in Russia, I might not have another chance at it if I don't act quickly. I believed I could make it with less upkeep and was pretty confident I can do it. Until May.

Most of you know what happened. I'm not gonna mention it to not cause more drama. Suffice to say I was being crushed by the weight of my own project that I've been trying to keep going, inefficient in comparison, while also maneuvering between private commissions and real life issues. All of a sudden, being alone started to catching up with my ambition. Depression and anxiety went through the roof. Many supporters abandoned my project, and as I could not compete with a free product I had to lay down for a while.

I'm not the type to give up. And it's not the first time such a thing happens to me. Being cut off half the support and being treated like a joke is only a tip of the iceberg. I found myself in a loop unable to further evolve my model line, as features wise it was already topped off. Trying to break this ceiling was useless. Instead of trying to pierce it, I tried to invent a way to flow with it. And so, the v6 standard has come to life.

But it wasn't without consequences. After releasing these, I've entered another apathy period. I watched as people used them and really liked them, but I felt nothing. Actually, no. I felt like I cannot keep up with my creation anymore. Like all my purpose is just to fight for my audience's fleeting attention by squeezing out more and more from a severely outdated engine, and each step I take further is smaller than the last. It's like sinking into a bog. Despite it being easy on user's end it is much more complex on mine. I can't be as efficient as I used to be before. I cannot keep up with the goals I've set for myself on Patreon. And honestly, I'm tired.

May incident has showed me how much I am not welcome in the community anymore. That it takes only a similar product made by someone else to completely strand me. In fact, it's the first ever time when I felt the urge to leave the fandom. I may have fucked up in the past. But I don't regret anything. Perhaps the people I offended wanted to make me feel how they felt when I hurt them. If so... I'm glad they felt that way.

I am going to build my own community now. To go individual. V6 ponies is more than just a parting gift. It's a bridge, a transition. A feature packed standard that can fit into any character. Certain antropomorphic toons could use that. So, if you still support me, I'm going to ask of you a few things.

If you're here while heavily disliking my attitude or my way of doing things - just stop. Unpledge, go away. You don't have to do this, and I don't want people that still support me out of pity mixed with contempt. I've been an ass and I am not going to ask for forgiveness. I am only asking for your loyalty.

If you're still going to be around, I want to know what you think of creating a separate server for just ReVAmped models development. Yes, Realm of Cyberbullying is a pretty iconic place by now, but it's more of a place of banter than actual community hub. Lots of people feel uncomfortable there. Besides, if V6 are ever to become a community effort, we need a more focused place. But that's just my thoughts. Let me know what you think of it.

As much as I want to depart pony community now, I can't leave things unfinished. ReVAmped models have just taken steep turns, and there is still a lot I could add to them via features like HWM and advanced presets. I will be making custom pony anthros and their iconic clothes (in fact I have one ready, for the next post), but I want to focus more on furry characters from now on. For the sake of my sanity, at least.

I hope this clarifies things. Now that ReVAmped ponies are free to use, I've come up with a different model of distribution and will reveal it in the upcoming post (this one's big enough already).  If you have any questions about this one, I'll answer them in the comments.

Peace.