Multiversal Cheaters, Hotwives and Cuckolds - Chapter 01 (Patreon)

New series alert. The first chapter, as mentioned in an earlier post, will be based in the Naruto fandom.

I normally don't fuck with outright cheating, but if I do, the endings will generally be like this, the aggrieved party moving on with me alluding to a very happy ever after.

The next update in a fortnight will be Harry Potter. Then Persona 5 two weeks after that. Then Uncharted.

Enjoy.


Multiversal Cheaters, Hotwives and Cuckolds

Chapter 1: She’s Not Good Enough For You

Fandom: Naruto

Tags: Naruto/Hinata, Hinata/OMC, Cheating, Voyeurism, Breakup, Happy Ending

Without a doubt, the worst thing about having been dragged back to Konoha by that idiot brat had been the inevitability of Tsunade caring for other people again.

Tsunade sighed, the warm night causing her to sweat uncomfortably. She pinched at her kimono-blouse and aired herself out, cursing Naruto in her mind for making her wait. She had a date with the cool lake by her home and all she could think about was ditching this meeting, stripping off her clothes and jumping in the water headfirst.

She sighed again. Unfortunately, she genuinely cared for the brat and couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him make such a monumental mistake.

From its inception, she’d followed Naruto and Hinata’s love affair from afar with silent disapproval. She was the Hokage, she knew all of her shinobi better than they knew themselves - she even had their psychological profiles in a hidden cabinet to prove it!

That was why, despite Naruto being an idiotic brat that never failed to get under her skin and piss her the fuck off, she couldn’t sit idly by and let him make the worst decision of his life.

They’d already clashed several times over his decision to date the girl, their arguments leading to spars that often rearranged the local landscape. While annoying, she’d ultimately shrugged it off - let the brat make his own mistakes and she’d be there for him when he realised she was right, an ‘I told you so’ gleefully ready to be delivered right before she comforted him.

Then she’d heard from her apprentice Sakura that Naruto was - unfortunately - planning to propose. He’d even, apparently, already bought the ring.

That had jolted her into action. Wanting to avoid the potentially calamitous decision and protect someone she genuinely cared for - despite her better judgement - she hatched a fairly rudimentary plan.

Eh, ‘plan’ might be stretching it. Taking advantage of a fortuitous opportunity as it presented itself is probably more accurate.

She’d called Naruto to her office hours ago, her anger steadily bubbling up within her the longer he made her wait in this unbearable heat. Not even opening all of the windows and allowing the cooler, evening breeze in had served to soothe her, the uncomfortable feeling of sweat piling up in the crevices of her body, particularly in her ample cleavage, just annoying her further.

I’m going to beat Kakashi into a pulp for passing on his tardiness to his students.

When the brat finally deigned to grace her with his presence, the look on his face only served to annoy her more. He had several more layers on than she did - a tracksuit and that gaudy ankle length coat he was so fond of - and he didn’t look the least bit uncomfortable.

‘Sup Old Lady?’ he greeted boisterously, his smile almost blinding as he casually strode into her office and closed the door behind him. ‘Whaddaya want?’

Don’t kill him, you care about him. Don’t kill him, you care about him. Don’t kill him -

Closing her eyes, she took in a long, steadying breath before she finally addressed him. It would be counter intuitive to lead with the stick if she genuinely wanted him to dump the weak Hyuga girl.

‘I heard from Sakura that you’re planning to propose?’

She had her hands folded over her mouth while her hazel eyes bored into the blonde brat. His ever-present smile faltered as Tsunade picked at the old wound. ‘Yeah, so what? I don’t see how that’s any business of yours.’

Tsunade closed her eyes and took in another calming breath before continuing. ‘Hinata is weak-willed, meek and completely impressionable in the worst possible way. She is prone to succumbing to peer pressure and other outside influences.’ She winced before saying the next part, knowing it painted her apprentice in a…less than stellar light. ‘Combine that with her terrible choice in friends and it will only lead to heartache for you.’

Naruto’s smile, which had faltered when she first brought up Hinata, had completely slipped from his face, the blue eyes she loved so much, now two chips of ice.

