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Content
INT. BOARPOX MAGICAL ACADEMY COMMON ROOM - NIGHT
The clock strikes midnight as three friends, ALEX, OLIVER, and ELLIOT, meet in the shadowy common room, illuminated by the flickering fireplace and a few floating candles.
ALEX: You two finally made it. What took you so long?
ELLIOT: It wasn't easy sneaking out after curfew.
OLIVER: Yeah, we had to bribe the caretaker with a bottle of Pleasure Potion. What's this super-secret meeting all about, anyway?
ALEX: Well, I've got great news, boys. I was reading Musgrave's Grimoire and I found a spell that will end our girl troubles forever. It's supposed to make us irresistible to the opposite sex!
ELLIOT: What? You're pulling my wand!
OLIVER: I don't know about this, mate. I mean, Musgrave, that's some pretty powerful dark magic...
ALEX: Well, maybe you two are too scared, but I'm gonna try it! (He grips his wand with both hands and raises it over his head.) Muta me in pulchra mulier!
A flash of light engulfs Alex and when it fades he has transformed into a beautiful, curvy girl. Even his uniform has been feminized, with an itty-bitty skirt and a scandalously low neckline showing off his ample cleavage. The boys gawk at him.
ALEX: Huh. I don't think I feel any different. Do I seem sexier? Do I have a more manly aura?
ELLIOT and OLIVER share an awkward look.
ELLIOT: (To OLIVER) Go on, tell him.
OLIVER: I'm not gonna tell him. You tell him!
ALEX: Tell me what? Why are you both acting so weird?
The boys stammer, blushing as red as a phoenix's tail feathers.
OLIVER: Well, mate... the thing is...
ELLIOT: You're... I mean... You're a...
They freeze up, too flustered to speak the truth. ALEX sighs.
ALEX: Never mind, you don't have to tell me. I obviously botched the spell, and nothing changed. I'm just the same boring old Alex, the guy nobody would ever give a second glance!
ELLIOT: Er... Well...
ALEX: I'm sorry to bring you here at this hour for nothing, boys. I'm gonna go get some sleep.
He exits.
ELLIOT: Blimey. I wonder how he got the spell so wrong.
OLIVER: Well, I reckon the spell worked, but just not the way he expected. I mean, it was supposed to make him irresistible to the opposite sex...
ELLIOT: Yeah. And I gotta admit, when I saw him in that little uniform it was like somebody cast a petrificus totalus on my... never mind.
OLIVER: So, what are we supposed to do?
ELLIOT: Only thing we can do... draw straws to see who gets to ask him to the Winter Ball first!