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INT. BOARPOX MAGICAL ACADEMY COMMON ROOM - NIGHT

The clock strikes midnight as three friends, ALEX, OLIVER, and ELLIOT, meet in the shadowy common room, illuminated by the flickering fireplace and a few floating candles.

ALEX: You two finally made it. What took you so long?

ELLIOT: It wasn't easy sneaking out after curfew.

OLIVER: Yeah, we had to bribe the caretaker with a bottle of Pleasure Potion. What's this super-secret meeting all about, anyway?

ALEX: Well, I've got great news, boys. I was reading Musgrave's Grimoire and I found a spell that will end our girl troubles forever. It's supposed to make us irresistible to the opposite sex!

ELLIOT: What? You're pulling my wand!

OLIVER: I don't know about this, mate. I mean, Musgrave, that's some pretty powerful dark magic...

ALEX: Well, maybe you two are too scared, but I'm gonna try it! (He grips his wand with both hands and raises it over his head.) Muta me in pulchra mulier!

A flash of light engulfs Alex and when it fades he has transformed into a beautiful, curvy girl. Even his uniform has been feminized, with an itty-bitty skirt and a scandalously low neckline showing off his ample cleavage. The boys gawk at him.

ALEX: Huh. I don't think I feel any different. Do I seem sexier? Do I have a more manly aura?

ELLIOT and OLIVER share an awkward look.

ELLIOT: (To OLIVER) Go on, tell him.

OLIVER: I'm not gonna tell him. You tell him!

ALEX: Tell me what? Why are you both acting so weird?

The boys stammer, blushing as red as a phoenix's tail feathers.

OLIVER: Well, mate... the thing is...

ELLIOT: You're... I mean... You're a...

They freeze up, too flustered to speak the truth. ALEX sighs.

ALEX: Never mind, you don't have to tell me. I obviously botched the spell, and nothing changed. I'm just the same boring old Alex, the guy nobody would ever give a second glance!

ELLIOT: Er... Well...

ALEX: I'm sorry to bring you here at this hour for nothing, boys. I'm gonna go get some sleep.

He exits.

ELLIOT: Blimey. I wonder how he got the spell so wrong.

OLIVER: Well, I reckon the spell worked, but just not the way he expected. I mean, it was supposed to make him irresistible to the opposite sex...

ELLIOT: Yeah. And I gotta admit, when I saw him in that little uniform it was like somebody cast a petrificus totalus on my... never mind.

OLIVER: So, what are we supposed to do?

ELLIOT: Only thing we can do... draw straws to see who gets to ask him to the Winter Ball first!