If only she treated you the same way…

Before he could arch up, she held up a hand to forestall him. ‘Do you really think so little of me? What have I ever done to make you think that I’d try and ruin your relationship without good reason?’

In the most striking example of his growth as a man yet, instead of instantly blowing up at her, he closed his eyes and took in a deep, calming breath before answering. When he re-opened his eyes, they were no longer boiling with fury, or two, soulless chips of ice. They gazed at her with love, compassion and even a little guilt.

Tsunade’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

This will be good…

‘I think you’ve had a blind spot when it comes to the Hyuga ever since Dan’s teammate abandoned him and left him for dead.’

How the ever living fuck -

Much better at masking her emotions even than the rapidly maturing young man before her, Tsunade’s wince was only internal. How he knew about the specific circumstances of her late lover’s death, she could only guess - his late sensei and her old teammate the most likely culprit, if she had to guess.

Still, it was a fair point. So she decided to magnanimously not instantly punt him over the horizon for his cheek.

‘I would have thought after the years we’ve known each other, and seeing how I run the village, you’d have given me more credit than that.’

She was not above emotional blackmail, and she was proud of it. She was a kunoichi, after all.

Naruto finally looked away, walking around her desk to lean against the wall and gaze out the window at the prominent Hokage monument in the distance. ‘Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. All you’ve done since we’ve started dating is slander Hinata-chan with only vague assurances that I should trust you and not even one example as to why - after, as you say, years of dating and fighting over it.’

The little shit has been reading again.

No matter how much he grew, now matter how much he matured and calmed down, he’d always be that little brat that slapped her out of her funk and dragged her back to the village. She’d believed in him ever since, and would love him like a brother until the day she died.

It’s why what she planned to do would hurt so much, for both of them.

‘Fine,’ she hissed with finality, her voice echoing in the stifling silence of her office despite all the windows being wide open. ‘You want evidence. I’ll give it to you. Don’t you dare hate me for this, I tried to warn you.’

Seeing he’d spun to stare at her in alarm, she waved him off and stood, walking over to a nearby cabinet whose contents she hadn’t had reason to use in ages.

Her ANBU were just as effective at doing its job, and they had the added benefit of not making her feel as skeezy afterwards.

Usually.

Opening the closet where the Hokage’s Scrying Orb was stored, she spoke over her shoulder. ‘The Yamanaka girl and Sai are getting married, yes? I assume Hinata went to her bachelorette party tonight with Sakura?’

‘Sure,’ Naruto confirmed with a nod and a shrug. ‘They all went to some club.’

When Tsunade turned and presented to Naruto a very familiar crystal ball, his eyes widened in surprise.

‘I haven’t seen that in years,’ he admitted in shock, before giggling like a child. ‘Jiji used to use it to perv on the bathhouses - he thinks I never noticed.’

Tsunade put the ball on her desk and shook her head in disgust. ‘I’d thank you to not tarnish the memory of a man I still very much hold dear.’

Naruto snorted as Tsunade retook her seat. ‘I hate to break it to you Old Lady, but your sensei was an even bigger pervert than Ero-sennin.’

Tsunade side-eyed the younger blonde, her fond smile matching his. ‘I hate to break it to you brat, but Jiraiya was the one to corrupt sensei, not the other way around.’

Naruto made to object and defend his late master, but he eventually thought better of it and shrugged. ‘You know what? That’s actually totally believable.’

After both of them chuckled sadly at the fond memories of fallen loved ones, Tsunade motioned to the crystal ball.

‘Believe it or not, this thing isn’t just a tool to perv on unsuspecting women,’ she cringed internally when she realised they’d be doing just that. ‘Despite what we’re going to be using it for tonight. I can use this crystal ball to communicate and coordinate with any of my shinobi within these walls, I can use it to gather intelligence, and,’ she winced again, seeing Naruto’s brows raised in amusement, ‘yes, I can use it to monitor anyone and anything within Konoha.’

‘It looks like Ero-sennin corrupted more than just Jiji,’ Naruto teased with a grin that made her want to smash his face in.

‘This is an incredible invasion of privacy,’ she conceded, her elbows on the desk and her hands folded in front of her mouth. ‘And frankly? I don’t care. I care about your wellbeing and happiness far more than I care about the privacy of some stupid skanks.’

Seeing Naruto about to arch up again at her description of his beloved Hinata-chan, she released a powerful, unintentional burst of killing intent along with her supreme annoyance, shutting the brat up before he could open his mouth.

‘I want to make a bet with you,’ she continued, her voice suspiciously calm given her brief outburst. ‘We’re going to spy on that bachelorette party together. If I’m wrong and nothing untoward happens, you’ll not only get a profound and sincere apology from me, and my full blessing going forward, I’ll also give you my hat and make you Hokage on the spot.’

Naruto’s eyes widened in shock at the absurdity of her statement, to bet such a valuable and cherished thing like the leadership of their village on something so relatively trivial? Seeing his bubbling excitement however, his dream within touching distance, she held up a hand.

‘However, if I’m right, you’ll dump the Hyuga girl immediately and find yourself a proper woman,’ she continued, her face softening. ‘Someone who deserves a man as amazing as you.’

He blushed and scratched his whiskered cheek in embarrassment at the sincerity of her words.

‘You’ll also not be allowed to call me Old Lady for an entire year.’

Naruto’s grin nearly split his face in two. ‘Hah! If you’re right I’ll never call you Old Lady again!’ he boasted, crossing his arms with the supreme confidence of a naive fool, blinded by love. ‘You shouldn’t have gambled with me, you never win.’

Tsunade smiled thinly at him and shrugged her aching shoulders before holding out her hand. ‘Do we have a deal?’

Naruto took her hand and they shook, both of them confident in their victory.

Not wanting to drag this out further than she needed to, Tsunade activated the crystal ball with a hand seal and application of her chakra. Mist started to swirl and cloud in the crystal-clear ball’s depths before it solidified into an image.

The room was dark and luxuriously furnished, heavy curtains covering every window and door, providing - what they no-doubt thought to be - complete privacy. Tsunade wouldn’t be surprised if, in a village filled with shinobi, the room was also heavily warded with seals - none of which could hope to stand a chance against the might of the artefact on her desk.

Plush leather couches ran along three of the four walls while a stage covered in lights was set up on the far end of the room. The middle of the dark room housed a large, circular sofa that faced the stage, and it was there that they found the girls, all of them dressed in slutty and form-fitting party dresses - even Hinata - as they clapped and cheered the group of incredibly buff and oily mostly-naked men dancing around them.

Sakura, Tenten, Temari and Hinata all watched on with blushes and wide smiles as Ino was surrounded by three of the dancers, one of them rubbing her shoulders and kissing her neck while the others shaked their asses in her face.

Tsunade’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Amidst the chaos, one of the dancers in front of Ino ripped off his g-string to wild cheers and applause from his adoring audience, none of them louder than Ino herself. His dick was so massive that Tsunade was impressed he’d been able to shove it in that tiny g-string in the first place.

The dancer grabbed his dick and held it out for the bride-to-be, his free hand egging on the other women and driving them further into a frenzy. Chants of ‘suck-his-dick’ broke out amongst the other girls, and while Hinata looked initially startled by the vulgar words, she quickly joined in and started chanting and clapping along with the others.

Ino pointed at the huge dick in front of her with faux confusion, as if saying ‘you mean this one?’ and her friends all laughed and cheered with approval. Grinning wide, Ino flicked her long, blonde ponytail over her shoulder and bent down without the slightest bit of hesitation, running her tongue from the base all the way up to the tip before opening wide and engulfing the plum-sized head with relish.

The atmosphere in her office had taken a rather drastic turn, the silence broken only by Naruto's heavy breathing. Looking up, she saw the brat had a rather complicated look on his face rather than the anger or hurt she'd been expecting.

Is this turning him on? Maybe it is and he's confused…?

They watched in silence as Ino sucked off the hung stripper until he was ready to blow, her hands corkscrewing up and down the part of his monolithic shaft she couldn't fit in her mouth. Her pale eyes were dancing with mirth, not an ounce of remorse to be seen as she cheated on her fiancé.

The stripper just stood there, loving life. His hands were atop his head and threaded in his long, black hair while he gently thrust his hips, pushing his obscene member deeper and deeper into Ino's throat in tiny increments.

'I'm cumming!'

Imo quickly disengaged and laughed like a manic as she pointed the stripper's cock at her unsuspecting friends like a fire hose. With a loud groan, the stripper came as rope after rope cum shot out of the plum-sized head, each ejaculation accompanied by a full-body shudder and almost violent gasps.

Temari and Hinata were quick to dive out of the way while the others weren't so lucky. The girls all laughed and squealed as the stripper tagged both Sakura and Tenten with his viscous seed, staining their pretty dresses.

After the stripper collapsed onto the couch bonelessly, Tsunade looked up at the younger man with a raised eyebrow.

Noticing her scrutiny, he blushed. 'Well, I'll be having words with Hinata-chan but -'

Before Naruto could even finish the thought, the chanting started up again.

'Suck that dick! Suck that dick! Suck that dick!'

The chant was led by a widely grinning Ino and directed at a blushing and smiling Tenten. The girl quickly folded under the peer-pressure, bending down and taking the nearby stripper's less prodigal, but still large cock in her mouth. Her friends all cheered and a similar scene played itself out, except Tenten swallowed her partner's discharge with apparent relish.

Sakura and Temari were next, the latter needing a little more convincing and cajoling before finally giving in and giving the dark-skinned man a reluctant hand-job.

Naruto's breath hitched as the girls all shifted their attention to his blushing and stuttering girlfriend. He broke out into a wide smile when the shy girl looked away, poking the tips of her fingers together in embarrassment.

'I c-can't…Naruto-kun -'

The stripper immediately stopped waving his huge dick in her face at her apparent denial and backed off. Sakura was having none of it though, apparently not liking someone being able to sidestep the little ritual she herself had been 'forced' to participate in.

'Forget the idiot, besides, what do you think the guys will be doing at Sai's bachelor party?' She asked aggressively, her cheeks flushed with alcohol and her brow knit together in annoyance. 'Are you just gonna sit by and be a good girl while Naruto gets his dick sucked by a bunch of strippers while laughing at you behind your back?'

I thought you were better than this Sakura…

She looked up, almost afraid of what she'd see. Naruto's eyes were back to being two chips of ice again, his jaw clenched and his teeth grinding together in impotent rage.

If he were younger and in less control of the Kyuubi, she wouldn't be surprised to see him leaking its demonic chakra

You're more mature and put together than I give you credit for, brat.

Tsunade was utterly unsurprised when Hinata calmed, furrowed her brows then steeled her resolve. Ino and Sakura in particular cheered like crazy when the normally shy Hyuga gripped the thick, veiny shaft in her pale hand before bending down and putting a chaste kiss on the tip.

The kiss turned into a kitten-like lick, and in no time at all, Hinata opened wide and enveloping the large head of the stripper's pulsing shaft amidst chants of 'Suck that Dick!'

She could hear Naruto grinding his teeth together in the deafening silence, and a very small part of her genuinely felt her heart go out to him.

A much larger, cynical part of her was glad though. Better to rip the band-aid off now and avoid future, far worse heartache.

'She wouldn't even touch me,' Naruto growled, genuine venom and hurt in his tone. 'Said she wanted to save it for our wedding night.'

Whatever Tsunade could have said would have only made the situation worse, so she said nothing.

Hinata was obviously inexperienced when compared to her friends, but as if to make up for that shortfall, she put in even more effort. When she started to kiss and lick the stripper's balls with some encouragement from Tenten, Tsunade heard her desk creak ominously from where Naruto held it with a white knuckled grip.

When the stripper announced his impending orgasm, Hinata released his cock with a gasp of air, her eyes wide with surprise as if she didn’t know what to do next. The stripper took matters into his own hands, gasping and groaning as he jacked himself off and released on the stunned Hyuga’s face.

Hinata just sat there and took it, frozen and wide-eyed as her face was splattered with his warm seed, her friends laughing at her shocked expression. When everything finally caught up to her, what she’d done and the fact she had a face full of someone else’s seed, the girl looked on the verge of a panic attack.

As if sensing the impending disaster, Tenten and Sakura hugged her and patted the girl on the shoulders. ‘That was awesome Hinata!’ Tenten praised her blushing friend.

‘Didn’t know you had it in you,’ Sakura continued, her smile genuine. ‘That was really hot!’

The expression on Hinata’s face slowly shifted from shock to a kind of impish delight, joining in with the laughing and cheering as they all helped to clean her face of the stripper’s spunk.

A part of Tsunade wanted to end the scrying technique there. As annoying as the brat was, it hurt her to put him through this. Looking up into his stunned expression however, she steeled her resolve. She didn’t want Naruto doing some kind of bullshit mental gymnastics to excuse Hinata’s deplorable behaviour, and she would bet her entire sake collection that if they continued to spy, if Tsunade just allowed Hinata a little more rope, the girl would hang herself.

The girls all retook their original positions on the large circular couch in the middle of the room as the now-naked man served them alcohol to their heart’s content. The more they drank, the spicier the topics of conversation.

When Temari caught Ino staring at the huge, dangling dick a little too intently, completely zoning out and ignoring the conversation she’d been involved in, the kunoichi from Suna called her out.

‘God, Yamanaka, if you love that guy’s dick so much, why don’t you just marry it?’

Snapping out of her reverie, Ino smiled wide at Temari before reaching over and grasping the colossal shaft in question, her fingers dancing over his sensitive head and causing the man to shut his eyes and groan.

‘Just because I’m getting married doesn’t mean I have to go without, you know?’

‘W-what do you mean go without?’ Hinata asked with genuine confusion. ‘You’re getting married, why would you be going without?’

Ino snorted, Sakura winced sympathetically and Tenten cackled, clearly in on the joke Hinata and Temari were ignorant to.

‘Unfortunately, not all men are created equal,’ Ino teased, holding her hand up against the huge dick and wiggling her pinky finger next to it, in case her meaning had somehow been too subtle to them. ‘I love Sai, and I can’t wait to be married to him, but he can’t fuck me like these guys can.’

Tenten’s grin split her face, her eyes hazy and unfocused - she’d clearly had too much to drink. ‘Are you saying Naruto can compete with these guys?’ She emphasised her question by grabbing another of the stripper’s huge dicks and waving it at Hinata who jumped in surprise, the appendage nearly hitting her in the face.

‘N-no,’ she admitted, bashfully, her pale eyes tracking the thick, veiny shaft with a hunger that looked completely alien on her pale, innocent features.

The other girls seemed to find Hinata’s answer hilarious and they all burst out laughing. Tsunade’s desk started to creak ominously again.

‘Do you understand now?’ Tsunade asked compassionately, keeping her eyes on the crystal ball and its contents. ‘Completely susceptible to peer pressure and weak-willed. Where do you think this is leading?’ She looked up and winced at the pained look in the brat’s eyes. ‘You deserve better.’

Hearing a commotion from the club, Tsunade looked back down to see Ino had surged to her feet, both lowering and lifting up her slinky, purple dress so it pooled around her waist, her decently large naked tits and pussy with its tuft of blonde hair revealed to the room.

Ino sat back on the couch, her smile wide and her legs splayed as Sakura and Tenten started chanting, Temari and Hinata looking on in disbelief. ‘Take that dick! Take that dick! Take that dick!’

The nearby stripper didn’t need telling twice. Kneeling on the couch between Ino’s spread legs, the blonde moaned like a wanton whore when he gently sank into her, his huge, plum-sized head spreading her lips obscenely around his unnatural girth.

Apparently displeased with how much time he was taking, Ino wrapped her legs around the stripper’s ass and pulled him deeper, urging him to fuck her harder.

As if her plea was a challenge to his ego, the stripper’s muscles bulged as he picked the squealing Yamanaka up and carried her over to the middle of the room. Ino giggled when the man gripped her ass, then she squealed when he started bouncing her on his cock in front of her friends.

While Temari and Sakura were distracted watching Ino get the pounding of a lifetime, Tenten sidled on over to Hinata and started massaging the shocked girl’s shoulders, her lips next to her ear. Tsunade showed off the power of the crystal ball by picking up every sinfully whispered word her kunoichi was uttering, as if they were in the room with them.

‘Look how much fun she’s having,’ Tenten purred. ‘Trust me, just because you love Naruto doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun too - I bet that’s not stopping him. Don’t you want to feel what she’s feeling? I promise, it’s life-changing…’

To say Tsunade was completely unsurprised with how easy it was to convince the stupid Hyuga girl that yes, she did want to feel what the deliriously moaning and shrieking Ino was feeling - her feelings for Naruto be damned - would be a massive understatement.

Seeing her nod, Tenten grinned lustily and started to peel Hinata’s dress off her curvaceous body. The other strippers started to take notice when the pale girl’s huge, lace-covered breasts were revealed, her cheeks perpetually stained red with her furious blush. After the dress had been completely removed and pooled at her ankles, Sakura tore her gaze away from the bouncing Ino and her eyes widened at the sight of the half-naked Hyuga.

Apparently wanting in on the debauchery, Sakura skipped over to them and unhooked her bra from the front clasp while Tenten slid Hinata’s panties down her pale, toned legs.

‘Look how excited they are to see you,’ Sakura teased as the stripper’s eyes devoured her trembling, naked and admittedly fetching form with lust, like a pack of hyenas eyeing weakened prey. ‘Look at them stroking those hugs cocks for you, don’t you want to experience what Ino is? To feel those big dicks stretching out your tight, little pussy?’

Hinata was trembling now for an entirely different reason, her eyes heavily lidded as she panted with lust. One of the strippers peeled off from the rest - the one with the biggest dick, as if there was some kind of hierarchy based on the size of their junk - and approached Hinata with a kind smile. Taking Hinata’s hand, he led her over to one of the couches running along the wall and laid down on his back, his towering erection waving in the air as he pulled her over to straddle him.

Hinata yelped as she was yanked down, giggling as she dutifully straddled the stripper, her hands resting on his bulging pecs while his huge cock laid against her slim belly.

‘Take your time,’ the man soothed, as if sensing that she was a virgin, or at the very least unused to this kind of lascivious behaviour. ‘Go as slow as you need to, I’m in no hurry.’

Her face resembling a ripe tomato, Hinata rose up on her knees and leaned forward, one hand balancing herself on the stripper’s oily pecs while the other reached back and guided the head of the heavy shaft against her glistening, virgin womanhood.

The room fell silent, even Ino having paused in fucking her stripper to watch with rapt attention.

When Hinata’s lips spread around the girthy invader, her moan was otherworldly, completely unnatural coming out of her supposedly sweet, innocent lips. Her moans only increased in intensity and pitch as she painfully took more and more of the huge shaft within her, and when she bottomed out, the man’s dick bumping against her cervix with over half of it still outside her, she opened her eyes and looked around the room in shock, looking to the world as if she’d just finished a particularly intense training session.

The girls all cheered and started chanting as Hinata looked a little clueless on what she should do next.

‘Fuck that dick! Fuck that dick! Fuck that dick!’

Smiling, she did just that. Hinata moaned, her hands planted either side of the stripper’s head as she slid her pussy up and down his gargantuan shaft, the motions causing her tits to sway while the man gripped her ass so tight her pale skin reddened, fatty flesh escaping from between his splayed fingers.

Tsunade looked up to see Naruto watching the erotic scene with a complicated expression on his face, though any traces of his trademark good humour were long gone.

After watching Hinata sliding back and forward on the stripper’s huge dick for a good five minutes, her eyes screwed shut and her moans echoing lewdly in the room, Tsunade finally ended the technique - figuring Naruto had endured enough pain - and they were enveloped in silence once more.

After several moments of only the cicadas’ buzzing outside to accompany them, Tsunade finally broke the silence. ‘I’m sorry you had to see that brat, you don’t deserve it.’

Naruto collapsed into the chair on the other side of her desk, his head in his hands.

‘Talk to me,’ she urged, her voice soft yet firm. She’d dealt with countless shinobi experiencing trauma over her many years as a medic - this was no different. ‘Tell me what you’re thinking.’

‘I think,’ Naruto began before chuckling humorlessly, ‘that there must be something wrong with me.’

‘There’s nothing wrong with you,’ Tsunade urged, her eyes narrowed and her jaw clenched in rage. ‘There is something wrong with those girls.’

Those fucking whores!

Naruto’s gaze snapped up to meet her own, and despite wanting to flinch at the pained look in his eyes, she remained stoic. Abruptly, and before she could guess at what he was thinking, he stood and dropped his pants, revealing his shame and the reason for his angst.

He was hard, painfully so.

A part of Tsunade wanted to slap her face at the sheer stupidity of the Hyuga girl. The stripper wasn’t that much bigger than Naruto, not that she could accommodate either fully anyway.

She remained stoic, Naruto’s cock throbbing at her intense scrutiny. ‘That’s…relatively normal.’

‘What the hell are you talking about?!’ Naruto snapped, a hint of hysteria seeping into his tone. ‘I just watched the woman I love -’ He winced at the use of present tense and seemingly thought better of it. ‘Loved, get fucked by a stranger and I don’t remember ever being harder in my life.’

Sighing tiredly, Tsunade looked into his pained eyes and felt like the worst, most garbage human being alive. ‘Put it away, Naruto.’

‘Is it disgusting?’ he asked desperately. ‘It must be. Hinata didn’t even hesitate when she saw that guy’s cock - she wouldn’t even touch mine. She’s barely even looked at it!’

Not for the first time, Tsunade cursed the stupid girl.

‘What would you do if Moegi stripped in front of you and asked you to take her virginity?’

Naruto recoiled at the random non-sequitur, his face scrunched in disgust. ‘What?’

‘Why recoil?’ Tsunade asked innocently, leaning back in her chair and rubbing her stiff, aching shoulders. ‘Do you think she’s ugly?’

‘What are you babbling about? Are you going senile?’

Resisting the violent urge to punch him in the mouth, she took a deep breath and elaborated. ‘Moegi is a beautiful young woman, why recoil when I ask if you want to have sex with her? Most men would jump at the chance if given the opportunity.’

He cringed again. ‘Because it’s Moegi.’

‘Exactly,’ Tsunade confirmed, grinning at the idiot blonde. ‘That’s exactly how I feel when you show me your dick. It’s got nothing to do with how it looks or how big it is. You’re Naruto, the brat who reminds me of my kid brother and carries on his dream. Now,’ she said with a sigh, grinning at the younger man, ‘I gave you some leeway because no one should have to go through what you just did, but either you put your dick away right now or I’ll rip it off and beat you upside the head with it.’

Unable to help himself, Naruto threw his head back and barked out a wet, pained laugh, his eyes shimmering as he collapsed back into his chair and tucked himself away.

After a few moments of tense silence, Tsunade continued. ‘You implied that the two of you haven’t done anything sexual together yet - it makes your erection make even more sense to me. You’re obviously attracted to the girl, seeing her like that for the first time triggered a completely understandable physiological reaction.’

Naruto scoffed and crossed his arms. ‘Whatever you say Old Lady -’

When he turned back to her and saw her raised eyebrow, he winced. ‘Hokage-sama,’ he corrected.

‘Nee-chan is fine,’ she replied with a teasing grin, ignoring his rolling eyes.

After a few more beats of silence, he sighed again. ‘I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I feel sick just thinking about talking to her…’

‘Here’s what’s going to happen,’ she began in an authoritative tone, the crux of her plan finally coming to the fore. ‘You’re going to forget about any ridiculous notions of proposing to that… girl and I’m going to send you on a long-term mission.’

He started in surprise and she smiled genuinely as he perked up, the look of excitement in his eyes infectious and genuinely preferable from what she’d witnessed them looking like earlier.

‘This isn’t your typical kind of mission, brat. It’s a solo mission, one that will be incredibly important if you still harbour any notions of taking the hat from me.’

Naruto’s eyes widened further and she almost chuckled as he leaned forward, his eyes glittering with desire.

‘It’s a diplomatic mission,’ she teased and almost laughed in his face as he deflated like a balloon right before her eyes. ‘You’re going to go to Mizu as my representative and strengthen the ties between our villages by getting closer to and working directly under the Mizukage -’

Naruto winced. ‘That crazy lady? She threatened to boil Dog-breath’s balls off because he looked at her funny.’

‘Don’t interrupt me brat, and I think we’ve established your ability to judge the character of women is…less than ideal.’

He winced at the harsh rebuke, Tsunade did too, a little.

It’s for his own good.

‘You’ll be working directly under the Mizukage, doing whatever she asks of you to help bring stability to her nation. A more stable Mizu is better for Konoha - it makes them a better ally. Do you understand?’

While Naruto had deflated at the mention of his mission being diplomatic in nature, he’d perked right up when he realised the significance of his task, and its relevance to his dream.

He seemed to have completely forgotten about Hinata - or at least buried his trauma deep in his psyche, to be dealt with at a most inopportune moment later. That was just how idiot men like the brat dealt with their issues, but who was she to judge? She, who buried her trauma in enough alcohol to kill most living beings.

Nodding slowly, his eyes shining with resolve, Naruto stood. ‘When do I leave?’

‘Now,’ Tsunade answered with a shrug. ‘No need to put it off. I’ll tell the girls what happened and why you left - I won’t say how you know, obviously, but they’ll get the message - of that, you can be sure.’

Naruto nodded, standing there awkwardly for several moments before Tsunade rested her chin on her knuckles and sighed. ‘What are you waiting for brat? I’m not getting any younger, hurry up and get lost. The sooner you finish this mission, the sooner you can come back and take that ugly-ass hat off my hands - hurk!’

Before she realised what was happening, Naruto had traversed the space between them in the blink of an eye and had wrapped her in a bone-crushing hug.

When did he get so fucking fast?!

‘Thanks,’ Naruto said quietly, squeezing her tighter. ‘Nee-chan.’

Oh for fuck’s sake, don’t cry you old bitch!

Thankfully, before she could reply, Naruto had disappeared with a gust of wind, leaving her office blissfully empty once more. Sighing long and loud, she rubbed at her shoulders and sank deeper into her chair.

‘She’s going to eat him alive.’

Tsunade grinned at Shizune’s disembodied words - words that had seemingly drifted in on the wind - not denying them for a second.

‘She will,’ Tsunade agreed, amusement in her tone.

‘And you’re okay with that? After what he’s just been through?’

Tsunade shrugged. ‘She’s a little…strange, but the Mizukage is one of the good ones. She might actually be able to keep up with the brat, and keep him in line. They’d also make a cute couple.’

Shizune didn’t reply for several moments, but when she did, Tsunade wished she hadn’t.

‘You could have at least given him a blowjob,’ she teased.

‘Don’t be disgusting,’ she snapped in annoyance as Shizune strolled in from her hiding spot on the roof outside her office’s window, her black kimono fluttering in the disgustingly warm wind.

‘I’m disgusting?’ she teased, her black eyebrow raised with mirth. ‘I’ve seen you suck a lot of disgusting cocks for a lot less.’

Tsunade flushed at the reminder of her shameful past, her eyebrow twitching in annoyance at the young woman’s cheek.

‘You’re more than welcome to do so yourself, you know,’ she grouched, leaning back in her chair and resting her chin on her knuckles.

Instead of sputtering out denials, the ebony-haired medic only grinned impishly at her. ‘I know,’ she replied, her dark eyes dancing with mirth. ‘I can’t have my adorable little Naruto-kun stumbling into that lion’s den a virgin. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to tell you all about how that legendary stamina translates in the bedroom, especially with that beautiful cock.’

Tsunade instinctively threw a paperweight at her aid and best friend and she didn’t even try to dodge, the heavy projectile dispelling the clone and leaving her blissfully alone once more, Shizune’s highly amused laughter still echoing in her spacious office.

Unable to dispel the mental image of half-a-dozen shadow clones eagerly gang-banging her adorable, squealing protege, Tsunade grunted in annoyance, her cheeks flushed. With a weary sigh, she pulled open her kimono-style blouse allowing her heavy, sweaty breasts to spill free, their not-inconsiderable weight thunking down on the hardwood desk.

Reaching down, she made sure she was alone before retrieving a small, orange book from a hidden compartment in the bottom drawer before leaning back in her comfy chair and starting to read.

Kids these days…